Many thanks for your reply. It is very inspiring for me to come across people like you who dedicate themselves to aiding people on their inner journeys, it quite genuinely fills me with immense joy! I cant think of a more noble task for a human being to undertake. And I am sure your kindness in helping others in this way is appreciated by so many people whom you have spent your time interpreting dreams for. I just wanted to say that first of all :)

You are certainly right about me living a life outside the norm. I was brought up in a very strict muslim family, and from a very early age I was highly independent, and i broke away from their expectations/ enormous restrictions though it hurt me very much to do so. Much guilt was involved. But I have always had a burning desire to seek my own truth, to find meaning, and my life is totally dedicated to that seeking. I can never be any other way.

My life at present could not conform less to what everyone, my parents, society etc expects of me. I have been travelling the world for 7 years, living here and there. I have spent all of the last 3 years strongly focusing on meditation, having spent most of my time in intensive silent retreats. I think of going to Burma soon to focus even more strongly on my practice. Though now I am taking a break from intensive meditation because it seems to be causing me a great deal of suffering that i cannot seem to contain.

So I am taking this opportunity to work on my dreams as when i'm in retreat my focus does not allow me to spend time writing or thinking about dreams, their possible meanings etc. However, it seems like my dreams are starting to take a turn for the worst, like my meditation I am starting to feel like i am way out of my depth, and i feel much fear. Starting from that nightmare about the tube that you replied to, my dreams are becoming much more nightmarish, and i am starting to worry that perhaps i should not focus on them so much at the moment?

I have this fear that it is possible to get somehow stuck in that world of dreams and i strongly have this strange feeling like somehow my conscious reality seems to be merging with the dream world. And it is filling me with much fear. I have experienced these feelings in intense mediation retreats, but I did not think that merely focusing on my dreams could bring me to the same place, to face my worst fear, until last night.

Last night I had an awful nightmare and i could hardly go back to sleep. I was in some job that i actually liked, i had a male assistant and i told him to go get someone for me, so he left through a cat flap in the door. And then i fell into a deep deep trance like state, and i was in so, so deep. Then i wasn't sure if i was dreaming or if it was real. I heard a voice say "haloh, i'm here" but i couldn't open my eyes to see if there was anyone there, because i was deeply in this meditation like state. And then i was in my own actual bed, and i could just about make out a blurry shadow by my bed, but i was in so deep in that i could not focus properly to see if there was someone there or not. I didn't know if it was a dream or actually happening to me. I 'woke up' from this dream totally petrified, and i had a strong feeling like perhaps i'm getting out of my depth.

I don't generally ever, ever ask for help or advice, it is a real weakness of mine, but now i am starting to think that i should definitely start to do that, as i feel my process/path taking me to places that are full of such intense fear and suffering. My question to you would be, is the dream world possibly dangerous for some people? I do have a tendency to go too deeply in whatever spiritual undertaking i choose, and i have since a very early age felt myself slipping away from reality, into some other world in this way (as a child i would note down my dreams and my spirituality was expressed through writing poetry, but i stopped all that because i felt much like i do now, that i was losing control of reality somehow.) This feeling of fear with regards to losing control and of insanity as a result is something that seems to keep coming up in my life. Does this mean i should be very careful with regards to my spirituality?

Sometimes i feel like i should just let go into it all, which is what i really just want to do, but then i have that fear of being in too deep to ever get out again and i am overcome with fear.

I hope to be under the guidance of a meditation teacher when i get to Burma in a few months who i trust will guide me through my processes. The extreme nature of my independence has not allowed me to find a proper teacher in the last years, as i had this strong feeling like i could do it alone, and that i didn't need any help. But now i'm starting to realise that it is totally irresponsible of me to spend so much time focusing on my path, through meditation, without the proper guidance of a teacher that can offer me support. Perhaps this is what is what you refer to when you said that my dream points to my strong will being weakened, and me having to swallow my pride. For it is true that now i have to admit to myself that i am a little lost, and in way over my head, and i have to admit that for the first time in my life i could definitely use guidance & help.

Any words of advice would be much appreciated.

Many Thanks :)

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 33, Cairo

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Haloh,
Thanks for the response. Because of your country of origin the cultural aspects would be very significant in your life and your dreams. Being a person who has a developed sense of 'enlightenment' but coming from it is understandable why you have nightmares. Conforming to the cultural aspects is completely opposite of what you feel deep inside you. Unfortunately Western cultures with their patriarchal religions are reluctant to accept 'free thinkers'. Living in such conditions can be a nightmare in itself, not conforming to the rule can be even dangerous.

