I am in a busy airport. I have my long black coat on. I am with a man, whom I do not know. He is also wearing a long black coat. He is moving quickly. I am picking up my shoulder bags from an area where there are many bags/briefcases sitting. I then walk quickly to catch up with him and hook my right elbow around his, as he continues walking speedily. Scene changes. I am with Kallen and Martin (my sister and brother). We are in a car in an area that is similar in appearance to the old barracks and battalion headquarters adjacent to the prison I once worked in. We are looking for something. We stop by someone who tells us that they were serving food in the field behind the barracks. Driving around there, we see that the field is empty. Scene changes. Now on foot outside of a small restaurant establishment, I become aware that I "feel" I have lost my purse/wallet. We are by the side door of this rather small restaurant, looking into the kitchen, seeing what kind of food the man is preparing. I see fresh, sautéed vegetables. They look delicious. Kallen and Martin are hungry. I think of my purse/my wallet. How I have lost it? I am concerned at the loss of my identification and that my credit cards may have been used by whoever has my purse. I imagine they may have been charged up. I open my cell phone and review the calls I have missed. I see several entries that seem insignificant – and then an entry from "Operator." I wake.

Some background information: I've been feeling an incredible amount of inspiration that often leaves my body humming for moments on end ... motivation, desire, dreams, hopes, aspirations, to lead a life that feels as yet unlived, to find my life's work, to contribute, be actively involved.

I think the airport scene show this, the energy, the collecting of my bags that hold my desires and aspiration, the energy of my animus carrying me forward ... BUT I am afraid, of change ... of not knowing who or what I will be, become, how I will express. I feel the scene where there is the appearance of the structure that is reminiscent of my Army days is reflective of the place in life I went to for security, for identity. Growing up in an abusive and neglectful family environment, there was a lot of not knowing, lack of safety, surety. The Army gave me a sense of family, belonging, adventure, achievement, safety in my identify/sense of self.

I have 7 siblings. Martin and Kallen were closest to me in age, Martin being one year older and Kallen two years older. We were the youngest. In the dream, I do not see us in our youth, but as if in my younger days in the military ... when I was a young adult. When first I thought of Kallen and Martin when looking at this dream, I remembered a picture of the three of us at about 10, 11 and 12 years old, standing side by side with our arms across one another's shoulders. During that period of time, we were nearly inseparable. A bonding was forged with one another, a belonging to one another (being of the same 'class,' age group, as compared to other of my siblings) that sustained us. It was a period of age when we needed much guidance, s do all youth (that we did not receive) from family. This younger aspect of my self, shown in Kallen and Martin, is seeking food, nurture. I wondered at first if the dream was telling me that I was nurturing old fears that need to be let go of ... but then felt it is perhaps a space of self that I do need to nurture - that is being nurtured and healed, so as to release the effects of the past.

This dream carried a feeling element of fear for me ... the sense of my loss of identity. I listed my "current" fears as:

~Change
~The unknown
~The activity of kundalini in my life ... where it will take me ...what it will take me through
~That I am so small in the face of God/Creation
~That I will lose control if I let go
~That I will lose control if I follow my spiritual urges and longings
~I am afraid of allowing my self to be guided by something "other," unseen. It brings up the fears/imaginings and uncertainties I knew as a child.

Interesting then that what wakes me is seeing "Operator" on my telephone call list, as if I am being asked to consider who/what is the operative principle in my life - as if Spirit is trying to get my attention and have me to let go of my fears. Over the recent holidays, I woke to two messages (on separate days). The first was, waking to hear my self inwardly saying, as if a mantra, the following words from the 23rd Psalm: "Thou annointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." And, some few days later, I woke to hear a voice saying to me, "For you are blessed by the eye and will of God."

When I later asked the man in the airport, "Who are you? Where are we going? Where are you taking me?" I soon found my self weeping, with gratitude, feeling he was my animus, that my prayers are being answered.

I feel I am going through a period of a lot of "letting go," of control (something my phase of years in the military was much about).

I am in my final semester of school for my current program of education and will this summer be beginning work in my next career field, as a physical therapist assistant - something that marries well with my love for yoga and being of 'useful' service to others. The dream may also reflect the anxieties associated with this change. My persona is changing, and overall, I am feeling comfortable here, yet change always brings fears.

Kristi

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Kristi,
The black coats my suggest there is something that is being hidden or protected within the unconscious {black coat}. Since both female and male are wearing coats it suggests this is something that is either affecting your whole psyche or there are opposites at play, conflicting emotions. The bags may represent 'baggage 'you have accumulated in your life, specifically emotional baggage. Trying to keep up with the man may represent an 'animus aspect, a masculine attempt to keep up with and stay ahead of the emotions {high emotions-often thought of as a feminine quality}.



The old barracks and battalion headquarters along with your sister and brother may represent 'regimentation' from your past. It could also represent indoctrination. The prison would be how you actually felt during this period of your life. And/or it could be addressing your feelings in the present {imprisoned}. Dreams address more than one aspect of the dreamer's life and this may be doing both. The first would be part of the causation to why you feel imprisoned today. The field may symbolize a desire or need for freedom from this imprisoned state of mind. And it could represent a need for emotional nourishment {serving food}, something that may have been lacking in your past. But because of the 'barracks', the lack of nourishment and freedom to grow, effect there is neither abundance of freedom or 'nourishment. Could this be addressing some aspect of your past, perhaps childhood or other emotional times in your life?



Because of a lack of 'nourishment' there may be a loss of self identity {purse/wallet}. The kitchen with the cook and the inclusion of your sister and brother may again represent two things; actual personal experiences that include your siblings and an animus aspect where the lack of emotional nourishment has caused a loss of identity in the present day. The first could lead to the second {causation}. This lack of emotional stimuli earlier in life may have made you vulnerable later in life where others 'use' you {credit cards}. My sense is from the 'I open my cell phone and review the calls I have missed' dream statement you were partially aware of actual experiences where you knew it was the wrong thing to do. Your unconscious is the 'Operator' and it is trying to tell you of these missed opportunities to change certain habits.


Have you had a tendency to choice the wrong type of relationship, repeating the same mistake over again?



Your added info fits with much of the lack of emotional 'nourishment' I mentioned. And while your description of the bags at the airport do indeed address desires and inspiration I see it also addressing those 'emotional baggage' that prevents you from obtaining your goals. My assessment is most dreams are trying to inform you of those aspects of causation {often as in your case a lack of proper emotional nourishment as a child}.



Dream Statement
''I feel I am going through a period of a lot of "letting go," of control (something my phase of years in the military was much about)". This is what most likely needs to occur. And although you are consciously aware and personally seeking to grow in your life, those underlying causation of 'loss of identity' must be put into their proper place before a complete healing can be attained. The 'hero/heroine path involves a thorough cleansing of the soul, a total examination of your life and confronting those underlying causes to why you who you are in the present. It took me more than 12 years to 'grow' through that stage of my discovery. And it fits with Joseph Campbell's statement about fulfilling the creative desires {which is true also with personal growth}. Joseph Campbell: can you spend 10 years of not making it? In other words, have you spent the time need in analyzing your inner world, the emotional world? Often there is a rush to understand this inner world and much is left out and causes a lack of trust in oneself. Because a person has realized their spiritual path and has taken steps to reach those 'heavenly heights', it takes years of actual work with the inner life to get to that place.

But the important part is you are hard at work doing just that. I suggest a deeper focus on your childhood and determine what negative habits in your present life was caused by those earlier experiences. If there is a tendency to make wrong choices somewhere in your life {often it is in the choice of relationships} then there would be that need to examine what the underlying causes for that. Parents who do not provide proper emotional nourishment are often the cause of such emotional states of mind. Repeating their mistakes {for instance-choosing someone just like your father, or a complete opposite to compensate} may be part of the emotional baggage.

