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dream

Hello again Jerry. I had another dream that I would appreciate your assistance with. It was a powerful dream that I had Friday night following a healing workshop that I attended.During the workshop I shared the situation that was the preface to the last dream I sent to you. I had experienced a sort of break through in life and had given my forgiveness and yet had made the decision not to be around the person who had been so unkind to me before the prior dream. I had put on my 'leather britches' and used my masculine aspects to make this bold move for me. I was however feeling guilty with myself thinking I was making this person pay the price for all the other angry people in my life. After I shared this at the workshop the woman who was teaching us her healing method touched me. When she did we both had a powerful reaction and we began to shake as the healing energy poured through us. It was a remarkable experience. It was a very emotional experience as well. I knew without doubt that I was taking part in my healing by allowing the energy to flow into and out of me.The energy was flowing through us both and our connection to Source was strong. Sorry for the long explaination but I thought it would help for you to know the events that led up to the dream. Now to the dream:
The dream I had that night was involved and very vivid. The main theme was that I was completely at ease being myself around a group of couples during a get together. We were laughing and dancing and just having a general good time. I was the only one without a partner. In the dream I knew them all, but they are not people I know in real waking life: The dream revolved around my connection and intimate attraction to one woman in particular to whom I was very drawn. Looking back at the dream she seemed to be alone as well. I was so comfortable with her, (ME?) that I allowed her to get every close. This was done discreetly yet in the presence of the others. We seemed at ease and others did not seem to be aware, or care about our mutual attraction to one another. We were not calling any attention to us………it was just happening naturally. I knew I could trust her (myself?) with my inner most feelings and being intimate felt so wonderful. (my current situation in life is a complete lack of intimacy with my partner) It all felt quite natural. As we interacted she placed her hand between my legs and brought me to at least three orgasms, one after another with no effort at all.(this was in the dream but there was not a physical reaction in my body where I actually orgasmed in my sleep) Sorry for the intimate detail but think every thing is important to the complete understanding of the dream. No one else was paying attention and I knew they did not know what was going on.This is where the dream ended.
Thanks in advance for your assitance.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59, Missouri

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: dream

Kathy,
Realizing as you do that on one level all the people in your dream represent aspects of your own psyche, I also see an intermingling of your true experience prior to the dream with the healing workshop teacher {The dream revolved around my connection and intimate attraction to one woman in particular to whom I was very drawn}. But I also sense is another aspect of the dream, the impediments to sexual gratification in your waking life. What are the reasons for a lack of intimacy with your partner. Reaching 3 orgasms {the number 3 may be significant} in the dream may be focusing on a desire to be able to reach an orgasm. Could there be a deeper aspect, an underlying reason for not reaching orgasms other than the relationship itself? It may be it is merely a desire for sexual gratification in your relationship {as Freud expounded, the strong desire of sex is natural in all, animals including the human animal}. But are there other impediments from early life that may relate to this aspect of your life? Many men suffer from an inability to function during sex and most often it is psychological. Women can suffer from sexual dysfunction as they get older just like men. In women the psychological reasons could likely be from earlier life experiences involving an experience that causes the dysfunction. Are there psychological impediments? If not related to your partner and that relationship, perhaps from early life experiences?

So the question may be, what are the reasons for the lack of intimacy with your partner? Is it because the two of you have grown apart, or are there other possibilities, psychological reasons related to you and/or your partner?

Back to the various aspects of the people in your dream that are 'you'. Statements like 'I was the only one without a partner' would definitely be addressing real life experiences. But could that language be saying more about 'you'? 'The dream revolved around my connection and intimate attraction to one woman in particular' could also be language with 'hidden' meaning {metaphor is the 'hidden' meaning in the word}. There are several such references to yourself that may be revealing hidden messages.

One other possibility that may relate to such references. If there is not an intimate relationship with your partner then perhaps the references have something to do with self gratification. Our society for a long time looked upon such 'self pleasuring' as taboo. Yet it may merely be a statement of 'taking things into your own hands, out of necessity. Taking control is a masculine aspect. Whatever the emotional conflicts there are in a dreamer's life the dream is attempting to help reconcile those conflicts. The therapeutic value of dreams.

