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eating my foot

At the Loyola highschool gymnasium, a catholic school, high up on some bleachers, people are around. I would like to get down, but I'm near an edge and can't walk well cause there is a bunch of odd parts and other stuff laying around at my feet. I accidently knock something chrome off with my feet as I'm shuffling around, wondering what to do with all this stuff. Somehow it is my stuff. I watch this piece fall to the ground. As I am fiddling, a man comes up to me, and offers me a red licorice, I think momentarily and accept. He is probably the speaker and reason we are all here. He mentions something philosophical or allegorical, positive about the usefulness of the licorice. I am down among the lower stands now and females are cheering something.

I'm at a house or business like Mission Mattress. A young, very attractive couple is there, as well as a slightly older man, I watch them interact. The older man talks to them casually but animated and friendly. They engage me as I notice there is a knife next to me. They ask me if I have a knife. I notice this knife and then I am outside of the store, maybe next to a truck. I eventually realize that I am preparing dinner for us and I have cut off half of my foot, or my heel, and that the last part is going to be the hardest, cause I'm going to have to cut through my ankle, or just above it. I'm not certain I am tough enough to do this, but as I walk back in to talk with them about dinner or something, I realize to my relief that I have already cut my foot totally off and that I guess I just didn't realise it, so I don't have to worry about the pain, cause I already did it.


It is pretty late, and I've been reading others' dreams to get up to date, so I should go to bed, but I should try to get the first part right. The basketball court / gymnasium is Loyola Sacred Heart. I don't really know who St. Loyola was, but I am near certain the height of the bleachers and the location represent a preoccupation with moral progress. Not to mention the setting probably refers to something from that era of my life.

The random stuff/parts at my feet could represent the rational intelectual questing which I don't know how to organize in a meaningful way, or lack the confidence to. Or that my moral footing is still unsure.
The speaker I assume is the superior master pattern of my soul that all other aspects of myself are centered around. The red licorice struck me as a symbol of blood, the vital and innermost energies, where the soul is. Is it moral encouragement to continue to look within the sacred heart?

Mission mattress, the name is suggestive. The two lovely people as a couple, could they represent a goal of harmony? If I cut off my foot, that would be refusing and discarding the primitive, earth bound, instinctual elements. yet if I then eat it though, does that not represent a conscious assimilation, a voluntary acceptance of these chthonic, body/blood energies?

I try to present you with a dream that is not so banal, as I usually remember something of a dream or two every night, such is my desire to consecrate myself to this seeming holiest of holy endeavors. It seems that when one prepares oneself as ceremoniously and humbly and simply as possible, after a while, the objective psyche begins to move and stir and do strange, marvelous impossible things. Sorry to be a bit needy. A casual point in the right direction would be most helpful.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 33

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Re: eating my foot

The clutter in the bleachers could also reperesent all the clutter of things from that time in my life that are still around and I don't know what to do with. I dream about this gymanasium fairly often.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 33

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Re: eating my foot

Hi Sam,

Some thoughts to ponder.

"Eating the foot" is not included in the language of your dream itself, as written here. Did the dream actually show/depict the eating of your foot?

If not, I wonder if your thoughts on this are an assumption made by your dream ego...?

The reference to dinner may simply be asking you to take the drama of the dream in...for contemplation - which you are obviously doing.

Have you considered the myth/meaning of "Achilles?"

Up high on the bleachers perhaps presents a sense of loftiness of position. You know you need to get down, but feel burdened (unable to walk well) because at your 'feet' are the remnants of your childhood gymnasium (representing the field of your childhood) requiring your attention. The man who gives you a red licorice (also makes me think of childhood) may be asking you to ingest childhood experiences.

Might the next scene be showing how you have, in effect, cut off your own foot, in a painless sort of way, by not more fully exploring your early roots, but placing yourself in the lofty position high up on the bleachers?

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43

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Re: eating my foot

Sam
Sorry I didn't have time to address your dream this morning. But thankfully Kristi has come to the rescue. If I can't provide a proper interpretation I have full confidence that she will.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 60 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Re: eating my foot

Sam,

The man who provides the licorice...also "speaking philosophically/allegorically"...may reflect your tendency to do this - as evidenced in your sharing your knowledge of Jung (Van der Post, et al). This itself may be a reflection of the loftiness of position high up in the bleachers. Please don't think I am criticizing your studies/pursuits in Jungian psychology. But, I ask (for your consideration), what is wrong with sharing a "banal" dream? Would this cast you in a light you would prefer not to see yourself, one that is not as lofty...not of as high mind? For the man with the red licorice now also invites you to (perhaps) return to some basics (eating of candy). You are cheered when you do come down (albeit unsure of your footing), so we may assume that the dream language/symbols are asking/guiding/encouraging you to do exactly this.

