I have a dream memory that I am is if pedaling, on a bicycle, perhaps. I feel like I am working, exercising. Later, I am walking on some groundwork that is as if latticed in appearance. It is hard to describe. I say latticed because I see cross structures, yet I do not see the definite, organized, symmetrical appearance as in lattice work. It also is not as if one layer sits atop another. The design of the structure appears to be more naturally occurring, somewhat random, even ornate, but very purposeful in pattern. It is very solid, thick and very strong. It is of a dark color, like the soil of the earth, browns and blacks. I can see through the open spaces of the groundwork. Beneath it is what seems as a field of water. Someone is looking for something. I see a “link” just beneath the surface of this structure, as if the water is holding it up there. The link is made of the same material as the groundwork itself. It’s like it waits to be put in place, needed to be found. I announce that I see a link, here. Later, or next, I see myself performing my role as a Physical Therapist Assistant (PTA). I demonstrate and feel a flowing ease and confidence; belonging and beingness. Then, I am as if sitting on a sofa in a living room/living space. Ursula ( a healer I used to work with, for quite some time) is sitting next to me. On an adjacent sofa is Michael, a young black man, one of my school mates. Ursula and I are talking about how I am performing my role as a PTA, as seen in the previous dream scene. Then, I am reclining on the sofa, with my head nearest to Ursula. I am wearing a loose fitting shirt (like the one I sleep in). Ursula reaches in from the top of my shirt with both of her hands, about to touch my breasts. She pauses to ask Mike if he minds that she touches me like this in his presence. Mike responds that it is okay. She continues, gently massaging/stroking my breasts and down to my womb. I begin to feel feelings of ecstasy and beauty.

Ursula has been in my thoughts some, as I continue to work to understand the influence she has been in my life. While she never touched my body skin to skin (as in this dream), she is an adept energy worker and often ran her hands over my body in the treatment sessions. And Michael, what stands out about him (what came to mind upon considereing him) is something he said in class the other day as we all shared of our clinical experiences. Mike told that his instructor had asked him, "What do you want to learn," and that his (Michael's) response was, "I want to do what you do, I want to know what you know." He said this with what I interpreted as a no-nonsense simplicity and sincerity.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

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Kristi,
A summary of what I see within your dream.

Peddling a bicycle may represent 'peddling' your way through life's circumstances. The latticed cross structures would be the different structures in your life, your education, your past, your present and future. Yet to be complete, there is more organization required. The layers of emotions are always in play. The patterns are your own emotional patterns as well as the universal patterns within nature. Strong structures are built on 'thick and strong' foundations, rich soil for personal growth. Within the unconscious {water} there is that natural and constant search for growth {dreams and individuation}, and a link to conscious awareness and undertsanding. There is no separation of conscious and unconscious, only emotional divisions that may make it look that way. All things are one, made from teh same materials {the cosmos has the same baic materials as the human psyche}. Where is your place within all of this, the meaning in your life? You are comfortable within your own skin, with the decision of your chosen field.

Ursula is your therapist. Massaging body and soul, feeding your inner being {breast are tools of nourishment}. Michael is your masculine shadow, yearning to be part of the simplicity of being, your being, individuated, balanced and a life with harmony.

A positive very dream I would say.

Jerry

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Thank you, Jerry. I am away from home (in Oregon) right now and will respond once I return home this weekend.

Kristi

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Hi Jerry,

Again, thank you.

It was a very rich, positive feeling dream. I found myself needing to give it a lot of contemplation this week.

The "feeling" of pedaling on the bicycle seemed to speak to me more of the 'working out' of things, what my mind (or body/being) is doing in searching for balance. That image was very much focused on the turning of my feet/pedals around the sprocket... turning the gear, moving the drive chain.

