In this dream, which followed almost immediately after I posted the dream "Invisibility," I’m at a public school, and I’ve gone there to talk with an administrator about my oldest son Garrett. I don’t know what the problem is, but I know it’s somewhat urgent.

As I’m walking across the grounds, I see a young black woman trying to gain some acceptance from a crowd of black people. She says she is going to find someone and slap him/her in the face, as if to awaken that person, and as if that will somehow cause the group to accept her. Somehow she doesn't belong with their group, though she wants to belong. I am concerned that I’ll be her target, and somehow a newspaper appears in my hand.

I look down to read it but with my eyes I track the movements of the black woman. I’m actually planning to slap her first! And with my right hand, for some reason. That’s completely unlike me in waking life btw.

She can’t see my eyes, but I can see her body, and as she approaches me she senses that I know of her presence and veers to her left, as I veer to my left. I’m still looking for the building where I’m supposed to meet with someone about a situation involving my oldest son, and she follows the crowd of black people, still talking to them from a distance, and apparently still seeking their approval.

Now I’m in the school yard, walking up a hill toward the building (which I now see in the distance) where the meeting will take place. It's a bright day. The hill falls off sharply on my right, and a very large group of parents and children form a rectangle around me. All I recall seeing are fathers and children, but the fathers seem mentally challenged (badly). Because I’m walking forward and there’s a drop-off to my right, it seems that I’m in the upper left section of a large rectangle that’s closing in on me as I walk up a narrow path to the top of the hill.

The fathers and children are trying to enclose me within their geometric area, and there’s a field of force that ties them together. I feel it as I try to walk between two people at the "top" of the rectangle, near the upper left corner. I use my right elbow to force my way through the invisible force field as I turn counterclockwise.

Now a woman appears on my right to congratulate me (for breaking through, I think), but I’m focused on the task at hand, getting to see my son.

She is a white woman btw, and gives me a small sheet of paper and a pencil as some kind of commemoration of my task (which seems to be breaking through the rectangular field of force). She resembles someone I know remotely at my place of work, and might be a year or two older than I am, but not more than that. But I’m not grateful for her award, and I actually begrudge the interruption, so I tell her "this better be good." "It IS," she affirms confidently and without hesitation, apparently unaware or uncaring that I’m frustrated.

Perhaps I should add that becoming a writer is a dream of mine, and I wonder if that’s what the prizes she gave me are about. And even though I’m not conscious of any gratitude, I place the pencil and paper in my left jacket pocket, next to my heart.

Now as I turn (to the left again) the scene changes. Now I’m in a large concave, concrete cylinder that may be a birth canal, and my other son Will is with me. Nevertheless, this still has the sense of being the same dream. The "canal" is tilted somehow, so that I need to walk uphill again.

I’m holding Will’s left hand with my right hand and we’re trying to proceed in an upward direction toward what I presume (but can’t see) is the mouth of the canal. The only part of the canal I sense visually is the floor that I’m walking on. There’s some gravel at my feet that makes the navigation more difficult, and there are quite a few other parents and children trying to traverse the "canal."

I’m walking in such a way that my left side is constantly in front, like a crab, and I become conscious of significant physical strength that is more than adequate to the task. Will and I make progress without much difficulty. Now there is a very old woman in front of me who eventually turns and tells me she can’t hide her teeth and breathe at the same time. My sense in the dream is that the traversal is very strenuous for her, and that she is breathing hard from the exertion (and that her teeth are not in good shape, and she feels embarrassed to show them).

Then she takes my left hand in her right, but there’s something odd here, in that she’s not pulling me; my hand is even with her body, so that holding me doesn’t increase the work she has to do. She’s quite old by the way, and her hand looks almost rotten. But I have no reluctance to interact with her or any repugnance in holding her hand, which is extremely smooth to the touch. She’s quite alert and makes a remark about physical contact, concluding with "Touch is important." I awaken at this point.

I'd surely appreciate any thoughts about this dream.

Thanks,
Kim

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 44, Tennessee

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Kim,
Without looking back at your previous post I will take this dream and provide what I see on the surface of it {without interpreting every little thing in it}.

A need to accept unconscious contents.

