The dream scene is in the time frame of my late teen to early adulthood years: There is a fighting/arguing back and forth occurring, a lot of distress I see images of David, my parents, my siblings – specifically, my brothers (not my sisters). At this point, when recording the dream in the night, I comment of David’s image: “He was my boyfriend, we shared from great depth, he asked me to marry him, I went to the Army, forgot about him, he was bi-sexual, would it have worked? Did I hurt him? Did he love me?” There is an injury, I have an injury, to my right arm, the scar runs from my inner forearm to my upper biceps. The sutures were taken out too soon. I am concerned the wound will open. I need a protective brace to keep the arm from moving, so the force of movement of my limb will not open the wound. My brother Matthew helps me to dress the wound. I need somewhere to live, cannot any longer stay where I am, there. The Salvation Army… my parents drive me to where they think it is. It is an old, abandoned, devastated building. No, I say (or think), there is one downtown, the City Mission, they have boarding houses/rooms, and work can be found there.

When first waking and replaying/recalling the dream in my mind as I toileted, I felt the love of the divine feminine within me. I returned to my bed, filled with the consoling quality of this innver love, as I lay recounting/recalling experiences and feelings from my childhood years. Then, in some several moments time, as I am about to drift back to sleep, I heard an inner voice, as if a mature, loving, masculine voice, that seemed to say, to assure, “We will go where we need to go, we will do what we need to do.. everything will be fine.”

Kristi

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Kristi,
My sense is the dream is either addressing inner masculine conflicts {fighting/arguing} and/or actual personal experiences having to do with a male {most likely David}. Since the time frame goes back to early adulthood we 'may' assume {ass-u-me} it has something to do with that time frame. Other than your parents {your own mature self?} the characters are all male, thus the assumption the dream is focused on masculine aspects.

The comment on David, was that part of the dream? Sharing 'great depth' could be an actual experience in that relationship. It could also represent aspects he possessed that you find relative to your own life. Going to the Army may involve discipline, organiztion but also regimentation and giving away personal identity. Could you do both {bi-sexual}, have discipline and be organized while giving away some of your personal freedoms? Was there a question of doing that in the relationship with David?

The wounds may be from the relationship or they could be from a wounded masculine sense {a lack of discipline, organization and a need not to engage giving away personal aspects that are opposites}. The concern the wounds will open may suggest a fear of some type involving the past {are there wounds involving relationships in your life in the present?}. Are you over compensating those fears by keeping away from certain relationships? You need strong masculine support in this matter {Matthew helping dress the wound}. Your present condition is not where you want to be {need a place to live}. So much so you are 'willing to accept charity', even perhaps submitting to forces you normally would not give in to. There may be a possibility of a complex being formed in such matters, isolating these aspects so you will not need to 'work' with them consciously.

Jerry

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Jerry,

I do think it is addressing conflict I have known with the inner masculine. The one thing from this dream that is "apparent" in my now is the mention of "work," that work can be found by going to the City Mission. I am now in the process of scheduling and interviewing for a new job/"work." I had two interviews last week and one just yesterday, the day after this dream, and one on each of Thursday and Friday. I am not currently working. I curtailed my work hours to only part time at the beginning of the last fall semester in order to finish my program of study - and then stopped working all together before my full time clinical experiences began over two months ago. I do need to soon find a job, as I don't have enough funds to sustain me for long. Graduation is next week. I am in the market.

One of the first thoughts that come to me this morning as I read your words is of my actual leaving home to join the Army when I was a young adult. Is the "Salvation Army" actually referring to my Army experience. I had great conflict with the masculine in my early life, as we know, due to the abuse of my childhood. And in some respect, I feel that my choosing to join the Army was my young way of facing the masculine in the world/life, albeit I made the movement without conscious awareness ... meaning I did not really face the inner issues and therefore did not then "work" consciously with them, all the while my life continued to mirror them to me, as is the case with things unconscious.

Okay, I am not wanting to now form another complex (or continue one), so let me see what I can find here with the help of your comments...

