My father footed the bill for the family as a whole but I'm not sure he "picked up the tab emotionally" in fact, he really wasn't available to me and I have had a hard time relating/trusting to men except on a business level since (until my HS bf resurfaced). I aligned more with my mother while my middle sister monopolized my father. We were also told to hush whenever emotions were attempted to be conveyed "we don't talk about such things". My mother was and is a penny pincher which I suppose I resent. My financial situation was quite stable, even lucrative, until my late 40s. I'm okay now but the HS bf would need financial support, particularly when his HepC progresses to a liver transplant, etc. (he's in stage 3 and continues to drink alcohol). Thus, my financial security is threatened by him, adding to emotional turmoil when I do love him and feel more secure and safe with him than anyone who came before. But, as you said at the Water Temperature dream, logic trumps emotion every time (you're right but that's hard). Please let me know if a ten-year old dream is relevant to my self exploration and thank you so much for everything you do in this site. Lisa

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Lisa,
If not your father paying the tab, it is you who may be 'paying in the tab' because he was not available. Thus the problem with trusting men. I believe there is always an underlying stimulus for our actions as adults {they may not 'make ' us do things but they strongly lead us in a particular direction} and most often it comes from childhood. Emotional experiences in our youth make up who we are {read my post New Study-Our personalities may be set as early as 1st grade } and although consciously we are not aware of those early influences, unconsciously they are a force in who we become as adults.

As for the 'paying the tab', determining what actions made by whom is sometimes difficult to discern in dreams. But one continuing pattern that runs true is images of early life in a dream usually point to actual experiences during that time frame. Dreams are the resource provided by 'nature' to help us work through such negative experiences. Having difficulty with trusting men most likely can be traced back to those experiences with your father. Such experiences need not be 'traumatic' in form but merely a continuing influence at a time of life when the psyche is being developed and set for adulthood. Although the earliest years of life are most important, experiences throughout childhood and early life lead us to who we become as adults.

Then there is the 'hushing' of emotions early in life. Again a governing force in adulthood. Perhaps this is why there is a problem with accessing that inner self. Not being able to properly show emotions {controlling emotions, which I emphasis as a must in gaining balance in life, and having an emotional side are two opposites, one negative and the other needful} would be a product of influences during those early years also. And they govern your actions to a large degree as an adult.

All dreams are important, even the seemingly unimportant dreams. Dreams are therapeutic in they attempt to help resolve emotional conflicts. If you remember a dream for 10 years then the force behind that dream is so important, and the emotional experience so conflicting, there remains a need to resolve the underlying emotional aspects of the experience the dream is attempting to convey. Such experiences, as mentioned with your father and showing emotions, are the underpinning of who you are, your personality, your entire being. We all have issues and the more they are related to childhood the more likely they influence later life. Resolving those early life issues is where you need to begin. Just how to do that depends on you, your ability to understand and process the underlying influences. It takes a lot of time and effort, often years of effort {my own journey to wholeness started 18 years ago and real progress to understanding the childhood influences took about 12 years to remedy} to finally resolve the deep emotional influences.

The patterns of behavior that influence the individual are the stories of myth. Myths are the universal themes of emotional human behavior. Just as a psychologist can recognize a particular emotional pattern of behavior from study and experience, mythology also can provide clues to such underlying patterns of behavior. That is where the 'hero/heroine' motif becomes important. If nothing else this storied behavior provides us with information on how to become a 'hero' in our own lives, using the experiences of the hero as a pattern that leads us from our own darkest depths. The most important ingredient of the hero journey? DISCIPLINE. Discipline to stay the course in self discovery. That requires the recognition of the 'inner self', putting the ego in a place that does not have the greatest authority. Turning inward, removing yourself from concerns of material wealth and ego influence as the most important aspects in life. That is where the hero/heroine goes to find balance and harmony in life.

My caution about letting the objective self be in the lead is how I believe we must live in a world of reality. But the real world of emotions is to be found within and 'letting go' and trusting that inner self is where balance and harmony are to be discovered. Look at things in a realistic way but if you can slay in the ego dragon's influence {this is Jesus on the cross, representing the personal death and resurrection the individual must undertake to find new life} you then can learn to trust the emotions, trust the heart, and live life without the influences of past negative experiences.
A hard path to follow. One that requires great DISCIPLINE. A journey you must make alone, but one that does have helping hands to help lead you if you stay the path.

Jerry

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