Dream Analysis/Interpretation by Dream Analyst
Gerald Gifford {at Forum #1}

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Husband Knifed

The crippling fear I felt in this dream ripped me from my sleep. I dreamed that my husband was having an affair with a married woman. In reality, I never worry about my husband being interested in other women, though the topic comes up relatively often in my dreams. The affair was discovered, and it hurt me deeply. My husband was very concerned about the safety of this woman, he was afraid her husband might kill her. But, he was scared to go check on her, and so was hesitant. I could sense that he loved her, and that he was seriously concerned, and I felt concern for her too. We were standing at the foot of the stairs in the house I grew up in. He was looking up the stairs, trying to work up the courage to go up and check on her. I put my hands on his shoulders, standing behind him, to let him know that I would go with him, to make him feel safer. We walked up the stairs and approached the door, it was the door to my bedroom during high school. A man, the husband, burst out and immediately started stabbing my husband in the back of the neck with a chef's knife. All I could think about was if he would be able to survive! Then the man turned the knife on me. He was a tall muscular, white man, (my husband and I are also white). I grabbed his right arm, the one with the knife, to fight him off. Then I thought to myself that he would switch hands, and I knew I would lose this fight. The fear wrenched me from sleep!

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, Fresno, CA

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? No

Re: Husband Knifed

Mellinda,
If there are no possibilities or suspicions of your husband cheating on you then a good possibility is the dream is addressing your own insecurities. There may be reasons that make you feel unattractive, not needed by your husband. But the descriptions you provide d in your dream seem to be addressing deeper emotional conflicts 'it could be doing both, addressing two aspects of the emotions are very common in dreams}. The other woman would be you. Your husband may have voiced concerns about emotions you have expressed recently or over time. The husband may also represent someone else, as I state later in my interpretation.

Have you felt depressed? To the point your husband has shown concern? Discovering the 'affair' the 'affair' of your emotional state of mind} could be a need to consciously engage possible emotional conflicts causing the depression. The actions expressed in the dream may be 'fears you have expressed' that lends itself to your husband's concern about your safety. If you look at the other woman as being a part of you the perhaps you will better understand the relationship I speak of.

Pregnancy often brings about such emotions, and dreams.

'Standing at the foot of the stairs in the house I grew up in' may represent the time where such emotional conflicts began. There may have been past experiences that are at the rot of the emotional conflicts that are causing concern by others {especially your husband}. The door to the bedroom during high school is likely a reference to that period of time. I have found from experience when periods of time from the past are presented in a dream they usually are pointing to actual experiences during that time frame. Look back at that period of time and see what emotional conflicts were experienced that could be related to present day emotions.

Another possibility {'the someone else I alluded to earlier} related to your own internal emotional conflicts, is you are reliving a past experience that although not an actual stabbing, but symbolic of 'penetrating' emotional conflicts. The 'husband' could be symbolic of your 'father and actions you witnessed/experienced {unlikely to be a real 'stabbing'- it could represent 'stabbing emotions} may have been something he did when you were in high school that emotionally hurt you and your mother. The fight you are having with 'the other husband' may represent the emotions you are fighting internally dreams symbols, such as the husband in your dream, can transform from one representations to another, and then to another}. The fight you are afraid you will lose would be an emotional fight in yourself. You may have been unable to hold of the emotions associated with this internal conflict and that fear would be very wrenching and real.

There could be elements of repressed memories of the past. Such unconscious experiences can have hold a person hostage without them knowing about the underlying causes. Look at your past and present life and see what may fit from my interpretation. Your response may shed light on more possibilities.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Husband Knifed

Jerry,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful analysis.

I am not depressed, but I have been very frustrated for quite a while. I am a stay-at-home mom, and my daughter is very strong-willed and demanding. She does not give me any space, and I have been feeling a bit suffocated. My husband and I have just moved and have no friends or family to give us support. Because my husband is the bread winner, I feel that all of the household responsibilities fall on my shoulders, and it is overwhelming. I very rarely have time to myself. I would say, not even on a weekly basis do I get an hour or two to run around and be free. As I write I am wrestling my daughter to leave me in peace for a few minutes to respond. My husband have a great relationship on many levels, but I do feel disappointed in the way that my husband considers the time that he is not at work to be HIS free time. Though, this statement isn't entirely fair. The real problem is that we only have each other to lean on, and, as Vonnegut says "He just isn't enough people!" Also, I believe that loving someone involves admiring that person, and vocalizing that admiration. I tell my husband how lucky I feel to have found him often. He, on the other hand, is not very expressive. I can see that I could be the other woman, in that I know that he loves me, but I have insecurities because he never tells me WHY.