Let me first address your question regarding David. No, the comments about David were not part of the dream. Sorry I did not make that clear enough. But they were so present inside of me as I woke and recorded the dream that their emotional tone seemed important to my understanding of the dream, hence my including them, with (as part of) the dream experience. During that time of my life, my sisters did not live in the home with me. With each of them being older than me (by 2, 4, and 9 years) and having left the home at a young age (16, 16 and 14), I was from the age of 14 to 18 living in the home with my parents and four brothers. David and I always shared a connection, since about 12 years old. We could relate with one another, were interested in spirituality, understanding life. We felt welcome to share our experiences with one another. At 16 to 17 years old, having both dropped out of high school, we met one another again, while each taking night classes to earn our diploma. We became closer than ever we had been and he soon asked me to marry him, when I was 18, some few months before I left for the Army. David had a sensitive inner nature, more feminine qualities than any other boy/young man I knew. That made it easier for me to connect with/trust him, though I never shared with him of the sexual abuse in my family. David used to look me in the eyes and say to me, "I don't know how you do it, Kristi, how you live with them, how you put up with it." He would comment on my strength as we talked about my living with my four brothers and mother and father. He was not a stranger to my childhood home and he saw and felt the great tensions there. An easier way out for me would have been to leave home early as did my sisters, but I wanted more of/for my life than I saw my sisters' lives became (taking to the streets and/or marrying too early), so I stayed in the only shelter I knew (despite the very harsh circumstances under which I lived) until such time as I could successfully make it out into the world on my own. The Army was my only course of action, there was not money for college, etc. My young spirit burned for life and freedom (David saw this) but I had to compromise, buy my time, and remain where I was, for I was too young to make it on my own. We could say an inner wisdom guided me through that, for I could easily have chosen to take the route of my sisters.

The Army has been a blessing in my life. It gave me opportunity. It helped me to learn to see what I was capable of. I earned a decent living and learned to work hard. These many years down the road, I am still young (only 43) and already have the supplemental income provided by my retirement. It has paid for my schooling I am now completing. My medical insurance has paid for over five years of Jungian analysis. It has, ultimately, been a gateway to my healing. It might not have come as soon as the child I was hoped and prayed for it to, but it has come... it is here, I am finding the life unlived, the freedom to be.

Since my earlier discussions concerning discipline with you, I have had some enlightening experiences and dreams regarding the masculine, and discipline, after having a patient in aqua therapy...who was a retired Army Officer (a veterinarian), a man of a father's age to me. David (his name was David, too...I just realized) and I talked of the benefits of discipline and of the difference between being disciplined by another (the Army or any other entity or person) and self-discipline. I came away feeling blessed by our conversation, knowing that I needed to understand more about the form of discipline I have known in my life, where it's roots came from... my parents, hence, my inner parent. Looking intently at this, a powerful dream came, bringing up the substance/energy/root of the skewed form of discipline I knew (inside of me). David was one of those men (persons) I knew was meant to enter my life for that short time, for the mirror and helpful assistance he provided through our conversations. On my last day at that Hospital, he was sure to come see me and wish me well. And he got a very big, thankful hug from me. I thanked him and thanked Life for him. Hmmm... he too had that more feminine nature as did the David of my childhood. So, discipline verses self-discipline, is something I have been looking much at. And I thank you, too, Jerry. It can be hard to positively discipline one's self when one has been "disciplined" (and beaten into submission) with an iron fist, as was I, as a child. We can go on having the two confused. I feel like I am untying these knots and becoming more free, more able, not only to positively discipline myself, but to also derive the value and benefit of my Army experience, which has for years remained confused/entwined with my experience of my family/father.

This movement also helped me to look more at my Army experience as a whole...how I have not valued it, valued the me who for years performed so well in the Army, achieved so much, was confident, etc. Granted, I have said I often felt like that persona was a suit of bravado. And perhaps the "persona" was but a suit of bravado, but beneath was a strong and capable Spirit (Life itself wanting to be/emerge) and the qualities gained in the Army are valued in the world, are useful to me, if I own them (value them) and use them, rightly. I have found that I had a hard time accepting my Army experience (myself) in a positive light, for a few reasons. Carrying my childhood experience into the Army, and continuing through two abusive marriages while in the Army had the effect of contaminating (overshadowing) the positive aspects of my Army experience. Additionally, I became ill (entered my healing crises a short time after the kundalini rose) while still in the Army, which my ego interpreted as a fall, when we could say the Great Mother herself was calling me forward, into the crux of the chaos so that I may emerge from it. So, this issue of value/undervaluing myself has also been on my plate. And it was really called to my attention during an interview last week where a woman asked me to speak of my Army experience. I saw how much she valued it, and that I did not. What if... What if the dream is showing me that I am the one (an aspect of my inner parent-s) who has viewed my Army experience as a desolated, devastated building. What if that is part of the masculine wound? I was capable, I am capable, and I need to see and believe this! I feel this is what the dream is speaking to. Due to a skewed perspective of myself, I thought the woman who interviewed me and questioned my Army experience would not call me back. Surprise. I listened to my voice mail on the way home last night and found a promising sounding message from her asking that I call her and come again to speak with her.