Let me know your thoughts to my interpretation and perhaps we will be able to see deeper into the possibilities.

gerard/Jerry

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Hi Gerard,

I have started answering this, but it is turning into a rather 'long' response that I will have to come back to later today, or this evening. Your interpretation is very helpful. Thank you.

Kristi

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Gerard,

I amgoing to post this much of my reflections for now and will come back to finish later this evening.

My dream of last night seems to fit in with your interpretation:

In it there is: A brief communication from Helen – an intuitive woman, also my astrologer. And a sense of laying to go to sleep and not being comfortable, that there is something which needs to be seen that I am hesitant to see. Then, a message from a doctor, concerning my son and his medications. I see a blister packet of pills. There are several smaller sized pills and then one larger pill. I see a number inscribed on this pill 116. I understand it to be twice the strength of the other pills. I have the sense he needs these medicines because he is having a hard time coping, with emotions. Later, when I wake for the morning, I am as if in communication with a doctor who is telling me that being in our point of power is to be fully embodied, in our bodies.


In Helen’s astrology readings for me, she (of course) often suggests the need to look at the things of my past. Her interpretation of my current transits suggests I have moved into a period where I will (that it is necessary for me) to look at anything that has not yet been looked at. My current experience validates this. I think this dream of last night is showing my awareness of a tendency to not want to explore more areas of my soul that need emotional cleansing. Perhaps the medicine is showing the need for tamping down emotional vicissitudes, to make the way easier – or perhaps how I cover them up. Why a pill twice the size of the others? That it is my son may be referring to a younger aspect of my animus, who was unable to successfully cope with emotional vicissitudes. This woud be true for both him, too, for he does not cope will with his emotions and has medicated them 9with street drugs) in the past. It fits with an earlier portion of my journey, when first I started healing resultant to a powerful and spontaneous kundalini rising which left me with heaps of raw emotion (and else) that was overwhelming for me. It could also reflect earlier years when I used drugs as an adolescent and teenager, to numb myself from the pain I lived in. Exploring the possibilities here as I write… The age of 16 was a very difficult time for me. Is this the pill I need to take? I then wake with the doctor telling me that my point of power is to be fully embodied. Perhaps he is telling of the need to fully experience the emotions not earlier experienced, those which were instead stuffed into the black bag of my past. That only through that will I reach the needed healing. Though I did not mention it, the bags in the Airport Man dream are also black.

I wholly agree I have an animus aspect that attempts to keep up with and stay ahead of emotions – that he has done so all of my life – like a protective mechanism that kept me from feeling that which seemed unbearable. But I am feeling a shift now, a greater strength and ability to be with them, to allow love to flow through them/me. I think it could have only affected my whole psyche. It was a part of the suit of bravado I donned in life (the military persona) that (feigned) being stronger than the emotions I kept under wraps. My “loyal soldier” and sentinel – who I feel is beginning to now see that the war really is over – that there is no need to keep fighting – that he can lay down his arms and allow love. So, I think both, Gerard, for I’d say another “polarity” of this animus aspect is the one who was angry for the pain and ill treatment in my young life.

I did continue to make choices (married two men who mirrored my father’s lack of love) that were not good for me. And the few men that I began to allow to get close to me since my last divorce, I found also contained traits similar to my father’s.

My father molested me as an adolescent/young teenager. But I remained unconscious of this (to a degree), for having witnessed it (to some extents) happening to my sisters, my psyche rushed to protect me from that knowledge. There was a particularly powerful dream as a child that was like an angelic visitation, after which I began soaring into the universe (going out of body) during the nights in my childhood home. It was only after entering Jungian analysis in these later years that the memories came to me through my dreams. My father was a very angry and very dominating man. I never experienced an ounce of warmth from him. Hugs and embraces from him are something the child I was never even imagined, or wanted to, for I sensed from a very young age that Dad was bad news and worked diligently to keep a wall between he and I. Expressing a need for affection from him, I felt, would have been to “invite” him. So, I have the awareness that my instincts were always present, informing me, even as a very young child.

The interpretation of the barracks and battalion headquarters as being reflective of indoctrination fits. I do feel a need to continue to let go of the rigid structures that have contained me (imprisoned me). We could say the military structure was but a continuance of (another reflection of) the masculine dominance known in my early life. And, yes, there is still a sense of not being free, but instead still imprisoned by the effects of my childhood experiences, which also took form and were reflected in later experiences/relationships. During the period of my life reflected in that scene, I felt I was not being true to my self, that I was wearing a persona that was not real. In the moment, I recall a much earlier dream where I am laying as if unconscious and men are dressing me in military fatigues – as if showing that was the persona elements of my psyche/animus donned me with. I have felt all of my life that my feminine nature was seeking freedom. Before the military, in the military, since the military.

Kristi

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Krisati,
I do appreciate the in depth sharing of your life and the circumstances that led you to who and where you are today.You have provided a lot of important information, a lot of confirming information in your dream. I will comment on your general path and then provide more thoughts on your dream later tonite or in the morning. Since business {my job} is very slow I do have extra time to expand on my thoughts but do not want to write an essay in just one post. Having extra time is something I look forward to in a few years of doing more of, to be able to provide deeper thought to each dream.

Self Discovery
For someone who gives a lot of thought and attention to their dreams, and also has more than cursory knowledge of Jungian psyche, you are more likely to understand your dreams and benefit from them. Personal growth is something that requires dedication and discipline but the knowledge you gain is well worth the effort. Jung, Joseph Campbell and their 'disciples {something neither believed to be a good thing and discouraged} have laid out an understandable path to self discovery and anyone who dares take that path will most likely find that balance and harmony in life they seek. It was not by co-incidence those patients of Jung that enroll in that premises, and discovered that spiritual aspect in doing so, were freed from their psychological grievances and lived prosperous lives. Many became Jungian analyst. You stroll in excellent company.

Whether or not you are consciously engaged in Jung's Individuation Process, you are taking that same path with the deeper examination of yourself. I belief it quite natural to look back and witness your own evolution and be able to see, and understand, why you have evolved to who and where you are in the present day. Dreams are doing that every night, its therapeutic function attempting to sort through all the emotions. Once you are aware of the causation and underpinnings of why you are who you are and all the contributing factors, healing can begin. I personally believe dreams do have that therapeutic function and can be an important part of personal growth and self discovery. What I have discovered with my own journey and the examination of others who are on the journey is it takes time. It is itself an evolution of understanding, what was before you and unseeable will suddenly expose itself and AH! HA! You understand. And most often your dreams will be more vivid and contain those archetypal images Jung spoke of.

During an earlier stage transition in my journey {about 10 years ago} I had a 'big' dream that contained a 'Black Madonna' figure. And several other archetypal dreams. It was at a time of transition, physical moves as well as psychological.

If you want to reference it {inner knowledge} to the Christian mythology the Gnostics would be the example. They understood the 'inner knowledge', the secret knowledge of Self. Elaine Pagels was my early instructor in my spiritual search and her books, articles and essays on the Gnostics were a great help in my transition from leaving Christianity to a true spiritual identity.
The word alone explains itself.
Gnosis (from one of the Greek words for knowledge, γνώσις is the spiritual knowledge of a saint or mystically enlightened human being {From Wikipedia}.