As I already suggested, the next scene may be showing why you are unsure of your footing...because you have cut it off. We have to look at the symbolism of mattress and what it may be indicating, for you. We sleep (and dream) on a mattress, so it might be pointing to the unconscious...something you are unaware of about yourself. Mattresses also provide cushioning/comfort. I suggest the couple (which may reflect a balance of a portion of your masculine and feminine psyche) asking if you have a knife was ("maybe") your psyche's way of bringing to your awareness where you are wounded and why. We "might" also say the older man is the one advising these inner characters who lead you to the big revelation of this dream.

If you do look at the myth of Achilles, I would suggest not digging too deeply (and not being too high minded) into the myth. Overall, it simply points to this hero's heel being his greatest weakness. And our heel/foot is also our "grounding" and "footing" in life and the world.

The two words, "Mission Mattress" taken together, might also be a twist on your "journey into your/the unconscious" and how this in itself may be part of what has created the wound.

Sometimes, even with our best intentions, we create a situation we did not mean to. Or, conversely, we might also say we perpetuate a condition already in place...our inner splits...many of which were developed or catalyzed in our childhood.

By the way, Van der Post also wrote extensively on the Bushmen of South Africa. A very simple people, deeply connected to the life force, who did not suffer all the complications of the western mind.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43

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Re: eating my foot

Thanks Kristi, you are spot on. I have a lot to learn, that may be by unlearning. This gymnasium theme appears often, and there is usually a female or females in the lower bleachers. Every time I get help from you guys, it helps change my reaction and attitute toward the dreams. I have been so terrified of going 'down' to bring out these unconscious values because much of them I think are infantile and or immoral. That's the way they present themselves to me, and I believe that I am in need of greater moral qualities in order to provide a durable basis for assimilating the feminine, as seem supported by the dreams. I want to give you two dream parts that seem to deal with these themes of mine.

4-25-09

On top of my parents driveway. Mom has made my older brother Rob a birthday present. It's a kind of mining train of carts. On one she wrote, "It may not be a scroll but..." Rob is walking up the hill to see it. He wonders what it is and asks if it's a crane. I look down in the bottom by the creek I see some truck cabs (are my life controls being held down here w/out my relizing it?). Now we are down by the garage, I ask dad about the trucks, he's going to make a Jeep, and make it powerful. I see a motor laying on the ground that he might use. Now inside the folk's house, watching tv, dad hands me the remote to flip through channels. I see an old John Elway era Broncos game (my old football hero) and a lethal weapon movie. I think it must be a holiday today, and these shows are on to make lonely people feel better (a call to adventure? to a meeting with the feminine unconscious?). Now I'm pulling up to a house across the highway, by the creek, down by the old big bridge. I think it to be Kris Felt's house (shadow), but an older family man pulls up after me, it's his house. I apologize, I pulled up right next to his front step. I'm standing on it. A stream of water is trickling down through the whole yard and all around the house. I'm kicking mud off my shoes and apologizing. There are two or three children, they ask me if all this water is a good thing. I realize the foundation could sink, but I tell them everything is fine. I watch the mud from my shoes flow in the water down to the bottom where the creek is, and into a very large Caterpillar bucket (excavater or bulldozer). The machine makes the bucket shake once, it startles me. The dad laughs and says 'that's my favorite part.' Now I'm under the deck. One parent says the side of the deck used to be sealed shut, but the girl-child had them pull it all off so she could see outside. I'm playing and wrestling with her. I have a sort of erection that I become conscious of and stop our playing. I tell her she's the most dangerous one, in jest while playing. The dad tells me to continue the video game that I had started with the boy. I turn my attention to our video game.

It seems the excavater bucket and the truck cabs are things repressed or unconscious. The bucket seems to hold all the repressed water/mud emotions that may be involved with a sense of isolation and psychic parent attatchment. The feminine emerging as a young girl, exposing these contents to my consciousness, yet I may not be prepared for such an encounter, as the girl is "dangerous" and seductive to me (psychicly seductive. I have never molested anyone). Could the father be suggesting further moral preparation before I attempt to meet this feminie?

