I was sitting in a hotel lobby with my family. This nice-looking boy came walking by with his two parents. He had rags wrapped around his wrists. This bothered me, so I asked him what had happened. He pulled back the rags and I saw two very defined cuts along each wrists. He then explained to me that he had tried to kill himself. I was worried about him and even though he was with his parents, I still wanted to make sure he got back to his hotel room. We got into the elevator and his father pressed the first floor button. I held up one finger for my parents to let them know which floor I’d be on. The father told me they were in room 67. So I held up and six and then a seven. We got to the room and suddenly the boy wasn’t himself anymore. He was now my used-to-be best friend. I took no notice and treated her just as I had the boy. There was a loud bang and a siren went off. It was a siren to warn us that a terrorist attack had taken place nearby. I began yelling that we had to leave. The hotel was in a panic. Everyone was trying to leave at the same time. I finally got the family out and into another hotel that I knew about. We were in Phoenix, Arizona, a place I’d never been to before. This new hotel room was bizarre. The doors were much like French doors, but they wouldn’t close together. There was a lock, but since the doors closed over each other, the lock went nowhere. I ignored the door and took a look around. The beds were strange. They were only half the length of the average person. The rest of your body was to rest on a blanket that was being lifted by the wind. The parents took their spots on the bed and rested. I checked on my friend. She was doing well. I went back to the door to see why the doors wouldn’t come together the right way. The sirens went off again. My friend screamed, “It’s happening again!” I knew I had to get this family away again, but I didn’t know where to go. I told them to grab everything and pointed specifically at my friend’s guitar. I then realized that I had no idea where my clarinet was. I began frantically looking around for it and found myself standing in my own family room and my house. My parents pointed to the piano bench where my clarinet was. I asked them where the best place to go in Phoenix. But since we don’t live anywhere near Arizona, I knew they wouldn’t know where to tell me. So I went into the bathroom. The toilet was disgusting. The entire bowl was browned. But what was where was something else that was in the toilet. A Bible was in the toilet, up against one side. As I was using the toilet, I noted that I needed to clean it but I needed to remove the Bible beforehand. I woke up.


Some info that might be useful: the reason I said used-to-be best friend is because this friend and I have hit some seriously rocky times. She found herself a significant other and completely booted me from her life. I hardly ever hear from her outside of school and even in school, it's like she's not really there. It's been very hard on me and I kind of feel like I'm falling apart all the time. With her went a bunch of my other friends too. So I don't go out much anymore. I also do not like her significant other at all. I pretend to when I'm around them, but no, not at all.

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Aaron,
This dream is disturbing in that the guy with the cut wrists may be identifying your own mental health. Is there real depression on your part? Are you having trouble 'being yourself'? The half a person may be pointing to how you feel about yourself. The symbolic language does seem to point to this. And perhaps some guilt {bible} that needs to be let go of {toilet}. Give me an honest reply if you will. Such a dream may be pointing to a need for help.

Jerry

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Hi Aaron,

I agree with Gerard, that this dream is likely pointing to a need for help, so that you may process your emotions in a healthy and honest way.

I do not know what your religious beliefs are, but that the bible is in the toilet may point to how it is that we learn we are supposed to be nice, right, proper, kind to others ... such as the face you put on around your former best friend and her new boy friend, when, really, you are very hurt inside by the loss of companionship and social standing (within the group of others you no longer feel a part of) that you once enjoyed. It is best when we can be true to ourselves.

Is there someone you can talk to, that you can share this dream with, and the feelings regarding your friends, your loss (feeling like you are falling apart)? The threat of terrorism, I feel, may be telling of the importance for you to process these emotions in a healthy way. That would be very good for you to do, honestly, openly, being true to your self ... instead of pretending to be strong/unaffected. Can you talk to your parents and perhaps a counselor/therapist.

Kristi

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Hi all! Thanks for your replies!

Hmm...well, I'm not going to lie, there were so many nights where I went to bed with the hope in the back of my head that I might not wake up the next morning. Yeah, that sounds pathetic, but it was awful. I never did anything with my day. I would go to school and sit through it like a zombie, then I'd come home and sleep. That was how my life worked. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. My best friend had been treating me like crap. She never let me in on her life anymore and when she was told that this bothered me, she simply replied, "I don't care." I never did anything to her to make her suddenly stop talking to me. At school, it was as if I was looking at her, but she wasn't really there. We went about a month without seeing each other outside of school. Before all of this, we were together every day. Then all of this.

Here's a little more info, both me and my friend are gay. It was a little funny. We were already inseparable and then we both ended up gay. I had had crushes in the past and they've always blown up in my face. Same had happened for her. Everything we did worked in parallels. So when she got herself a girlfriend, I got up the courage to let my male friend that I had feelings for him. At this point, all the parallels fell apart. I was very sure that this friend had some feelings for me, but he never talked to me again. I told him two weeks before Thanksgiving and he's ignored me since. So I watched my best friend enter into the happiness of the relationship world as I accidentally ruined another one of my friendships. I tried to stay positive and happy for her, but we all have our bitter feelings.

