Yes, it's exactly what you thought it was. I am not trying to be nasty or vulgar, but you all know we have these sort of dreams. I really need help with this one. It seems as if it could be pretty obvious, but I wonder if there's more to it.

I dreamed I was having fully dressed oral sex with my roommate/lover (a guy!) and, in the beginning, before I started, it was rigid, which made me want to do it. But the more I sucked, the softer it became. At first he stood over me. Then he was kneeling on a couch in front of me, then he laid down on his side and I was beside him. It got softer and softer until, like taffy, it broke apart...just an inch off the top...in my mouth.

I tried to talk him up about it, "it's not that bad, it still is big, it just look like it's uncircumsized...," etc. He seemed indifferent to the whole ordeal. He was like, "well, it happens."

The other thing about the dream is that we were in the living room (not my real apartment, but it was ours in the dream), and had the windows that were really wide and went from ceiling to floor. There were blinds on the windows, but the blinds were open and we were right in front of them. There was other furniture that might have partially constricted the view of a peeper, but we were clearly in plain view.

Is this my mind's way of saying I would like to take him down a notch? Emasculate him just a little bit for all to see?

We have been lovers in an open relationship for two years, and roommates with benefits for a year and a half. He has been seeing other people, but I haven't. He likes to brag on how his cousing tried to stop him from playing the field at one time years ago, but how he got out of it by smooth-talking the different girls into not really getting mad about it. He is doing this again, and although I know about the other girls, they don't know about each other, and he says "we're just friends" when they find out about me (which we are, but with *benefits*). Could this dream be a reflection of my emotions regarding this issue?

Your interpretation/impression of this matter would greatly be appreciated. (But please keep in mind that I am not bitter or a man hater.)

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Stout Cougar (35) from the City of All That Love (ATL)

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Hi Katchi,

Pardon the pun, but have you thought of the idiom "to bite someone's head off"? The act of replying sharply and brusquely to someone. Has this happened in your life in the past month?

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

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Katchi,
I can see your point about the relationship and bringing him down a notch. That is a good possibility to the dream message. Although you have tried different positions in trying to rescue the relationship now seem to work {softer and softer}. The softness may also allude to how the relations has become over time. In the beginning it was hard and stead fast but now....the whole thing seems to be breaking apart. His attitude is as you describe, nonchalant and indifferent.

The window scene may be a desire, or need, to expose his shenanigans. But also expose your true feelings about the relationship. If you continue the sex aspect with him you are most likely doing yourself more harm since he is 'using' you while along doing the same with other females. Bringing him down a notch seems to a logical explanation to the dream but there will also be some suffering on your part {possible end to the comfortable and accommodating roommate relationship}.

What do you think?

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Gerard, I think you nailed it. Part of me really wants to tattoo 'LIAR' on his forehead to warn other women of his duplicitous nature. At the same time, as you said, our relationship has softened. We no longer play tug-of-war with the meaning of our relationship. Although we do continue to live together, we have resolved to just be friends...something he wanted all along, but I did not want to do.

There was another part to the dream after that. I am not sure if I mentioned it, but after that ordeal, I got up, went what felt like downstairs to see my boss. (This boss is an old boss I used to have while temping. She and I were exact opposites in appearance--she was a tall Nordic blond with beautiful blue eyes that were always laughing, and a slim, pure corporate cut-out look, I am an urbanite of the Africa persuasion, bohemian in nature, thick in figure, but we hit it off immediately. I am very proud to name her as one of my friends even after the job ended.) It was as if I left to go to work, but I worked in the same building as I lived. I went in to see her and it was lunch time. I'd brought my lunch yet my boss insisted that I go to the cafeteria, which was on the mezzanine level, and "try the pasta and bean salad". I tried to tell her that I had brought my lunch and asked her if that was what she wanted me to get for her. She just laughed and yet insisted that I try that dish. Personally, I don't like pasta or beans and to put them in a salad was the last thing I wanted to taste, but finally, I succumbed to her command and went to get the salad. She walked me downstairs just to be sure that I would go, and as I stood in line, she turned to leave. As I stood in line, I was still thinking of how it broke off, when this girl exclaimed, "That white lady has a picture of a black chick on the back of her shirt." When I turned to see, I got a small glimpse of her turning the corner and she did indeed have the picture on her back. In the office, she had on a big white wide-brimmed hat with a yellow band. She also had on a matching yellow and white floral dress with a white belt. As I watched her leave the cafeteria, the dress was covered by the shirt previously described with cut-off sleeves.

Then the chick tried to tempt me with a fresh pack of cigarettes which I worked to ignore (I was trying to quit in my waking life), until she ran them under my nose and I awoke.

What do you make of that?

I trust your judgment, and appreciate your comments.

