Hi Jerry,

I'm glad my feedback was helpful. Generally, you've always been spot on about my dreams...thanx for that, it makes a big difference.

As for my ex, I think the fact that I left, didn't go back and won't go back is a sign of improved confidence.

As for my present situation with my *friend* who is facing an potential arranged marriage, I think if I was more confident I would just walk away without thinking about it twice. He says he can never go against his parents, that he has to let them arrange his marriage, that if we start a relationship it has to be secret and that he'll not tell them or ask them to consider giving him a choice. All in all, not the best situation and the fact that I'm in is telling me something. He's not married though, and he has a choice, and part of me wonders if maybe as time passes he'll realise he has to make a conscious choice about who he is with. I'm not against arranged marriages, but it seems to be contrary to individuation and consciousness. Part of me thinks that maybe our karma made us meet so that we could go through this path together. Maybe its too soon to tell. Maybe I should never talk to him again.

Anyway, yes I agree that for the first time in my life, I should consciously stay objective and unemotional. Interestingly, when I immerse myself in my studies, my concentration and my state of mind improve and I feel more harmony with life in general and feel better....perhaps for now that is my pathway through this forest of confusion and drama.

About my childhood, I've written before that my parents favored my siblings over me repeatedly and this is something that hurt me alot inside. My parents are good people but they made huge mistakes in raising us and I can see the effect it had on me. I know I haven't healed from it all yet and I'm still hurt and that is why my confidence was so shattered before and why I ended up with someone like my ex and with this current situation. I have gone through therapy including some Jungian analysis and worked with my dreams with a professional and it was healing but I feel I still have a ways to go...

I agree 100% that the spiritual element is everything. I believe I had gotten my subconscious aligned with the universe, or God, or my creator, and this is what put my life back on track, and I do believe ultimately that this spiritual path at least for me is the only way. Its hard to keep it up all the time though.

Its funny, I think this dream is about my current *relationship* that part of me knows I shouldn't be in this situation, but the conscious part of me wants to take a risk and have an adventure and not have expectations but just be open to the best happening.

Am not sure. I do believe things in our life happen to make us conscious of something. In terms of my life, nothing is going on to cause me any distress except this situation, and at the same time its also a source of happiness. The time I spend with my *friend* is high quality and I feel a depth of tenderness and passion for him that is quite unlike anything I've ever experienced before and I don't understand it. I also feel detached at the same time, but I am concerned that if we really do become more than friends that I might get hurt. Yet I don't know if I can walk away. Its very confusing.

Anyway Jerry, thanks again so much.

I haven't been sleeping well since I moved, unlike before when I was doing my second masters and I'm having less dreams and less dream recall, and this dream figure was a really powerful image for me.
As far as my life is going now, the only pressing situation for me is this one with my *friend* (ha ha), as I've moved on with the divorce and am into my studies and well adjusted with moving...so its this situation that I need to work through...and I'm still in the dark and feel very vulnerable about it...

take care,
May

May,
If you are at your best when emerged in your studies then I would try to put as much energy into that as you can. Not completely isolate yourself from the world but that world of personal growth will sustain you when everything else fails.

As for the relationship with your friend. Use those past experiences in life as well as your intuitive 'mind' as a guide. Don't let your vulnerabilities overrule common sense. Go with the flow, see where it is going and see if you can develop a relationship built on friendship and trust. If he is worth the effort he will work toward the same goals. If not then you will pick up on it by using that intuitive mind and then you can adjust to the situation. Hopefully he is one good guy. You take control and don't give in to those vulnerabilities for the sake of the moment.

gerard

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Jerry,

Thank you for the accurate dream interpretation AND the valuable advice....

My relationship with my friend is completely different from that of the one with my ex husband..though my friend and I have become lovers and there is no committment, no promise of a future and no emotional attachment or love, there is also no dishonesty, deception, cruelty or abuse as there was from the side of my ex husband.

My friend is honest and frank and because our relationship has always been built on friendship and trust this is why I agreed to be his intimate partner.

How the dynamic will play out in time remains to be seen, but I feel peace, fulfilled. Perhaps in the heroine's journey this is entering into the abyss, the great unknown, because with him I feel I am being gently drawn into an adventure into the unknown, the unknowable, the unseen...

I want to stay unemotional, detached and cool. I prefer it. Hopefully I will be able to. At the same time, he's told me he feels the same passion (and possibly tenderness) for me that I feel for him.

This is really strange, but my gut feeling tells me that although he his saying all these things about not being in love and not going against his parents, etc, I FEEL like what is happening between us is the opposite. He has already gone againt his parents, by being completely intimate with me, and it was his choice, without any pressure from me. In fact, I kept trying to delay things and keep them platonic.

I feel that he the very reason he choose me and was drawn to me out of all the other females he could have had this relationship with is because he wants to go against his parents and individuate (unconsciously though), deep down inside he knows he'd be miserable in an arranged marriage. He knows my family background is also from a very similar culture but because I grew up in the west he doesn't know that my family tried to arrange marriages for me and I made sure to make that impossible by getting away in college, being independent, and consciously choosing who to be with. Without saying a word, I am by being who I am encouraging him to be who he wants to be, who he is, not who he should be as conforming to deeply ingrained values that are not his own...as though I'm liberating him the way I liberated myself.