The City Mission... Do I sell myself short? Do I become willing to accept charity because I do not believe enough in myself, in my positive masculine strengths? I think so.

Still sorting out all the negative and positive and feeling blessed and healing in doing so.

And what if... What if that confident, mature, masculine inner voice I hear before I return to sleepafter this dream is that very positive inner masculine emerging? Saying, we will go where we need to go and do what we need to do... It was so assuring, so positive, so loving. I do feel it is.

I'd truly appreciate more feedback, when you have the time.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I'll provide a response later today. A lot to absorb.

Jerry

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Kristi,
Good luck in your job search. Although times are tough, staying the course of the hero path will present reards others will never realize. Let's hope finding a new job, a good job is in the offing for you.

"Is the Salvation Army referring to your army experience"? Perhaps. It may very well be borrowing from those experiences. But I sense the 'salvation' aspect is more about the conflict with the masculine and saving the soul {salvation}. Dreams are regulators for the psyche {as is the immune system for the body}. And the ultimate goal is to realize the true self, a balance of the masculine and feminine {bi-sexual}. The physical act of joining the army doesn't relieve the psychological need of confronting the masculine. That aspect, psychological, is what you are doing now.

Could it be your relationship with David was because he was more in tune with his feminine side, and you having problems with the masculine unconsciously connected with him? He possessed what you were looking for, a seemingly balance of masculine and feminine {although he undoubtly had his own psyche problems}. Perhaps his masculine aspects were not a strong as he wished and saw in you a stronger masculine self. You were 'playing' off each other. And being an outsider {no relation to you} he saw the conflicts in your family life and was able to offer support.

You should be proud of your service, not only to your country but also to being able to stay so long and retire. You are reaping the rewards for your service financially. And the strenght you gained by being surrounded by so much 'testosteron' surely benefits your masculine psyche. Some still believe this is a man's world. Don't tell that to Mother Nature. Understanding how the male psyche functions is a definite plus {I grew up with 3 sisters and my mother which I feel provided insights to my own feminine psyche}.

As for David the veternarian. Think synchroncity. Such occurrances are not by happenstance. They happen at the right time for a particular reason. And I dare say both of you benefited from the encounter. It was synchronistic for the both of you.

As for discipline. The phsyical discipline you learned {my own experience from my service provided such discipline} from the army is invaluable. But what it doesn't do, and what Jung does do, is provide an avenue for emotional discipline. That is where you have journeyed since you left the army. The army began as an outer path to get away from your youthful surroundings. It has provided strenght is many aspects. Now you are on that final journey inward, to find that strenght emotionally. That is where dreams are of great benefit. Dreams are all about the emotions.

Always use those talents you possess, whether they be masculine or feminine. Balance is the key, psychological balance. You are at that mid-life stage and that will present new obstacles later in life. Balancing the outer needs with the inner will be a tall order. Life isn't forever. The body begins to fall off, age creeps in, death is a certainity. Such obstacles can unravel the strongest of men. For those of us who realize the inner is the true 'engine that could', such experiences are taken in stride. Stay strong phsyically {phsical fitness} and psychologically {individuate} and the remaining years of life can be teh best years of your life.

On the subject of death. Not to be afraid, that is a hard case to sell. I rely on an old Islamic saying to carry me beyond those fears. It goes like this.
When the angel of the death approaches it is horrific. When it reaches you it is bliss.

Life after death, who knows. But I believe the soul survives as the body does not. I think of life as an experience for the soul. The next experience, what ever it may be, will benefit from this experience as a human life. As Buddhist believe, the next life will be better than this one. And if we learn to make this life as great as it can be, just think how great the next life will be.

Stuff for 'science fiction'? We can only guess.

Jerry

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Thank you, Jerry. Very helpful. And I feel I better understand the dream now. When I last wrote, it was free association writing, just going with the thoughts and feelings that were arising in the moment. I felt like I could have kept writing. I was offered a position in a fine organization, yesterday! I will respond more this evening, or tomorrow morning.

Kristi

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I can see how the dream (showing what I experienced in my young life when leaving home to join the Army) mirrors my entering the work-world again, now...that my current movement provides the opportunity for the arising of that young experience, so that it may be sorted out, so that I may emerge from those experiences with a greater, more healed consciousness. I do feel it is about saving my soul, recovering my soul.