4/2/10


Walking into the trees behind the parents garage with someone like Dawn, Jeremy Tubbs' ex-wife (abandoned feminine). I look for a pine tree that I planted ten years ago or more, I am surprised to see one not much bigger than when I planted it (spiritual growth?). We are walking and talking, I approach her and hold her from behind and push my groin into her butt, our clothes are on.

In a big banquet room, rustic and on a second floor, probably up in Canada, at Dustin Richardson's sportsman's lodge (Dustin compensates for my ego weaknesses, or is a hyper logos). There are many males there, all guys. There is a festive, bar atmosphere (happily safe from feminine). We are out of beer, I say I'm leaving to go get some more, but I mention I'll get what I can, it may not be enough for everyone (can't repress her forever). Two guys come in the door as I'm about to leave. They talk with each other, I overhear them, and ask one guy if he's related to Tony Staber (momentarily his face reminded me of Tony). He says yes. (Tony is indian, my projection for my inferior, decadent side).

Floating in the Frenchtown pond, yet also maybe Flathead Lake, or an Alaskan or Canadian lake. I'm with Dustin and someone else, we are enjoying our float on innertubes and talking. We are discussing the depth of the water, Dustin thinks it is 150 feet deep or more, someone mentions a French man (land of romance?) drowned in it, so it's plenty deep enough. I have a long stick, and I check to see if I can hit bottom, surprised, I can.

We are sleeping on the bank in seperate sleeping bags, Dustin and the other guy, maybe Will McCarty. I hear them breathing, sleeping, but I can't seem to fall asleep. I look over at Dustin, and his head is a dark brown dog's head sleeping, like a dark German Shepard.

We are awake on the bank, men and women are there now. Will (shadow) takes a chunky redhead woman floating on his innertube. He gropes her breasts as they are beginning to float, she tells him to stop. I'm on the shoreline looking at a few rocks, I can almost imagine a scene in the natural pattern of the rock. A young attractive couple of roughly 20years old is near me. An affectionate woman's voice is narrating or commenting on my behavior and actions. I put a rock down, unable to see something particularly special in it. The rocks are quartz-like in parts of the rocks. The female is hoping I see something in the rock. She calls me "babe."

----The sleeping bag part when I look and see a dog's head seems to be the key to the dream. On the surface I seem to be in charge, but while asleep there is an unconscious animal side even in my hero image. Seeing how this nature is reacted to by my feminine unconscious, it suggests I look closer at my behavior, see that there is more than a sexual relationship, that there is a precious and jewel-like possibility with my relationship if I would only watch and pay attention.

If you made it through all of this, Thank You for being so generous.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 33

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Re: eating my foot

Hi Sam,

Thank you for the feedback. I think we all have a lot of unlearning to do. Or, learning more, which helps to put all of our earlier learning (conditioning) into perspective. The appearance of the females in the lower bleachers may simply be referring to your "feeling" function which needs to be more fully developed. We all evade childhood feelings to various degrees. This is not infantile or immoral. When the sense of infantile-ness or immorality arises in your dreams, or, when reviewing them, you can be pretty sure that it is a judgment your ego is placing on it, as learned. We all have undeveloped or underdeveloped aspects of our psyhce that need our attention. Thankfully, our dream work helps us to uncover this, so that we may work with it. Jerry placed on wonderful article on Buddhist Philosophy on the forum yesterday. I trust you've read it. Through the inner inquiry suggested by the article, we may question those things we thought to be true, all of our beliefs, and instead learn something new about ourselves...part of that unlearning. Yet, let us not regret wherever we have been, whatever we have learned, however we have been, for it all plays its part in our wholeness.

I will try to look at at least one of your other dreams today.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43

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Re: eating my foot

Sam,

Who is Kris Felt? A friend? What did you like or dislike about him? What strengths or weaknesses did you see him as possessing? How did you spend time together? Adventure? Sports? What did he bring (or not bring) to your life? Did he inspire you in some way? What shared interests? Etc.?

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43

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Re: eating my foot

Sam.

This is not so much an "interpretation" as is it a tossing of the salad to give you more food for thought and examination. Sometimes, this is helpful.

