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letting an ex go

Had a dream that was the most lucid and clear dream I've had in awhile. I was at some kind of family gathering at a body of water. I was with mother-in-law and another female relative of my husband's. It was night-time and we were going to sleep on the beach, a small pebble beach with blankets brought by my mother-in-law. The beach was made narrow by a wooden man-made structure, like a shed, so it forced us to be close to the water. The tide was getting higher and it was gently washing over us. I was a little concerned about sleeping with waves washing over us, but because my mother-in-law was comfortable with it, I figured it must be alright (she's a bit of a worry wart). In the dream the blankets were significant. A huge bird started flying around. I said I thought it was a peacock, my mother-in-law said peacocks couldn’t fly that high and I disagreed saying yes they could. It landed and in the moonlight I saw it wasn't a peacock though it was built like one. It was black, white and yellow. I was awe-struck by it's beauty and exclaimed that it was amazing and everyone agreed.

I had to go to the bathroom and I remembered my ex-boyfriend's parent's house was nearby so I went there (my ex and I broke up many years ago but it was a highly influential relationship and I still think/dream of it often). My ex's dad was there babysitting 3 kids that were my ex's. One kid, a girl, looked exactly like my ex and she was the most energetic and precocious. There was pale blond boy with light blue eyes and he had a birthmark on his chest exactly like my birthmark that is on my leg. He was shy and quiet. The 3rd was non-descript except that it had bright blue eyes one much darker than the other. I went to use the restroom and there was a bi-fold door on the bathroom and the kids were so excited someone new was there that they kept ripping the door off the hinges. So I went to the other bathroom. I thought of ex's mom and how she had decorated everything, lots of colorful but fake flowers. It was like an indoor botanical garden but all fake flowers. Very pretty, but fake. My ex arrived and we went to his bedroom. We talked, laughed and teased each other. We had a pillow throwing contest but I lost b/c my aim was really off. I really wanted to stay but knew that I needed to leave. He asked me to tell me I loved him before I left, b/c he said he loved me. I wanted to, but I stayed silent, trying to find the right thing to say. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t, but I knew I couldn’t just say yes and give him any hope that we would be together someday. This part was quite lucid, it was almost as if I were partially controlling this particular portion on a conscious level. We were laying in his bed and my head was on his chest. I finally said that it didn’t matter that I love him b/c we were never going to be together again. That it was over forever. I didn’t say it in a spiteful or mean way, just honest and matter-of-fact. Then I left to go back to the water.

I woke remembering the dream very clearly and felt fascinated by it. Compelled to write it down. I felt contemplative of it, but slightly relieved. I'm having difficulty interpreting the 3 kids babysat by my ex's dad, particularly the one with 2 different eye colors.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, nyc

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? no

Re: letting an ex go

nycole,
The body of water, the beach, the night time all indicate to me there is something in your unconscious/subconscious that may have to do with family matters especially your mother-in-law. It may be these symbols reflect a desire/need to get something 'off your mind' about these relationship{s}. Have there been disagreements with her prior to the dream or perhaps disagreements over a period of time? There may be elements of personality clashes.

The next part of the dream seems to be describing aspects of your personality as well as positive aspects in the relationship with your ex. The intent may be to compare the past with the present. So many good things you remember about your ex that may be opposite of what you are experiencing in the relationship with your husband's family. On the surface there seems to be lingering positive feelings toward your ex {you state you think of him often} and this may enter into the equation of the negative aspects you may possess toward your present in-laws {primarily your mother-in-law}. Unconsciously you may wish you were still with your ex and that may be because of dissatisfaction with your present in-laws.

Does this fit?

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: letting an ex go; follow up

Thanks for taking the time to go over this.

This was my take on it......
I am exploring my unconscious self (hence the feminine symbols: the water, moon, sleeping in the waves, wise female relatives.) I didn't see my mother-in-law as a literal figure, but more so as a symbol of the female, reinforced by the accompanying unknown female relative.

The awe-inspiring bird is a symbol of my self and progress on my spiritual journey. In the dream I assume the bird is a peacock (a symbol of the ego, vain) but my female guide, my mother-in-law, disagrees, saying the ego cannot fly that high.

On this spiritual exploration, I need to relieve myself of my ex (go to the bathroom). I try to go, but these impetuous children won't let me. I read these as childish urges to reunite with my ex, but am not sure what is up with the kid with the 2 eye colors. These childish urges have been "baby-sat" for all these years by a male aspect (I don't think my ex's father is a literal character.) Not entirely sure of what this male aspect is.

The house symbolizes our relationship, appealing but superficial (fake flowers).

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, nyc

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? no

Re: letting an ex go

nycole,
First, did you look at your waking life to determine if any of what I suggested fit? At your age dreams use less 'definite' metaphorical references as they would for someone older {after 40}. Universal symbols are not as common as many want to suggest, at least not on an archetypal scale. The relationships with real family members usually have to do with those relationships {again, considering your age}. Are there such emotional relationships in your life or something that is 'close' to what I suggested.

Note: To quote a recent statement in a post...be honest!

This is about your psychology and not whether I get the interpretation right.

Second. What experience do you have in dream interpretation? If you are analyzing your own dreams then you must have some experience in dream psyche.

Are you consciously exploring your unconscious, searching the different aspects in a waking conscious manner or is that phrase part of the dream? If you are partaking in that 'inner search' there is always that possibility your dreams are using symbols to fit your psyche, and different in scope than most who are on the inner journey, and who have posted dreams at the Forum for inspection.

If not, using Jungian psyche and my experience, I don't see the relationships you suggest in your reply as you do. Of course if you are using another method, or using your own creative philosophy then I see where we would differ.

I just don't see an archetypal pattern to the dream that are associated with such 'spiritual' dreams. For me it is 'too' personal with too many waking life associations and not any real archetypal references {images or in the dream structure}. The water, moon, sleeping in the waves, could just as well symbolize the unconscious more so that the feminine. Of course astrology uses such associations more to the feminine aspect but those associations are pseudo science' and have no real clinical worth as would with Jung, Freud, or Adler
{Carl Jung. Sigmund Freud, and Alfred Adler are unequivocally the most influential figures in modern psychology}.

Not to completely discredit astrology. Any philosophy that utilizes symbols and metaphor have value but it is limited.

Perhaps if you will educate me on your method of interpretation I may learn to see what you suggest. I don't wish to discard your interpretation but I don't see this as a 'spiritual' dream. Too much of the dream is pointing to ego experiences and not deeper psyche exploration.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes


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