I have these really weird dreams that I can't control no matter what (you know like lucid dreaming?).
I've tried everything but it's like I can't do anything in my dreams.

Like this one: I am in a white room, no doors, no windows. There are words on the wall written in Latin, I'm not sure what they say. I am sitting cross legged on the floor and my eyes are closed. They open and there is someone sitting across from me. I get up and drag my hand along the wall, then I start choking like I can't breathe and pound on the walls to get out. All the while this person is just sitting there looking at me. I try yelling at him but he won't say anything. I pass out, then I wake up.


And there's this one:
It shows a red sky with dark clouds and the ground is rusty colored. Buildings are demolished and on fire and there are car crashes but almost no people (and the ones that are there are injured or dead). The death card (from tarot) with the reaper on it flashes across the screen (that's how I see my dreams, in 3-d like a movie). Then it shows me about two years older than I am now, wearing a tattered black dress and holding a sythe. My eyes are dark red with black rings around the irises and I have a cold, numb look on my face. There are bodies lieing around me, some of them on fire. Two girls walk up talking to me (two girls that are friend's of mine), it starts snowing and I wake up saying something.

My roommate (I am in boarding school) stayed up to see what I am saying cuz I kept waking her up.

She said that I said -- Domina ab Silentium. Which I looked up and it means Mistress of Silence.
And when I said it, she said that I was clutching at my heart.


This is completely real, and it is really starting to freak me out because I can't control it.

Also last night I had another dream. It was nightime and I was tied to a stake, I am wearing a pentacle necklace around my neck. Dead hands or hands of spirits or something start trying to pull me down. Then the hands turn into flames and I am burned to death.

By the way, I am pagan.

Can anyone tell me what these mean? Thanks so much!
:)

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Selene,
Because you are so young the dream may be a simple response to a waking experience that over dramatizes the experience. But it could be more and deeper. If so consider this:

What I come away with from reading your dreams is there are strong emotional issues in your life and because you are a pagan and have studied the ancient rituals those are mixed in with the emotional aspects. The second dream in particular seems to point to '{dark clouds in your life. The demolished buildings, the dead and injured people would represent aspects of you, parts that are injured or dead, your whole self being demolished from the emotional conflicts. The term 'Domina ab Silentium' seems to be related to dominated mistress'. This may refer to some aspect in your life where the 'feminine' self was dominated by others sources {people, experiences} that may not be a positive for you. Clutching your heart may suggest it is a matter of the heart.

Are there recent experiences that may fit the above? Dead feelings, depression, perhaps due to matters of the 'heart', or even the soul. If they are not romantic they may involve experiences having to do with your belief system {pagan}, a matter of the soul. There is an element that is 'dominating' you {feminine/mistress domination}.

Here is an example of lucid dreaming where the therapeutic value of dreams may be diminished. Lucid dreaming may inhibit the healing process of dreams {healing in they inform you of the unconscious conflicts in life and help you work through them}. Dreams are a natural remedy to emotional conflicts just as the body has the immune system to help heal body illness and prevent sickness. Taking control of a dream may dilute this natural process. I am not a big fan of lucid dreaming unless it is used to ask questions are guide oneself to answers available in a dream. To do that properly involves a lot of experience and will power since lucid dreaming can be a source of 'unconscious fun' while asleep.

Jerry

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Well, I don't think I am depressed or anything. But I do have dead feelings sometimes, like I just don't care about people then the next day I will be fine.


Domina ab Silentium means Mistress of silence not dominated mistress because Domina means mistress.

The only weird experience I had lately was when my roommate and I (she is pagan too) did a seance. We contacted a spirit that was talking about 2012 and how "they will come to teach us" and something about war. We thought it was a dangerous spirit and closed the circle.

That's all I can really think of that is weird right now.

I've had "boyfriends" if you can call them that before but I never took it too seriously.

Oh and my friend (not at my school) said that she saw me in one of her dreams dressed in the black dress with the scythe, and she told me about it before I told her about mine.


