Hi Jerry and Krist,

Yikes this is unfolding quickly and I am finally "getting (more of) it". Thanks for your wise counsel and support. I wish you both well during the upcoming holidays. And Jerry I hope you get some wonderful time with you family and grand children.

Blessings.

The evening preceding this dream was more self talk about my son, including some fear of violence from me toward him and from him toward me. Also some self talk about my anger toward my daughter-in-law about her neglect of my grandson and her health. And lots of anger toward myself for things I’ve done and not done as a parent. Deep sadness is under the anger as I ruminate about this history. And I was really frustrated that as I ruminated I was not getting to sleep.

The last thoughts I recall before sleep are of being at a trial of my son and he shoots me with his pistol. I think the trial was a custody trial and both my son and his wife are angry when they ask me for help/support and I tell them the truth about my feelings. Then I thought my son and daughter-in-law and grandson are killed in a auto wreck or a murder suicide by my son.

The dream occurs and I wake about three or four hours after falling asleep.

In the dream I am about my current age and in Portland, Oregon (native state and town where I did my undergraduate work) apparently attending a conference or professional meeting. I have an appointment with my psychotherapist at 5 p. m. and am thinking about this while schmoozing with folks at the conference. (I actually have a scheduled appointment at 5 p.m. with my therapist in Spokane, WA in late November while in the area for Thanksgiving with friends) I know I will need to leave for my appointment soon.

Three interesting and attractive women have engaged me in conversation. I am aware they are each attracted to me as I am to them. I am liking the time with them. (None of the women are recognized but all seem familiar to women I’ve recently met) The conversations with the women is fun, we all seem to be enjoying ourselves even thought there is an awareness of the awkwardness of all of us flirting simultaneously. I am enjoying the scene and do not want to leave.

I do leave the women in order to get ready for my appointment at about 4:30, knowing I am pushing the limits and will probably be late. I am not anxious but do feel a bit of guilt. I go to a room nearby to change clothes. I must borrow clothes from a young man who is there. (He reminds me of one of my graduate student interns, Rick who I haven’t talked to in more than ten years.) Rick provides a sport jacket which is too big, brown and very ordinary. I put it on and walk back through the room with the women and all three compliment me on my appearance. I like their compliments and attention.

When I am outside the conference building I become a bit confused about the location of the Benson Hotel garage, where I parked my red Chevy Blazer earlier. My cell phone is in the Blazer. I begin to look all around the urban environment for the garage. I look and look with out success and begin to feel panic about being so late for my appointment.

After much desperate looking I go into a mall type complex and find a store and seek a phone and phone book in order to look up my therapist’s number to call her. I am eager/anxious to call her and let her know I am coming but very late. A young, friendly and attractive woman offers to help me look up the therapist’s phone number. She presents a big phone book with yellow pages which are not alphabetized, containing big advertisements for therapists. I am not wearing my glasses so can only see blurry ads. I am confused and frustrated by the modern yellow pages and the friendly efforts of the young woman to help me. She does not seem offended by my expressions of frustration.

I notice another office (I think a travel agency or spa) near the mall store I am in and leave the the woman with the yellow page efforts and enter the other store, which is about to close for the day. The staff of the spa store are dressed and act very upscale and/but are friendly and willing to help me. A young attractive woman volunteers to look up "physician/therapist" and finds then dials my therapist’s phone number and hands me the phone.

The phone is red and has a clear plastic extension from the mouth piece which I must put into my mouth in order to speak. It is 6:15 when I finally talk with my therapist. The connection is poor and I can barely hear her and I am not sure she can hear me. I explain I won’t make today’s appointment but will be at tomorrow's (I actually have a late Nov. the day following the one mentioned earlier in this narrative) My therapist and I seem to agree that tomorrow will be okay and I return the phone to the young woman in the spa. I notice the clear plastic mouth piece is covered with my saliva. I am a bit uncomfortable with this. The spa woman does not seem to be uncomfortable.

I then chat briefly with folks in the spa. Friendly chat. I am given or pick up a large rectangular piece of red soap - maybe one half inch thick and 4 by 8 inches wide and long. I do something minor with or to it and know it must be discarded. I am unable to find a waste basket or place to throw it away. One of the male workers in the spa shows me a waste basket in an adjacent room, like a food preparation room, where I deposit the soap and two other things I am not sure of. I am grateful for the help the staff of the spa have given.

Wake up, feeling relieved and mildly short or breath. And go to my desk to write down the dream contents. Then back to bed and wake in another 4 or 5 hours with another dream.

In this dream I am about my current age and leading a small informal tour of a town. (It is New Paltz, New York, where I once owned property and wanted to build my dream house, near a college where I taught.) I lead the tour group - mostly folks my age - to a small house on a street where I once quietly and secretly took care of a small flower garden. I decide it is time to meet the owner of the garden and knock on the door of the house. A woman/man (?) answers and invites all of us in. We have a friendly conversation and enjoyable/happy time together. I am pleased to have finally met the owner of the house and garden I have cared for in secret.

I wake feeling positive and ready to start my day.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 67 & Powell, WY.

