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Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

The first portion of this dream memory is somewhat obscure. I feel I am in a time of my youth. I am around young, aggressive males. I think it is the young Arab boys I knew growing as a teenager. I don’t feel comfortable. I don’t like their behavior, their competitiveness and striving for attention, dominance. Scene changes. I am with my former spouse, and another couple. We go to a bar in a space that reminds me some of Union Station, but classier. The other couple sits first, on stools at the bar counter. I go to the right side of them to sit down and then indicate to Bill by touching the stool next to me, to my right, that I would like him to sit there. I am not comfortable in bars and would prefer to sit “inside” of our small group rather than on an end. Bill appears some frustrated by this. I think this is because there, on the end, he will not be able to be the center of attention. The gentleman behind the counter comes to take my order. He suggests baked fish. He asks if I would like rice to go with that. I tell him yes. I realize that while I and the couple we are with are “just now” ordering, Bill "already" just finished his meal. When I have finished my meal, the waiter comes and gives me another piece of wrapped fish to take with me. I like this man, he is intelligen, considerate, thoughtful. He then goes and comes again. This time, he gives me something "special"…that he wants me to have. He tells me something about it being ready now, about it baking? for 40 (minutes?) It is a small talisman of a fish skeleton. Scene changes. I go into the restroom. As I am leaving one of the stalls, ready to exit the restroom, I see a tall, brown skinned man, has opened the door and is looking into the women’s restroom. It doesn’t feel right to me that he would do so and I wonder what his intentions are. I leave the restroom and am walking down the long corridor with my former spouse. I feel the man is following several feet behind. I want to feel protected by my former spouse, but do not. Instead, I see him as cowardly and I feel unsafe with him. Scene changes. I am riding in very large, white truck with a man I do not know and one man I do not clearly see. I feel comfortable with them. We are driving on the sidewalks. In a short time, we enter an area where some ice still remains from a recent freeze. The streets are clear of ice as the sun has melted it there, but the sidewalks must have remained in the shade. Some of the surface of the ice on the sidewalks is quite hazardous with various sizes and formations of ice remaining. The driver carefully and very skillfully negotiates them so as to not lose the truck in a slide. Scene changes. The three of us are in a very large and spacious room - or - it could even be out of doors, for what I see and sense of the above is clear, light blue - very spacious. We are each suspended at the same level by separate tethers to the same central point above. Instead of hanging side by side, we are creating a centrifugal movement around this center point by pushing off from one another’s hands. The movement is smooth, easy, graceful, somewhat acrobatic. I feel it is the man driving the truck that has the knowledge of how to orchestrate this movement for us.

Embrace

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

I'll post my associations with this dream, later this day.

Embrace

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

I feel the first portion is reflective of the masculine influence I grew amidst in my early life, inclusive of the males in my family - and continued in my adult relationships with men and my military experience. And hence, is also reflective of an aspect of the inner masculine in me, as learned. It never felt balanced to me. My feminine nature was not honored.

Next scene: My former spouse and I did go to bars on occasion. I "tied on" a handful of hangovers myself in earlier years. But I never liked bars or the energy of the crowd…the stupor of drunkenness. As with drugs, I never felt good about myself when I did drink. I didn't feel authentic. I felt I were hurting myself. I feel most bars are full of people who live at a shallow level of existence. My former spouse always had to be the center of attention. He generally held little thought, for me. I was on the periphery in his life - important to take care of the home, my son and for sex. He didn't see any other value. He didn't see any soul. The man behind the counter "sees" me and is attentive to me. Fish: a symbol of the soul. I think this is about soul making (baking)...food for the soul. The little skeleton, which is key-sized, is as a reminder, confirmation…that this is what is occurring in my life, my inner journey. The man wants me to know, remember and be assured of this.

The third scene: Part of what needs to be worked out... The dark skinned man comes to show me fears that still exist. I need to "eliminate" the shadows of the "bad guy(s)" in my life - and the cowardly inner masculine.
What I could have done but did not do in the dream? Tell him it was inappropriate to be gawking in a woman’s restroom. But I thank him, for showing me what he represents within me.

Fourth scene: I feel it shows some of the terrain I need to travel…some of the thoughts/feelings/emotions left (frozen) in the shade/side lines (side walks) that need to be negotiated - and that I have the strength (energy of the big truck), skill, and inner resources to do so.

Last scene: Reflective of this inner movement... Because the area is so spacious and we are tethered from above, I feel shows that my higher self is orchestrating this movement of blending/balancing the inner masculine.

Embrace

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

Embarce,
You have provided a lot to examine. I will attempt to give a proper interpretation later today. Although the process is different you are participating in a self discovery, a psychological examination of your own life. You may want to read abundance's I-CHING post to review her method of self discovery.
There are many ways to enlightenment.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

Hello Gerard,

I too see Abundance's dream as a very positive one.