I've been able to control other dreams and I am pretty good at it but these I just can't get control of.

Thanks!:)

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Selene,
The dreams of a 13 year old. Too many emotions, so many possibilities. In life and in your dreams.

The dominated female would be the metaphor. Dreams will use language as a tool to describe a pattern of behavior. Those behavior patterns that make you who you are.

domina, dominae F a mistress, dame, lady, she who rules ...... silentium, silenti N a being still, keeping silence, noiselessness, stillness, silence

This could very well represent your developing personality, a dominating mistress, dame, ruler. It would not need to be your actual role in life but it could be the pattern your personality is associated with.
And it may not mean in a way to dominate boys. It could be the dominating feminine aspect within 'your' psyche. the dominance over the masculine aspects. In my thinking a strong feminine aspect is more desirable than the masculine. My ability to interpret dreams is built around my 'intuitive' mind which are feminine aspects {anima}.

The silence could be physical, and/or it could be psychological.

What would all the darkness be about, other than that which relates to your personal path? It would be unconscious darkness, the unconscious is silent, you may things going on in your head that you do not consciously deal with but unconsciously you have to. We all do.

As for emotional issues. What is family life like, at home?
Your dreams will focus on those emotional things while consciously you do wish to too.

silenti N a being still, keeping silence, noiselessness, stillness, silence
The silence is the conscious not wishing to 'hear' the unconscious forces. be still, be silent

When a person reaches the age of 50 and wants to know why he/she turned out to be the person they are, you can most always go back to childhood and see those defining influences that made him/her that person. When you do that you 'can' begin to recognize the patterns of behavior, something you may have witnessed before in your dreams.
Except dreams have a language of its own.
The experience is literal. The dream is metaphorical.

Your dream with the red sky and dark clouds. The demolished buildings, the crashed cars, those are parts of you. This tells me there are parts of you that may be crashing, demolishing some part of you. It could be focusing on some recent waking experience that may or may not be that important but had enough emotional energy to be a part of your dreams.
Or it could be something much deeper.

A dominating personality, a dark ruler as you would most likely see yourself because of pagan beliefs, these are characteristics you would possess to 'fight' against those unwanted emotional conflicts in life. In that sense it is metaphorical, but when compared to the waking life,something literal may fit somewhere. In places you may not want to look.

What is your family life like?

Jerry

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Family life? I don't really talk to my family a lot.
I spend most of my time at boarding school of course and on breaks we go on vacation or I stay at school and study.

I used to spend most of my off-school time at my great grandmothers' house, which was really cool because she lived in France. But she passed away a couple years ago. The only thing I have left of her is the Book of Shadows she gave to me.

I do have a lot of "feminine" aspects, like empathy, and intuition when I meditate. That's what I mainly work with in my magick. I've also seen past life visions.

I also have a habit of bottling my emotions.

Thanks for your help so far :)

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Selene,
Such a life without family must be lacking in parental bonding. Do you consider your family to be other 'pagans'?

The dominating mistress could be addressing your evolving personality. Dreams do pronounce such traits of personality. Moving away from family oriented surroundings and being placed in boarding schools could easy be the source of a need to be such a dominating personality. But we can only guess at this moment to the true relationship to your personality. If you were older then perhaps we could pronounce it as a fact.

Much of the stresses in your life probably have to do with the lack of family bonding {something you may not appreciate now but will realize later in life}. The 'Book of Shadows', if indeed a book of spells I believe it to be, must an influence on your decision to align with pagans. Although many would look at such an association as a bad idea I see most pagans as earth oriented spiritual people who often have a better perspective on life than 'people of faith'. Some would even consider me to fit with paganism although I do not align myself with any one spiritual belief.

I do believe these dreams are a product of the unconscious dealing in some way with family and life as it has already evolved. The inclusion of some of these symbols would be related to your pagan beliefs. But overall the emotional conflicts, something you may not yet realize, are from earlier life, and the evolving lack of parental and family bonding. As you grow older I believe you will begin to understand this. But for now, at the age of 13, perhaps not.