An un-achieved aspect

A desire and an ability to understand some aspect about yourself

Trying to find balance

The eyes don't see what the body/soul needs

The masculine self is deficient

Out of balance

A conflict of outer and inner aspects

Going against the grain

---

These next statements from your dream is what I believe reveal the central message of the dream.

I’m walking in such a way that my left side is constantly in front, like a crab, and I become conscious of significant physical strength that is more than adequate to the task.

becoming a writer is a dream of mine

Touch is important

Clue: right is society's path, left is the soul's path

What in society is keeping you from your 'soul's path {writing}. Does it involve family?

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Hi Gerard,

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not sure about some of your thought processes but I do want to comment. I know you're very busy and can't go through all the dreams on your site with a microscope - thanks for giving mine some attention.

First of all, I want to say that your interpretation was painful for me to read, and that I recognize there's probably a lot of truth in it. But I also wonder if there might have been a misunderstanding or two along the way (my fault if so).

I'd think that most of your observations (I've listed a few here) would apply to everyone, and I wonder whether you had something specific in mind regarding these observations when you commented on the dream I posted.

A need to accept unconscious contents.
An un-achieved aspect
A desire and an ability to understand some aspect about yourself
Trying to find balance
Out of balance
A conflict of outer and inner aspects

By the way, I accept that all these are true of me! But I wanted to add some other thoughts as well.

First, in trying to find balance -
Maybe I'm actually trying too hard for balance. The path of individuation is very like a spiral or helix in some respects (I think Jung said so somewhere). Some aspects of a spiral that I think are analogous to the individuation process are that one is never quite looking at one's destination, and that one might be out of balance (maybe in a controlled way?) as one grows.

I'd be interested in your thoughts about these speculations of mine.

The eyes don't see what the body/soul needs:
In a way, this is a necessary part of individuation, isn't it? And in a different way, part of the necessity of myth. But did you mean that I couldn't see the end of what I called the birth canal? It's interesting to me that I knew this was my destination, even though (and despite the fact!) there were many others in the canal. This is an interesting distinction with the situation in the school yard, where I wanted out of the rectangle almost precisely b/c it was "common." I hope that makes some sense. I think what my body/soul needs is beyond words btw, an experience of the transcendent.

The masculine self is deficient:
This one hurt the most, so I know there's something there. In waking life I'm somewhat stronger than two average men, and I know I'm very lucky in that way.

But 6 years ago I had a tumor in my left knee (which I think has specific relevance to the dream). After the surgery, the doctors and therapists told me some specific things I'd never do again - and I believed them. Two months later they were talking about my "amazing recovery" - and I was doing those things they said I wouldn't.

But recently I injured that knee and it was very bad. I could scarcely walk for a while, and couldn't even stand for extended periods. Feeling like a cripple has had a deep effect on me, even though I know this kind of things comes to all people eventually. I actually thought it had come six years ago, so I'm lucky to have had some extra time.

Anyway, despite a doctor's opinion that surgery would be necessary, it seems to be healing (slowly) again. I think that's why (cause or effect, I don't know) that I felt some strength on my left side in the dream. I'm moving up that canal in the direction of a rebirth, and the sense I have is that I have more than enough energy/libido (as Jung used the term, not Freud) to succeed. And I am truly grateful, whatever the outcome is.

But (and this is the most important issue) - did you find my intention to slap the black girl offensive? I feel a strong need to tell you that I've never struck anyone, especially a woman, in my adult life (and never struck a female in my youth either).

Before marrying, I took a survey that involved having other people fill out questionnaires and sending them to the marrying pastor. He told me that apparently I was a very rare individual to the extent that other people found me to be caring and concerned about others. And my lovers through the years have often commented on my gentleness in a positive way. I do think that's my nature, but I'm also familiar with denial...

I hope the slap was symbolic of something other than violence, and I'd be very interested to know if you think that may be plausible.

1) Since everyone in a dream represents an aspect of ourselves, perhaps I was preparing to slap myself awake. ?! Perhaps I feel more awake than my dark anima image, or just shock that part of myself awake.

2) I want to emphasize that the feeling tone present in the dream was that I would suprise the young woman, who intended to surprise me.

3) I know that Zen masters sometimes slap their students to "wake them up", and I wonder if unconscious psyche could have conjured that image for some reason.

