One dream this morning, and a new one this evening. I think they are connected, so I' posting them both at once..

Here it goes:

Dream 1

I'm at a strange place, like a large open apartement where many people live. They are mostly young people, and playing games on computers and tv-games. There is no other light in the room than the light from the screens. I'm sitting by my self beside a tv-set, when someone tells me my mother has come to see me. I get up and meet her in the hall where the light is different, more normal indoor lightening.
She has come to give me a orange T-shirt that she has recieved from a college in USA which she has planned for me to go to on some kind of exchange programme. She is very proud and eager to talk about it, and she wants me to wear the T-shirt. I know that I won't be going there because I have a child and boyfriend here and would never leave them for a year. I don's say anything to her, but I discover that my brother is with her, and I invite him in, asking if he wants some cake? He comes with me inside, and I can see that he is much younger than he really is, about 14-15 or so, when he really is 21 now. I suddenly see that he is crying, and I undrestand that he is really afraid that I'm going to move away from him, leaving him behind.
I give him a hug and whisper to him: I don't WANT to go away. I won't go away.

Later in the dream I'm in a citchen, confronting my mother with my true feelings. I tell her that I was not a happy child, that I felt so alone, and that it was so hard on me that we could never talk about ¨my father after we left him. I also tell her that I used to smoke huge amounts of pot every day from I was 18 to 24, because I needed to ease the pain.
I'm very angry at her, but she just laughs at me, like I'm lying to her just to get som attention, and she is not taking in what I'm saying at all. She is mad to, because I'm accusing her of not being the perfect mother she believes herself to be.

At the end of the dream I'm with my boyfriend and his mother, and she is not happy with me either. Now that I'm awake I realize that she is the same person that was my mother in the dream.

Dream 2

I'm in a strange house with my boyfriend, and he is very exited cause he is going to introduce me to a very speciel person. I undrestand that it is a man who is supposed to be my father or grandfather. I don't know he is that for real, but maybe my boyfriend wants him to be some sort of substitute, since I grew up without a father figure.
I don't get to met him until it is late at night, and I'm very hungry, and I have to go into the room where he sleeps to make myself a sandwich. When I come in there, I see this gigantic blond man, maybe in his sixties lying on a bed, but he is so big that his head is on the nightstand beside the bed. He is really much bigger than a normal human. When I go past him, I bump into his back and he moves and I feel that I'm afraid to wake him, because he is so tired. I also feel that I love him very much. He sleeps on, and I go to the samll kitchen bench and make myself a slice of bread. The bread too is very big, three times the size of a normal bread. I then go to a cupboard which contains a basket with many lunch boxes (like the one we have at the kindregarden where i work) I put two very large slices of cheese on top of the lunch boxes, and listen to a voice telling me that the man in the room is depressed, because he was once a adventurer and now is stuck in one place. The voice also tells me that he is now thinking much about going on an expedition to Canada or Alaska.

So what do you make of this? I will be very grateful for your thoughts, as there is not much light shed on the path in front of me right now.. I know it may seem a bit chaotic, but I have a feeling thet theese to dreams are connected.
Also, I was reading about the indivuduation process yesterday, and I've looked into it before. I'm really just praying I'll manage to go on to the next stage, it feels like the shaddow is eating me alive..

Thank you in advance
Inanna

Inanna,
Good to hear from you again. I was scanning the posted dreams yesterday and when I came across one of your posts I wondered how you were doing.

{Your first dream

Once again we seem to be confronted with that 'inner child' that exists along with the world of adulthood. You are in a different light in that world as opposed to the world of reality or your normal life? Or is it that world is still a part of that reality that makes up who you are?
And there is the issue with your mother. Is that a stark part of your reality?

The exchange is probably what you think of when you see your mother in the light of the past. She wants to exchange you for someone else. Or is it you have feelings if you were someone else the relationship with your mother would have been different? That isn't possible {as is leaving your present relationships for a year}. But the issue with your mother needs discussion, inner discussion if not a real one with her. The purpose is to put the whole thing in its proper place, and move on.

The last paragraph is as stark as a dream can get in its assessment of your true feelings. It is not often that a dream presents itself in such straightforward language. I see this as either a possible breakthrough to realizing the true feelings about the relationship with your mother or an urgency and need to do just that.

The time frame as it applies in the dream and your brother. Was there anything that happened when he was that age that stands out? What is it, other than your true emotions, that 'won't go away'?

The last part of the dream may be be exposing how you may feel toward yourself as being a mother. Not that it really fits but because of the experiences with your own mother. Feelings of inadequacy are often a product of childhood experiences where you were exposed to feeling inadequate.

