Last night i had a dream filled with heavy emotions.
It started in an unknown house. The livingroom, livingspace, was diverted into several rooms so it seemed. (the living space was not on ground floor but on the first or second (higher) level) Besides me, my parents (vaguely), my brother and his pregnant gf were there.
I walk into a small room where my brother is sitting in a chair. I walk towards him with a goal. Left from him i see a book lying on the ground. I remember this book being a gift from me to him. I pick up the book for a brief moment. It was titled something like: "I am me." I ask my brother if he has read it already. His answer is 'no', which makes me feel disappointed a little, knowing that this book has some much to tell/give.
Then i'm sitting at a dinner (?) table with his gf and my parents. Just before dinner my brother has left the house to go somewhere and a few seconds later i hear him leave in his helicopter, knowing that this vehicle is his most beloved vehicle. I hear the heicopter flying away, but soon already turning and flying back to the house. Right above the garden my brother ejects himself with the ejector seat. I 'see' him shooting of in the air to fall to the ground the next moment...dead...i know it is suicide and i know he had planned this. The strange thing was that i seemed to recognize every sound the helicopter made...the sounds seem to tell me when he flew away, when he turned.
After his suicide i am angry, very, very angry. How could he have done this?! Why?! Why is he leaving behind his pregnant gf?! How could he?! I turn towards his gf. I start asking what she will do after all this. Is she go to stay around or is she going to move away? I want her to give me an answer. I almost beg her to not move away, because then i will possibly never see their baby. I'm really almost freaking out by the idea of not being able to see the baby. After all the anger and the freaking out the emotion changes into grief. I'm crying. Everytime i ran into someone i know i start crying again, telling my brother is dead.
Then i with his gf again. It seems pretty sure now that she's not going to move. I tell her i will help her in any way i can. Just after telling her this she asks me to help her while she puts on a sweater/blouse. I have to stay behind her and push her large belly at both sides so the cloth will fit more easily. At first i really have no idea how to do what she asks, but once she told me and put my hands there where the help is needed i understand and i feel some sort of relieve.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 37

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My thoughts about this dream at the moment:

My brother...me. The book, a gift from me to him. The title "I am me", a book with so much to tell/give. Right now i think this book is 'my life'...a gift to me, my life given me at birth. The gift of life..."I am me"...the right to be who i (really)am.
I have the feeling the dream is telling me where 'i am' most of the time and where 'i want to be'.
The livingspace at a higher level, diverted into several small rooms...this made me think of a 'diverted mind'. I know i am living in the head to much instead of living from the heart.
The brother and his pregnant gf i think are my inner male, female and child. The baby not yet being born, but growing inside her belly could symbolize 'the life i want to live' or 'what i want out of life' (dreams, changes, whishes, possibilities).
The helicopter...in rl i always say that most of my life it felt like i was both taking part in and also 'flying above' (always analyzing and such, looking at the bigger picture, trying to understand the bigger picture).
So, if my brother is me...i think here he stands for my ratio. Sitting at the dinner table and my brother leaving before dinner. In rl my brother almost always has complains about food being served (at home). Food can stand for spiritual nourishment. At this moment this 'picture' seems to tell me that i (my dream-brother) rush off when 'dinner' or 'new things/teachings/experiences' are served. I then get in my helicopter....analyzing. Rush off, i think, isn't the right word. I think the picture has to do with how i react in rl when new teachings/experiences are being served...i start analyzing, which is a favourite hobby (the beloved vehicle), shoot myself up from the ejector seat (which right now feels like a moment where i can be very, very enthousiastic and have the feeling i could reach the sky, to fall down almost instantly...the falling down part is me in rl, getting bored, angry, sad very easily when things aren't going the way i want them to go.
The suicide/death after hitting the ground is, i think, where i'm slowly killing my Self in rl by cutting of a project before it has even started yet. The only thing i don't understand then is that in the dream i knew he had planned this suicide...am i, in rl, sabotaging myself on purpose???
Me, wanting his pregnant gf, to not move so i could see her baby, afraid i would never see her baby when she would move away...i guess this about an unconscious (and even conscious) fear to not get those things out of life that i long for. So me begging her to stay seems to be me begging myself to stay where (who?) i am so i can life the life i want and to be my Self.
His gf asking me to go stand behind her to help her get dressed...maybe it is about the words 'stand behind' and 'to help'.

It feels like this whole dream, with all its emotions, is a loud cry from my Self deep down inside...Maybe it is asking for some kind of suicide...a massive inner change. Because in rl i somehow know my brother is going to change as soon as he will hold his first baby in his hands.
The overall of the dream seems to show a movement away from the rational/mind (suicide brother) towards the emotional/creative/heart (the pregnant gf).

Hmmm..

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Hi Mask,

Interesting that you post this dream as I am finished reading a book on how the true self is lost in childhood, as I do my own inner work.

Because your dream begins with reference to your parents (even if fleeting), it may ask you to look there, to your childhood where you had your originations, where you met with the forces and influences that caused you to become "not me"/not you. For, what the dream seems to say is so very important to you, now, is that, "I am me!"

