Hi Again,

I really appreciate the intreprations I have received thus far. Last night I had an interesting dream.

It started in my 2nd childhood home, the one I had between ages of 9-18. In the dream was my mother, and sister and ex-step/sister. We were waiting for my mom to cook dinner, which was to be hot dogs, and I did not want to eat meat because I am vegan. I went to my bedroom to get ready. I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself and contemplating my beauty. I thought I was so average. I put on a pair of pajama pants that were too tight in the hips but they were the only pair I could find, and they were blue joggers. I put on a little white tank top after searching for what seemed like forever for the right one. I put on make up, and took my time. It seemed as if I was taking really long.


When I went back to the kitchen nobody was in there, I opened the door to the bathroom & my mom and sisters were working hard, sweat pouring off of them to clean the room. There was steam rising from the shower. The bathroom was absolutely perfectly shiny. (it never was growing up!) but before I could really take in that site I noticed all kinds of "weeners" or rather penises in the shower pushed against the door. It disgusted me really, but I was in awe. I knew that I was there to be beautiful, and my mom and sisters just had to work hard. The "weeners" were just like hot dogs, but were definitely the male sex organ, and they were pushed against the door, there were many of them, and I could see the male bodies as well, but only two male faces, a friend of mine from high school and my boyfriends. The rest was just steam, weeners and male bodies.

My sisters and mom were yelling at me, asking me why did it take me so long to get back there. They were on their hands in knees, wearing rags and scrubbing and scrubbing trying to get it clean. I just told them that I had to get ready, I was busy picking out my pajamas.

I stood their haughty like, as if I was better than the rest. I didn't deserve to be cleaning. I deserved to be admired & cherished.

I then went to eat my food, which my mom tried to make me eat a real hot dog, she gave me two buns with two real hot dogs in them, but I realized it before biting and got the vegan veggie dogs for myself.


That was the end of the dream.

It's rather strange since I don't normally feel above anyone else. I normally feel the opposite.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23 Michigan

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Posh,
Remember your dreams are about you and your life, past, present and even the future. The second childhood home most likely is addressing experiences from that period of time. Wieners and meat could represent something sexual. Were there inappropropriate experiences with your step-dad during that time?

The part about your appearance and wearing particular clothes. Clothes often represent persona. The experiences of that period may be the focus of how you felt about yourself. What was it that attracted the attention from men? It also may be directed at inner feelings and questions to your persona in the present, questioning your own inner beauty. Negatives experiences from your past may still have an impact on how you feel about yourself.

Your mother and sisters cleaning up the bathroom. s this a reference to that period of time and possible attempts by the family to 'clean' up the mess {inappropriate contact}? The wieners or 'penises', sexual references. Pushing against the door may represent pushing against the need to open up to the pain from the past and putting that into its proper place {confronting it and realizing the harm}. Realizing you were not to blame may be represented by the question of your beauty.

The part about getting ready and picking out pajamas leaves me with the impression of someone who is expecting something, getting ready for something. Could there be repressed emotions that go beyond just mere touching?

These past experiences would normally make you question your worth and beauty {inner as much as outer}. If you have inner emotions about being 'dirty' from these past experiences would be common for those emotions to remain to this day. Instead of these emotions of feeling 'dirty' there should be feelings of admired and cherished {from yourself}.

Being a veggie may be a defence against having to endure the wieners {mistrust of men}. Are their feelings that your mother was complicit in these past negative experiences from childhood and your teen years? That may be another unconscious issue that needs resolution.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

I'm really not sure.

I know at that time I was considered the "ugly" sister, even compared to my mom. Everyone always thought she was our teenage sister. My sisters called me chuckie, after the doll.

When I started getting breast I had a lot of unwanted attention from men. Nothing physical though because I was too defensive to ever get close enough for that.

My step-dad was not Al, and my step-dad did not touch me. He was just a 20 something guy who liked the things most normal 20 something men like.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23 Michigan

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

It sounds as if your mother was pretty young when she became a mom - still, really, a child, too. Is this true, or did she just appear much younger than her age?

You'll likely have many bathrooms dreams over the course of the coming years. Bathrooms (toilets, tubs, showers) are most always all about inner (self) cleansing and elimination. But the dream itself is not magic. The issues do not just disappear. One must "face" and work "through" them - and it will take some good long time and require the help of others who know they way without fostering dependence.

In the dream, you're moving about routinely, going on with life as usual, dressing your image of yourself, just expecting dinner - but find that what you need to be ingesting (taking in, seeing, realizing) is instead the inner healing and cleansing that your psyche is asking you to do.

You have been having some significant dreams... I wonder if this is your psyche's way of trying to show you that you are not giving them the attention that they are due - if you're, maybe, just going on with life as normal?