The setting of the house I grew up in feels to me, as you suggested, to be connected to deep emotional conflicts that I experienced in my home. I was adopted, and grew up in a somewhat abusive household. Most of my childhood I lived on the kids' floor of the house, but in high school I moved up to the story of the house where my parents' room was. It was during this time that I was increasingly exposed to what I would call my father's "perversions." And, though I have been open about this fact of my upbringing with many people in my life, thinking about it now in connection with this dream, I am having a hard time not crying. My dad started talking to me like I was a poker buddy as I got older, telling me perverse jokes, and about having sex with my mom. I would also hear them having sex. They were very loud. I don't know how much I might have repressed about my interactions with my dad, but once he asked me to dry him off after he had showered, specifically asking me to dry him in private areas. I feel that this has something to do with my dream, but am not sure how all of these emotions tie together.

Mellinda

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, Fresno, CA

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? No

Re: Husband Knifed

Mellinda,
Thanks for the detailed response. Let's see how the response applies to the dream and interpretation.

It seems that everything you wish your husband would be in waking life is being played out in the dream {wish fulfillment}. The 'other woman' would be that person the dream husband would give the needed attention you crave in real life. Whereas he is feeling concern for you in the dream, that is opposite of what he is doing in your waking life. And although you know he loves you his concern for your situation {overload} is lacking in real life. So you have to have concern for this other woman, someone who is you but isn't getting the attention deserved. This part of the dream is addressing those concerns, and frustrations {instead of depression}.

The second aspect of the dream is relating '{back' to aspects of your childhood home. Your father's perversions would be a great influence on the psyche and it may have to do with unconscious fears about your own marriage {a bi-product of your frustrations}. Although your husband does not possess the perversions of your father his lack of attention to your needs {and concern for his own} could be related to your father's pervasive 'needs'. The survival part of the dream may be your own animus aspects, relating to your survival in the wake of overwhelming responsibilities. This 'husband' is a masculine part of you {as I stated in my original interpretation, the husband can apply to many different aspects in your life-your true husband, your father as a husband, and your masculine aspects}. Much of the dream seems to have these aspects intertwined reflecting the frustrations of the masculine aspects in your life {your husband, your father, your masculine qualities to survive}.

I do think it important to investigate deeper the relationship with your father in your childhood years. If the perversions are as strong as you state
there could have been earlier life experiences that have been forgotten, or perhaps repressed. Not to instill anything that did not happen but to determine the possibility. We now know that early life experiences/influences {as early as toddler age} can be imprinted on the psyche and be an unconscious influence throughout life. Can you talk to your mother and determine more about those years? And because you do have siblings {kid's floor} experiences involving your father and related to them could come into play. When you reach mid-life these issues most likely will come to conscious attention if there are unresolved issues. If your dreams are now reflecting past experiences with your father, when you get to your mid 40s any unresolved issues will become stronger {seeking resolution, an aspect of the therapeutic value of dreams}.

Are your parents still together? How do you feel towards your mother and her reactions to your father's perverse actions? 'Turning the knife on you' could be related to actions involving preserve actions by your father. But could they also relate in some way to your mother, she in this instance being the 'other woman'? {again the dream symbol of the 'other woman' depicting more than one person}

One other aspect about your dream and life I will mention. If at the age of 28 you are already frustrated to the point of feeling overwhelmed, how will you cope in another 5 or 10 years? Those early life experiences/influences can be a factor in later life. How the relationship between your parents played out could have an influence on your marriage {beyond your father's perversions}. The way you feel, the frustration, could have much of its foundations in those experiences/influences. If you are unable to get your husband to understand your frustrations then perhaps counseling is a possible remedy. If something does not intercede then it is only reasonable to believe your relationship could get worse. Now may be the best time to act in those regards instead of letting things continue as they are, and get worse.
A suggestion.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Husband Knifed

Jerry,
Thank you for your insight. You have a gift. I think that I have an overall understanding of the dream now.