Give thought to the possibilities. The ending of a dream is always important and the way your dream ended definitely suggests a desire for intimacy The underlying message may be about intimacy in general more so than sexual intimacy. So many possibilities. Putting the pieces together will be left up to you.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: dream

Well you have given me much to think about but after the first reading I am telling you that once again you are spot on. Your insights and abilities are amazing. I was reluctant to share this dream but I felt that the true, deeper meaning was unclear to me and I needed help. You have presented many possibilities and I believe there is an aspect of truth in each. I do believe I am dealing with more than one issue here.
The lack of intimacy with this partner is not limited to sexual.........I have long wished for intimacy in general....laughing, sharing, caring, being yourself around another. Also about two years ago my best friend with who I could share anything, met a new man, married and moved away.....so I have lost the ability to share my secrets in a safe environment. I have been having visions(daydreams)lately that relate to me being part of a group of intimate friends and just having such great fun being me.
As far as sexual intimacy: it has never been an issue with past partners, but only and always with this one. So I know there are several factors at work there. About taking matters into your own hands......lets just say I do have the masculine aspect under control. I stop here and shake my head at your insights.
I realize that I have much to think about and thank you once again for taking the time to be of such amazing assistance. I believe that our dreams are a very important part of our healing and expansion process. I keep a TOP TEN request list.....intimacy has always appeared on that list.......until recently when I dropped it off in order to cover more current needs and issues. I think it is time to put it back on as it is indeed a real desire in my life.
Thank you Jerry.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59, Missouri

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} f

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Re: dream

Kathy,
You are too kind. It may be true about my having certain insights, intuitive insights is definitely required in understanding/interpreting dreams. But to quote Joseph Campbell when asked about the matter of having faith. His response, "I don't need faith I have experience". Let's say my experiences in love and life go a long way in understanding matters of the heart, as well as the 'groin'. I don't believe I qualified to be in the category of sexual addiction as a younger man but it was an aspect that controlled much of my being. If I had the chance to do it over again I would do so much of it differently, knowing what I know now. But not being able to do that, the experiences do provide insights to certain aspects of life. Looking for love in all the wrong places with many of those 'places' providing unique exposures I otherwise would have never experienced.

About intimacy. As you pointed out in your response intimacy is more than just sexual contact. Physical contact in general is just as important. Being loved and held by another is ingrained within the psyche just as is sex, both being a part of 'nature's' ingredient in our human evolution. Being someone who thought of sex as most important, I can remember those moments afterwards were the most satisfying. Feeling the embrace of someone for whom you had immense feelings {I refrain from using the word love because it is/was all too often mistaken to be love when it was not} in those tender moments after sexual fulfillment {both partners} was the epitome of a 'perfect moment'. More so than just the two partners turning away from each other and enjoying the moment, the embrace afterwards was the greatest thing I believe I have ever felt. And I sincerely meant that.
Thinking back, such moments were always with someone I truly loved. The great sex I experienced with someone I did not really 'love' was just that. Sex. But when it was with someone I loved, and there was more than just one, it was sublime, fulfilling, the two becoming one.

Oops!! Am letting my 'feminine' qualities show? Perhaps so. But is it not true a woman prefers a man who is capable of showing/sharing their true emotions? I hope I have attained such capabilities if they were lacking to begin with.

And is it not true, the morning after having sex very often has the woman being a song bird, wearing a satisfied smile? I can remember those experiences and they seemed to always occur the morning after.

Are these just my experiences? Or is there truth in both questions?

In closing I do want to say a little more about the 'required' need for intimacy and love in life. There is no doubt it is a part of the human composition. We all spend a great amount of time searching for both. But as we age I do believe it does lessen, it is not as important {partly because of physical aspects, the body changes, as does our psychology}. The sexual aspect certainly does, desire is pushed away partly because of the many other emotional aspects we have to confront {which would make it psychological more so than physical}. But there are other things in life that can fill that void, but only if the person has reconciled the original 'voids' from earlier life. That is what our dreams attempt to help us do. Resolving those internal conflicts, most of which have their origins or aspects of them in early life, particularly childhood.

With my journey inward I have discovered there is SOME THING that can be a useful substitute for the intimacy, physical and sexual, we require. It has been 18 years since my last marriage {one very brief 'entanglement' in the late 90s} and the longer I am alone the less I believe I would want to enter to another relationship. It would take an almost perfect match, psyche wise. That is a 180 degree turn about for me but I am so comfortable, so confident in my present condition. I would not want what to cahnge that no matter what.
It is my longtime mistress, the CREATIVE SPIRIT that fills the void. I believe this is what Campbell meant when directing us to follow our bliss. He knew the creative spirit could fill most any void within the psyche because it is within the same realm of love and sex. They all are capable of fulfillment within the heart but the creative aspect is a constant because it is a part of the being, not some other person who can leave and create the void. The bliss factor is a spiritual aspect, as is love. Sex is another aspect, on another level, of love.
At least that is my 'experience'.

The Love of Tristan and Isolde
An Arthurian Romance


So through the eyes love attains the heart:
For the eyes are scouts of the heart,
And the eyes go reconnoitering
For what it would please the heart to possess.
And when they are in full accord
And firm, all three, in the one resolve,
At that time, perfect love is born
From what the eyes have made welcome to the heart.
For as all true lovers
Know, love is perfect kindness,
Which is born - there is no doubt - from the heart and the eyes.


-Guiraut DE Borneilh {ca. 1138 - 1200?}
From Joseph Campbell's 'The Power of Myth'


And for someone who discovers the creative spirit but does not reconcile the early life conflicts? Self destruction is often the outcome. How many talented artists, creative people have traveled that path? One who comes to mind is Jim Morrison. Not because he was just a rock star but he was a true poet. Yet his life was all too short. Self destruction seems to take as many as those who survive. Life is a hard journey to navigate. I guess anyone who does survive to old age is a hero of some sort for just doing so.

I will end here, I am beginning to ramble. That is what happens when the Forum shuts down for any period of time. I'll have to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: dream

I too have known the bliss that occurs after two people combine to become one.......there have been many times when I almost wish I did not.....then I would have no knowledge of what I am missing....or what the possibilities are, or how HUGE the void is.

For 7-8 years I was ok with the "void" for many reasons. Then again it may have been pure acceptance of 'what is' instead of being ok with it. I find I am no longer satisfied with the lack of physical and emotional intimacy with another. I am no longer satisfied with the void. I desire intimacy on all levels and as I begin to realize this I have opened on so many levels of personal awareness. I want the arms to hold me and the eye contact and the warm gentle feelings that come from those experiences as well as someone who enjoys giving as well as receiving.I want to laugh with someone and feel safe to cry with someone, to dance and be silly or crazy. You are correct, I as a woman crave a man who can express his emotional and feminine side.There is absolute truth in what you said.

You are also right on the mark concerning voids that begin in childhood. I had a distant, conditional father who withheld his love........I have struggled most of my life trying to find the love, acceptance and affirmation that should have come from him; looking to other males to provide it.(all the wrong places) I no longer need that type of affirmation, I simply have come to realize it is true one on one intimacy that I crave. No one outside of me can fill the father gap.

I hold hope that the Universe hears the strong cry of my heart and is ready to respond to my desires and longings.

By the way......... on a lighter note, we do have a chance for "do overs"...our next physical existence! Just in the last month or so I have begun to console myself with that: I have a mental list of the experiences, talents and creative outlets I would love to have on the next go around.

Jerry just putting these thoughts down in writing and reading your remarks and responses has put some clarity on the larger issues surrounding this dream. I thank you once again for sharing your gifts and insights. Your gift brings greater understanding to me of my dreams. As I continue to sift through the rubble of my life in an never ending effort to expand I am quite certain I will be sharing with you again.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59, Missouri

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} f

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

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