And for all that dreams do as a therapeutic value, I also believe as did Jung that they will point to that spiritual identity when a true attempt is made at self discovery, as Jung expounds in his Individuation Process.
I do have some thoughts on your dream and the added information. I often look at the response and re-examine my interpretation.
You dream does seem to fit quite well with your early life circumstances. And seems to point to patterns of behavior that can be solved with time and work {which I know you are doing}. Your dream was quite explicit in many areas and the symbolic metaphors fit well. The dream used a lot of actual life experiences {metaphor and symbol wise} and that makes an interpretation a lot easier to give. I'll expand on that later.

gerard/Jerry

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There was a great deal of lack of nurture in my young life. The “sunshine” that sustained me came first from a sister nine years my senior (who passed due to AIDS 15 years ago) when I was a very young child. After that, it was teachers and even passersby who offered a kind smile, a shining eye, a warm hand on the shoulder that helped me to remember, to see, that there was more than I experienced in my home as a child. School became very important to me, for I could feel a sense of acceptance and value and worth in “doing well” in my academics. When I entered high school, it was James Herriot’s books, “All Creatures Great and Small,” and “All Things Wise and Wonderful,” who was as if my first introduction to a loving God/Creator, as reflected in the stories of a country veterinarian.

When there is a lack of nurture, which means more than warm hugs (though they are a very important part of what a child needs), there is a lack of validation, hence a lack of identity – one is not even sure if they or their feelings are real. My experience as a child was one of soundlessly calling for help from what seemed as an unbelievable nightmare … like a dog barking at the gates of hell, but forming no sound.

I think I became a “soldier” long before I ever joined the Army. I became a fighter. It was not safe to be a female, so I took on very masculine traits of confidence and toughness. You may remember my sharing a dream some years ago where I see myself shaving my breasts … it showed how at an early age, I cut off/divorced my self from my feminine nature. Or, we could say my life experience did that to me - that it is part of the story given me to bring to healing. The dream brought me the pain of that. And certainly my own individual experience is also reflected in greater society. My own mother was also molested by her father – who was also an angry, controlling, dominating man. She was completely unavailable to nurture me or my siblings – and blamed us for the abuse – her own soul being so terribly wounded and in such despair and unable to look at her own self, unable to find and know the strength and love that could heal her self and protect her children.

We (my siblings and I) knew my father only as an angry, extremely dominating tyrant. He was as emotionally absent as my mother and did not know how to offer kind, warm, validating words.

All together, it caused a great loss of identity/sense of self and esteem. I always felt fake, that I was not being my self, that I was always searching for me. Abandonement to the Nth degree. And it made me seek God. It caused me to burn with a yearning, a Holy Longing for life and love. I was a deep contemplative as a child and I went on a deep inner search as a teenager and encountered many numinous experiences before I prayed that God take them away until such time as I could integrate them if it was meant to be. Today, I understand that I was experiencing a kundalini awakening even then. Thankfully, my prayers were answered, and I went on to a mundane life – but always feeling I were keeping this part of my nature in a closet.

The lack of nurture caused a deep neediness. Even as an adult the neediness has been like that of a guileless child, looking only for the hand that will love, not able to see the wolf in the sheep’s clothing, so to speak. An innocent, needy love that is easily abused, by others equally dysfunctional and needy, by others also with unresolved childhood issues that mirrored my own.

You mentioned the scene with the cell phone giving you the sense that I was partially aware of actual experiences where it was the wrong thing to do – getting involved in situations/relations that were not right for me… This is true. With hindsight, I can see and feel the voice (if you will) that was advising against my repeating things, but I had never learned to trust my self, my feelings, my intuitions – as they were not validated in my early life. It becomes like a form of self-betrayal, where one looks for the validation from outside sources, instead of from their self/Self.

Your sharing of the time it has taken you to reach the space you have has had the effect of helping me to see how a part of me has always been rushing/ looking for a quick fix (maybe another clue on the blister packet of pills), instead of digging my heals in to do the work needed, self to self. I’ve sought healers, tried this and tried that, looked at this path and looked at that path – wanting fast results. Time. I need to know and remember it takes time – and the dedication of my self.

Your interpretation fits very well and I look forward to what more you see in the dream. Thank you.

I was just the other day with a real sense of gravity, of the need to really work now, more, with the childhood issues – that I can do it now in a way I could not before – and I have cause to be very proud of how far I have come already in my journey.

Another long piece, but it is helpful to share/express it. And thank you, Jerry, also, for what more you shared regarding the path/my path. I’ll take time to reflect more on it and the encouragement it contains, tomorrow.

Kristi

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Kristi,
You seem to have covered it all in your last response, the influence of the masculine and the awareness you now have of those negative aspects in your life. The dependence on the masculine to recover from your lack of father's love and attention seems to be a central theme within the dream. Making you aware and working toward resolving those issues is what the dream intends. Now it is just a matter of 'time' in working through these 'imprinted' stimuli. And that goes to the matter of discipline, something as a soldier you certainly know a lot about. Discipline of self is the hero's advantage, that is when it is coupled with the assets Jung provides as a pattern to follow {hero's journey}. Let's see how your dreams respond to your progress. Your knowledge of Jungian psyche and your ability to discern the dream message should provide many insights to the dream world. We all learn from such insights.

gerard/Jerry

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Hi Gerard .. and thanks again.

Yes, where I mentioned that I wept after asking the airport man the questions I did, it was because I am beginning to feel and experience the change of my animus. I did not put the pieces together until I asked the questions, but since I had the dream, there were several reflections of my early life with my brothers and a great opening of understanding and compassion within me, seeing their innocence and purity of intent and heart as young adults, the wish to pursue their own dreams and aspirations... All of this, instead of the personas I knew them to mostly wear in life. And I felt I knew how very difficult it was for them to be young men trying to grow in the world, with the influences prevalent in my home and the inner city in which we grew (and the conglomeration of societal factors that go with life). And I knew I was seeing my own self, too. And so, there was happy tears of finding this part of my self. It demonstrates the value of "befriending" our dream characters. I knew that by continuing to look into him, I would find something valuable, hence the happy tears when I did ask the question.

I'd say I have been on the path of inidivuation (certainly, the heroine's journey) for some years now, only I did not know to call it that when it began. I think the Goddess came consistent with the kundalini rising several years ago when I walked for over a year through harrowing times, feeling my self like a walking laboratory of the psyche, issuing great prayer for clarity and sanity. When I did embrace my dream life, it came after a dream visitation from a Goddess that identified herself as Sheela-Na-Gig - and then, soon, a dream wherein a wise old, white haired priestress of an enchanted land that had grown to a point of suffering tasks me to take a journey into/across dangerous territory to find the help needed to restore the land to wholeness (sounds like a fairy tale, eh ;) - and she tells me there is one specifically that I am to find - and I am transported to being before a being of great love, a man. I see only light in a darkness, but I "feel" the warmth of his energy/his presence. I didn't know then, but I understand today that he is my animus - that I continue to work to find.

Kristi

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Kirsti,
Your dream of the Goddess, the Priestess is what myths are made of. Thus in your dreams we see the associations of myth and dreams. The myth the collective vision of the higher possibilities, the dream the individual awakening to that higher Self. Joseph Campbell, and Jung, recognized the associations and have provided the world with a path to follow, one that is time tested and works. If there is one constant that does not change, whether it be in the collective or the individual, it is psychological. The collective psychology of the myth and the individual psychology within a world that is 'all sorrowful' {the first of Buddhism's Four Noble Truths}. I include the statement about sorrow because it is also a constant in life, one that must be tempered with the greater possibilities of the human psyche. With that in mind, I see the life of balance and harmony as attainable if the focus is on the higher aspects, spiritual/creative/giving to a higher cause, and with a discipline to endure the sorrows. Leaving attachments behind {again from the Four Noble Truths} is the answer to the sorrows {individual psychology}, attachments not being a part of the natural world but of of human frailties. It is a path that is so very hard to follow but one that in the end provides 'the path to the cessation of suffering'. The end of psychological suffering.