I want to respond to these words of yours in her post:

"he who knows doesn't know. he who doesn't know knows"

This was key for me when I did an active imagination with the two figures on the dark spiraling stair case from my "Archeological Journey" dream. The animus wants to lead me into discovery, and I want to follow, but the business manager me is afraid of entering into the unknown, would rather remain in the light where she can see, the comfort of the known.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

Kristi,
Taking the dream and your observations posted after the posted dream I come up with these observations:

I can see the relationship you mention between your childhood relationships with males and the dream language {not feeling comfortable around young, aggressive males}. Some part of this male aspect has become 'foreign', not a part of balanced psyche. The animus seeks attention.

Your dislike for bars, the energies they represent, is balanced in the dream by making the bar 'classier'. I get the sense this 'bar' part of the dream is also addressing the animus. It desires to be the center of attention, perhaps creating a balance.

There are aspects of the masculine that are beneficial but others that can be destructive. I get the sense this is part of your dream message. Directed outward {toward the male species} is reflected by your own inner masculine attitudes {some you feel comfortable with, others you don't}. With proper integration your animus can become a powerful tool in your waking life, a true asset
Dream
"I feel it is the man driving the truck that has the knowledge of how to orchestrate this movement for us".

This is the desire of the soul, to integrate the masculine in such a way to make it a positive. Feeling comfortable with the masculine in control {but only in those instances where it is called upon}.
This would be true not only in your inner life but the outer, ego life as well.

Does that fit? The inner experience is more often prevalent in dreams once you enter that mid life stage. But of course the outer waking experiences are reflected of the inner self, the negatives vs the positives. Perhaps by learning the utilize the inner masculine better, the relationship with the masculine in the waking life will improve.

Does this fit your general attitude? The outer is hard to distinguish, only the dreamer can know for sure. But the inner life is always portrayed in a correct position. It only needs to be interpreted properly.

That gets back to your childhood. The experiences from that period of time most often accompany you throughout life, and can be controlling. Those experiences may need to be reconciled {if not already in the process of doing so-which suspect you are}.

Your thoughts to my analysis?

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} M

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

Hi Gerard,

Last thing first: Yes, the issues of my childhood continue to be addressed, for some years now. A difficult journey, but also much blessed by grace and I would not trade it for anything. I've much gratitude.

I see what you say of the classy bar and how it compensates for not only my waking life view of bars, but also the actual reality of the ones I did visit in earlier years, when with my former spouse. But, my deepest sense of this scene is that the positive animus (the waiter/bar man) is "feeding me" in a way the men in my life did not/could not. There is no alcohol here and I become the center of "his" genuine concern, interest and attention, whereas in my waking life this was always the other way around.

I've had a series of dreams now where this "feeding" goes back and forth. I feeding the animus and the animus feeding me.

True, there are men I am not comfortable with, the character of many I would never choose again to enter into relationship with - just as are there many women whom you would not enter into intimate relationship with. As we change, grow, heal, evolve within, so does the outside reflection/interaction.

As I continue to heal within, I am now without a significant other in my life.

Yes, I am working on integrating the animus. This does continue to need attention - and it seems my current focus, surely, is changing into that direction.

This has been a curious thing for me to understand, as I did lead a rather masculine (or adrogynous-like) life. It was when I entered (early) into my mid-life crises that I longed to know my true feminine nature and relatedness.

It is hard for me to guage where I am at in my individuation process, for I see the evidence of all four stages, already, in my journey - inclusive of many of the pitfalls encountered therein. My creativity continues to blossom (art, poetry, other writing) and I am studying for a new profession after retiring from the Army a few years ago. I'm not sure it matters where we are in the process, as I feel there will "always" be pieces to pick up...

I also can't help but take notice that some of the images in this dream were brought forth by my recent involvement with my son: young aggressive males...his father...of whom my son ofcourse bears many traits. So, some things there for me to look into, give attention to.

Does this answer your request for my thoughts on your analysis?

I was most interested in receiving some amplification of the imagery in the last scene. Have you anything to offer on that?

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

Kristi,
Some applification on the last scene from your dream.

"Instead of hanging side by side, we are creating a centrifugal movement around this center point by pushing off from one another’s hands".

When things are not as balanced as they should be, dreams will focus on that aspect. What you are wanting to do, needing to do, is create a balance of the masculine, actual waking relationships as well as within your own psyche. I see the centrifuge as your center point, that balance you seek and need. And since you are consciously working toward that center {one aspect of that being your interest in your dreams}, it is progressing smoothly, easily, graceful, yet somewhat acrobatic.

That is a positive in my opinion.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} M

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Blending Good Guy/Bad Guy

Hi Gerard,

Thanks for this added piece.

It is certainly true. The balance both within and in my waking life relations is needing greater balance. This became so much clearer to me with reflection after my last post in this dream thread...

I am beginning to appreciate this movement both within and without in greater ways. There's more work to go, but these are most wonderful moments, even now

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes


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