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My friend

I'm in a house with my mom and my friend S. The house is supposed to be my parents house and it is but it isn't at the same time. Even though my mom is there, I'm giving my friend a box of condoms and telling him he should use them.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 37/Europe

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: My friend

May,
Being in the house with your mom may represent similar traits the two of you share, or some aspect shared by both. Those aspects may be inherent or imprinted from another time {an earlier time}. The inherent attitudes would involve S, in the present time, and perhaps actions by your mother in another time. The condom may represent sexual aspects. Perhaps 'covering up' certain sexual aspects having to do with masculine aspects.

It will let you figure the connection to your life. It may have to do with your mother and certain attitudes from the past that apply to you in the present time.

What are your impressions?

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: My friend

Jerry,

As with most of my dreams, I see several layers of meaning, and I am very impressed with what you pointed out. Incidently, I conversed with my friend yesterday and had the chance to tell him a lot of things that I needed to and he listened as usual and it felt good. We actually did discuss birth control but not as much as I wanted to. I think part of the dream is addressing a very practical real life aspect of the relationship that I am concerned with and reinforcing my concerns are valid. What that is commenting about the relationship is that I do not yet feel secure enough with him to pursue a sexual relationship so I've backed off from him a lot. I think he is getting the message. He had been trying to call me for over three weeks and I just avoided him. When I ran into him yesterday it was by chance. I really would prefer to be in a committed relationship for a number of reasons before getting serious about a sexual relationship but I'm still going with the flow.

One of my insights about my mom with her relationship with my dad, as someone objective and outside the relationship is that in many ways she was unhappy with my dad, in terms of how he treated her, but she played the role of the silent martyred self sacrificing people pleasing wife. I am a strong believer that ultimately we are treated as we allow people to treat us. Part of what put me in a quandry with my friend is that I had previously allowed him to think that I was somehow ok with a relationship without committment. I've stepped back from him and I am hoping this will improve the dynamic somehow although I doubt it. Unless I am completely one hundred percent honest with him and myself and stand up for what I believe in, even if its non verbally, I'll remain in a situation that I feel is less honoring of who I am and what I need.


I feel that is what my mom did with my dad. She is unhappy and her self esteem is not what it should be. I was also raised hearing her that she was nothing without my father. I wrote before on the dream forum in response to a dream that she tried to commit suicide when I was six. That is a very passive aggressive and selfish way to deal with issues.

Perhaps the dream is gently telling me I've internalised a lot more from my mother than I'm willing to conciously face and that I need to get a back bone and stand up to my friend and not accept a relationship that is secret and uncommitted.

Ultimately, what I care about the most is maintaining my self esteem. I won't let anything compromise it. My friend wanted to see me in a few days, but I wasn't exactly keen on what he planned. I left with the date set and I had a bad gut feeling about it.

I went home and had dinner with friends and a great night but I sat in the library until late and couldn't concentrate. My meeting with him left me totally ungrounded. So I called him and cancelled it and I felt instantly better. When I met him earlier we had actually talked about condoms among other things.

On a more symbolic level I have to ask myself what is it about my animus' masculinity that I feel I have to cover and protect myself from. Am I afraid of not appearing femininine enough..am I holding myself back in my work so that I can appear more feminine...My own masculine energies are something that I'm afraid of...is the dream telling me that that fear is valid, or trying to show me my fear so that I work through it...I need to work through it, it will make my self esteem stronger and make me better off than my mom and make me more assertive in my relationship with S.

Thanks for the insight Jerry!

May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 37/Europe

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes


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