So many of the symbols in our dreams are so very personal to the dreamer. This is why I asked who Kris Felt is, for he (as constellated in your psyche) seems key in determining the message of this dream. My sense is that the dream is trying to help you unlock some keys to your childhood, the understanding. I feel that all of our lives really are likened unto sacred scrolls upon which life writes her stories. Your mom telling you that the "birthday" (addressing you, your birth, your life) present may not be a "scroll"... might be addressing a greater/higher expectation of yours (present and/or past). I think we grow through life forgetting - or having not learned - that exactly what we were given/born into carries the sacred gift/story of our lives...and so we go on looking for the greener grasses elsewhere...all the while leaving behind the most important person to us - ourselves. So, yes, I would say some life controls are being held down, in your childhood conditioning, as are they for all of us - until they're not. It appears your dream maker is asking you to consult your childhood ... asking dad about the trucks ... dad, who was a powerful driving force (jeep and engine) in your young life ... dad who gives you the remote to flip through the channels of your childhood experience. Youth heros (John Elway) are important figures in our young life, for we derived motivation from them, what they mean to us becomes a driving factor in our life. We might say a football player also represents power/strength/force, as (maybe) does dad and his "engine"-ering influence. Television certainly does become a flight into the imaginal realms, a break from ourselves, our lives. As children, we are not conscious of its effects on us...until we begin to study our early roots as an adult...and come to see what needs it filled for us. For me, it was a window of learning opportunity, a larger world and me, among other things. Your dream (you) suggest a felt loneliness in that era of your life. I wonder what your "feeling" was when you pulled up to the house across the highway. To me, this part of the dreams seems most important, for it is when the waters start flowing. I have the sense of a let down. You anticipated the Kris Felt of you, but find a family man (may be representative of your own father/parents/parental imago) who you end up apologizing to, for wanting to be like Kris Felt. The children of you begin asking if the water (emotions) are an okay thing. Muddiness...lack of clarity...your younger selves seeking understanding amidst earlier emotional life. Large and noisy (and powerful) Caterpillar vehicle startles (frightens) you, but gives dad a kick, enjoying (maybe) the power and rumble and its effects (on you?)...which takes you to your feminine function (feelings) hiding beneath the porch. The dream seems to indicate coming in closer to your young feeling self (wrestling and playing with her). The erection may indicate the arising of a greater connection to your young feminine self, but you still think she is dangerous (as learned)...an inner parent voice tells you "better to go back to playing the video game..." The sense of danger may have as much to do with learned attitudes (within you) about sex and women, as well as your feeling/intuitive self.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43

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Re: eating my foot

Sorry I took so long with this, I really appreciated your feedback and I hope I didn't annoy you by not responding for so long. I was wrong to say that Kris Felt is a shadow figure, especially in the context of this dream. You assumed very correctly and helped me realize what I was so close to realizing but couldn't. Of course, Kris is an adventure figure, his real house is a thousand miles away.

He would represent my expectation of an adventure, or possibly an escape from my emotions. This spot is only across the highway from my parents' house, it is my uncle's land, it's all part of a big farm. This spot seems to be a spot of much difficulty, where I dreamed a couple years ago of a giant woman grabbing me up. As a kid there was an old broken bridge right here which might help explain it as a place where my emotions are powerful.

The family man could be the reality of my situation, the sedantary reality. Or it could be a parental imago that I feel contrition to for trying to be the iconoclast that Kris is.

The dad may be enjoying seeing me afraid of the emotions. It could represent some theme from my past. I thought it meant that there is a part of me suggesting not to be overwhelmed by these emotions. The young girl is trying to bring these emotions out into the light, yet possibly there is an imago that is learned interfering with it. I will have to consider that idea where it might be active in my other dreams. I have alot of new material that has been in upheaval, so I will consider this seriously. Thanks so much for the great insight.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 33

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} male

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Re: eating my foot

Hi Sam,

No, you did not annoy. I am glad you found what I shared as helpful.

I think that's good guidance: to not be overwhelmed by these emotions. I would just be careful that "do not be overwhelmed by your emotions," does not also mean 'not allowing them.'

When we've been disconnected from our emotions/ repressed them for some time (and we all learn to do this as children), they can sometimes, at first (when we are "repairing the bridge" to our emotional body), "seem" to be a bit overwhelming to us...to the part of us that has spent so much time and energy/force on "controlling" them.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43

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