Your mother and sister (aspects of your own psyche) are reflected as helpful inner characters who are working very hard at trying to help "you" to cleanse this issue, but you're busy primping and prodding (so to speak) - as if you don't have any issue to deal with. You're just beautiful and you're just fine. You'd rather not deal with it, so you stall, take your time. "They" have the bathroom full of penises to deal with, not you... At the end of the dream, your dream figure (who appears as your mother) again tries to get you to "ingest" the weiners, and you again say/decide, "No, I don't do the same weiners as you do."

Our ego learns to sort, segregate, rationalize - and even say, "this isn't about me, or, this isn't really happening - its about them." We begin to see the whole experience as other than us. We learn to emotionally distance ourself from it. Because it contains a pain too great for a young child to endure. The ego simply becomes very crafty at protecting us from our pain.

I think the dream is ultimatley showing ou how you distance yourself from the experience of the abuse.

When one has suffered sexual abuse at so young an age, or at any age, it is very (sad but) commom to feel dirty, bad, shameful, etc. And we do often develop feelings of being "better than," as unconscious of it as we may be. Inside, we think we know we are none better than the next human being, but the projection is most often otherwise. Again, it is a protective factor. It compensates for the feelings of being "less-than" which are heard and felt, inside, even if unconsciously so. When we are young, we cannot bear to hear that we are "ugly" or know that we did something "wrong" or "dirty." We cannot bear to feel that we are unacceptable, we cannot bear to not like/love ourselves. Children want to be loved and accepted and must believe that the world is all "okay." This is where the fantasy comes in. Many children who suffer extraordinary abuse hold fast to "ideals" of love - and I am glad they do. I am glad that the candle burns bright and I wish all may come to fully develop that love (But it does take MUCH work).

It is not suprising that your boyfriend and high school friend appear in the shower with the penises. All of your future intimate relations with men will catalyze/trigger your early experiences of sexual abuse. And it seems your psyche is working very hard to get you to begin working through and healing them, now.

A positive factor is that you are not seeing these male characters as threatening, you are being given images of men you have known and, to some degree, trusted. Even your monster presented to you with a quality of gentleness.

That shower is chock full of penises and the bathroom is hot and steamy and mom and sister are toiling away very hard in there. To me, it indicates great healing that wants to emerge.

Ofcourse you're here to be beautiful - this is just the plate life gave you to bring to healing and beauty.

Overall, I feel your psyche is giving you great encouragement to heal and is showing that you have the strength to do so.

Posh, many "never" heal from these things. May you do so, and may you thrive.

Befriend these images, befriend your self, and be well.

Embrace

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, KS

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Embrace,

Thank you for the intrepetation. That really makes a lot of sense to me and feels right, but I'm still confused because I don't feel as if the dreams could be addressing the "memories" which I have "forgotten". I think the end of the world one is directly related to me leaving my boyfriend and getting my own house.

This one does seem to encourage healing but I really don't know how to heal, since I don't know what is "broken".

I think living on my own and doing what I want to do for once is really going to encourage the growth I seek.

Thanks so much for your guidance,

Posh

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23 Michigan

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Hello, Posh:

I do agree that the end of the world dream is related to your leaving your boyfriend. It is likely that the break-up and the associated emotions (some of which you may not be entirely consciously aware of) were the catalyst for a lot of information to come forward. It is a highly symbolic dream.

Taking care of and nurturing your self in healthy ways will certainly lend to your growth and encourage your healing and independence. If the issues are not addressed, they will continue to sabotage relationships - the pattern of dysfunction will be lived out unconsciously.

You say, "I really don't know how to heal, since I don't know what is broken."

Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find. And you will.

What may be kind of tricky for you is that you did retain some of the memory. So, on one level, you may be saying, "Big deal, it happened, I'm okay." Yet, on another level, which your concscious and emotional awareness has been cut off from, you are in need of healing.

When emotional memory has become "frozen in time" (so to speak), it takes patience and a lot of self love and gentle coaxing for them to come forward. There is also a timeliness, readiness, for all things. Right now, there may still be a lot of resistance to re-experiencing those early moments of your life. When it is time for you to pick up a book on the matter or seek the aid of a therapist, you will feel the inner prompting to do so. These are not easy matters, hence the resistance and blocking of of emotional and bodily awareness.

The way you have been living is what is known as "normal," to you. It can be hard to see what is broken when we've never known or experienced another way of thinking and feeling about ourselves.

Best Wishes,
Embrace

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, KS

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Embrace,

I feel much more confident about leaving my boyfriend, even though I'm still very much sad and in a fog/dream like state.

Posh

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23 Michigan

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Hello, Posh:

I am glad you are feeling even more confident! Keep it up! And just keep one foot in front of the other!

Best to you,
Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Overland Park, KS

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes