I feel I have just had a conversation with my mother. I am aware of feeling that she is still nearby, perhaps in the next room. I am laying in an opened sofa bed in a living room. The room is very large, spacious feeling. I am laying on my right side. I feel something at my anus. I reach back with my left hand to see what it is and find something more substantial than but thread-like in substance. As I take a hold of it, I become aware of a man that is laying behind me, also on his right side. I throw the substance out of the bed, on the right side of the bed, realizing that it connected me to this man. I can feel that he is tall, greater than six-feet and on the slender side. I joke about the length of his body, saying something about being 7 feet tall. He comes closer, spooning his body around my own and begins nibbling and kissing my shoulder, working his way to my neck, as he says something about being a hungry wolf. He says this in a gentle and playful, matter-of-fact manner. We have sex. Then, we are sitting on another sofa in the living room. We are putting our shoes on. I am still aware of my mother being nearby, as if an earshot distance away. I think I smoke a cigarette as we talk. Now, I see his face. He has light brown hair and a full mustache, a very large and prominent nose. Noble…his face is noble appearing. I have some feeling sense of my experience with the military, but this man is not in the military, does not feel regimented. Disciplined, but not regimented. He mentions something about school. I question him and learn that he works during the day and goes to school in the evenings. I like this man. He feels “clean” to me.

Later, I am at an event site out in the community, in a big city. It is like an outdoor amphitheater, perhaps. I step into the women’s restroom and choose one of the toilet stalls to enter. As I close the stall door behind myself, I see that the toilet is full of human waste and the seat is very dirty. I decide that I will not use this toilet and leave the restroom. I am walking up the (outdoor) stairway at the same time as two young black girls do. At first behind me, they end up ahead of me as we go. I imagine they are employees of the event site, perhaps 16 or 17 years old. One is saying to the other that the stairs need to be swept as people do use them. We turn the corner and ascend the second set of stairs. The same girl says that she will get shirts for them to wear while they do the cleaning. I feel the second girl would prefer not to have to clean up after others, whereas the first seems to be “in charge” of what needs doing.

These dreams scenes were actually came a day before the last dream I posted.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I will take a look at this dream later in the day or in the morning.

Jerry

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Kristi,
I'll have to fudge on my promise to look at your dream this morning. I got involved in my post about archetypes and now my time is up. Social duty calls, a few dragons need slaying. I will try my best to look it over later today.

You input about archetypes would be valuable.
Thanks for your patience.

Jerry

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I thought it was like my stadium scene looking down on Barack Obama winning the motorcycle race.

I am often having stadium dreams, and it is always an elevational matter. If I try to go onto the field, I get stopped by someone, probably for the better. If I find myself on the field, I am sometimes eating and can't speak clearly. It has impressed me as the place where my contradictory impulses engage in open retalliation with one another.

I succumb to the temptation of quoting another C.J. passage-
[quote"The psyche is far from being a homogeneous unit-on the contrary, it is a boiling cauldron of contradictory impulses, inhibitions, and affects..."[/quote]

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Kristi,
With all your recent dreams we have to the higher calling as a great part of the intent. The conversation with your mother probably addresses your Great Mother as much as it does with any waling experiences with your true mother. Of course those personal experiences is something only you can know with the symbolic language being what we as interpreters can see.

The language about the anus is probably addressing something that needs to be let out, possibly even eliminated. It doesn't pass my notice how much the word anus comes to that of the animus. Could there be associations there? I may be 'bigger' than you realize.

The detailed description of the dream man and the feeling sense of my experience with the military, these seem to be addressing actual waking experiences more so than just the deeper aspects of an animus aspect. "Disciplined, but not regimented". Who fits with this in your waking life experiences? Is there more to the relationship than he just being someone you identify with in your own personality?

The dirty restroom where there is full of human waste. This may be speaking to your own life but it also be directed at the world at large? I often look at the world, not only American society for which I see a narcissist environment beginning to take hold, but the world at large. So much waste of the human spirit dedicated to greed and the subtle body and its desires.
But there is direct language to age, and perhaps deeper shadow aspects {two young black girls. Does this conjure up any personal memories of the ages of 16 or 17? There is opposites involved, perhaps conflicts?
What is it that needs to be swept clean?

Jerry

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Hi Sam,

I can see how you make that correlation. Yes, we all are really like these crucibles/cauldrons in which so many varied aspects of ourselves (thoughts, emotions, impulses, instincts) exist. I've once dreamed myself exactly as Jung tells: I came to consciousness in my dream state to find my body feeling as a bubbling/boiling bath ... not that I was in a bath(tub), but that "I was the bath," with water as if boiling up in big bubbles within my body. It was another time of deep and intense work. Working it all out takes years, is a process.

Let me move over to my Word program to write what has come to me on this dream and respond to the food Jerry has also provided for thought.

Kristi

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First, I’d like to share the understanding that has come to me on this dream, and then respond to what has been offered by Jerry.

As I begin, remember that about one week earlier than this, I dreamed of my father releasing the steel pillars that held Kallen-Me to the concrete bases in the waters of the unconscious…

I initially saw the conversation with my birth mother as showing that this in part of the conflict the dream is addressing. I immediately feel, in the dream, that something is changed (or changing). This was not dream thinking, but intuitive sensing that this is what psyche is communicating to me.

Then, I am in the sofa bed. (What you would not know without my telling, and so an example of how symbols can be so very personal to the dreamer, is that when I was finally ready to see and consciously “know” that I was molested by my father as a child, it came in a dream wherein I was sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room of my childhood home…as was once an actual sleeping place for me in my young years.)