Then I started hating my friend's girlfriend. I'm still not a big fan of her. She's a druggie and I'm fairly sure her only real interest is sex (Which I'm not alone in believing). So my best friend booted me out of her life and I was left not knowing what to do. I kept wondering about suicide. Which way is the most painless? I could never do anything like slit my wrists. I figured sleeping pills probably worked the best. But I never actually considered it. There was about a week's time where everyday I wished I wasn't alive anymore. Nothing in my life was working out. Everything I attempted kept falling apart. I felt utterly hopeless.

Things have been a little better lately, and I'm hoping they stay that way.

I've been considering talking to our school psychologist, but she's slightly reclusive and I've never ever talked to her before.

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Aaron,

How long ago did you have this dream?

Kristi

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I believe it was a week ago today.

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Aaron,

I am truly glad that your thoughts have changed such that you are now feeling better. Good. Stay optimistic. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. There are so many more interesting people (friends) and relationships waiting for you.

What is your relationship like with your parents? What are your associations with the guitar, the clarinet? Are you musically talented/skilled? What is your religious affiliation (bible), convictions/beliefs? How has religious thoughts and ideas played in your life? And what is your association with Pheonix, Arizona? I know you said you've never been there, but have you had thoughts about Pheonix, AZ?

Because this dream is so recent, despite your feeling better, I do think it is asking for attention, asking that you give attention to these feelings, and not just bury them/put them aside. For, when we do so, these parts of self have a way of continuing to play out in our life (unconsciously) in unhealthy ways.

So, you've never talked to the school psyhologist, big deal. There is a first time for everything. Many psychologists are sort of "reclusive" appearing, focused more on the inner world, etc. She may not be the one for you (you may have to find someone else)but you can't know unless you try. You've a chance at understanding yourself better ... something I think would serve you well to make effort at, now, and not years from now. If you find things do not "click" with her, there are others you could ask for help from. Just trust, and try.

In the interim, if it feels helpful/right, you could try exploring the questions I asked.

I am not a psychologist, but I can be a friend.

Kristi

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Aaron, I feel a very important element in this dream is that you are taking action, taking responsibility to help the part of yourself that is in emotional straits. I feel it is a very positive sign which shows your psyhce is dealing creatively with the problem. I had more thoughts about the bible in the final scene... You feel you have to take it out of the toilet before you clean the toilet... Something is important about that. What has the bible meant to you? As a symbol, what significance has it held for you? Not what you may have read in some dream dictionary or as suggested by any other, including me, but "for you?"

Kristi

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It's hard to say what the Bible means to me. My religious views are all over the place. I believe in God and I believe in Jesus so I guess that makes me a Christian. I've been raised Catholic but have recently dismissed any named denomination. I feel denominations generalize something that cannot be generalized. I also do not want to be told how to believe. I know what religion is all about at this point and I plan on doing what I feel is necessary: being there for people, treating people the way they truly deserve (positively) and spread words and feelings of belongingness and love. To me, the Bible is a guideline. Some people may look to it for all answers, but I do not find that wise. The Bible was not handwritten by God so therefore, there are many places for error. Furthermore, the Bible has been translated so many times, I begin to wonder how much of the original text has been lost.

However, I still feel a strong respect for the Bible. I never want to put anything on it or put it in any kind of harm's way. Whereas I make comments that God hates me all the time, I feel more or less like I'm talking to him and he's smiling because he knows how I truly feel, even if I do not always.

I do feel I have a purpose here on Earth and that is to tear down some more of the walls prejudice holds up. Being gay, I feel it is partially my duty to help people understand what homosexuality is. It's not a choice. It's not a disease. It's simply biological. I used to wonder if there was a middle gender. Things couldn't possibly be so black and white (only males and females and their roles only). Then I discovered parts of myself and found the middle-sex: homosexuals. I'm also here to tear down the stereotype encasing gay men...although some aren't helping their case any and yes, I do understand that. So far I've done a fairly good job. People used to judge me on the surface like no other, but now they've gotten to know me and they love me all the same.

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Aaron,
Very wise observations about the bible. I was once a Christian but since studying all the religions of the world {an integral part of understanding myth, symbol and metaphor} I no longer hold to any one religious philosophy. My position is it isn't what you believe it is what you do that makes you a good person. Religion and spirituality are not the same, at least not the Western religions we were brought up to believe {in America}. Western religions tell us God is separate from nature, man is separate from nature, God is separate from man. Where does that leave nature. Look at the planet and the pollution of the air, land and water. If we don't change our attitudes toward nature the 'Great Mother' will show us just who God really is. And it isn't masculine.

A great spiritual philosophy is Native American spirituality. Get in touch with nature when there is a need to feel spiritual.

As for you being gay. You are right, homosexuality is not a disease nor a lifestyle choice. It is inherent. Science has proven this to be true but there are those who must have something to hate. It was at one time {and still is for many} African Americans. I have had many gay friends over the years and other than their sexual orientation they are no different from anyone else.

Jesus would never say no to a gay man or woman. But what Jesus would do is not what many Christians are doing. Most Western organized religions {Islam, Christianity and Judaism} must have something to do battle with. Since Satan isn't available in the flesh they use gays. They have to personify Satan and gays just happen to be their choice in the time and age.

I like your Christ but I don't like your Christians.
They are so unlike Christ....Gandhi

Jerry

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