About your dreams. Although my 'thing' is working with dreams I do not encourage everyone to do so on a continuing basis. I only pay attention to those dreams I have that I deem important. Most are 'ordinary' dreams to the greatest extent {although all dreams have meaning} and trying to analyze all of them is not something I feel necessary at this juncture in my life. If you feel your dreams are having a negative impact you do not need to give great attention to them until you feel it 'safe' to do so. Your dreams reflect your life as it is in the present. If you already know, and understand, the conditions in your life I suggest you give attention to finding ways to get past those barriers that hold you back. Certainly there are negative aspects from your past that reflect become unconscious wounds and your dreams will reflect that. But the conscious wounds seem to be the greatest task to overcome. My suggestions is to find that place where you can feel comfortable with yourself. If you continue to live in Egypt that would require you to find like minded persons where you can share your deepest thoughts and desires, and be able to express your true self. Of course if there is that possibility of moving to a more 'enlighten' society that would be even better as long as you can support yourself. The greatest joy in life, and this is something most do not discover {if ever} until later in life {from personal experiences}, is to be your true self, to be able to express what you feel deep inside. It is usually social duty that creates greatest barriers to that true self whether it be in Egypt or America {my only true barrier is having to work to make a living when my greatest desire is to work with dreams full time}.
This is what I call the social dragon.

About spirituality. What is in your soul is the only path you could ever be happy with. I grew up in the Christian faith but in later life found it too confining for my free thinking mind. Then I discovered Joseph Campbell which led me to the discovery of my true self and true spirituality. For me the spiritual self is within nature. Jesus, the Buddha and even Mohammad represent a path to true spirituality but not the only way. All religions are myths and instead of throwing them away because they do limit your ability to grow, you use them metaphorically, let their experiences fit with your life and not yours theirs. Jesus dying on the cross and being resurrected is what must happen to you, dying to the ego centered self and being resurrected to the 'true' spiritual Self and living from that center. It is a psychological event as much if not more so than a physical one. Being who you truly are, that is what the dream wishes for you to be. Getting there is a psychological and physical act that requires courage and discipline. 'God' make provide you with the tools but it is you who must work to achieve your goals. At the age of 33 you are entering the most prosperous time in your life. But instead of focusing on the material things in life you wish to discover that true spiritual Self. You are on the right track, wishing to be that true spiritual being you know is within. Getting there is the difficult part.

Let me comment more later today or in the morning. Unfortunately the 'social dragon' awaits my attention and I must give my energies to my day job. If you wish to comment n what I have provided please do so. You can 'open up' here and say what is in your heart.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 60 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Hello, many thanks for your reply :)

I'm feeling a lot better now. I think that nightmare (that i spoke of above) where i heard that whispery voice and couldn't open my eyes, not quite knowing whether i was dreaming or if it was really happening really put a lot of fear into me and opened up the floodgates to many of my deepest darkest fears in general. (I wonder what you might think that dream meant?) I was concerned that all my dreams would then follow on to take that kind of nightmarish tone, and that i would be overwhelmed by fear & scary nightmares for a time, but it didn't happen, no nightmares since (phew!) and i'm feeling much more like 'normal' again.

I'm not used to having nightmares at all, and so having them in a row was a bit of a shock to the system. It did seem like they came to me right at the point at which i started to pay real attention to my dreams (after a long time of not paying too much attention to them at all), and so i thought that somehow i had 'brought them on' or something. That's why i thought that perhaps it might be best not to note down my dreams for a while.

As i mentioned in the reply to my other dream, i don't actually live in Egypt, im just here for a little while. I don't actually live anywhere, i suppose. i've just been travelling for 7 years (mostly in Asia) though i was born in Egypt and spent most of my early life growing up in the UK (a very strict Egyptian & muslim upbringing hence the feeling that i need to conform as shown in my dreams).

In terms of finding a spiritual community, people have recommended that to me before. It would be nice to be around like minded people. But for now i cant imagine staying in one place long enough to make that happen!

I truly believe what you say about the greatest joy is to your true self, not bound by the restrictions of social duty. I am the perfect example of a person who has absolutely no (outward) ties to society whatsoever, my life is totally out of the norm in that i haven't even stayed in one city for more than a few months for many, many years, always travelling from one country to the next, but outwardly though i don't conform at all or belong to any society, inwardly it seems i cant shake the restrictions put on me by my strict upbringing. It is interesting to me that someone so totally free from the restrictions of any society is unconsciously so totally trapped within cultural expectations & feels such a strong deep desire to 'fit in'.. Something for me to work on & think about!

Thanks again for your interpretations, they were very helpful & have given me much to think about!!

:)

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 33 Cairo

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