The ultimate path to end psychological suffering?
Follow your Bliss

From The Power of Myth

Moyers: How do I slay that dragon in me? What's the journey each of us has to make, what you call "the soul's high adventure"?

Campbell: My general formula for my students is "Follow your bliss." Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it.

Moyers: Is it my work or my life?

Campbell: If the work that you're doing is the work that you chose to do because you are enjoying it, that's it. But if you think, "Oh, no! I couldn't do that!" that's the dragon locking you in. "No, no, I couldn't be a writer," or "No, no, I couldn't possibly do what So-and-so is doing."

Moyers: When I take that journey and go down there and slay those dragons, do I have to go alone?

Campbell: If you have someone who can help you, that's fine, too. But, ultimately, the last deed has to be done by oneself. Psychologically, the dragon is one's own binding of oneself to one's ego. We're captured in our own dragon cage. The problem of the psychiatrist is to disintegrate that dragon, break him up, so that you may expand to a larger field of relationships. The ultimate dragon is within you, it is your ego clamping you down.


gerard/Jerry

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Gerard,

There are times when we hear (or read) something...

It could be, but is not always something new. It may contain elements of things we have heard before (sometimes many times over). Perhaps it is a matter of packaging... Perhaps it is a matter of timing... Then, we receive this message again, and it is as if we are "seeing" it for the first time.

That is the effect your words have brought to me.

I have known much suffering. Depths I wish none other would ever have to experience.

How many times have I heard (or read) that the mind/ego is the source of all of our suffering? Too many to count.

These past few months have been a very intense period for me, with my finally beginning to "see" this and "making the choice" for it to not be so ... to not be used by mind, but to allow "God" to make it (and my life) as a useful tool, for the benefit of others. It is my prayer.

I came across this a short while ago while searching amazon.com for some of Joseph Campbell's titles: "We're in a free fall into future. We don't know where we're going. Things are changing so fast. And always when you’re going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. But all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It’s a very interesting shift of perspective . . . Joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world and everything changes." —Joseph Campbell

And this, from the "Review" for the DVD, "Sukhavati."
The title refers to Campbell's "place of bliss," or his life's calling: To fully grasp and teach mythology as a common trait of humanity--a way of interpreting life experience and philosophy through universal narratives that transcend ethnic and cultural differences. Specifically, these Campbell excerpts emphasize "Sukhavati" as a voluntary shifting of perspective that allows "joyful participation in the sorrows of the world." As Campbell observes, with illustrative examples taken from various mythologies from around the world, "we are in a free fall into the future," and our anxieties about the unknown can be eliminated if we embrace uncertainty and "transform hell into a paradise." This acceptance of life's miseries is enhanced through Campbell's peerless ability to comparatively interpret mythologies related to cycles of life, death, and rebirth.

I have his Power of Myth on DVD, but I have never read any of his books. If a person could have only one of his books, which one would you recommend? It's not that I cannot afford more than one, but I'd like to make my first purchase the most helpful.

Kristi

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Kristi,
The wisdom' of Joseph Campbell. He always provides food for thought and nourishment for the soul.

As for which of Campbell's book I would suggest? That is hard, there are so many. And I have read most, and have listened to audio tapes of interviews that most people have yet to discover {in particular his interviews with Michael Toms}.
But there is one simple book that many disregard that I always go back to because it provides so many insights to the history of our spiritual paths as well as the evolution to the human psyche. That book is Transformations of Myth Through Time. I believe what is so intriguing about this book is it illustrates the origins of the spiritual psyche from the earliest times. By understand the foundations of the human psyche we are able to better understand how the psyche functions in the present.

And there is the matter of the 'energies' that reside within us that provide life itself. It is metaphorical in its language but the Kundalini explains the most difficult process of the energies within us all. It is not something that can be found on an operating table but it is there. And when enough thought is given to the subject one soon realizes he is talking about the soul. It can not be seen but we know it is there. I think the Kundalini provides as good an explanation to that energy as anything I have come across in my 15 years of spiritual search.

gerard/Jerry

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Kristi,
A point I find imperative that adds to the importance of understanding the Kundalini 'energy' is Campbell's analogy of a light bulb compared to its energy. He was of course speaking metaphorically. Do we identify with the bulb or the invisible energy that provides light to the bulb? The Kundalini would be that invisible source that gives life and the bulb would be the physical body. If there is an identification with bulb, the body, that would be an ego association. If it is with the invisible energy, the soul, then it becomes an identification with the spiritual energy, unseen and unnameable. Kudanlini yoga is a linking of ego-consciousness to the source of consciousness. The source of consciousness is transcendent of all concepts {all religions are concepts}. In his book Transformations of Myth Through Time Campbell does a superb job of explaining the psychological associations of the Kundalini yoga.

And while on the subject of Transformations of Myth Through Time. Campbell includes in the book 3 chapters on the Arthurian Legends. It was during this period of history that the Western concept of 'love' was first recognized. Love as a 'divine infusion' instead of arranged marriages.
Campbell devotes a chapter to the 'Courtley Love of Tristan and Isolde'. A story for the ages, love from the heart. A favorite poem of mine having to do with this tale that Campbell recites in 'The Power of Myth' is as follows:

The Love of Tristan and Isolde
An Arthurian Romance

So through the eyes love attains the heart For the eyes are scouts of the heart, And the eyes go reconnoitering For what it would please the heart to possess. And when they are in full accord And firm, all three, in the one resolve, At that time, perfect love is born From what the eyes have made welcome to the heart. For as all true lovers Know, love is perfect kindness, Which is born - there is no doubt - from the heart and the eyes.

-Guiraut DE Borneilh {ca. 1138 - 1200?}

From Joseph Campbell's 'The Power of Myth'

The Parzival Legend is a wonderful description of ones inner search {the Holy Grail is the spiritual soul}. Parzivals search is at first a failure because of his 'Waste Land' attitude of 'acting in accord to the way you are told to act instead of the way of the spontaneity of your noble/true nature'. It reminds me of how much society of today governs the will to be the true self, 'following your bliss'. It is a constant, social duty the dragon that is so hard to slay.

gerard/Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Jerry,

I see you posted the link on Kundalini from Ellie's site. She has a little bit of information about a lot of topics, and so is a good quick internet reference.

I went to Border's this morning and picked up Joseph Campbell's "Transformations of Myth Through Time," the last copy on the shelf. I like that it has so many illustrations/photos, as it is good to see some of the symbols as I read. I also picked up his "Myths to Live By."

It is interesting you mention the light bulb as metaphor in understanding kundalini, as I recently blew three lightbulbs, on three separate lamps, one right after the other, as I tried to turn on a light when returning home one evening. It felt not mere coincidence that each would go at the same time. I wondered if something was wrong with the electricity in my house, but think it was just me.

It reminds me of my recent experience shared of here
when watching Adyashanti's DVD talk on "What is Real," and that the experience was showing my conscious function (masculine element, right?) yielding (submitting) to/embracing the feminine element. I kept thinking about the image of the man I saw kissing my vagina at the end of the energy stream - and then, on a later day, when looking in my rearview mirror while driving down the road, I said to my self, "Goodness, he was me. He looks like what I may look like if I were a man." It was as though the experience was showing me what was (ultimately) real.

I love the poem, how it says that perfect kindness (love) is born from the eyes and the heart, for it reflects my pursuit for my mind (eyes) and heart to be married, as one.