{The second dream

Note: I've included comments about my own shared experiences

Has your bf, or someone else, become a substitute for your father?
Unconsciously {late at night} you hunger for that long lost relationship {I share the same experiences in my childhood with my father} that never was. This is a 'BIG' issue for you {as it turned out to be with me also}. But no matter what you do he remains asleep never giving you what you needed although as a child your love was so strong {I still get emotional thinking about my childhood and what never was, and should have been}.

The big sandwich is that nourishment you needed. And perhaps the 'voice' is stating a truth about your father's own needs, and perhaps why he never was there for you.
{he never achieved in life what he wished for or needed and passed that down to you through his own actions}.

It is good to know you are reading about Jung's Individuation Process. It was through this process of self analysis that I mended my own lack of fatherly love as a child and discovered how it influenced my life for much of my early adult life {looking for love in all the wrong places}. Because I was able to identify the source of that 'void' within I was able to correct my shortcomings as a person and find a new love to replace what was never provided a s a child by my father. And with most all who successfully complete the individuation process, that new love was centered in the creative and spiritual aspects.

But it is a long and troubled road from beginning to end. The stages can get blurred, especially when you have great expectations. Society {what I call the social dragon} has a hand in that blurring because of the demands it places on you just to exist. The goal is to stay the path no matter how ferocious the social dragons or those inner dragons may get. And look to your creative Self to fill the void.

Have we discussed your creative interests? Let's focus on that and see where it can fit with disposing those inner dragons.

Stay the course dear Inanna. In the darkest moments you will discover that light within. It begins with a flicker as the flames of the old are extinguished. Replacing one flame with another, polar opposites that remove the frigid emotions from the past with new motivations to live. Both Jung and Campbell talked about those inner resources as the true hero/heroine task to conquer. Creativity and the spiritual aspects {way beyond mere religion}, these are what brought so many out of the void and into a life with true meaning.

Perhaps this is where Pippi Longstocking can be of help. If nothing else a source of inspiration.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Once again, your interpretation seems to be right on the spot. I often think of who I might have been, if my relationship with my mother had been different. I just know I would be so much stronger and self confident, and when I have hard times, I feel like my past has destroyed my every option to be free and happy.
I'm still playing the part she wants me to play in my relationship with her, because I've come to a place where I can't bear the thought of her knowing the real me. I just don't want her that close to me, it's much too late. Still I suppose my inner child longs for its mother.
When my brother was 13 and I was 22, I went through an abusive relationship which was very hard on me. Maybe that's what the dream is referring to?
Since my brother was so much younger than me, I took care of him a lot when he was little and I still lived at home. I felt then, and still feel that I saw his needs and true feelings more than my mother ever did. But I had to get out of there, so I couldn't protect him from my mother's demands, and he has put his creative self aside just to fulfill her demand of a secure education. I often feel like I should have rescued him.. but in reality there wasn't much I could do.

My biggest fear is to make the same mistakes in my relationship with my daughter. On bad days I see my mother in myself, and then I really hate what I see.

My fater was never there, I know that is an important aspect. He wanted to become an actor, but was forced by his parents to become a carpenter. That among other things made him fall into alcoholism, and we left him when I was three. I've always longed for him, and I know I have tried to make my bf into a father figure. And that's not working of course...

You're right about the creative self beeing the key I think. The last few days I've been able to let go of my past, and also the future, and just taking small steps at the time, focusing on just trying to create a comfortable mood in my relationship, not demanding that it should become fantastic over night. Suddenly, my mind hed room for other things than worrying about the situation in the past and the future, and all sorts of ideas started to surface. Hoping now that I'm finally starting to find a fruitful way to cope with things...

Thank you for your support, it means a lot!

Inanna

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Inanna,
I'll provide a proper response tomorrow. I want to continue to focus on that creative Self with hopes that will help. I understand your concern about your daughter. Has she seen or read any of the Pippi Longstocking stories?

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Thank you!
I have at least one dream that I remember each morning, as I'm allowed to sleep for a while after my daughter has gone to the kindregarden. I already have two new dreams, that both seem to be full of symbols adressing these same issues. I'll post them as soon as I have some time to sit down and write. I think there might be additional information hidden there. Both my life and my dreams are very intense at this time.
Just let me know if I'm giving you too much work :)

And yes, my daughter, who is turning three soon, loves the Pippi films...

Innana

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Inanna,
I want to comment on your response and provide some of my own experiences that are similar to yours in the relationship with parents.

The tendency to repeat what you learn as a child in adulthood is real. Most are unconscious tendencies established from repeated indoctrination of experiences that help form the psyche of a child. Recognizing those tendencies and making correction is most important. It is good to hard on yourself when you exhibit those patterns. Understanding why you would even behave in such a manner can be directly tied to those early life experiences. They become ingrained within the psyche and unless they are acknowledged, confronted and disposed of they will begin to take control. You will become your mother.

