I dreamed I was Jesus about to be crucified in a yearly ritual (Easter). It was some kind of Passion play, but it was real. This was something I had to do every year, and I dreaded the whippings and torture. I somehow escaped down some stairwell which led to another time or dimension. At one point, I confronted Satan by trying to hurl power from my hands but he was only stalled, not destroyed.

I might mention that I have had a lifelong ambivalence about Christianity. I have been angry with God for decades. I am going through a period of struggle in my personal life, particularly with women.

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Andy,
Jesus was persecuted. I sense there is a sense of real persecution in your life. The whippings and torture, are these things that have actually occurred in your life? The torture may be psychological but there has to be something that brought about these deep emotions. Confronting Satan would suggest you have been to the deepest depths and no matter what you try the emotions are still very painful. It may be you are in a psychological state of mental persecution and if so may need clinical help. Medications may help relieve any self persecution. Long term abuse as a child may be part of the 'torture' that is causing this emotional hell. A struggle with women may have roots in either mother issues or actual experiences in life with women {or both}. Where does your anger with God begin? That may identify a time line where some of these torture emotions began.

Jerry

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Let me think over your response carefully and get back to you.
Thanks,
Andy

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Andy,
'Thinking about it' is the intent. Often the problem is we do not give enough thought to the possibilities of what is really within because we are so focused on the outer experiences. Unconsciously we feel one way but often we are not consciously aware of those true feelings. Our dreams reveal our true selves, an objective look at who we are not tainted by ego bias. Do think about it carefully and let us know your thoughts.

Jerry

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In fact, there was abuse, perhaps not of long standing, but certainly serious. One incident occurred at the hands of a mentally defective neighbor. When I reported this, my mother ridiculed me for allowing it to happen. I was perhaps 8 or 9. On another occasion, my grandmother perpetrated what might be termed borderline and intrusive behavior which also resulted in humiliation. My father abused my older sister, causing an atmosphere of secrecy and dread for many years. I have often attached myself to vindictive and destructive women who seek to harm me professionally or emotionally. My soon to be ex-wife has recently attempted to cause me to lose my job, and she reminds me of my grandmother in her supercilious and contemptuous disregard for me. Of course, I haven't been a good husband. Both of us have been unfaithful, and I have participated in a lot of secrecy and deception.

My anger with God began at the age of 12, when I became convinced I had committed the unpardonable sin. This intensified after a period of fundamentalist-pentecostal religiousity which in turn followed the death of a child when I was in my 30's. In short, I became disillusioned with Christianity after a five year period of intense involvement in Biblical literalism, during which every attempt I made to gain God's favor or receive answers to prayer were met with disappointment and defeat. Following this epoch, I plunged back into misbehavior of various kinds as a way of striking back at God. Before anyone starts to enlighten me about salvation by faith through Christ, let me assure everyone that I understand this doctrine. Nonetheless, my legalistic embrace of a literalist faith no doubt contributed to my ultimate rejection of Scriptural Christianity.

Complicated, I know. No doubt, too much information.

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Andy,
You won't get any 'salvation by faith through Christ' here. More the opposite. The faith one needs is in them-self. Those things in life that occur happen mostly because of the actions of the individual, or in earlier life {as in your case} from lack of good parental care. Carl Jung was a scientist who found there is a spiritual aspect within all of us. But that aspect is tied to nature, the natural laws of the universe {what some call karma}. God is your own Higher Self and instead of bringing him in, you have to bring him out of your own nature. Jesus, as is the Buddha, are examples of how to live a spiritual life and the 'myths' of their lives are metaphors of how one should approach life. The death and resurrection is what must happen to you. Death to the ego centered self and a resurrection to the spiritual 'Self'.

The 'inner journey' to spiritual awakening is psychological. Looking at your whole life to determine what it is that binds you to the body's desires. Most often the underlying causes are from childhood. An abused child, physically and/or psychologically, carries that 'baggage' with them throughout life, or until it is confronted and resolved. The many stories of abused children at the hands of Catholic priests demonstrate the destructive nature of child abuse. Destructive behavior is the norm for these children as adults, drugs, divorce, suicide are common. This is not made up, facts speak for the way it really is.

As for your dreams. They are a part of the natural aspects of the human psyche. Just as with the immune system of the body which helps regulate and control against disease and infections, dreams are a regulator of the emotions. Those conflicts in life must be regulated or the life becomes a 'wasteland' of destructive behavior. By providing insights to the 'real' person within dreams offer assistance to understanding why a person is who they are and the actions they take in life.

The only problem is dreams speak in a language of symbol and metaphor. The house as a symbol is a metaphor for the dreamer, the house is you. In your dream Jesus is a metaphor for your true self {that true self possessing a spiritual aspect as described previously} and the persecution is both of yourself and the experiences from your past {those abusive experiences that still control much of your life}. Escaping down the stairwells is going down into the deep unconscious, the dream's attempt to inform you of those controlling aspects of past experiences. Meeting Satan is confronting those abusive experiences if not literally confronting those actual people who abused you. The stalled nature of the dream is not knowing how you are controlled by the experiences.

Jung's theories and principles of dream psychology provide a road map of how to interpret dreams. I just happen to have a natural attraction to that psychology {I am self taught in Jungian psyche18 years of study and 12+ years of practical application of dream interpretation} is part of my spiritual Self. My Myths-Dreams-Symbols is part that spiritual aspect also {I am self educated in web design also}, the creative aspect that let's me share what I have learned from the sages {Jung, Campbell, etc}. We all possess this creative aspect, we need only discover what it is that provides the 'bliss' in life.

If you are interested in discovering more about the true spiritual nature within you I suggest you watch The Power of Myth videos by Joseph Campbell. It was this very video that started me on my inward journey to self discovery back in 1992. There are 6 one hour videos that if watched will enlighten the mind and spirit. I believe you, a someone who rejects organized religion, will find a great interest in what Campbell has to offer. It just may be the beginning of that long journey to healing, just as it was for me.

And if you have other dreams you need guidance with you are always welcomed to post them here for inspection. Just thinking about your dreams will probably promote you to remember future dreams. They never cease to end, they are a part of who you really are.

Jerry

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