In terms of the affair, you are right. I am also the other woman. I trust my husband fully in terms of fidelity, but not because I think he especially loves me above all other women, but because he simply would never cheat on anyone. Period. I think I want to believe that he loves me so much that he would cheat on... me I guess, in order to be with me. I also want to believe that he thinks about me and does things for me without being asked, simply because he cares for me - hence wanting him to feel deep concern for the other woman. This dream occurred a little while after I had spilled a freshly brewed cup of tea all over my chest and stomach. It was right before bed, and we were all tired. His reaction was pure annoyance with me, and he did not help take care of me, or help me put our daughter to bed. I was badly burnt, but he refused to admit it, and went to bed. I did not let this inappropriate reaction slide, but the incident I think really nailed home just how far things are getting out of balance.
I think that one of my greatest internal conflicts that must be overcome is my suppression of anger, and the resulting ways that I allow myself to be taken for granted and walked on. This, I believe stems from my childhood, and my relationship with my parents. I did not receive unconditional love from either my mother or my father. Like I said I was adopted, along with my 3 biological sisters. I learned quickly by seeing what happened to my sisters, that you did not argue, it was pointless. My parents could not, would not, hear anything we said, a repeated mantra being "You are a child, you have no opinion." Those who argued were physically punished, like my sister Loni, who now suffers from severe bipolar disorder. I became an exemplary child. Straight As, national speech champion, lead in all the plays. I hate conflict, and I guess I defend myself from it in every way I can. I never told my parents how much I hated them. Once, when my sister was arguing with my parents she told them that I hated them too. They responded, "If that is true, than she deserves an Oscar!" I have struggled in my adult relationships to reclaim my power, and to not allow myself to be taken advantage of, but it seems the deeper I become involved with someone the more I allow myself to be tread under foot.
It is disturbing for me to realize that the man who stabbed my husband is, in fact, a part of me - my pent up anger. On a return visit home from college I let my anger be unleashed on my mother. It was an overwhelming experience. I screamed at her and would not let her talk for nearly 2 hours. She, I am sure, has forgotten much of what I said, denial being one of her strongest abilities, but I believe it was very therapeutic for me and has allowed our relationship to heal over the years and distance. On the other hand, I have never confronted my father. Largely because I know that it will hurt him, and just as significantly because I am scared to. While I love my father very much, I know that he has a very sinister, evil side to him. I guess that my unconscious mind is telling me that until I can find a way to confront my anger towards him, I cannot heal.
I think that my husband in the dream is both my husband, and my father. And that my animus is suffering and repressed. I forgot to mention in my previous posts that when we approached the door to my bedroom, and the man burst out, I knew that the other woman was inside, lying on the bed, stabbed to death.
Wow!!! I currently feel compelled to do this soul searching, because before, I was able to suppress my anger most of the time. Now, I realize how much patience parenting requires and it is hard for me to control my temper all of the time. I think that I am a good mother, but I do sometimes respond to my daughter's temper tantrums with my own fair share of stomping and yelling. I feel ashamed afterwards, and I know that I have to work on myself if I am going to be the kind of parent that I want to be.
I have never received counseling for the traumatic experiences of my childhood. I guess I felt that compared to my sisters, and to a lot of people who seem riddled with contradictions, I was doing pretty well. I see now that I probably should seek some therapy.

Mellinda

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, Fresno, CA

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? No

Re: Husband Knifed

Mellinda,
I will provide a detailed response this weekend. I want to have plenty of time to access your response and provide a proper response. Believe it or not just by giving time to your dreams is good therapy. What other counseling you may need my show itself in future dreams.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Husband Knifed

Mellinda,
With what you have said your husband has a lot of 'issues' needing attention. He seems to be a self centered person and that helps little in your situation. The pent up anger you describe is surely due partly to his actions. And with the issues from childhood you are facing a 'mountain' that will be hard to climb. Taking out your anger on your daughter {with the environment you grew up in, and that of your daughter, you can see why she is the person she is} is a product of both present and past experiences. A big step in finding a balance is not let your anger get the best of you, learning to control that aspect of your life. Control is the key and those conscious and unconscious motivators that take away that control are the 'mountain's in your life. One step at a time, one issue at a time where you regain control, that will be the gage for your progress. The conscious issues will probably be easier to deal with. The unconscious issues are far more difficult because often they are not known.
That is where your dreams can be of great help.

You have already begun that journey to wholeness simply by giving attention to these important emotional issues. Continue that path and you will either find a balance and harmony in your life, or take a wild swing that could be destructive. Be careful but do not hesitate to improve your situation. That is the 'hero/heroine' journey, being brave in the aftermath of all the 'anger' and injustice in your life.

