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Stabbing A Killer

(I hope it's okay that I post so much. It's just that I dream so much and they all seem to say something different to me)

In this dream, I was watching the news. The report was on a boat that was in a harbor and just, at random, plummeted to the bottom of the body of water. The reporters were calling it the worst boat tragedy since the Titanic.

I was terrified. I think I knew some of the people on the boat. So I ran to my room where I had a small-scale model of the boat complete with living (I guess) miniature people that directly represented what was going on on this boat. I flipped the boat over and found the lower section of the boat filled with water. My biggest fear was the people. I looked through the plastic that made the boat and I could see little bodies (which directly corresponded with real ones) floating around. But to my own relief, they were alive. So I angled the boat in a fashion that made getting air easier.

There was a small part with me seeing through the eyes of another man. He was trying to find an island. I'm not sure why.

Then my mom, brother and I all went to this boat (which was still submerged in the water). I found the rooms to still be dry (perhaps in an air pocket?) and walked into one. I found a nun trapped under a filing cabinet. She pleaded for our help. I noticed a door with a window. I looked through the window and found a staircase full of bodies, blood and needles. I knew something was wrong. I turned to find my mom pulling the furniture off the nun. When it was cleared, we all saw that the nuns legs had been cut off. She looked at them in horror and screamed. I saw another door with a window, but this one lead to a main hallway. I saw a man walking by and I instantly got an evil vibe from him. He saw me, and entered the room.

I backed into the kitchen area of the room. The man was very cocky and was telling us how he was going to kill us. My mother asked me to get her a knife, so I did and she began chopping up pills (i'm assuming she was going to try and poison him). So I grabbed another knife. I specifically sought out this knife. It was very sharp. I walked to the man with the knife behind my back. He paid me no mind and continued walking to the kitchen to retrieve his weapon. He turned to face me and my mom told me I had to do it. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to save us. So I lunged forward and shoved the knife into his chest. He looked shocked, but nothing more. I pulled out the knife and stabbed again in the heart area. Still nothing. I stabbed him twice more before he tried to get the knife away from me. But he failed. The wounds left behind were only bleeding at the edges of the holes, but nothing more. He didn't seem to be too badly affected.

The entire time I was stabbing the man, there was a force trying to stop me. I didn't want to stab the man, but he was evil and very dangerous. I felt a huge sense of remorse during and after the stabbing. I want to saw he somewhat resembled my dad and I think that may have been why I was having such a problem.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 16 TN

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Re: Stabbing A Killer

Aaron,
If you will look at the boat as being you, unconsciously you are sinking to the bottom.

Parts of you seem dead. To make them come alive you have to position yourself in a manner that makes it 'easier' to live with.

You are seeing your true self through the eyes of another you. Your unconscious dreams.

The rest of the dream is probably addressing those issues of sexual identity we have spoken of. You are trying to kill off parts of you that you think as 'evil'. But there is resistance to this 'killing' because it means you will have to 'change' who you are, and you can not change what comes natural.

Your mother and brother, do they know you are gay? Is your mother helping you come to terms with your sexuality? Was it a surprise to her when you first told her {screamed at the cut off leg{s}}.

The dreams you have posted all seem to be addressing your coming to terms with yourself, your true self. That isn't surprising at your age, and with your sexual orientation. The questions is, what is your waking life conditions and are you handling all of these pressures well? Unconsciously you are dealing with these issues and consciously you are handling them well. Is that the case? Or are these deep seeded issues about to erupt into something consciously dangerous, stressing you to te max? That is where we need to focus our attention first, your well being while handling these issues.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Stabbing A Killer

Interesting.

I must be more distraught than I'm aware of.

I don't see how any of it could ever "erupt" in any sense.

But, just before I read this the first time a couple of days ago, I was pacing in my room. I was just irritated.

I guess I just feel like nothing is ever easy for me and I would love for just one thing to be easy.

I've read studies that prove the minds of homosexual and heterosexual men are different. It helps. It let's me know that I'm not insane.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm so angry at myself because I subconsciously want a family and I can't have a normal one, ever. I hate kids. But wouldn't it be fun and fulfilling to be a dad?

Also, in a sense, I'm being selfish against myself. There are so many other things to worry about or to enjoy. I'll admit I haven't been angry at myself in a couple of days and it's felt good.

Just one question: Why would my dreams start getting so violent? I've had a few more dreams involving massive conflicts and me trying to kill people or just simply being destructive. I can see that all the other signs in the dream point to my sexual identity, but why the violence?

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 16 TN

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Re: Stabbing A Killer

Aaron,
Your dreams represent how you feel about yourself and the unconscious desire to destroy those aspects that you wish were different. Not yet having come to fully accept your sexuality is the underlying reason for the violence in your dreams. The anger is directed at yourself. You want to 'kill' those things you see as 'wrong'. Add to that the bigotry of some people and the violence is imprinted in such a way you 'unconsciously' feel it is the only way to sort it all out.

You are right about the differences in brain structure in gay men and straight men {Homosexuals found to have 'different brain structure' in new study}. The scientific evidence is building that reinforces what most already know; homosexual men and women are born gay and do not make a life style choice of being gay. The American Medical Association recognizes that as does the American Psychiatric Association {they did so in 1973}. One fact that may surprise some {but only confirms my thoughts that gay men have brains structured more to their feminine side} is that brains of gay men are similar to the brains of heterosexual women, as is gay women and heterosexual men {Gay men and heterosexual women have similarly shaped brains, research shows}. Just as you were born caucasian it is in your genes that decide whether you are heterosexual or homosexual. Attempts by religious zealots to 'change' a gay person to going straight is merely bigotry bottled up in a religious cause.

You say you hate kids. I don't believe that. That is probably the self-despising of your sexuality that is talking, thoughts that being gay prevent you from being a parent. Many gay men and women have adopted children or have had children through surrogate women. I dare say within your life time you will see a almost total acceptance toward accepting gay men and women for who they are; gay men and women. Just like African Americans before the 1950s attitudes will change and it is slowly doing so. Unfortunately the biggest obstacle is religious zealots who use the bible to reinforce their bigotry. But those types are being rejected by mainstream America.

My point is, the sooner you learn to accept your sexuality the sooner you can start to be yourself and live a life of balance and harmony. Exactly why you feel the way you do about yourself is undoubtedly complicated but changing your own attitude toward yourself is the first step in becoming whole. You can love like anyone else. You can have a family like everyone else. You can live life being yourself. The only difference is your sexual preferences.

"I'll admit I haven't been angry at myself in a couple of days and it's felt good". That statement says it all. Stop being angry at yourself. Accept yourself as you are and be brave about it. There will be those who will say and do things toward you because they perceive your sexuality as being bad. But all they are doing is projecting aspects they dislike about themselves onto you. There is as much inner turmoil in their lives as you are experiencing in yours. To hide from that, and yourself, will only make it worse.

Do you associate often with other gays? Have you read much on the subject of homosexuality? Learn all you can about what its is to be gay and learn to accept the fact that you are. You can't change it and as long as you do not 'totally' accept it there will be dreams of inner turmoil. I hope soon to have you post a dream that lacks such self violence. That will be a sign of real progress.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes


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