The room is spacious, so something opening up, more. In the dream, the feeling effect is one of greater freedom and personal autonomy. (So, there I was once again waking up on that sofa bed, only this time it is not the child I was, with hands placed protectively over her pelvis screaming in terror, telling what had happened.)

I became aware of something at my anus. At first some surprised by this, I reach for it and then throw it out of the bed, as if it is, what? Disgusting or illicit…some of the ways I learned to feel about sex in my early life. But...no...I learned there was actually an animus aspect there, trying to make himself known to me, wanting to come into consciousness. I can also say that the energy/essence of “wolf” (and all that wolf stands for as totem) is making its way into consciousness…and is seen again in a more direct and embodied manner in a dream (not posted here) that came two days after this one.

Again, I am not intimately engaged with a man in waking life, so all this relational activity in my dreams has to do with animus development.

The act of sex, which was not prominent in this dream, meaning “sex” itself was not the issue being addressed, but shows that “integration” or union (if you will) with this animus aspect is what was occurring.

But it does give me the opportunity to say that what else the dream is addressing is the feelings of wrongness/guilt around sex that are multiplied in an incestual childhood, especially when one’s mother experience communicates to the child (me) that it is wrong to be a female, let alone to exist at all.

Note that we put our “shoes” on, as we sit at the other sofa once out of the bed. The “shoes” (also seen in another recent dream…in my Shoes, Congregation and Old Women dream) http://www.mythsdreamssymbols.com/dreamforum.html are significant. It is as if I am saying, “I will be, Mother! I will be me!” I will not be sucked in by you (the mother complex) any longer. I will not be forced into screaming silence any longer (think, “open mouthed, lip-lock” here). The child I was lived in silent screaming. I had many a reason and cause to scream out as a child, but I was forced into silence by a mother who refused to acknowledge my plight and take action to prevent it. It is also as if I am saying, “My body and my sexuality is not forbidden, is not sinful.” Beginning to say, "I will find and have and know my voice, my self."

Noble, I find, is a good way to describe the feeling energy of this aspect of my animus. I take his mention of work during the day and school at night to imply my need to continue with my inner studies in the evening, perhaps even in a pronounced way at this time. It is what is occurring.

The second scene shows that there is a part of me that would prefer not to have to do some of the “dirty?” work of healing issues of my past, perhaps even of being public about them. This speaks to the matter of “elevation” that Sam alluded to. Notice how the dream shows the air I hold. By “ascending” the stairs I am saying, “I am above this.” Not true. Not at all true.

I value how wonderfully my psyche not only mirrors this to me, but also its resolution, in the two young black girls. One is immature. She is the me who walked out of the dirty stall, saying, “Not my job.” The other is quite mature for her young age, taking charge, yet diplomatic, and able to communicate the necessity of cleaning these stairs so that others may walk without the filth, in a way that my immature self can accept and begin to see the value of. I smile. I can see both of these girls in myself when young. Yes, yes. They are me.

Jerry, I'll respond to your comments later, in another post, and get over to see what more you and Sam have said in the thread on Campbell and archetypes.

Kristi

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Jerry,

Without a doubt, it is the Great Mother that is propelling the healing of my life…(propelling all of life).

In my waking life, I am taking my own space, away from my true mother. Literally, not spending time with her and not taking or returning calls. Being my own person, not being accountable to her, refusing guilt trips, etc. Taking the power away from her voice…wading through the voices inside of me to see and find which ones came from my mother’s influence…rejecting them…learning to find my own.

I think again this moment of a poem my analyst and I shared briefly of earlier in the week. It has been an important one for me and I think I have shared of it here before:

The substance connecting with my anus was coming to my anus from the outside. It was a sort of tickling sensation that caught my attention. So, I feel certain it was telling of this aspect of the animus coming into my awareness. And I think you are correct, Jerry…that my psyche was telling me that my animus (though definitely still developing) is bigger than I realize…that I’ve not given enough attention/credit to this aspect of myself, having been so focused on the feminine. I actually wondered whether or not a younger Jung might have appeared as this man did…the nose, moustache, and the chin. Other than that, I would have to say you, Jerry (I know I have seen your picture before, but do not recall facial details), as relates to discipline (and our much talk of it) without regimentation…and just in general, yet broadly, how much y/our sharing has helped me. My dream may have been inviting me to/showing that I am incorporating more of this into my life.

I’m glad to receive your comments on the last scene. It was a place of the collective. And so, that gives me pause… As I alluded to in my earlier post: I can see the young me who was much like the championing young black girl, who saw something wrong and was humble enough and noble enough to want to do something about it, to make things better, in the world. I am also aware of the young me, who, hurt and embittered by seeming injustices, feels, “It is not my job.” I think this scene is attempting to help me resolve this conflict. It occurs to me as I type that I recently said to my analyst that I have sometimes felt (in regards to my family of origin and all that is inherent in my experience) what I described to her with emotional affect, “Take it back,” as if saying, “I do not want ‘your’ stuff,” referring to my family history. I think an immature part of me has a confusion regarding my life experience. A part of me is exceptionally intuitive and can see very deeply into the nature of the problems present in my birth family… generations of ignorance and abuse and neglect and abandon and oppression…and all the pain these have created. I have felt some of these karmic patterns “not mine,” and would prefer not to have to deal with them/dealt with them. Some of what I have experienced has been very, very deep and very, very painful … and I have often been full of self-pity. At 16 and 17, I wanted to make the world a better place, I wanted to rise above the plights of my childhood, I wanted to go on to thrive, not just survive. My spirit ached to do so. I feel like that selfish young woman is coming on-line, so to speak. I see the cleaning of the toilet and the sweeping of the stairs, as continuing with/doing my own deep healing work, so that I might (some day) make a clearer way for others via my sharing in life.

Kristi

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