Looking at the relationship with your mother, how much is it becoming like that with your daughter? And your father. Does your husband have similar qualities as your father {one unconscious bi-product of father/daughter issues is the influence of that relationship in choosing life partners}. In your dream your father is seen in the same light as you father {I think that my husband in the dream is both my husband, and my father}. If there are not similar traits, the similar emotional reactions are the same. That can be a big problem in your marriage. At 28 you have a long life to live with this one man. Solving those problems are paramount if your marriage is going to survive.

To get a better understanding of who you are at the age of 28 look back at those early years of life, the experiences and influences when your father and mother had a great impact. Analyze those years beginning with the earliest memories. You will be amazed at what you have forgotten/repressed. And it will be illuminating, as well as at times frightening. But it is a must if you are to discover those influences that make you do and be what and who you are now.

You may not know it but you have already begun that process. In your dreams. Those emotional issues that are not given proper attention in your waking life are being given great attention in your dreams. That is why dreams are therapeutic, they unconsciously help in the healing process. But that has to be carried over into waking consciousness to be truly affective. There will come a day when you will need to confront those issues that are at the core of your being. Searching the soul requires acknowledging its source of being and that began when you were in the womb and evolved as you evolved. And eventually, in some fashion or form, you will need to confront all that is bad in your life. Including your parents. And your husband's attitude. And your daughter's {but I do sometimes respond to my daughter's temper tantrums with my own fair share of stomping and yelling. I feel ashamed afterwards}.

Seeking therapy is not a bad thing. It was not so long ago that the unconscious was thought of as being a fantasy. Now we know how important that aspect of the psyche is. There is still so little known about that inner world. I like to think we are exploring that world. It may be wise to consider such a path. Consider the consequences if things are left as they are.

Using Jungian psyche {Jung died in 1962} we are able to understand the dream world. Campbell has provided tools to better understand the most difficult language of Jungian psychology. My intent is to simplify that process even more, to put into simple words what the dream world is about {as I know it}. I am blessed to even to be able to understand dreams since I was 42 when I began my journey to wholeness {using Jungian psych as self therapy and finding my true path with Campbell}. It was by exploring my inner world and discovering and confronting those early life demons {a father who abandoned 4 children and a mother who became a heroine in her sacrifice to her children} that let me be whole, and who I truly am. The one time couch potato/sports nut now is a Jungian fanatic who longs to give his time and efforts to his dream work and web site on Jungian psyche. Redirecting that mental energy from the outer resources that were mere substitutes for what was lacking due to childhood issues to the inner world where one finds true meaning in life. In the words of the master teacher Joseph Campbell:
"We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about."

The problem with that outer engagement it is so controlled by unconscious influences. Discovering, and becoming that 'inner person' who seeks freedom is what wholeness is about. The outer self must undergo a transformation, a death and resurrection to that true self {this is the Christian motif, the mythological reference to the death and resurrection of Jesus on the cross}. The transformation is literal {from ego centered person to a spiritual being}. The death and resurrection are metaphorical. Dreams and myths often share the same language.

You do have a lot on your emotional plate to overcome. Either you live life as it is, let life control you, or you do something to change it, take control of your life. Just how you do that is a personal adventure, and heroic task which requires much strength and discipline. I hope to help with whatever I can from my understanding of dreams and the psyche {interpreting your dreams so you can discover that inner person and why the outer is who she is}. But in the end it is you who will have to slay your dragons. One step at a time. Learning to look at life objectively and not emotionally. Therapy is a good suggestion.
We are meditating /praying all turns out well in your world.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Husband Knifed

Jerry,
I am sorry that it has taken me a while to respond. My in-laws were in town and they kept me quite busy.
My husband can be self centered, though he truly is a good man. We plan on working on our issues together, and are committed to addressing them when they arise. I don't think that he is anything like my father, but my experiences with men in general has not been very positive in my life, so I think that I project my issues with men in general on him at times.

I have begun reading Carl Jung's "Man and his Symbols", which is what prompted me to post this dream. I plan to study dream interpretation and astrology. The beginning stages of this course of study have been pretty emotional, as they have led to a lot of introspection, but I feel good about this path, and will be taking a close look at myself and working to become the best person, mother, and wife that I can be!

Thank you for your guidance! You will probably be hearing from me again in the future as I explore the meaning of my dreams!

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, Fresno, CA

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? No

Re: Husband Knifed

Mellinda,
It is good news to learn you and your husband are working together on those issues that divide. It will take his involvement for there to be any success within the marriage. And that will allow you to focus on your own personal issues, your self discovery and personal growth. One will support the other, a better marriage and a path to personal growth.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

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