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Cruise Ship

I was living on a huge ship. This ship was so big that I could not see the whole size of it, and I had for a long time been immersed in the daily life onboard. The ship had a heavy and completely metallic sense to it. The floors were huge and heavy iron plates with bumps on them to keep from slipping. Like this, everything about the environment was dense and hard and industrial. I was standing in one of several parallel lineups of people who were approaching a table where a few teachers were seated on the other side, facing us. We were all being graded, or somehow judged. When it came my turn I placed a large book of my own handwritten and illustrated pages on the table in front of my teacher, open at a certain place, and upon doing this I had an upsurge of emotions that all had to do with shame and anger and a deep discouragement about being inadequate. I saw people moving past me easily in the lines as they continued their progress onwards, but it seemed to me that I had always been stopped here and had experienced this disgrace over and over. I wanted more than anything to be able to give to my teacher something he would approve of, and something I could be satisfied with. But once again, the opposite was occurring. I was angry, resentful and desperately hurt. I reacted with fury to the woman behind me who looked over my shoulder to see what was written on the pages.

After this incident I went to my private place of residence on the ship. It too was metallic, like a small car without wheels that was full of my belongings. I opened one of its doors and reached down to the floor and picked up a clump of dried shit that was there. I tossed the shit out.

My teacher and I were then moving together, side by side. We were gliding past the great ship. We were sitting down as if in a car, but in fact there was no physical vehicle. I was amazed to see the ship from this outer perspective. It was not a beautiful place, but it was vast. It was lit up in the night sky like a whole constellation unto itself. However, from this perspective outside it, I could see that it was limited, that it floated in space like a huge blimp. He told me that in spite of my emotions and grave doubts, I was actually doing very well. He said he knows that I have thrown out some shit recently.

(I have often dreamed of this teacher, for whom I have a great love and respect. He keeps contact with me in the dreamworld. Sometimes he has something to say and sometimes not. Sometimes we just travel together, and when we do there are always new sightings for me.)

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 53, Toronto Canada

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