I look forward to reading the book, especially the portions that cover kundalini yoga. Again, my awakening was spontaneous, I did not 'consciously' seek it out, had never practiced yoga or even heard the word kundalini before it came (which made it an all the more shattering experience when it did come) -and I practice yoga now as a way to keep the body strong and open. But, I agree, that "understanding" is important, for I find it helps the mind to relax into the journey.

As an aside, I came to greater understanding of the meaning of the dream with my astologer and the pills (and specifically the one with the number 116) on it and the doctor's mention that our point of power (to use that word) is to be embodied.

On January 16th (116), I had an experience with the kundalini that terrified me when laying to sleep. I had to stand up and open my eyes to make sure all was well in the present moment. I made a cup of chammomile tea and before returning again to sleep, took something to help me go to sleep.

Helen, my astrologer, is a very intuitive woman. So this aspect of my self, brining my attention again to the discomfort of those moments on January 16th. The information about my son is mere dream thinking, the dream ego trying to intervene to understand the images it is seeing (and projecting it onto my son - though there are the shared elements with he). And then, my inner doctor reminding me that the way to the cure is to just be present, fully, in my body, in the now ... as was what I actually saw when I did rise from my bed, that all was well in the world, in the moment.

Kristi

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Kristi,
Intuitive is a magical word. If not for my strong intuitive nature, something that has been enhanced from interpreting dreams, I would not be able to understand dreams as I do. There are two aspects to understanding dreams {in my experiences}. One is having studied Jungian psyche and all that involves {including studies of Campbell and the many, many other sages of the psyche}. Jung has laid the foundations to understanding the psyche. That is paramount to even to truly begin to understand dreams. There are other ways to 'get close' to that understanding and they always involve symbols and metaphor {ask your astrologer about that}. But it was Jung who provided the insights to the dream that help reveal what dreams are about and how to 'read' them.

The second aspect is the intuitive mind. For many years I tried to interpret dreams with good success {having studied Jung}. But it was not until those years of actual experience began to resonate within my own psyche that I was able to start to 'read' dreams instead of just interpret them. I've learned to read between the lines and words, symbols and metaphors. Something about each dream reaches out to my intuitive mind and has a statement to make about the dream and the dreamer.

And this is not something I imagine. Anyone can look back at my interpretations at the Dream Forum over the past 18 months and see for themselves. And I am learning more with each dream. I am beginning to discern a lot more about present life patterns of behavior of the dreamer from their dreams. Traits, habits, complexes, neurosis, these things betray themselves in our dreams. It is amazing how deep dreams do go in portraying the true self. You may be able to hide from conscious truth but the unconscious holds only what is true and there is no hiding from that. They come out nightly in our dreams.

Another intuitive aspect I am working on involves my physical routine. I work out 4-5 times a week {physical fitness has been a part of my lifestyle for the past 30 years} and shooting basketball is a part of that routine. I don't play with or against anyone, just shooting, running, jumping, a good cardiovascular workout. But what I do is to shoot shots that are completely intuitive {I do possess certain skills with the basketball, an ability to properly dribble, shoot the ball}. Shots from behind not looking at the basket, shots involving just one hand instead of two and being able to make the shots. It is completely an intuitive thing {admittedly with the skills I possess}. These intuitive abilities have enhanced themselves in accord with my dream work. It may sound silly to some but I 'know' there is a connection.

I also use my workout as a tool for centering myself. The circle {basketball}, taking time during my workouts to concentrate on centering my psyche, a meditation during short breaks in my routine. I strongly believe in a good health, physical, psychological and spiritual and I do something to engage all three, daily. Campbell once said we should all take time each day to meditate. Whether it be in ways that are well known or if it is to listen to music, alone, 30 minutes each day. Even it is something that seems silly to others, if it helps center your psyche then it is a positive.

Enough about me. It is beginning to sound like I am ego centered. What I want to convey is there are ways to make a better life, to overcome the 'dragons' in life and it all involves actively 'participating' in those rituals that promote good health. It requires discipline, and knowledge. The knowledge comes from the sages, Jung, Campbell etc. It is the discipline that most people have the biggest problem with. At least until they discover the great benefits.

To be 58 years old and to be able to run and jump and act like a 18 year old. That is a benefit everyone my age wishes they could have. And they can. If I can do it anyone can.

gerard/Jerry

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Hi Gerard,

You're right, to be running and jumping like an 18 year old is not something most 58 year olds can do! I smiled. That is wonderful - and, along with everything else you shared in this note, encouraging to hear.

So much of what you are sharing in your posts is very helpful to me. You mentioned the need for detachment, "leaving attachments behind," and the recognition of the need for this has much been with me recently. But the question arises as to how much of any attachment is just the mind's holding onto its stories and how much of it is a true need to continue to explore the past? I sometimes feel I have looked at it all so much and have all the needed understanding. Yet, my life is still not what I know it can and will be - and this is where the discipline comes in. Since your having talked of the discipline I thought of how dedicated I was to the Army, how I poured all of my energy and focus into being a soldier (and was very successful at that) and how I can make the needed changes in my life if I now pour an equal measure of focus and energy into "me" and who and what I aspire to be, which includes increasing my my physical health (as well as my spiritual and psychological health).

What you say of your intuitive process and how you have learned to read dreams and their symbols and the patterns in a dreamer's life (I know is not something you imagine...and) has me to think of how it is that (as you have been sharing) the more we understand our own selves/and psyche, we are able to also understand others. I often have many intuitive insights when reading the dreams of others, but I have also been unsure if I should trust them. I need to "practice" this trust.

And I can see where the flow you experience in your basketball exercise/mediations greatly helps with the centering and flow needed to be effective in life, in all areas, be it reading a stream of information/energy or running a business, writing a letter...everything. It demonstrates a fluidity that can be (and obviously is, in your case) applied to all aspects of life.

Soooo ... I am still looking at these two dreams, Airport Man, and my astrologer and the 116 pill, along with the other snippets: the verse from the 23rd Psalm and being "blessed by the eye and will of God." And now, two more: one from a couple of weeks ago and then one from last night: These two are not so much "dreams" as are they motivations/needs arising directly inside of me. In the first, I wake to feel and hear my self inwardly saying that I cannot any longer esteem another above my own self, cannot place any other on a pedestal above my own self, think my self "less than" or "not as good or able." Last night, it was waking to hear myself feeling and saying, "I cannot place my life in the hands of another."

In November, I was experiencing quite an upheaval within me, recognizing and seeing how I have sold my self short in life by not believing enough in my own self, but placing others on a pedestal. This, born of feeling so "less than" others in early life. I had also recently experienced another significant surge of Kundalini that left me feeling inside my body as a lingham being received into the universe. Not knowing where to stand in the process and all that was coming up, in early December, I went and visited with the woman known as "The Hugging Saint," Mata Amritananda Mayi. I had become familiar with her several years ago via the internet (and also then visited with her) when I began healing and fell in love with/found my need for the divine feminine (love). I was feeling so much and didn't know what to do with it all. As I was on my way to visit her, I said to myself, "I know this is tranferrance, but right now I need somewhere to place all this." It's like I was looking for an object (person) of projection that could be the container for my experience. The last time I was wearing my long black coat in an airport (airport man)is when I went to visit her. I also had the dream of "Inspiritus" where I am searching in the Cathedral, the evening before I departed to go see her. And now, since then, these other snippets that show both how I have denounced my own self (and cannot do that any longer) and also that "'God' is with me.'" There have been a couple of others: reflecting the abuse I knew in life and how that has been like a place of death for me, how it causes one a repeated cycle that is like self betrayal - which seems to be reflected in my excursion to see the saint, where I am now hearing my self say, basically, "I can't do this anymore!"

The sense of terror I felt on 1-16 feels to be a message that is saying, "Stop! And look at what you are doing to yourself with your projections onto the Saint."

