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Men from my past

The first thing I remember from this dream is beeing at a party, high up in the penthouse of a skyskraper. The building is circular with a large open spiral staircase in the middle. The penthouse apartement covers the entire top floor of the building and outside the glass walls there is a balcony going all the way around. This is obviously a party for the rich and famous, and at some point I get to know that it is Paris Hiltons place. Me and some friends are not really at the actual party, but are enjoing our own little outsiders party out on the balcony. We are not part of the "elite" but we're sure having a good time.
Suddenly I start to think of a friend of mine who is pregnant and soon to give birth to her first child. I get the feeling I should contact her, and when I do I get a message back on my cell phone from her, and she wants me to meeet with her boyfriend to have a look at a lump he has somewhere on his body. I don't know why, but in this dream I'm the right person to ask, because I have some knowledge about mysterious lumps appearing. I go to the stair and go down to meet her boyfriend. There are mirros in the stair, and I see myself. I'm wearing a nice outfit, and I'm pregnant. A thought suddenly hits me: I hope the lump is not cancer, cause it would be such a tragic situation for my friend who is soon to become a mother.

Somewhere on the way down, the dream changes. I meet an old friend (actually the same friend as in the hotel/hospital dream) and she invites me to her house. A second later I arrive there to meet her, I walk around alone and I'm surprised to see that she is now living in a quite luxurious place. It is an old building, with old furniture, a bit worn but still very high standard. Suddenly I realize I have been there before, and that i back then set a goal for myself that I one day would live in this place.
In the same second I realize this, my ex turns up in the room, and he tells me that it is his place,and he is really showing off, like "..yeah, here I live now, just look at this palce, look what I've accomplished". I get a bit irritated, and I say to him: " This was MY dreamhouse. I was going to live here!" He ignores my comment, and insist we play a game. There is a tiny basket high up on one of the walls, and the game is to throw tennis balls into the basket. I try, but it's really difficult, and he laughs at me, and he is beeing really arrogant. Of course he has practised this game a lot, and he scores at his first try, hitting and pushing out my ball which was just about to go through the basket. He is laughing and bragging and I feel that it is all his game and that I don't have a fair chance at all.

Next I'm at yet another building. It is some sort of institution, after a while I realize it is a hospital or a home for old people and those who can't take care of themselves. There are no patients there, but this info is given me through the development of this scene.
First I'm talking to a child. He is the relative of a man who once treated me very bad ( the one who I was seeing while living in the old hotel) The child (this relative is not a child in reality but a young man) is telling me about this man, that he now is living together with a couple. He mention their names and I understand that they must be from some place in south america. I say that it is so typically him, and that he is probably sleeping with the woman behind the mans back. But the child smiles at me and says that that is not the case. They are looking after him because he is not able to take care of himself. He is homeless and both physically and mentally unable to care for himself. He is really helpless.
A woman has entered the room, and they start discussing his foot. The man thinks his foot is all right, but it is really not, and the child says " someone should tell him that."
Next, we go into a narrow room, sahped like a corridor, but there are no doors, just large shelves on the walls, like a storage room. The light is low in there, and at the end of this "corridor" we sit down. On the self lies the man we have been talking about. He is asleep. He looks like the typical homeless guy, his clothes are torn and dirty, and his hair and beard is long and tangeled. His left foot is very damaged, it is red, soar and hardened, it almost looks like it has been burned. But I know it is because of his lifestyle that it is rotting. I feel sorry for him, and I undrestand that he is not the same person now as he was back then. The child tells me that the man was so proud the other day, when they took off his bandage, that he wanted to hang the bandage on the wall in the hospital livingroom as a proof of his healing. It is a bit sad to hear, because it is so clear to everyone else that this leg won't heal. Still I feel the old fear come to surface, when I'm near him now. I wonder how he'll react when he wakes up and sees me. The woman enters the room, and says that it is all right to cry, but that he won't hurt me. again.

A comment to the second part of the dream. I've recently taken up contact with my ex (who came out as gay afer he dumped me about eight years ago)because he is going to help me finish the production on some of my songs.