I hope you'll feel free to disagree or amplify. I do admit that I'm a wounded person, btw, an incest survivor, and I know I may never be fully healed. I sometimes think that in the dark shadows I'll always feel al little deficient as a man and a person. But it troubles me far more to imagine what you might think of my intention to slap a female. Racial prejudice is abhorrent to me also.

I think a man becomes more (and truly) masculine only to the extent that he acknowledges his own feminine side. What is man without woman? All these pairs of opposites feed each other. I think that people who are violent are those who live divided lives, and particularly along the lines of the gender-specific archetypes.

I'm not only a wounded person, but also ill. I have ulcerative colitis, and it's had an adverse effect on my ability to meditate deeply.

But I wonder if any of these thoughts add anything to your interpretation, or whether they sound more like long rationalizations. I'd be interested to know!

Thanks,
Kim

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 44, Tennessee

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Kim,
Thanks for the response. It is very difficult at times to analyze every dream as I would like to do, detailing the most minute item. I look forward to the day I will be able to do just that, put all my energies into my dreamwork and websites. That is my fieriest dragon, social duty. So damn hard just to make a living.

Let me take time to better analyze your dream and see what I can come up with. It may be the weekend but I will take a deeper look at it. I apologize for not giving more time to your dream. I am a contractor and this is the busiest part of the year. Very hectic and demanding. I will try to do better.

twat twam asi,
Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Jerry,

That's surely not necessary -and please don't apologize! Your thoughts were a big help, and I'll be letting them sink in more fully in days to come.

This is a unique and wonderful site, and there are many other people who need dream interpretations too. Thank you, very much, for giving mine some personal attention.

Best,
Kim

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 44, Tennessee

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Kim,
I appreciate the kind words about my Myths-Dreams-Symbols website. If you take away any new knowledge from your visits it is worth all the effort I have put into it. Of course my greatest desire is to work with dreams. After many years of study and practice I seem to have mastered dream interpretation for the most part. Of course that is due to Jung and his philosophies on dreams and the psyche. Anyone with a keen intuitive mind who will give spend enough time working with dreams could achieve those same abilities. If I can do it anyone can.

Looking back over your dream and the possibility in my haste in reading it, could it be what is deficient is the feminine aspect? My mind may have been thinking you were female and not male {Kim is a uni-sexual name}. Most dreams posted at the forum are from women and I could very well have made that mistake. I do want to look at your dream again to see what I may have missed. Hopefully I will be able to do that later today {rain in the forecast}.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

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Kim,
I looked at your dream in detail and I must have been thinking that you were female in my first interpretation. There is a definite deficiency but it is in the feminine aspect. From what you have stated about your very strong masculine qualities, I sense there is a real lack of feminine balance to your personality. The dream may also be addressing something in your past as a child, perhaps to do with a lack of feminine interaction.

This is the reason I ask for gender when interpreting a dream. But I do need to pay more attention to details.

But there is a resurrection of that inner feminine that is associated with your desire to be a writer {'becoming a writer is a dream of mine'}. I get the sense that the dream is exalting these inner qualities but due to 'masculine' tendencies {this may have something to do with personal issues if not personality} you have not either recognized these feminine qualities or you are not able to act on them {the possible personal issues}.

To learn to engage your feminine aspects will give 'new birth' to that deepest self {concrete cylinder that may be a birth canal}. There is a reluctance to 'touch' that inner core. Without the feminine there is no 'touch', intuitive, perhaps passionate ability to awaken that creative inner Self.

This dream probably has to do with personality, perhaps too much of a masculine side and not enough of the feminine 'touch'. Something like a Marine ready for war with little compassion for residual casualties. But there is a strong inner feminine aspect {your desire to write}. But that part of you is undeveloped, yet seeking attention. At 44 you are at the middle stages of mid-life. If you should learn to give more time to the feminine, I believe you will find a keen ability to that desire to write. The feminine aspect will be very strong if you let it.

But that may be the problem. A fear of the feminine {a Marine would never admit to a compassionate side}.

Getting back to your earlier life as a child. The causation to the lack of feminine qualities may have begun during that period of your life {why your son is in the dream-metaphor your younger self}.

Does this fit better with who you are?

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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