But it was good to also consider the possibility of 'peddling' through life's circumstances. When I read your suggestion of "peddling,' the association that came to mind, for me (of a peddler), is a salesman/solicitor of the medincant order, like a beggar. I took pause to look at this, for I have often felt to be as if begging in life, born of a feeling of having been without and needing/desiring qualities I did not believe I too possess. I had a significant mother projection with Ursula. In that, I discovered a child-self aspect that was as if begging for mother's love ... the love of the mother who could not nurture/provide for me as a child ... the deep and far reaching pain of the child who felt so unloved as if to be searching for mother, everywhere. Ursula helped me to connect with loving aspects of "mother." Pitted against that (I found) was also the anger the child I was knew (some of which I placed onto Ursula). It became a dependency 'cycle' for me... because I was not then psychologically processing and working through all the things needed to arrive at the understanding that brings healing. I did not believe I too possessed such loving, feminine, spiritual qualities. So, instead of working through the psychological and emotional pain and learning to nurture myself, I would go back to her, again and again, to feel better. She always had a ready hand to soothe and comfort me (she is truly very gifted). I left it at that, without doing more inner work on my own. And, for me, a truly significant degree of dependency developed ... a strong bond had formed...and I began to feel smothered, like I could not grow, because I was remaining in a very child-like, psychological state of "dependency on mother." I allowed her to make decisions for me, did not think, nor take enough action for myself. It was at that time that I dreamed of having the gaping wound on the sole of my foot, showing me that the roots of my condition lay within the lack of love and support in my childhood. I was, from the start, greatly attracted to Ursula's gifts as a healer, have fancied and wanted to be a healer myself, and projected that onto her, too. She did also demonstrate a simplicity of being, providing an example of that for me. So, here, now, this dream comes at the time of my graduation from PTA school...after a lot of hard work learning to believe in myself again...and taking steps in life necessary to begin to find my place and calling...and beginning to truly find "the mother" and "the feminine" within my own self. When I initially discontinued my relationship with Ursula, it was bitter, and I was left with feeling an enormous amount of debilitating guilt at having done so. The whole situation had the effect of catalyzing both the positive and negative archetypal aspects of "mother" ... all the power mother weilds over us as children...as well as the power of the Great Mother, Mother Nature Herself, I feel. Ursula taught me much about beauty and beingness, much about nurture...she possessed powerful and very beautiful, very nurturing energy.

Michael: I agree, a young masculine shadow aspect yearning to be a part of that simplicity of beingness, expression of feminine beauty. He also gave me pause, because of his age (young) and because blacks (due social conditioning) still greatly feel less than and are still greatly striving to be, still have not achieved an equal place in our society ... much like I felt at and during the time I was working with Ursula.

I felt a need to really be clear about continuing to withdraw the projection from Ursula and continuing to find/know it in my own self.

Kristi

I came back to edit this because I initially listed my name in the name field as "Queen," the forum password. What might that be telling me about withdrawing projections...?

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

I wanted to come back and share this for my own sake, self-honesty...

Something else was callnig my attention as I was looking at this dream. I am not sure I will place this in the right words, but I need to try to: I mentioned the anger I earlier came to feel in my work with Ursula...how I projected it onto her, but that the root of my dilemna lay in my childhood. And though I am "female" and experienced extraordinary abuse as a child, I came to feel that my anger turned masculine, if we may say it has a gender expression. What I mean by that is that for some time I did not know how to find the light within the pain and suffering and I sometimes acted out, negatively, with blame and judgment and finger pointing, for what I could not accept or understand. I did not know how to accept my suffering, how to bear the pain life gave me, wihtout blaming and judging. And, in a big way, I see the anger I have held for my mother (and Ursula, with whom I had a significant mother projection) as being equal to my own inner masculine being afraid of the feminine. Meaning, I don't control life...not what happens...not any other person or thing...Nature does...and did, including my childhood experience.

To not honor the feminine beauty in my mother and Ursula would be equal to not honoring my own feminine beauty.

So, yes, a very positive dream in that Michael is now welcoming an inpouring of the feminine.

I went and borrowed the below words from another site to help explain what I tried to say above, as I felt I might not have articulated it well, but it felt very important for me to come back and share this more concerning what the dream pointed to, for me.

Kristi


http://www.whenthesoulawakens.org/index.php?page_id=275

To welcome the feminine is to acknowledge and accept her pain and anger, and the part we have played in this desecration. Women too have often colluded with the masculine, denied their own power and natural magic, instead accepted masculine values, ways of thinking. They have betrayed their own deepest self. But we must also be careful not to become caught in this darkness, in the dynamics of abuse, the anger and betrayal.

It is especially easy for women to become identified with the suffering of the feminine, her treatment by the masculine, to project one’s own pain and anger onto men. Then we are caught even more securely in this web that denies us any transformation. If we identify with the pain of the feminine we easily become an agent of her anger, rather than going deeper into the mystery of suffering, into the light that is always hidden in the darkness. Because in the depths of the feminine there is a deep knowledge that the abuse is also part of the cycle of creation. The Great Mother embodies a wholeness that contains even the denial of herself, and we need her wholeness if we are to survive and be reborn.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Femlae

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