The fighting and arguing was with my brothers and my attitude toward they and my father. It was the air/climate of my childhood home. It was what I felt a deep need to leave, was the reason I felt (knew) I could not any longer live there and needed a place to go. There was a great sense of helplessness and hopelessness in my home and experience. I have known this in my own experience. And my family members just accepted life as it was at face value, they did not challenge it, they accepted what was given, instead of aspiring to more. That is what my parents did ... and, hence, despite my impelling desire for something more, something better for my life, I have had this inner parent element of my psyche (as conditioned by the psychic mechanism of my parents/family) that said this is all there is, accept what is given. You are not meant for more. I dared to challenge all of that in reaching for more for myself, in daring to believe that I deserved a better life. Those are the roots I hail from in this life and it was very hard living under the circumstances I did. I feel I am still re-parenting the child I was - doing the self-therapy. Each time I have an experience, now, it feels to be mirroring my past to me. All those years ago, I could not have an academic life, despite the fact that I was a very good student. I ended up dropping out of school. It was what my seven siblings before me did. And while I did eventually earn a H.S. diploma and continued my education (in Criminal Justice) while in the Army, it was never what/something I truly wanted to do, for myself. There was a loss of personal identity in the Army. It was a vehicle to my future, to my today, but one does become the uniform. Shortly before entering my healing journey, I began questioning (again), "Who am I? Who am I that is not the Army, not my mother's/father's daughter, not my husband's wife, etc...? Now, I have had (and perhaps will have more of) a genuine academic life of my own. As these few years have passed while I took myself back to school, I encountered over and again various aspects of myself, learning to love myself along the way, learning to reparent myself along the way - for with me was a young girl/lady with two left feet who has needed a lot of encouragement and love. And as I again ready myself to meet the work world/my career, I am visited with the memories of my past, confronting those aspects that have defined me (unconsciously). I like to believe that that which is brought to light via our dreams (and contemplation) is to that it may be cleaned out, we more healed, more whole.

There has been an inability for me to trust the masculine, great conflicts with the masculine, hence often not believing in my own inner masculine to carry me. But then, I am always given very moving reflections of a positive masculine, be it in a dream or in another person. More and more, there becomes a death of what was (the masculine I knew as shaped early [mostly] by my experience of my father and my brothers) so that the balance may be achieved. To do that, I must, as you say Jerry, confront the masculine. I don't always know what that means, what it looks like, how to do it...but I do my best as I go. Perhaps I would do well to find some more good reading on this subject.

I have so greatly disowned my own masculine self that I have not even take credit for the positive expression of my masculine abilities... I found that the woman who interviewed me for the job who I thought would not call me back was actually very highly impressed by me. I was reading "uncertainty" in her during the interview, but I now feel that what I was seeing was her disbelief of the lady (me) who sat before her seeking employment...that she was feeling of me, "She is too good to be true." On another level, I also wondered if we were too much alike. I saw (see) her as a strong and determined lady, soft enough to be feminine and express that, but also confident and sure of what she stands for, what she is doing and how she does it, certain of her values/ethics, etc. I know...projection. When she called me back she had already determined I was the one for the job (though I did not yet know that). I went in to meet with her and the Regional Manager and found myself feeling very highly supported by both of them, knowing the conversation would end with their offering me the job. Profound validation in itself. Then came time to talk salary. I accepted the job without knowing exactly what it would be, but trusting that they would do right by me. They exceeded my expectations as a new graduate when they called back to "officially" extend the job to me with a salary significantly greater than that given to a new graduate, saying that my life experience merited it and that they were very glad and looking forward to having me join the team.

I do think the relationship with David of my young years is exactly as you suggested may have been the attraction factor., Jerry. We each possessed qualities the other needed/was looking for. I have said as much myself, before. I am seeing it all more clearly now, the need I had for it (him), then...the support he did give. And my brother Matthew dressing the wound... Matthew was three years older than me. He joined the Army National Guard when he was 20. I was 17. He gave me the inspiration and courage to join the Army myself. And I recall the first few days I spent in the Reception Battlion before being transferred to Boot Camp, the uncertainty I felt, could I do it? Will everything be okay? Here I am, entering the work world again and some of these same concerns are present, how I will fare, will I do well. I need my masculine strengths. My new manager sees these, they have been shown me time and again via my military experience, and my dreams have often brought me some soldier or Colonel to assist/direct me. I do need to own and balance the strengths I have gained.