Jerry

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None of my living family are pagan and they seem to think I am going through a phase and they don't take me seriously.

My parents place me in boarding schools because they just don't want to deal with me. They already raised two boys and I think by the time I came along they were done with kids.
I have been shipped off to my great grandma's house, and out in boarding schools and summer camps as far back as I can remember. I never even asked to go to any boarding schools.

I have tried to spend time with my parents but they never seem interested.
My brothers come to see me someimes though.



Yeah a book of shadows is a spell book passed down from generation to generation in a family of pagans.
My great great grandma started the book and then passed it down to her daughter (my great grandma) who added her spells to it.
She didn't pass it down to my grandma though because grandma became a christian. Then she wouldn't allow Grande mamie (thats what I called her) to give it to her children.

So, because I spent so much time with her, she passed it down to me (my mom isn't christian and didn't care).


Thank you! There are so many people who misunderstand pagans.

Speaking of symbols, last night I had a dream (if you can call it that, it was so short) that it was pitch black I couldn't see anything. Then a pair of yellow eyes appeared and a black cat's body appeared around them, the cat changed to a raven, and then the raven turned to a black panther that then pounced at me and I woke up.

Thanks so much :)

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Selene,
Pagans can be as spiritual as any other religious oriented persons. As long as there are 'good deeds' associated with your actions the 'karma' in life will return good to you. As the old saying goes, what goes around comes around.' Faith has little value without the good deeds. Pagans have a needed relationship with the environment that many religions do not. You are a 'leg up' in that aspect and if you abide by the laws of nature you will find a true spiritual ground to live by. Such is the case in my life, spirituality without the barriers of religion guiding me, helping me, providing me with balance and a harmony that my past 'religious' {christian} upbringing could not.

As for your last dream. My sense is the experiences of your life in the present are causing you to go 'deeper' into that unconscious realm denying family exists, because of not having the proper nourishment and love from your parents. Anything black in a dream often points to unconscious contents, or the making of unconscious contents. From a pitch black environment of the dream there is the 'black' cat and then the black panther. Cats and panthers are felines which would point to feminine aspects. That could be associated with you being a female but more likely has to do with feminine traits that are forming your personality and who you become. That has a lot to do with early life experiences which play a big role in who you do become as an adult. Those negative experiences are often pushed into the deep unconscious so not to be 'burden' in your conscious life.

It is pure psychology.

Your actual family has become almost non-existent and your new family would be your pagan beliefs and friends. There is not wrong with that but the lack of proper family love and acceptance will one day return, later in adult life. It could cause serious emotional pain and even have a deep influence on personality as well as how you deal with life. The dominating feminine may be a part of that, partly a positive thing but also a negative. But because you can not change your parents, you must develop aspects to deal with the improper family life. And later in life when these issues begin to resurface, seek proper guidance to resolve the emotional issues. There will be emotional issues, you can count on it.

Jerry

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Yes I know all of that, we call Karma the Rule of Three. :)

Okay thanks, I think I understand now about the feminine personality.

Yes I know that I should have a better family life (and I have tried) but I just don't and I do regret it.
But my roommate is a pagan and so is her family, I spend alot of time with them.

Thanks :)

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Selene,
Don't blame yourself for not having that 'good' family life. It is your parents who should be better parents. If you feel at 'home' with your pagan friend and her family then build on that. Being with those who care is the most important thing.

Jerry

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Thanks, I do feel at home with them, I spend the pagan holidays with them.
Also my dorm is like a big family, even though the girls are 1-2 years older than me (I skipped 7th grade)we spend a lot of time together, we watch movies and play games and study together. So I guess I don't really miss my real family that much, because I am surrounded by friends constantly.

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Oh and also last night the dream about the white room changed.