And for the last part of the dream: I know that this person has recently been seriously ill, and it could have resulted in his death. He is now recovering from the illness, and many times I have wondered how this has affected him , and if he has changed and maybe through the illness have been forced to see the reality of who he used to be and how he used to treat people.

I woke up with the well known feeling that this dream really means something, so I'm looking forward to hear your thoughts on it!

Inanna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 29 Norway

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Men from my past

Inanna,
Let me provide a response in the morning when I have more time to thoroughly concentrate.

Interesting about your ex and his 'coming out'. Is he really gay? Or is it a defence against having to submit to the 'lesser' sex, his own sexuality being part of his own psychic problems? Perhaps you were too much for him to appreciate.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Men from my past

Inanna,

The party in the penthouse in the skyscraper may represent that higher self, creative with high ideas. This is what gives you true balance in life {The building is circular with a large open spiral staircase in the middle} and perhaps should be the real focus in life. You have yet to reach that place but you are/were close to 'realizing' it. It may be at the time you began your quest for higher aspirations there was ‘a new arrival’ that lead you away from it. The lump may have been the abnormal circumstances that prevented you from that lofty position.

When did you first start to seek higher goals for yourself? Was it just before the birth of your daughter?

The second paragraph seems to be confirming this ‘lofty’ place that you set goals to reach. Did your ex enter into your life at about this time also? That is when the games began to be played. It is not something you are good at, he is playing games that benefit him.

Then there are those responsibilities in your life of the need of taking care of things, beginning in childhood. Now you are in the position, no institution, of having to take care of your ex. Could the phrase ‘{both physically and mentally unable to care for himself. He is really helpless’ apply to him?

These are masculine aspects so they could be addressing not only your ex but your own masculine qualities that are not as healthy as they should be. Could the last paragraph be addressing such issues? And, correct me if I am wrong, but are you now in a relationship that may also fit that description? Perhaps the dream is telling you about patterns of behavior and relationships, as well as the roots to such behavior which began in childhood.

You woke up with this 'well known feeling'. Could it be unconsciously you know these things but consciously you are not quite aware of them? And what will it a take to get back to that 'lofty party, high up in the penthouse of a skyskraper'? Perhaps it is time to renew those goals, a new pregnancy to speak of that mirrors your highest hopes and dreams.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Men from my past

Gerard,

I'm sorry for my late response.
I think you're right about the party beeing a symbol of my creative self. I really felt on top of the world and really content in the dream.

The second part, about my ex playing this game with me, I think maybe was a reflection of my unconcious fear about letting him into my creative project. In the dream he acted out just like he used to do in the past, and I felt like he had taken over what was mine. After having this dream I realized that I was really afraid that his hidden motive for helping me now, was a wish to take over my project and take credit for my work. After having the dream I couldn't get rid of this thought, so I decided to write a mail to him, explaining that I needed to know his expectations and at the same time making it clear that I wanted to be in control of my songs and have the final say in the creative process.
In return I got a very understanding mail, and now I don't doubt that his only motive is to help. I realized that he has really changed since we broke up, and I really needed to have that reassurance. If I hadn't dreamt about it, and been so bothered by the dream, this doubt would still have bothered me unconciously, but I wouldn't be forced to get a straight answer from him.

The last part of the dream is about this other man, who was a very bad influence in my life some years ago. I got a feeling that it was not adressing my own masculine aspects, but rather my own fear of the masculine. I think the fear of HIM, I've carried with me ever since my encounter with him. And his way of putting me down I've carried on myself. I felt that this encounter with him in the dream was some sort of turning point. He was no longer a threat to me. I felt sorry for him. Maybe it says something about me having seen through and realized the truth of this experience, and by doing this taking his power away. Realizing he was the one who was damaged. It is strange, but I feel like the last week has been like a fresh start. I've come to realize so much about myself and I'm starting to really trust myself. I just came over the book "The DaVinci method" by Garreth Loporto, (which had refrences to Jung and Campbell in it, of course..)and by reading it I felt like some very important and long missing pieces of the puzzle just fell into place. It stated just the same things I've been attracted to before, but the words and the way of it was so simple and straight to the heart.
I think I'm about to find my way to go where I want.

Inanna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 29 Norway

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes


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