I've written much already...it is helpful to do so...but I want to say more before ending. Jerry, you have spoken of death...the angel of death. No mistake, I think. I don't know what it all means to me yet, but... Could you have guessed that I have been working (in my clinical experience) in a nursing home for the past 5 weeks...and that 3 of my patients have not only died since I have been there, but that I predicted and told my instructor, "__________ is dying." She did not believe me. A total of 5 patients died during the time I was there. What are the odds that I would be caring for three of them? During my first week there, I found myself dreaming that I was dying, that I was expiring a last breath, letting go to death. I know they are all dying (that we are all dying) but these ladies "I knew" had entered the active process of letting the body go, leaving the body. I would look in their eyes and see death knocking, knowing they were in the process of letting go of the body. Not only that, but that I also began feeling a spiritual presence, whose name/essence was "death." I kept acknowledging it, feeling it, sensing it, but what to do with it... I did not know, still don't know. More than just sensing it, I also smell it. Right now, it feels like a tall order/gift to have. I also just (last Tuesday) attended training in the hospital I volunteer at, for a new program they have started, "No One Dies Alone" (NODA), to provide companionship for those who are actively dying and without family or friends to be with them. And, oh, during my first week at the nursing home, my first day actually, I had the experience of an all consuming (we talked about the consuming and being consumed before) love. I imagined it was the Great Mother, how she brings us into the world as helpless babes and takes us again the same way. Gosh, I feel it now, as I write. Ummmm... I don't know where it leads, but this is here with me. I have been wondering if it is mirroring a need for me to let go of the fear of death, too. So much I could say on this, as has been on my mind, as I have journaled recently...and is why it feels important to me that you ended up talking of it, as though your very words were validating what is my current experience.

Kristi

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I was not exactly sure why, but I felt moved to share this poem as I was writing here earlier. As I read it, now, I felt it speaks to the experiences I have been having surrounding death. I wrote this in 2003.

Kristi


In the Silence

In the quiet moments,
When my attention to the outside world has passed away…

When I am no longer captivated by the myriad illusion that streams before my eyes…

When all I feel is the breathing of my own body,
My heartbeat sounding inside of me…

A silent voice from within calls ~

I enter, with some hesitation, into Her Sound.

She urges me to consider...
Who am I?
Of what am I made?

Who am I…
When I am no longer mother, daughter, or sister?
When I am no longer teacher, student, or friend?
When I am no longer book keeper, banker, or entrepreneur?
When I am no longer rock climber, soccer enthusiast, or track star?

Who am I?
When I have none of these?
Are these of what I am made?

She pulls me closer to listen...
"Child," She says, "You are all, yet not ‘just’ these.
You are both so much more AND so much less.
Do you understand?"

I respond, in feeling, by telling her that ‘I love these things’ ...

"No less than I love you," She continues to say.

She knows that I am tiresome,
Wearied by my journey of searching for meaning in life,
“My Heart” now stretching to know what my mind alone could not explain.

Her Love flows through me…
My heartbeat grows larger, stronger than before.
The brilliance of Her sound magnifies inside of me,
And the world around me silences
As I feel the tender waves of Her care wash over me…

Suddenly, I am worlds away from all that I thought that I knew as me.

Frightened, I am, a little.
But She consoles my breathlessness,
As She carries me with Her
Into deep seas of beauty unimaginable,
The more of me I have yet to know.

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Kristi,
From your poem:

Who am I…
When I am no longer mother, daughter, or sister?
When I am no longer teacher, student, or friend?
When I am no longer book keeper, banker, or entrepreneur?
When I am no longer rock climber, soccer enthusiast, or track star?

Who am I?
When I have none of these?

Those words remind me of the words of Joseph Campbell's tale of the spiritual teacher discussing the 'meaning of life' and he holds up a flower. There is no real meaning, 'it is just there'. And so are we. Just a big mixture of protoplasm with no real purpose other than just 'being'.
Yoga is all about just being, not thinking, concentrating on the breathing, the life energy. And we all know the great benefits of participating in yoga.

---

When you are no longer 'held' within the restraints of social duty, you are just there, and more capable of realizing that there is no meaning to life. But by 'knowing' you put yourself on a higher plane of awareness, a higher knowledge of Self, and you discover that the meaning in life is what you make of it. Creativity, spiritual, giving of oneself to the other, through the muses, from the soul.

he who knows doesn't know
he who knows he doesn't know 'knows'
Joseph Campbell

Such 'musings' also remind me that the wisdom SELF evolves {if one is on the hero path}, to fully realize the greatest potential of the individual is to be able to cast off social dictates {often literally, other times metaphorically} and ego desires, and concentrate on the creative, spiritual aspects. When you are engaged in social duty you do so from a spiritual aspect, doing what is right all the time {not picking and choosing as so many religious types do}. The little things, everyday experiences in life, there not need to be a 'life changing' experience to properly participate in the hero journey. We do it everyday, each individual making choices. Is it ego or is it from a higher aspect?