It was the same white room and I was still sitting cross legged on the floor. This time there were symbols written on the wall in some kind of red liquid (my friend thinks it was probably blood).
And when I looked up instead of there being a random guy sitting there, it was a girl that looked exactly like me except she had black hair and red eyes (like me in the other dream with the scythe)and she had that cold look on her face.

I got up and started tracing my index finger along the symbols, and she did the same thing on the other side of the room.
The room then went dark and I started freaking out and pounding on the walls (like before). Dim lights came back on and the girl was standing in front of me. She plunged an athame into my stomach and I woke up.


What do you think that means? Thanks for the help!:)

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Selene,
Have you read my page A Simple Guide to Dreams? Although you are very young and may have some difficulty understanding Jungian psyche, your interest in pagan rituals and symbols should provide insights that most 13 year olds would lack. Your dreams are about you and your emotions. The she in the dream is you, or represents some aspect of your psyche. The girl standing in front of you is also you. Terms like stomach would be symbolic {see dream dictionaries to help understand the possibilities}. Since there are so many changes at age 13 {physical and psychological} the 'stomach' aspect probably refers to the many emotions you are going through.

Dreams speak in a language of symbol and metaphor. The symbols are about you and the metaphors are about you and your emotions. Jung, a psychologist and scientist, recognized the these relationships and developed a theory of dream interpretation that works. I use it in my interpretations and the results are quite successful. The hardest dreams to interpret, are those of younger people like yourself. Why? An older person's dreams, past the age of 40 in particular, are focused on the accumulated experiences and the 'emotional baggage' they have from those past experiences. They are at that mid-life stage where instead of looking forward they begin to look back.
A younger person has yet to experience life and most have few experiences to look back on {except for very traumatic experiences, such as physical or psychological abuse}. You are still forming personality, at the beginning of life and have very little emotional experiences for the dream to address {dreams are therapeutic in that they help resolve emotional issues by providing insights to those emotional experiences that are in conflict}. Except dreams have their own language {much like the language of ancient Egypt's Hieroglyphics}.

I provide the above info because of your interest in symbols from pagan beliefs. Those symbolic rituals are more in tune with the nature of dreams and its symbolic language. Understand symbols and metaphor and you can understand your dreams. With a little help from Jung of course.

Jerry

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Wow that is really interesting, thank you so much you've really helped me learn a lot about my dreams.

I have actually read something about Carl Jung, I think it was called the Shadow Self?
Could that be who the girl was?

Thanks again,

Selene

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Selene,
Could she be a shadow figure? A very good question. I don't often label many symbols as archetypal because that suggests something that is often hard to pin down and suggest would there is something deep within the unconscious that is involved. And the question also to be asked is where a 13 year old would have developed a 'shadow' figure so early in life. We do know that the shadow is usually a person of the same sex but other qualities may not be so simple to identify.

The definition of the 'shadow':

The Shadow is always the same gender as the individual. The Shadow is considered to be a collection of inferiorities, undeveloped, and regressive aspects of the personality. They are primarily of an emotional nature and have a kind of autonomy, displaying an obsessive or more accurately a possessive quality.
The Shadow is the personification of that part of the human psyche possibility that we deny in ourselves and project onto others. It is everything in us that is unconscious, repressed, undeveloped or denied.

In dreams your shadow may be represented either by some figure of the same sex as yourself (an elder brother or sister, your best friend, or some alien or primitive person) or by a person who represents your opposite (and of the same sex).
A clear example of this in literature is Robert Louis Stevenson's '
The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde', in which Mr Hyde may be seen as Dr Jekyll's unconscious shadow, leading a separate and altogether different life from the conscious part of the personality.


Cinderella is a shadow figure. She is ignored and neglected by her elder sisters. They go out into the world, but Cinderella is shut up indoors. This represents the contrast between the conscious ego (which relates to the outside world) and those parts of the unconscious that have not been allowed any part in one's conscious activity.