I would never have this kind of relationship with anyone else, I would have laughed at the idea, but with him its different. I feel like it was our destiny to be together, and I know this is not coming from wishful or hopeful thinking as I harbor no false illusions and expect nothing...my terms with him are completely unconditional....

How this relationship will affect my soul and heart remains to be seen...so far I am ok but I had moments of panic when I realised how far I've gone from how I 'should' be yet I find I am peaceful and happy...I hope the roller coaster feelings go away....

How this all ties into my dream...it takes alot of confidence to have an intimate relationship based only on honesty, trust and friendship.

May,
I live by my gut feelings and they always seem to be right. Go with it, the relationship, and always trust those intuitive feelings even when they go against what the ego wants. And I agree with you about the emotional aspect. Remaining unemotional is a hard thing to do. But that is often required in order to see clearly. When the emotions control then very often we find ourselves out of control. I hope the best comes from the relationship, wherever it may lead.

gerard

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Thank you Jerry.

I trust myself, my intuition and my gut feelings. Thank God for that.

All the best,

May

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I think this dream is really more important than I thought. Because of this dream I came back to the forum after being away for almost a year.

I started connecting with my inner self and priorities more.

This girl in the dream is me, but its a part of me that I pushed away for so long. At the same time, the dream me is also me, and I need both of these parts of me to work together in harmony. Its almost like reverse psychology, when she didn't want me to go swimming, I fought harder to make sure I did.

I think my relationship with S. is what set off these dreams.

After this dream I had the earthquake one, then the aquamarine one, then the black panther, then cheating in Paris.

All of these dreams are trying so hard to get me to connect with an extremely deep, unconscious and powerful aspect of myself. My shadow self is desperately trying to get my attention, to be integrated, to transform me into an even more empowered, more confident, stronger, more successful, happier and healthier person.

I am starting to realise this consciously but it feels sooooooo elusive to connect with that part of me. If it wasn't for my dream images, I wouldn't connect with myself in this way at all.

If anything good came out of my relationship with S, it has been that his presence in my life has set off a deep need to look internally, to connect with my shadow and to grow more.

I feel like I've tried so many times to integrate my shadow and perhaps in some ways I have succeeded but these powerful images are telling me that there is something more intense that I need to face and integrate and that this journey is going to rock my world. I feel frustrated because although life is going well, I feel I'm not functioning at my full potential at all and feel like I'm not doing as well as I can in all areas of life. I feel something holding me back and holding me down and I really want to break free of that and see even more real progress and growth. I do celebrate how far I've come, but I see so much more potential and such obstacles.

Thanks Jerry for your help with my dreams, it is much appreciated.

May

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As I reflect on this series of dreams that started with this one, taking them as a whole and looking at them thematically, I can see that most of them are directly someone about my friend S. Some how my unconcsious is making that a symbol, and indirectly I think all of them are connected to him. Ultimately, I know all the dreams are about me firstly and what I'm projecting on to him.

If I can own my projections instead of confusing them for 'in love' feelings, then this can diffently be a time of tremendous healing and growth for me. The intensity of the emotions I feel for him is because of this unhealthy dynamic, because I want a committment and that wanting is frustrated, its bringing up a lot of fear and hurt from past similar situations. This time, I don't want to get hurt again. I want to navigate my way through the situation so that I can manage it better than I've managed relationships like this in the past.

Even if it means avoiding him completely and coping with my feelings alone, although that is not the most desirable pathway through this, it could help me for once and for all not get into situations that are less than satisfactory and leaving me feeling my self esteem is compromised. I am wondering if the earthquake dream is a response to his presence in my life.

Even this dream is showing me powerful forces in my unconscious are trying to stop me or force me to change my mind about something.

From a Jungian point of view, the only way out of all this is THROUGH it. I have to take the heroines path and navigate my way to a higher consciousness, i.e., it doesn't matter what I decide as long as I am CONSCIOUS of what am doing and the outcome is bringing me to a higher consciousness. Essentially, light is the goal. The benefit of this relationship so far, therefore, following this line of reasoning, is that it has brought me consciousness of the type of relationship that I don't want, that I've tried in the past (before getting married) and that hurt me. Its time for something new. I think the intense emotions I feel for S are a small part attraction and a larger part hurt from him that feels similar to past hurt. The dynamic that I've allowed him to set up with me is hurting me and filled with pitfalls that aren't worth my time. I am too scared to be with him and too scared to trust him.

Now, my gut feeling has totally changed. I felt BAD yesterday after we set our date, and I didn't look forward to it. I felt RELIEVED after I cancelled it.