I think this is what I have not been "seeing" when I lay to go to sleep at night - that it is what the astrologer me wants for me to see.

And that my reason for doing so is related to the same reason I was not comfortable going to sleep at night as a child (the abuse) and went away to Spirit instead.

I feel like I am calling my spirit back to my self.

There was also another recent dream where my father is standing before me, he is trying to tell me something to help me, "that it is okay now," but I am going on and on about the need to be "spiritual," why I need "spirituality." A moment later, I begin expressing alot of tears, letting go of a lot of pent up emotions.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I do appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts and being open with who you are. I believe in being open although it does frighten a lot of people. And I appreciate your taking time to post responses. I hope there will be more of this from others at the Forum. It is one reason I changed the format, the intent for the dreamer to post more than just their dreams.

The discipline you realized as a soldier can be very helpful in your search for that place you seek in life. I too was a soldier {69-71} and the discipline I learned from that experience has carried over all thee years. Unfortunately I was so driven by unconscious forces the discipline was of little help in that area. But knowing I can overcome physical pressures was very helpful when I started my uphill climb to realization.

As for trusting the intuitive. That can also be very difficult. We as a culture are so focused on the material world that inner space is hard to trust. I have always had a better sense of intuitive 'knowing' than most and along with the developed personal skills with people {I worked in codes enforcement in the health/environmental field in Nashville for 12 years} it was something I unconsciously knew but thought little of. To be able to 'know' someone on first contact is most helpful. I have always had a problem remembering faces, particulars such as the color of eyes or hair, but that intuitive sense has always provided me with insights to the 'soul'. I feel that intuitiveness is a direct link to the soul.

How to trust the soul. I believe that comes with trusting yourself, that moment in time when you truly know yourself, you know your true self. That requires stripping away the ego centered mind and looking at everything that is there. Joseph Campbell talked of the death and resurrection {Jesus on the cross being the best known example}. Death to the ego-centered self and a resurrection/new birth to the spiritual Self. And he stressed that the ego must undergo a complete annihilation. What follows is a desire to live a life of spiritual intent {I differentiate spiritual from religion-religion being a path of following someone else and spirituality following the soul}. And finding that thing in life that satisfies you most, that ting you love doing most, creative, giving, sharing of self. For me it is my web site Myths-Dreams-Symbols and working with dreams. For others it is writing, poetry, music {living in Nashville I have met many aspiring song writers and artists} or working for just cause for society {without being controlled by society}. Once you have undertaken the death and resurrection of ego {it doesn't just happen over night} and have discovered your true identity and soul's intent, the intuitive Self takes over and whatever doubt there was disappears. It is a natural process once the ego has succumbed to the greater Self.

What changed me was discovering the motivations that governed my earlier adult life. I have been married 3 times, to 3 wonderful women. Why did I 'run' from these relationships when times got tough? There was a void in my life but I did not know what it was. It wasn't until I began my journey to wholeness {after discovering Joseph Campbell in the Power of Myth in 1992} that I started to understand what that void, and the motivations were. And it came from childhood. An unconscious need/desire to please a father that was never there. I was mimicking his actions. But I was nothing like him. He would always run away from responsibilities {I always fulfilled those responsibilities as a father}, never looking back, never caring, always centered on his own wants and needs. Although I was a good father and do not possess a cold heart like him, I still ran away from relationships. My childhood did not make me do these things but it did point me in a direction of behavior patterns. I firmly believe that is true with almost everyone.

So my question is to you, why is it you have always sold yourself short and placed others on a pedestal without giving proper attention to your own inner needs? You know the answer but do you know all the motivations? I began to understand my motivations many years ago but it took many years of self therapy to 'realize' the depth of the unconscious forces which were controlling me. It does take time, beyond, just realizing, time with experiencing the controlling factors and removing them piece by piece.

Something Joseph Campbell said in one of his interviews about becoming successful in a creative endeavor struck me recently as being more than just a 'creative thing. His statement was, can you endure failure, the discipline needed to succeed, for 10 years? I now believe that holds true in self discovery. At least 10 years of inner search, introspection, cleansing, renewal, annihilating the ego. So many statements by Campbell and Jung that had qualified meaning at the time I first heard them {and often long afterwards} have become broad statements about life in general. The Individuation Process is process of time as much as it is self therapy. I remember being a bit arrogant about religion when I first learned of other spiritual philosophies. I wanted the world to know the 'facts' about all religions {religions are myths- myths in my thinking being exaggerated truths}. Now I know not to let the ego control my thoughts and actions and look upon religion a s a basic need for those who are still lost in the ego/materials world {they need someone, something to guide them, other than there true identities}. It is not my place to judge but to try and help in their understanding of those inner forces that control. By doing that i believe there is a better chance the person will live more a life WWJD than they will of being a Christian absent the good deeds. BY WWJD they have turned to the god within instead of solely relying on God outside themselves. There is a show of discipline in that alone.

Dream work is intuitive. Providing an interpretation to someone who lacks that quality is like showing someone a black piece of paper with a white dot in the middle and they can no see it. The darkness is all around them and the light within is unseeable. But for someone like yourself who has invested a lot of time and effort on personal growth, it is easy to explain what I see in a dream. I help clarify what you already know and see. And by doing that, hosting the dream Forum for that purpose, I feel I am fulfilling a spiritual need, a spiritual requirement. And it is done not for profit but for pleasure. It is what pleasures the soul. There can never be guilt associated with pleasing the soul. It is nature's true intent.
At least I think so.

gerard/Jerry

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Gerard,

If anyone knows that being open is frightening and feels at first difficult, it is me, for I have had much in my history that I learned to feel and believe (as do we all) I needed to hide. Honesty is important for self growth. And I feel that coming to the place of being open and honest before others, is a reflection of being able to truly be open and honest with one's self. This, too, is something that takes time, for we have spent years doing the opposite, showing only our good, pleasing face - as learned. Along the way, I found that what I hid from others, I hid also from my self, in equal measure. Within the things that we hide, there can be pain and difficult feelings to work through. They are spaces to be respected, and greatly honored (in my opinion), in one's self and another. And I feel the day comes in the journey when one's desire for growth/healing becomes so earnest that we can't but be honest with ourselves. We may do it before others, but we do it for ourselves - knowing that what any other may think or feel does not so much matter as does standing in the truth of where we came from and who we are. I think it's all about self-acceptance, self-love, really.

Here, I am talking of self-acceptance and my thoughts next turn to your mention of being a soldier, too - and it brought me to all those years I spent in the Army and how they were much about acceptance (mostly through achievement in that world), when what I really needed was acceptance for my own self. When the needed love and validation is not received as children, we end up looking for it in so many outside sources... our professional life, academia, relationships (really, anywhere a person is).

You mentioned your belief about our patterns starting in childhood. I would say it IS true in everyone. I believe that in our childhood can be found all the forces and inluences that catalyze (and often drive, until it doesn't) our patterns as adults.

I look forward to the day when I truly know my true self. You mention the stripping away ('annhilation')of the ego mind to reach that place... I keep a small copy now of Michelangelo's Pieta near my desk here and look at each day, to remind me. Several months after the kundalini entered my life, the bliss subsided, and I felt I was being annhilated (literally) by the Self. It was too much of an opening, too fast, and I feared for my sanity, feeling I was teetering on the brink of megalomania/ psychosis. I know this is not the kind of annhilation you refer to (my analyst liked to call it "creative pathology"), but it brings to light the neccessity to, as you share somewhere on the MDS pages (I think in the section on Individuation), to always surrender to the guidance and wisdom of the Self/Unconscious.