Perhaps your "knowing your brother is going to commit suicide" is your psyche's way of telling you that (you already know/are aware - as is indicated in your comments) some aspect of you needs to die/end/change, as you suggested ... the over-analytical ... living in the mind ... in the air ... out of body, etc. I think we "all" do this - to varying degrees. Note the "falling to the ground." Perhaps this aspect DOES have to die in order that you may become more grounded, more "in touch" with yourself/your body...the original Self/child...before all the parental/familial influences were taken on. That the brother has not read the book may indicate that you are not in touch with your inner feelings/inner self/child ... for what you do at the end is embrace this woman of you (seen in the girlfriend), "touching" her belly, the sides of her womb, where the child resides. Note that the burgeoning body is not left bare. It is being covered (still?) with a blouse or sweater, however, she did stay and allow you to "touch her..."

And, please, these are just "my" thoughts, which may or may not be accurate for you...so feel welcome to take them with a grain of salt as you continue to apply your own discrimination.

Kristi

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And yet another thank-you-for-your-response, Kristi!

I can find myself in what you've written there.
After the 'Dry Snow' dream the dream even seems to make more sense to me. In rl i've done lots and lots of thinking about my brother...having been angry lots of times about him. And last week i had to conclude that i think i've been projecting lots of my own anger and thoughts on to him. Oke, he can be quite irritating but i still then need to try and keep sort of distance from that. Maybe this is also where the ghost, cartoonlike, deceased uncle comes in.
Where my brother in rl is changing because of close to becoming a father, the dream is using this as a symbol for my own changing...out of the helicopter...instead of passive (sitting in the chair) analyzing, coming into action (the ejector-chair). Maybe the 'falling to the ground and dying' after ejection is just symbolizing the figurative death (major change) that will set in after having come into real action.

The dream was full of seemingly real-felt emotions...anger, dissapointment, grief...What i now find rather funny about this. These emotions were felt after his suicide and dying. But in rl i'm experiencing these emotiones almost every day. But in rl because of that huge change is not being made...because of 'what could be, but which isn't.
On the other hand...what i wrote to you by email about thinking that the harder things feel the closer to change one might be...a therapist i've been to some time ago told me that my grief could also be because of sort of a grief-process i'm going through for quite some time already...because things are already changing...for a longer period already. She said back then that i could look at it as if i'm slowly dying...saying goodbye to my old self.

Vaguely seeing my parents in the dream...yes, i think they are still, both unconsciously and consciously, influencing me...or rather: i'm letting them...i still look through their eyes sometimes instead of only using my own eyes.
Maybe my brother is showing me indeed what's needed for that major change...to indeed not have dinner with them...eating dinner with them meaning using/living by all i've learned from them. (of course they've learned me lots of good things)

Being afraid his pregnant gf now will move away after his death is maybe my own fear i will loose myself and my dreams/passion etc...this also gave me so much emotions...it's not often i experience such emotions in dreams. The standing behind her like she asked me to do could also mean the question (from me to myself) to 'stand behind myself'...or to help myself/accept and respect myself/support...
To be asked and to be accepted to ttouch her pregnant belly felt very, very special and exceptional in the dream...almost like a 'once in a lifetime'...
Getting dressed could mean 'getting dressed for a special occasion'...preparing oneself...taking care of oneself...warming...Right now i even have to think of how birds sit upon their eggs, keeping them warm...
It didn't feel like the getting dressed had to do with covering something.

Well, enough for now...
Mask

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Hi Mask,

I think experiencing emotions in our dreams is very important! I feel it shows we are coming in close to/connecting with the emotional issues that ask our attention for resolution..."embodying" feelings we could not earlier allow ourselves to. That, when these things of the past (like stagnant energy) are freed up, we are able to make more of that forward feeling movement - becoming who we are ("who I AM") supposed to be - that true (original) self, before all the layers of conditioning were taken on. I relate to the grief process you speak of. The feeling language you expressed above here, but not in the dream talk as initially posted, I think, is crucial to your understanding of the dream. It sounds beautiful, precious, honoring, care-taking of what is importnat to you, your Self! I am in a very similar space.

Kristi

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I just thought that the sister who is pregnant symolizes the latent potential of a birth of a new aspect of yourself, probably a more wholly balanced aspect of your personality. Now when she has you get behind her and help her with her clothes, I it is this personality potential pregnant with possibility that is trying to make this experience immediately YOUR experience, that is, it is YOU who is actually pregnant with meaning.

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to be as clear as I can, I think she is telling you, "stand behind me as if you were me, and put on my clothes as if you were putting on your own clothes, because you are pregnant"

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@Kristi;
I agree with the things you wrote. And where you say that feeling such emotions in a dream could show that we're coming close to the things inside that ask for resolutions, i also think these dream emotions shows parts of our true self.
What came to my mind, while reading your thoughts, is that the reason these full-of-emotion-dreams feel so special is maybe even because in these dream we (even without thinking about it) allow ourselves to let emotions flow...i think i love such kind of dreams so much, because to me it shows how i like to live in real life...with much more activeness and passion.
And while writing this last sentence i think a circle has come round...because isn't this exactly what we loose when we come to the age (a few years after birth) when parents and other adults try to 'make' our life?

@Sam;
Sam, you hit the nail there! Why? Because when i read your interpretation i started crying. I saw and felt 'the picture' you draw in your reply. It feels both strange but also beautiful to realise that a human is made of so much...that there is something inside that can show through the use of symbols just those things we are in need of (so much). The knowing that in daily life we have problems, need change etcetera and that inside of us there are all solutions and even things like a caretaking mother, father...a whole family inside...

Well, thanks!
Corien

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