I can't cope with the emotions it leaves me too ungrounded. If I could navigate them with a higher consciousness, even then that might not be worth it. Perhaps the goal is to become conscious of the fact it is hurting me and the fact that childhood patterns, upbringing and all that has left me in a state of mind that would allow me to settle for less.

This time my gut is saying stay away, and as much as it is soooooo tempting to want to ignore that, I trusted myself and I cancelled the date. In this dream I didn't listen to this stronger healthier unconscious part of me that was trying to stop me from being with people (parts of my pscyhe) that could hurt me and were 'not in my age group'. There is also that underdeveloped child that is hanging out with a mean bunch of college kids...so much symbolism there. I need to integrate all of these feminine aspects, without getting too hurt.

I had once had a dream about walking in the forest with two pillars of light while I looked for something.

What I was looking for was the light, but it was so close to me I was blind.

The GOAL is CONSCIOUSNESS. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough in my personal life where I stop settling for relationships that don't honor all of who I am and what I need. I can't go on with him so long as I felt that nasty, dread, bad, bad gut feeling, even if it was only for a minute. I won't ignore it.

I hope that I am strong enough to live by all the words I've written today.

Light and Peace,

May

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May,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your personal life. Your experiences are individual but can offer to others insights of how the psyche functions. An assessment of one's life in normal circumstances is educational but someone like yourself who has Jungian insights, the education is much more profound and meaningful. We learn valuable lessons not only of your experiences but about dreams and their value in self discovery. That is the one true 'hero' deed, 'self discovery' to the deepest core.

Relationships are always difficult no matter the shape they are in. For anyone who is engaged in that 'inner' search it becomes even more difficult since the need to understand your own psyche requires a lot of 'psyche' energy. When there are questions about the relationship, his motives and your own, then I believe you are right to step back and re-examine any future actions. Not until you are happy with who you truly are, and that is a long term education in itself, then it might be best to delay commitments of the heart and keep the focus on the soul.

There is often the question of what should the guide when traveling the hero path. Jung thought it was the spiritual aspect that would provide the best answer to that question. By spiritual it was meant that which is within nature and not just that of religion. Religions do provide great teachers to follow. Jesus, the Buddha, Mohammad in Islam, mere men in the their lives who became myths that served to consciously as well as unconsciously inform the psyche. I believe that in using the formula of the spiritual soul in all situations in life there is a natural path that helps overcome the barriers to self discovery, and a recognition of the true self, an identity that is fulfilling for the soul as well as the waking life. If we stop in every instance in life to ask' "what would Jesus do, what would the Buddha do", and based our actions on that, you do put yourself on a higher plane of knowledge and eventually a psychological existence.

In relationships, engaging in the spiritual aspect is to be truthful, not only to the other but about oneself. If you know not the self then any relationship is subject to question because the motivations for the relationship is not completely understood. If the heart is subject to love on the basis of impulse and not inner truth then undiscovered motivations will eventually rise to the surface and could wreck the relationship. But if one 'knows' the self from in depth self discovery then such motivations are not a factor other than the actual experience. You remove much of the emotional factor and replace it with knowledge of what is and not what is perceived. Ego is subjugated to truth and the spiritual aspect of fulfilling the soul's purpose takes the lead.

In other words emotions must be secondary to truth. That is very hard to do. Discovery of those truths requires introspection, in depth self-canalization and a willingness to leave behind the physical {metaphorically speaking of course} world in favor of a metaphysical one. Jung use the term spiritual but it can be best found in a creative life, 'following your bliss', sacrificing to the spiritual and leaving behind the ego-centered self and letting the soul guide all actions. Because art and the muses are all about 'giving' from the soul, the creative is in fact the spiritual self, 'sharing' with others the greater wisdom the hero learns in his/her journey. As the saying goes, 'a picture is worth a thousand words'. The muses speak from the soul to the soul. Nothing more is fulfilling than to discover that part of the Self that touches the souls of others. It offers healing, comfort, peace of heart and mind. And that is the story of the the spiritual hero, Jesus, the Buddha....

gerard

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Thanks Jerry,

This is all so true. And when two people are engaged in the same process, this really where transformation in a relationship can take place. This was the missing element with S but I have found it with my new boyfriend.

All the best and happy new year,

May
p.s. your dream interpretations are right on. I am happy to share personal details because that is necessary for any true understanding and insight.

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Dear Friends,

again, I continue in my quest to extract the most knowledge and stores of wisdom from my dreams. Again, hindsight is 20/20. From the point of view of my outer life, since I had this dream, I started working out again, and I lost 10-11 kilos or about 20 pounds. Literally, my shape physically transformed to match the description of this girl that emerged from the shadows and tried to stop me from swimming. I integrated 'her' into my psyche and was able to benefit by being'very well-built and strong and athletic'.

I am still not sure what the swimming signified exactly, but I dealt with strong emotions by running. At times I ran for over two and half hours at a relatively high speed, especially at the end. I've cut back on my workouts temporarily, but this dream image showed me my unexpressed physical potential...and it became manifested in my outer life, like the publications.

Something internally changes, heals and becomes manifested externally.

Peace,
May

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