You also talked of finding that thing in life that satisfies us most... The other day a friend shared with me a quote regarding one's "calling" in life. I do not recall it verbatim but it spoke of finding and filling a genuine need in the world and finding one's self filled in the filling of that need. It deeply resonated within me in the moment, for I just finished a community service project in an elementary school where I presented a learning experience for the children titled "Living with Limitations." The goal of the experience was to increase the students' acceptance and inclusion of those who are 'different' (disabled). Receiving feedback from parents (who do have disabled children) and learning that the county school district intends to adopt/adapt the learning activity as a regular part of instruction was very fulfilling for me. I sat on a park bench (it was 60 degrees here last week) reflecting on the activities of those few days at the school left me feeling that whatever I do in life, it must fill a need in a wholesome way.

Finding our soul's intent... It is my goal.

Thanks again, Gerard, your sharing is very helpful.

Okay, onto the "work." You asked me to consider why I have always sold my self short and placed others on a pedestal and not given the proper attention to my inner needs. I am going to do my best to answer this, because I feel it is important for me.

Why have I always acted as if me and my inner needs were not important?

The quick answer is to say it is because my inner needs were not met as a child. They were not recognized. My parents so devalued their own selves, that they could not mirror what it meant to value my self. So, I learned to feel that I was unimportant. In order to not feel the pain of my childhood, I (in part) pretended I did not exist, that me and my needs were not "real." I disowned my body. Whenever a need came up, because I had learned it would not be met, I ignored it, the same as my parents ignored their own genuine inner needs. I can see my self as a very young child, where when the love and acceptance was not given by my mother and father, I felt something was inherently wrong with me. What that wrongness was was never identified. It was like trying to please impossible parents, the institution of God to the child I was. As I grew, I would hear words like "worthless" and "you'll never be able to," and "good for nothing." There was a sense of "you can't ever do anything right." So, goodness, has my habit of placing others on a pedestal been one that has been asking Mom and Dad, "What can I do to please you?" There are other factors. Just the sexual abuse (incest) in itself was seen as a great sin in my eyes ... it was a dark, dirty secret I felt I could never share with the world and was forever seeking a forgiveness for it, in the eyes of every person I met (though I was not then 'conscious' of that). Gosh, I feel I need to look at this question more, a lot more...

What is WWJD?

You said: "There can never be guilt associated with pleasing the soul. It is nature's true intent."

I agree.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I'll give a more detailed response later today. But a quick response to your post and your questions.

WWJD-What Would Jesus Do?

If we all lived life according to that question, and what Jesus would do in every situation, there would be no 'sin'. But most of all we would be fulfilling that spiritual aspect of giving of oneself to others, and creating less emotional burdens for ourselves. I see most Christians, and other religions, as falling far short of WWJD, or WWBD {What Would the Buddha DO?}. One reason I no longer hold to any religion as the sole guide in my spiritual life.

And I agree with you 100% about childhood holding the keys to who we are as adults. For most it is obvious when you look deeper into the psyche. But no matter how life turns out as an adult the roots to who we are can be found in our childhood. Experiences from childhood don't necessarily make you do things but they point you in a definite direction. In all humans there are those animal frailties and we tend to take the easy way out. I did, and now I know why from my own self examination of my life, from childhood to the present.

So simple to see but so hard to understand.

gerard/Jerry

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Kristi,
Your community service project and the fulfillment you receive from it, that is the spiritual aspect in Jung and Campbell's philosophies. The soul receives fulfillment by serving others. It is a natural aspect of the psyche and fits with that 'blissful' state of being, spiritual, creative, giving of oneself to the other.

I say natural aspect because I do believe there is that 'natural' goodness within the psyche. As there is a 'dark' side within every psyche. If there is any one thing that governs my actions, a philosophy that replaces religion, it is from nature. Being equally objective as I am subjective about life. There are natural philosophies I live by; 'what goes around comes around', 'do all you can do and don't worry about the rest' {something that takes some learning to do}, 'whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well', etc.

In the Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell tells a memorable story that takes place on a wind-swept ridge in Hawaii known as Pali. One day two policemen were driving up the Pali road when they saw a young man preparing to jump off a cliff. They stopped and one of the policemen rushed out of the car to hold on to the man who was trying to jump. The wind was fierce and it seemed for a moment that it might blow them both off the ledge. Eventually the other policeman got there and with all his might pulled both of them down off the rock wall. Later, a newspaper reporter asked the policeman who risked his life, “Why didn’t you let him go? You could have been killed if that wind gusted and blew you out over the canyon.” He answered, “I couldn’t let go. If I had let that young man go I couldn’t have lived another day of my life.”

As that police officer reached out to save the suicidal man—even at risk to himself—in those few moments, he was not relating from his own ego. The cop got out of his own way. The ego loses its power when we get out of our own way. And when the separate self is no longer an obstacle, love becomes the way.

The opposite would be the dark side. Perhaps one of the best known figures to travel that route is Darth Vader. He is the personification of evil and anguish. Vader allows us to imagine what a full embrace of the dark would be like. By visualizing that aspect in film we do not have to experience the deep darkness within ourselves {although we all have experiences of darkness within our actions during a lifetime}.

I speak of these opposites because I do believe it important if not imperative to live that spiritual life, a spiritual identity with nature, including human nature. The hero quest is about finding the soul and a part of doing that is fulfilling that natural spiritual connection to the earth and all of life. Living in accord with nature. I believe it to be inherent to the quest and the 'refusal the call' is to refuse to be that true self that is implied by the forces of nature and not just by the laws of religion. Of course Western religions reject that idea; God is separate from nature, man is separate from nature, man is separate from God. If the individual can not be his/her true self, the higher Self, then they are separated from God, and nature. They are off track and out of balance and will find their lives to be the same.

I believe this spiritual/creative aspect is where those who are at that mid-life stage, and who are consciously engaged in that inner search, must concentrate their efforts. It is what mends the 'wasteland' mentality that holds up back from recognizing our highest potential. It is within oneself that 'God' resides and to know that and live from it, you put yourself on a higher plane of existence, knowledge and accomplishment for soulful purposes.

Inner Needs of Childhood
You do an excellent job in describing your negative experiences as a childhood and the reasons for that {"My parents so devalued their own selves, that they could not mirror what it meant to value my self"}. It sounds simple when spoken but to really understand the ramifications. That is the knowledge beyond simple knowing, a higher consciousness of knowing that leads to healing. Impressions, if not imprinting, at an early age live with us throughout life and if those that are negative are not realized, confronted and put in its proper place, replication is the norm. There is a tendency to repeat mistakes over and over again. Breaking that chain is so important. It is not an easy task, in fact it does require an effort of 'heroic' proportions to accomplish the the task.
Something akin to the adventure you and I have undertaken and make the center of our lives.

gerard/Jerry

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Gerard,

This post became awful long, but...What you’ve shared here on the Monomyth (Hero’s Journey) has really moved me. I could see references to all of it, in my life.