Thanks! Kat

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35, ATL

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Katchi,
The boss you went to see {downstairs may represent the unconscious} is a part of you, your inner boss. The actual person {old boss} may possess qualities you wish you possess, opposite of who you are. The admiration may be important because she {the actual person} was impressive and those qualities may lead you to believe you would be a better person if you possessed them.

A lunch is a meal which provides nourishment. Perhaps this also ties into the above, a wish that you possessed certain qualities your human boss possesses. Perhaps you may need to adjust some part of your personality so to attain these qualities.

The white lady with the black chick picture may represent unconscious desires. The white lady is you, the black chick unconscious desires/needs. And the picture is on her back. That may also suggest unconscious events as I described {dream often use such language to represent aspects of the dreamer, an example of the strange language of dreams}. Unconscious aspects, 'the dress was covered by the shirt previously' are a good possibilty when you take the language of the dream.

The last paragraph may be the results of stress and temptations you are trying to ignore. Often the conclusion of a dream is an offering of what the dream is trying to address. The pack of cigarettes may represent dependency. This could be a part of the personal aspect that you wish/need to change.

Let me know your thoughts to the above. As I have stated previously, I can only see around the periphery of a dream. The actual personal experiences can only be verified by the dreamer. What fits in the above interpretation {if anything}.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58

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Gerard:

Thanks for the further insight. Regarding the old boss: I can't say, that I feel I lack those positive qualities that she has, but maybe I manifest them in a different way, perhaps? I thought more about the symbolism in the dream each day as time has passed as I do most dreams. The white and yellow, the covering up of the white and yellow flowery dress by the picture of a lady's face. (spirituality and purity being covered by materialism, or maybe physicality.) I also took a look at what she was saying: "Try the bean and pasta salad" as a way of suggesting that I try something that maybe I was not so fond of before, trying a different approach to the same situation (I was going to have left-overs for lunch in my dream). My spirit and the purity of me (if she was to be an aspect of me) was guiding me to that new thing. Making sure I reached the set goal. Yet becoming a physical manifestation, perhaps?

I do believe you were dead on about the temptation and the stress. (I still smoke ) And I believe on some level I was mentally dealing with the impact of that temptation following me on my path to something new. (the girl was in front of me in line)

Life and love has been a challenge for me, mainly because often I choose the same paths, no matter the road. After I had that dream, subconsciously moved, I began to try new things or old things in different or new ways. My life has improved slightly--it has more to do with my outlook, I have found.

Still, you did good. You are a wise counselor of dreams. Thank you for your interpretations.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35, Atlanta, GA All Day, Bay-Bay!!

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"Life and love has been a challenge for me, mainly because often I choose the same paths, no matter the road". Such actions are a norm in many failed relationships. One tends to repeat the same mistakes, entering into relationships with the same type of people. If this is your problem then I suggest you seek the motivations for such behavior. This often goes back to childhood, repeating learned behavior {albeit unconscious} due to long term experiences during childhood.

An example. I have a female friend who has had many failed relationships. She always picked the wrong man and they always possessed the same qualities. She was the mothering type and her choices were men who needed mothering. The reasons for the relationships were for all the wrong reasons, thus they ended up in failure.
When you go back and look at here childhood she was expected to be the 'mother' to her father. Many negative experiences during her childhood. This was imprinted on her psyche. She is going through life still trying to be the mother. Her decisions in relationships will never be corrected until she reconciles the imprinting from childhood {something I did in my life, reconciling the imprinting's, with the help of Jung's Individuation Process}.

I am not sure this fits with your experiences but they do sound similar. Your current relationship seems to fit a mold. But the underlying reasons why you accept his actions would be the question to be reconciled. Perhaps by looking back at your relationships and the similarities between the types of men you choose will shed some light. But your own personality and the reasons why you are who you are is more important. That begins at birth and evolves from nature and nurture. Often it is the lack of proper nurturing that is the underlying stimulus for our actions as adults.

Hope this helps. A hard thing to reconcile but a must if you seek to find balance and harmony in your relationships.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58

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I am all new to this good Forum, And Yes I truly agree with you Katchi, That they are good interpretations Gerard is pulling out of his sleeves.
The situation you describe is just like mine, it was just a four month experience.
I would like to add to the dream: Could the Boss, the side of you, be offering something to you that doesn't appeal to you? That the source in you that you use to handle this type of situation with, cannot provide you with satisfactory food, - emotionally?
The dissolving dick. If I dreamt that, it would mean, I can no longer see him as a true man, cause I know too much.The word of truth.The T-shirt thing, could resemble that something is not what you like it to be, but you have wanted it to appear this way, to stick with the dream, yes and the window, a chance to change things because you now view it differently.
I guess I not really saying anything new here,,,
I wish us good luck, with learning to love ourselves more.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Born Feb.1966 LIve in Copenhagen, Denmark

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