April 24, 2010 – I am with Suzette (my old yoga teacher). She is telling me something about my yoga pants, how well I fit them, that this “is” me. I am aware of feeling disbelief about myself. Suzette really wants me to hear that “I am this.” I respond to her, telling that another (a man) has told me the same thing, that I know this, have heard this before. I have the feeling that I need to step into and “really wear” these yoga pants of mine, this part of my identity. Scene changes and I am sitting on a (chair?) urinating.

~

Suzette has been a role model/mentor for me in the past. She used to appear in my dreams regularly a couple of years ago. She is about 16 years older than myself, beautiful, very feminine, centered, a very good yoga teacher (25+ years). She teaches therapeutic yoga" practices, in addition to standard Hatha/Iyengar yoga.

I went to a “psychic fair” with a friend yesterday. The Psychical Research Society of Kansas City hosts a fair, bi-annually, every year. I used to go regularly, from about 8 to 5 years ago. I stopped because I came to feel that any ‘soothsayer’ does not/cannot know me as well as my own self/Self. That said, there were some folks from whom I derived inspiration and increased understanding about myself and my potential. I mostly browsed the various wares and crafts and stones of the myriad vendors while there. I did not have a “reading.” But I did have an aura photo taken and found myself feeling that I can interpret the photo (colors) better than the man who explained it to me. Overall, I just had a sense of this business of going to these fairs the way I used to (seeking fortunate/enlightening information about myself) as being ‘not for me,’ that I have outgrown the need for another to tell me who and what I am. I saw this reflection of my earlier self in my friend. She is searching as I was several years ago. As I was there – and moreso when I returned home – I had a profound sense of inner guidance beckoning my attention – a felt need to really know myself, MySelf.

Jerry, I know you are busy, but I'd apprciate your comments on this one if you can find the time. Of course, others are welcome to comment, too

I am taking the urination to be a symbol of eliminating (feelings of disbelief about myself)..but the "chair" has kind of thrown me. Perhaps it is telling that I am eliminating an old position (framework, reference of myself) in which I have been sitting/occupying.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I'll look at your dream in a day or so. I don't want to provide any comments while I have this head cold. I believe it is more like the flue than just a cold. A very stressful week last week and with the computer dying and getting out in the cold rain, well I guess I should have expected it.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry,

Thank you, but you may disregard this in favor of answering others'. I've come to a clearer understanding, thanks to the helpful insight of my analyst. Soon, when I have the time, I'll post more about it. And you may then comment if you feel moved to.

Sending helpful, healing, nourishing thoughts your way, that you be well, soonest!

It is raining here, and, believe it or not, I am going to go for a walk, dressed warmly and with an umbrella. I need it for the continued healing of my spine and the nerve distribution through my left leg! The nerve is healing, slow, but healing! The strength in my foot and leg is returning! Yeah!!!

Kristi

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Kristi,
A walk in the rain {a metaphor for a search of the unconscious} may be just the thing you need. I like rainy days although too many in succession can be a bit too much {metaphor for too many unconscious conflicts}. It is amazing how people's attitudes change when it rains several days in a row. Negativity seems to prevail. Perhaps an indication of so many conflicting aspects of life in general in this day of fast paced living and dedication to the material world.
A 'conscious' walk in the rain may be a great remedy in discovering what is true and what is not. Getting back to nature, rain being an aspect of that with no conscious negativity associated with it {nature doesn't recognize good and bad, it is merely natural}.
I hope you enjoyed the walk.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry,

It's good to see you back to your normal self here on the forum.

Perhaps the negativity manifests so much at these times as a way of inviting the acknowledgment of the neglected, darker side of humanity. Sadly, however, most don't look to find the causes of their negativity/pain.

It was a good walk. Thank you. This morning's walk in the cool air was very refreshing, renewing. I agree, all of nature just IS, perfect beingness, both beautiful and awesome.

So, this dream of mine came just after another that also featured a chair. I'd not seen it, made the connection, until my analyst called it to my attention.

The healing intent of this dream was felt more immediately than some. While in the dream, I am feeling disbelief about myself. However, when I wake and soon sit to record it, I feel the "essence" of the projection/transference I have held with Suzette returning to me. As though this inner Suzette is now saying, "Here, these are your pants, wear them." I am simultaneously aware of the inner masculine aspect that also affirms this.

Visiting the psychic fair again after these handful of years had the effect of revisiting the me who thought so much about others (I esteemed them) and lesser about myself ... and inside, I just could not do it anymore. It was not a conscious thought process by me. It just sort of pushed from the inside...telling this (old self) was not me, not my truth. And while the scene was once fascinating and magical, it was now pale for me, not at all exciting.

I continue to have dreams of black cats (who was included in the other "chair" dream I mentioned above). I've come to feel that she represents the repressed feminine in me. This other dream seemed to show that I still try to push her away ("drop a 'chair' on her"), but she continues to come, closer. The following dream, above, after I am told "these are your yoga pants" finds me sitting in the "chair" urinating. It was like an old kitchen/dining chair with cushioned seat and back. I had feeling reference to my childhood as I sat in the chair. I had no thoughts as I urinated, just felt the warmth of the urine about my body. My analyst suggested, and I believe she is correct, that it is an indication of "expression" ... a pressing or flowing out. I think it significant that the urine is felt about my body, verses being emptied into a toilet bowl. The "feeling" principle is key here, the allowing of feelings.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I have two black cats, totally opposite each other. Perhaps that says something about my 'psyche'. One is my first adopted cat, a small female who is totally feminine. The other is a more recent adoptee, a large black male who is the dominate cat in the family. Balance seems to be the message {if there is such a thing}. Of course balance and harmony {the two do get along well} is what I am after in my life. And having so many felines is probably a manifestation of that desire.
Power to the feminine.

Jerry

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Jerry,

I've shared pictures of my cats here before, one male and one female. They have a truly wonderful relationship. I have never seen two cats who get along together so very well. Different litters, but same age and raised together since I adopted them as kittens. I've often mused oever their example of balance/harmoy reflected to me. Meaning in all things.

Kristi

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Kristi,

Miss Silver

And beautiful felines they are. It is amazing how cats can adjust to one another after they realize there is plenty to go around for all {food and love}. It seems one other thing that factors in is whether they have been 'neutered'. All but one male I have are 'fixed' and he is disliked by all. But even he has slowly become accepted by the others, to a degree. Jack, my big black male, keeps him in place when his natural instinct to protect his 'territory' kicks in. The strange world of feline society. A bit of sad news to report. Miss Silver, my small grey cat I took in after my ex-mother-in-law passed away 3 years ago has incurible cancer. She is 18+ years old. Ahe was originally my second wife's cat until she passed away in 2003. A lot of associations to my past that goes with Miss Silver. Although she looks frail and thin she is still getting around quite well and eats well. I'll make her final days as comfortbale as I can.

Jerry

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