The tale of the police officer reminded me of my own days as a police and correctional officer in the military – as well as other instances – where whenever there an emergency was placed before me, something else within me responded. I would be moved compassionately, empathetically, toward whatever was before me. I would become stunningly goose-fleshed, inside and out, and the want to help, to be of service, to ease the situation, is what would take over. In such moments, there was little personal me present and I could respond from a place inside of me that was autonomic. I had the same sense as a child. Not at all that it was all filled with a sense of glory – for I have had to go back and move through (and continue to) the immeasurable effects of my young life, and that has been painstaking – but, as a child, something greater moved in me. A part of me “saw” the suffering and wished for it not to be so, wished and reached for freedom from the effects therein, wished to know what I was (we were) beyond the form and impression of those experiences. And I know I do not imagine it when I say that “these motives” did not come from my ego. In many ways, I feel I have been both answering (and sometimes refusing) the call to adventure all of my life…until I could only answer. And I can see, in my life, where refusing to answer, brings the darker aspects of the experience, where the suffering becomes greater…how we can move into a place of thinking and feeling we need to be saved (my going to see Mata Amritananda Mayi – as well as seeking the saving from/through others on earlier occassions). And maybe we do need to be saved…in the way of being reminded…(my meeting Inspiritus in the Cathedral, at the same time)…that God is actually, already, within. And perhaps it is not about refusal at all, but just part of what the journey needed to be, the way it needed to be, until it didn’t…perhaps it is just the soul’s own timing. I say this, for there need not (ever) be judgment (for ourselves or) how the story (journey) unfolds, how it takes shape. The only thing that is important is that we do come to see…and answer.

Yes, looking at Darth Vader, we can see (imagine) and come to know that the dark side exists in all of us. For most of my life, my own father was the personification of this for me…though I also saw it as a young child in the face of what early America did to Africans – as was seen in my early watching of the movie “Roots” - which made my soul cry out. As a young teen, I would read the Diary of Anne Frank, which was my first inner introduction to the effects of Hitler’s actions, which was also as the sounding of an inner call, to me. As a young adult, stationed in Germany, I would walk the grounds of Dakau, and find my self again goose-fleshed (I’ve spent much of my life that way), feeling the history there, as I considered, “What it is that we do to ourselves/one another...”

Story/history is so healing when we can see ourselves there, too…when we can see the mythos in our own lives.

And, yes, history is bound to repeat itself, in us, and be passed down, generationally, until we break the chain, until we see and say, “enough now,” and take up the task of rescuing/recovering ourselves, from it, for the benefit of the whole.

I find so many of your responses so timely, just now…and I thank you for that.

A few months ago, I said to my self, “enough now,” that love is the answer. “I make this choice.” And, since, I have been experiencing much inner darkness. When sitting meditatively/contemplatively or when laying to go to sleep at night, I would find the right side of my brain vast and clear and deep, beautifully empty and open – and on the left side of my brain, all sorts of impressions that were dark and oppressive and controlling (to name a few, all sorts of shadows). Not that I had not encountered any of them before, but now they were all, clearly, inside of, a part of me … no longer being projected outside. It’s been like meeting my Darth Vader.

It reminds me of the movie “Earth Sea” that I watched a couple of years ago. In the movie a young magi conjures up an evil spirit that haunts him, tries to kill him. The young magi runs from the entity, until he “realizes,” and turns to him, and says, “You are me, You are love…I love you,” knowing that that was all that all that shadow ever needed - to be reminded…

Already deep in my own journey and inner work, it was just after this movie (the same evening, I believe) when I dreamed of a death wave of energy that ascended my being, feeling my soul completely free, unfettered, eternal – while I also felt darkness in my mind that questioned, was afraid, concerned of this death/transformation. It woke me up, but not before I saw a man come from out of the darkness, shining, shrouded in light, as I heard a voice announce, “This is a man of new humanity.” The movie a symbolic reference, and then a dream message, telling, of this journey, inside of me.

You also mentioned our human frailties and how we often take the easy way out, as learned/conditioned…and that reminds me of my dream of the wild boar last year, and how it was announcing/bringing to me, for taming, through love (through remembering, through knowing), this aspect of my own self – based largely in our survival response…the fight or flight aspect of our nature. In my case, overly protective and defensive (and much else) due all the forces of history that have encapsulated and enclosed (hidden) the truth of our (my) true nature…love.

And then, this piece from Monomyth at Wikipedia that you referenced:

(((Atonement with the Father
The hero reconciles the tyrant and merciful aspects of the father-like authority figure to understand himself as well as this figure.[11]

Biblical applications: In the gospels, Jesus wrestles with his impending death in the Garden of Gethsemane, before submitting to his Father's will.)))

It takes such real meaning in my own life, given the word “father,” and what my experiences were with my birth father – the personification of tyranny in my life. And there can be no personal blame in it, for: “My parents so devalued their own selves, that they could not mirror what it meant to value my self.” They simply had not learned, had not remembered…love…for history had been repeating.
Blame is a part of what we must rise above, if we are to find a new way.

It sounds awful romantic, but in looking on my life, I know that, even when very young, my soul heard and responded to the unspoken requests of my own parents, to know love, for despite how terrible may have been the circumstances of my childhood, that generated from them (and their history), was a want to know and express love. I could see it and feel in the emotion I saw in their eyes, love restrained/imprisoned, a great love, really, that wanted to express... The child I was could not quite understand it, but I felt it. I believe it is in every human being, a knock, waiting only to be answered. So, despite the negative influences, they also gave me a legacy...a great gift.

I was thinking I'd like to share a poem that illustrates my redeeming/atonement with The Father, but I am feeling as I have now talked an awful lot about "me," so someone else jump in, please

It is just good to see and share what feels as pieces of the puzzle coming together, greater understanding (healing) being reached.

Kristi

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Kristi,

Old USDB at Ft. Leavenworth

I'll provide more comment to your post later. What a coincidence. I took military police training at Fort Gorden, Ga. {US Army} and then correctional guard training also. I spent 16 months at Ft. Leavenworth, Ks., the US Disciplinary Barracks. The one time I volunteered for anything in the army {other than volunteering for the draft} and lucked out. Didn't go to Nam. My first wife lived with me the last part of my tour and I was placed on admin platoon where I did mostly 9 to 5 duty Monday thru Friday. She liked Leavenworth so much she wanted me to re-enlist. Not gonna happen. Two years and I was out {if you volunteered for the draft you spent only two years duty}. But on the other hand if I had not volunteered I would have not served. The draft lottery began after I entered and my number was way high. Oh well. Win some, lose some. I Googled the Disciplinary Barracks some while back. They built a new facility. There was a sign at the old barracks as you entered the main gate that read; confinement as punishment, not for punishment. The new USDB motto, "Our Mission, Your Future". OoooK. I hope you have audio on your computer. You can listen to the tune 'Green Berets' while you read this post. Leavenworth federal Penitentiary was located just down the road. Took a tour once. They tried to recruit me.

gerard/Jerry

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Gerard,

I am smiling and crying. Thank you for the song!

Yes, what a coincidence! I spent a total of 9 years there, at the USDB. Because the majority of my adult life was spent in Kansas, is the reason I remained in Kansas (to date), but moved down the road about an hour away from Fort Leavenworth. I was the first female to ever hold the position of NCO in charge of the Maximum Security Area/Special Housing Unit - where some of the inmates used to say I should have been a nun. Not an easy job to do, compassionately ... to be both firm and fair ... before men, who despite their crimes, suffer greatly in their loss of freedom. It was the reason the job was accorded to me, at a very needed time, I feel, when the prison was recovering from riots (which, as you know, are never the result of a one way causation) and much unrest in the population. Hard as it was to do, I believe that I brought a new energy there.

The old inscription was gone before I first arrived there in 1988. It was already, "Our Mission, Your Future." Yeah, Oooook...! What future? For them? I beleive the few in society wear the face of the errors of the many.

Fort Leavenworth is a very nice post, but there is not much in town! Unless you are a correctional officer, ofcourse, for besides the USP (Federal), there is also the State Penitentiary just a few moments down the road - and also a new Federal Marshall's Detention Facility. A haven for correctional officers.

The new USDB facility was being built (and was much needed, for the benefit of the inmate population) during my last couple of years there (but was not finished for move-in before I left). It is located on the back side of the installation, where the old USDB Farm Colony used to be.

Thanks, again, Comrade!

Kristi

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