This is a thought I wish to elaborate on because I sense many think that the hero path is only about 'major' experiences in life, life changing events.
It is seldom that I mention the creative Self without associating it with the spiritual. It is a simple answer to why that is. As an artist, a painter, a poet, or someone like myself who uses a website and dream interpretation to express my deeper Self and hopefully provide help to others, or anyone who merely by giving of them self to a higher cause that benefits mankind, that is participating in 'divinity, a spiritual act. 'Giving of oneself to the benefit of another, that is what the creative Self is about. The creative Self is from the soul, the soul's greatest desire, not to benefit financially or ego wise, but to share with others that inner wisdom of words, of music, of art, of the muse. When one is actually engaged in the social world the spiritual Self needs to be in control. Slaying the dragons of social duty, not giving in to the lesser being of temptation and ego. Ethics, compassion, caring for all life, these are soulful things.
Jung recognized the inherent aspects that make of the psyche, the anima/animus, the shadow, the mana personalities {George W. Bush is a good example of the mana}, and of course the spiritual or the Self. These are the basic aspects of the soul and by recognizing in the individual life the importance of these different aspects one can find 'within' the power of the creative, the spiritual, the inherent 'hero' that wishes to be the lead in the life.

Personal Experience
As I am engaged {reluctantly} in having to once again give my energies full time to managing my business I do so with the spiritual aspect as my lead. Providing those I do business with a superior product and service, being aware of what I do for them affects their lives, caring about that, that is where I place my priorities. Living an ethical life, caring about my actions, these are from the spiritual realm. Even as I wish I could put all my energies into my creative Self, but because of life's circumstances, I utilize the spiritual in my life as the controlling agent. You do not have to be in that creative mold to be spiritual. It should be an everyday experience. It is who you are, or should become.

And what have been the consequences? Whereas many of my competitors are having a more difficult time surviving this deep recession, I benefit from my ethical stance. 75% of the work I have gotten since the first of the year is because of my reputation, our 'good deeds'. Referrals, repeat business, quality work, that has been my life line.
Without that I could very well be homeless. I sincerely believe because I do use the spiritual as the guide I receive the benefits of the "Force", looking down favorably and providing helping hands just when I am in need. Similar to Luke Skywalker's adventure fighting the evil empire, except in real life, slaying personal dragons to reach that pinnacle I wish to achieve. That is the hero path. Spiritual, as well as creative.

It is a simple equation really, and it is within nature.
What goes around, comes around
And it is in this life. The hereafter takes care of itself.

At least I think so.

Jerry

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Jerry,

So much wisdom in what you shared.

You wrote: "And so are we. Just a big mixture of protoplasm with no real purpose other than just 'being'."

It reminds me of some of Adyashanti's words, where he tells that we should become as nobody's, doing no-thing, meaning that we should hold a position of non-identification with the temporal nature of life, and, therefore, ourselves. Easier said than done, but it is about knowing that true reality, that we often times gets glimpses of, in the "silence" between words, those gaps of time when the mind is quiet and we are just observing, just being, like the flower... empty of 'self,' with a small 's.'

I agree, and that it is important to mention, that the hero path does not necessarily contain major life experiences or climatic life changing events. Sometimes it does, but it is not prerequisite. Declarative experiences filled with thunderbolts and lightning are not needed here. Sometimes the call comes quietly, imperceptibly. Perhaps even to one's self, until they one day realize, "I am on that path." All it takes is the search ... just the knocking ... just the asking ... and one is on their way. And the, one day, the seeker disappears, too...

I like how you described your life approach, being of the spiritual, of being of benefit to others.

When I went for the recent interview that resulted in the offer of employment, I was actually concerned that I perhaps expressed from a too spiritual perspective, that I was looking for an organization that mirrored the qualities and values I believe in, genuinely being of service and help to others. I wondered if my future employer thought I was too "out there." But it is what I believe in and so I expressed myself in that vein. And I ended up learning that she greatly valued the same ethics.

I think my recent experiences surrounding death are asking me to make a firmer committment to the spiritual/creative.

Thank you for holding such an objective view/mirror.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

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