For this to be your Shadow there would have to be some emotional conflict in your life that has been rejected, repressed or ignored. That is why I asked the question about physical abuse. At 13 there would need to have been some emotional experience earlier in life that would had been reject by the conscious mind and placed deep in the unconscious, hidden away so not to have to confront the emotional pain. Of course psychological pain could be a reason also if it is so severe that it causes emotional disturbances. Whether your parents neglect of their parenting duty qualifies depends on many things.

One aspect of your dreams is there are many images of symbols but that does that make them necessarily symbolic images {qualifying as a metaphor}. The death card with the reaper would in an older person's dreams, and with no knowledge of pagan rituals, could qualify as an archetypal image. But for a 13 year old who consciously uses such materials in the conscious life, they more likely are reflecting current waking life experiences {this is a partial example of the difference of an older person's use of an image in a dream and a younger person}.

The Domina ab Silentium may better involve an archetypal 'reference' if you had no knowledge of it prior to the dream. But your study of pagan ritual could produce such images with the collective psyche providing the image. I sense your knowledge of certain pagan philosophies may have more to do with that than actual references to your collective psyche.
I don't see any great evidence this is a major 'Shadow' figure in your dream. I believe it involves a stimulated psyche that has evolved beyond the norm of a 13 year old and who has a childhood that has had its foundations 'altered' from a lack of good family environment. Everyone has a 'wounded child' within and I believe the dream is addressing that aspect in your life. If you were in such emotional pain and conflict I would think otherwise, there is that Shadow at play. Plus there is no clear image that would qualify as a shadow other than vague references to the 'older you' and the two girls.

Do you have any dark, repressed experiences that need to come out? If so then we would need to look for that shadow in your dreams. That is what produces the shadow to begin with, deep emotional wounds that have been hidden away.

Jerry

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Well not exactly repressed feeling, although I don't really talk to any one about feelings and stuff like that. But I have been thinking about something that could be described as dark and I haven't gotten the guts to talk to my friend about it because I am afraid she won't understand.

I've never been abused, unless you mean verbal abuse, my dad did that to my brothers and me (when I was little before they sent me away), he would yell at us constantly and call us names (names that little girls shouldn't be called).

Thanks! :)

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Selene,
With the added info you provided, especially the info about your parents, I see these dreams as addressing the 'psychological neglect/abuse' {harsh verbal abuse qualifies as psychological abuse} from them as well as images of current waking experiences involving your pagan beliefs. Those images most likely have symbolic references to the psychological conflicts {the death cards and the reaper representing a wish for an end to such conflicts}. The older you with dark red eyes and black rings may represent seeing no future of the old you {because of the childhood/parent relationship}. The numb look along with the snow would represent your psyche and the cold feelings you receive during earlier childhood. This could represent a shadow aspect.

In the first dream the person sitting across from you is a male. That could represent your father, a call on your part for acceptance. The closed eyes is perhaps closing your eyes to the lack of acceptance and love from your parents to alleviate the pain. All in all, even though you are now finding friends and a surrogate family, the dreams are focusing on the emotional conflicts with your real family. Consciously you may be not giving thought to that but unconsciously it is still there and will remain there until resolved. Such painful conflicts never leave until they are resolved.

Jerry

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Wow thanks so much for your help, I don't think I'll be able to resolve my problems with my family until college or later but I definetly understand that I should resolve it eventually. Especially cause I don't want to keep having dreams like the one I did last night.

Here's what happened in the dream -- I was in my room at my school and I was going to bed, so I got into bed and as soon as I closed my eyes I woke up again (not really but in the dream) but I didn't wake up as me now -- I woke up as me when I was 7 and in my bedroom at my Great Grandma's house.