But you are doing what is needed to resist those tendencies. By analyzing your own emotions and actions you are using self therapy to rein in all that was wrong with the relationship with your mother. Recognizing those inherent patterns of behavior is a great leap forward to ending all control the relationship had on you. It is purely psychological. By going 'inward' you begin to realize how much control past experiences have on your in life the present. And by looking within you are able to remove the stained impulses that were formed by a lack of proper love and acceptance from your parents. You will not be like them, you have the desire and strength to be that good mother, loving and accepting, the opposite of what you experienced as a child.

I identify with your non-existent relationship with your father. Like you my father was never there. If my mother had not been the heroine she is there is no telling how 'messed' up my life would have been. As it turns out it was not as great as it should have been and a lot of it is because of the lack of attention and love from my father. Later in life I began to emulate his tendencies of running away from pressures in life. But unlike my dad I was intent on being a good father to my son and I could never be like him in that aspect {my son is married with 3 children and is a great dad and husband}. It was the seeking of love in ' all the wrong places', trying to fill a void I could not explain, a void that stemmed from that non-relationship with my own dad, that was my problem. It was not until I met Joseph Campbell in his Power of Myth series that I began my recovery. That led me to Jung and his Individuation Process. The great thing about the whole process is I not only overcame those negative tendencies embedded from early childhood, I also discovered that creative Self, and a true spiritual Self. I have taken the negatives from my life and turned them into positives, using my own emotional experiences {which were many} to help console others. And of course there is my dream work and the Myths-Dreams-Symbols website that is my creative self at work. Having been single for nearly 16 years now {after 3 marriages} I have filled that void with the creative spirit.

On the surface it seems I was very lucky to have discovered Campbell and Jung. But in the world of pure nature {which I take as my spiritual ground} it was meant to be. For any soul that possesses inherent good {as most do} the 'laws' of Synchronicity {people, places or events that your soul attracts into your life} take control. Nature has its way of balancing all events and experiences {what goes around comes around} and when a person begins to incorporate the hero path into their life they enter into a world that was there all the time. That is the message of Campbell's Power of Myth. By taking the hero path in life, sacrificing oneself for another, there are helping hands there to guide and inform you. I have witnessed this time and time again over the past 16 years {when I first met Campbell on PBS} and firmly believe in it as a truth. Living by the laws of nature, physical, psychological and spiritual, life is affirmed and all those things that are out of balance right them self. It is through discipline and self discovery that the process will unfold. It takes time and there are those times of doubt. But as soon as the choice is made to follow in the footsteps of 'those who have gone before us', their experiences become our experiences and what was unknown becomes known. This applies not only to the individual psychological life {from birth to the present day} but also to that higher source within. That source is creative and spiritual. It is balanced and harmonious. Even in a world that is full of sorrows {the first Buddhist saying is' life is full of sorrow'} life is affirmed and the creative Self becomes the guide, and food for the soul.

So perhaps Pippi Longstocking was more than just a childhood favorite. Perhaps she is your guide to that higher Self, that creative self waiting to open up to the external world. Chance encounters, no matter when they occur, do have meaning. It is often the 'second time around' that we dsicover what we are looking for was there all along. It becomes a matter of 'seeing' and the Individuation Process is a tool in awakening that 'third eye'.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Gerard, thank you again for your your effort. It's truly amazing the way you have found to use your creative Self to help others. It is just that I want to do myself; to find a way to turn the past into something useful and positive for myself by making it helpful to others. I appreciate you sharing from your own experiences, it gives hope and comfort to know it is possible.

I have always loved creative activities; writing, painting, singing and making music. It's my dream to reach out that helping hand to people who have struggles similar to mine, when I've overcome my own.
I've always felt that help from others too, especially from musical artists.
It is just so much help and comfort in listening to a song which describes the feeling you have inside, because then I you can say to yourself: This person has been where I am now, he has felt that same pain and despair, and look: he has come that far.
For me music has been the most direct language of emotions, both when it speaks to me, and when I want to say something myself.

In two weeks I start school again, ahead lies three years of education. I'm going to study music, theatre and arts angeled at children in kindergarden. It will be a 50 % practical study and I hope to find a new place to unfold my creativity and meet other people who can help me on my way. This will be very positive, I think..

The urge to express myself creatively is very strong, sometimes it feels almost like a destructive and dangerous force inside. And I guess that's why I create so much noise and trouble in my relationship, when I don't get to express myself inside the "proper" frames:)My fantasy is very active, so I know I have to learn how to control it, because I tend to create some really convincing monsters under my own bed...

Always been a strong believer in the world of dreams(sometimes its more real to me than the everyday waking world) so I'll keep watching them closly, and keep posting :)

Inanna

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