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Ken,
Let me give some time to the first dream later today. It is long and involved and will need some special attention.

As for the second dream. Like the first it pictures you at your current age. That may suggest your involved attempt to address your past, actively doing so with the desire to put emotional experiences into their proper place, and to help placate the emotions you are experiencing involving your son and those experiences. This is happening now.

I get the sense the dream is stating 'what may have been, what should have been in your life' {as opposed as how it has turned out to be}. You are reminiscing about that period of time when you had an opportunity to realize your dreams {these are our younger formative years}. This is the true person you wished to be and having met yourself in the dream, and realized what you really wanted in life, this dream is addressing a desire to find that true self again and finding a way to get back to that beautiful garden. A garden that could have been, should have been.

Although it may be too late to redo the past, there is still time to cultivate that garden of the true self. That self is usually found in a creative mold.

But the issues you are confronting in the present may be too much to let you focus on such aspects. Working through these issues will help you arrive at that place where you can tend that beautiful garden. There is still time. The fact you are actively working on this aspect of your life, have engaged a psychotherapist to help in that endeavor, is a positive step. There is still time.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Ken,
Yesterday turned out to be a full day of working for the social dragon. Let me try to give more time later today. I will need to break this long dream down to really begin to understand its intent. I do since some of the same aspects of the shorter dream but this dream does seem to be going deeper into the psyche. The parts about the red Chevy Blazer and red phone are probably important.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Thanks Jerry,

Your (and Kristi's) ongoing comments and insights are appreciated. I am beginning to understand my dreams. The comments you've made on prior dreams have been good lessons in understanding what is unfolding.

I look forward to your thoughts on the red phone and Blazer dream .... good stuff unfolding which is both painful and healing.

Gratitude,

Ken

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 67 & Powell, WY.

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Ken,

This is brief, not looking at every piece of your dream scenes, but I thought to ask if in the anger you feel for your son, are you projecting (onto him) your own unmet dreams on your past. Could the anger really be more about what you felt you did or did not do earlier in life, choices you made, courses of action you took? How you might have wanted your own life to be, etc.

Your imagining your son's angry expressions toward you and even the killing of his family might be a reflection of a younger you who is angry, where there was the demise of what was or could have been.

What sepecifically this might be, only you would know, if this fits.

The dream goes on to show you in the dream garden/house you have coveted...

The dream focus on relationship with others ... woman.

You're having a hard time "seeing," speaking, connecting with the theraspist of you - the one who may help you understand why you are projecting so much anger onto your son.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

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Ken,
After breaking down your dream I see it as a continuing dialog about the emotional stresses in your life, the anger and frustrations of events having to do with your son. There is that desire for tranquility you have known in your past but that state of being is hard to achieve with all that is going on in your emotional life. The crux of the dream seems to be addressing those frustrations and anger but also how you have turned 'inward', consulting those feminine aspects to help you remain claim and patient with the ongoing process with emotional turmoil in your life. That is the positive aspect of the dream, utilizing the qualities of the feminine and balancing them with those masculine attitudes that define your everyday temperament {at the end of the dream, and it is the only time you do, you turn to the masculine self}.

The dream does seem to be addressing your current waking life and the emotional turmoil as well as the long term experiences that have led to this moment in time {in both dreams you are at your current age}. You are searching for answers to how to rediscover those times of emotional balance {undergraduate work in Portland?}. And although you are learning to consult the various aspects of the psyche that will provide balance {the feminine} you are also having to utilize your masculine skills in your waking life. You are working toward balance but having trouble in achieving those goals.

With what you have given us in the terms of your waking life, the trouble with your son, I can see where achieving such balance would have a lot of difficulties. I think the dream is merely trying to help you sort through the emotional baggage and come up with solutions. That is what dreams do as therapeutic tools, help sort through emotional baggage.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Thanks Kristi,

I'm in a bit of a hurry this morning - heading to Las Vegas for a concert. So this must be brief. Your thoughts about my projections and shadow thoughts are right on. I've been the "peace maker and all around good guy" in all families (original and two marriages and with my son when he was a teenager) and always sought to avoid my own anger and at times rage. I accept that the current awareness and thoughts of death/killing etc are mostly about me. I will have more time to respond and consider both Jerry's and your thoughts when I return next week.

blessings and gratitude,

Ken

I appreciate your insights and good counsel

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 67 & Powell, WY.

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Morning Jerry,

I'm in a hurry to get ready for a trip so must be brief. Both you and Kristi have observed that the dreams are lots of unfolding of me getting acquainted with some of my shadow stuff and projecting a lot of my long standing avoidance of anger/rage onto others, like my son. I've been the "peace maker/good guy" most of my life and am finding this role less useful or worthwhile as I grow older.

Thanks for your ongoing insights and responses. More consideration of your thoughts and insights when I return from my trip.

Blessings and good times with your family.

Ken

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 67 & Powell, WY.

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Hi Ken,

Wishing you a good trip. It is wonderful that, again, your dream maker gave you what was needed to balance the angry thinking - all those nice meetings with the feminine. It may be that you are in process of accessing your inner feminine in a greater way, for it is balancing - and therapeutic.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

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