I got out of bed and I could see the full moon out side the window. The room was filled with stuffed animals and in the dream I was thinking "how did those get here? Mommy packed them all away in the basement at home."
There was one that I didn't like for some reason and it really freaked me out that it was there, it was a big white wolf with blue eyes, Idk why I didn't like it. So I went out of the room to go find my Great granmda. I went to her bedroom and she wasn't there, but the stuffed animal toy was. So I left that room and started call Grande-mamie (I always spoke to her in french). She wouldn't answer so I walked down stairs trying all the light switches which wouldn't work. So I felt my way along the wall, stil calling with no answer, till I saw in the foyer the big white wolf toy. I started crying and ran out the back door, stumbling over things, and thinking that the wolf was chasing me. I ran out onto the back porch, then onto the lawn, the wolf was standing out on the grass, except this time it was real. Light came on from behind me and when I turned around the house was on fire. I realized in the light that I was wearing the white dress I used to wear when Grande-mamie and I did rituals, but it was covered in blood, and so was my hair.
The wolf walked up to me panting and tail wagging and I get on its back and we go off into the forest, crying the whole way.

Then I woke up.
I thought it was an extremely weird dream....what do you think of it? Thanks!

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Selene,
Again your age plays a big role in trying to understand these dreams. And the aspect of 'magic' that is a big part of your life. Trying to discern what are merely childhood experiences that are innate fears {innocent fears most children have} and deeper possibilities can be so difficult for someone your age.

In this dream the wolf is a toy, perhaps imaginary, and frightening, but also real and assisting you. At one moment you are trying to get away from the 'wolf' but end up walking with it. This may suggest there are aspects about yourself that you are afraid of but should accept as a part of who really are. That could have to do with identity, perhaps your pagan identity. The burning house is a part of you, the rituals also. The blood may be the 'energies' you put into these spiritual aspects, the thinking part {hair} perhaps being the cause of the conflicts.

At the end of the dream you are crying. Is that crying of joy or pain? Good or bad? That would address whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Jerry

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Joy, and I was hugging the wolf.

Does the fact that I can't find my great grandma have to do anything with it?

Thanks for the help :)

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Selene,
The experience at the age of 7 at your grammy's house may be saying something about that period of time. The basement of the home {your packed the stuffed animals} would represent your unconscious. The stuffed animals would represent something that has been packed away in your unconscious, experiences that you wish to forget or may have repressed {packed away}.

Your Grandma probably represents that person you 'looked' for when in emotional conflict. And the shared interests in the 'rituals' and beliefs. You probably identify more with her than your parents since she was a big influence in your life. Blood often represents emotional energy. Not being able to find her may be speaking to the fact she is no longer alive and there to protect you. The emotional energy, thinking about her would be the significance of this.

Jerry

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I was very close to Grand Mamie, we did everything together and it really tore me up when she passed away.
I guess I did "pack away" those feelings when she died because I didn't have anyone to talk to.

Thanks for your help :)

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Selene,
Often it does take some effort to 'remember' such emotions. They become unconscious, packed away behind more recent emotional issues you have to confront in your waking life. Even though they are out of conscious attention, they remain stored away in the unconscious where they resurface in your dreams. The dream is the mechanism nature has provided to help sort through unresolved emotional issues, a therapeutic tool to put such issues into perspective and help resolve them. The greater the emotional issue the more prevalent your dreams will focus on them. Often such issues are not acted upon until later in life when such things become paramount to a balanced psyche. Your association with symbols {pagan rituals} may have prompted early life awareness of these issues. And of course the lack of parental love and acceptance being the catalyst for the negative emotions that need reconciling. Perhaps one concern is at the age of 13 the abandonment of parental duties is still ongoing and the damage still in process.

But the good news is you have taken the time and effort to explore these emotions, although it may not have been a willing adventure to begin with. Seeking to understand your dreams at such a nearly age suggests your psyche is capable of understanding, and presents a greater possibility of a reconciliation of the wounded emotions. Finding a 'family' in other 'pagans' may be what was most needed. Pagans, a group that is often misunderstood but often have a better degree of awareness that lends itself to objectivity. The one thing that 'CAN' trump emotional conflict is objective understanding. Organized religion too often discourages that, whereas a pagan belief system usually tends to encourage it. Thinking instead of letting the emotions being in control. Even pagans have some type of belief system. It just happens most often not to conform to organized religious dogma.

Jerry

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