I am working on a very steep rocky embankment in a valley in the wilderness - my job is to clear it of debris and vegetation. There is a small river at the bottom. It is hard work but I am getting it done quickly.
When I get to the bottom of the embankment I find an opening and walk through. The opening leads to the entrance of a building. I go back to the embankment and tell the guy I am working with what I have found. He comes with me to explore further.
We reenter the building through the opening down at the base of the embankment - it is necessary to walk through some shallow water to enter.
When standing inside the entrance of the building I am talking to the man with me trying to figure out if this is an abandoned psychiatric hospital or high school and if it is still in use. An unhealthy looking male in his late teens or early twenties approaches us and speaks (I cannot remember what he says)and while he speaks to the other guy with me I am trying to determine if he is a ghost or actually alive/real. He joins us as we continue through the building. All the hallways are abandoned but there is the sense that others are present but unseen.
As we pass an office (principals office or doctors office) I can see the back of a females head _ she has thick black shoulder length hair and I have the impression that she is in her late teens or early twenties. She is sitting in the waiting area of the office.
The other male that I am with steps forward and speaks (this is the firs I have heard him speak) and he says that she is the woman he is in love with. She is his destiny/soulmate. He and the unhealthy ghost like figure claim that she will die in two years and she will become a ghost and as a ghost she will become his housekeeper but he wants to have a relationship with her now not when she is a ghost.
I encourage him to go in to the office and speak to her - ask her to join him now.
He does go in and speak to her. The unhealthy overweight ghost figure and I wait outside and watch in anticipation through the glass. The ghost figure is very nervous and apprehensive about the outcome. I am not concerned but somewhat eager to see her face and want her to agree to join him/us.
I see her head shake indicating no as her answer.
The other guy rejoins us and tells us the bad news. The ghost figure is in a full panic - he thinks that it is possible that she will not become the houskeeper when she becomes a ghost in two years because we have approached her now.
We continue to walk together and leave the building and arrive in an open public park on a nice sunny day where eople are enjoying themselves. We stop at a fountain for a while as we are all rather down because of the female not coming with us but the guy who spoke to her is convinced she is still in his destiny and he has a deep love for her.
We continue on and the mood becomes light between us the overweight unhealthy ghost figure is starting to look more alive - healthier skin colour but still overweight and very nervous - he is talking incessantly and being annoying so I pretend to call some unseen beast on him by whistling and he starts to run out of fear - his running in fear is theatrical more than terrified and this makes me laugh out loud and hard. The other guy with me has no reaction and continues to walk on to catch up with the one who ran to calm him down and reassure him that no beast is coming. I follow.

I feel that these three males are likely aspects of myself and since adolescence I have had dreams about an indifferent female figure whose attention I seek and for whom I feel a deep love but who remains indifferent to me. This figure always has the same physical characteristics and for many years she was a girl that I had a childhood infatuation with from my primary school but in later years she remains faceless.

I am in a period of transition at the moment (work, marriage, houses, direction to take, lifestyle)and there is a feeling of significance in this dream as though I need to understand it to successfully make this transition.

I would greatly appreciate your help with intrepretation and will reply. Thank you.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Calgary, Alberta, Canada

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Sean,
I will provide a cursory interpretation to your dream, something to give you food for thought, and with a response I will provide a more thorough interpretation. The dream makes me believe there may be serious mental conflicts that need addressing. It is hard to determine what those may be without feedback from you. The goal is not only to provide an interpretation but to also provide insights to what the underlying mental stresses are in your life that are causing this 'ghost' to inhabit your dreams.

The first part of the dream is a prelude to an exploration of your unconscious, a search for something that may be repressed. The other man is you, that 'inner' self, that hidden identity that resides deep within the unconscious depths of the mind. There are 'ghosts' within those depths and it has to do with feminine associations/aspects.

The question is 'what feminine associations/aspects' is this dream trying to expose. Her being the 'other man's destiny' suggests something from the past that is a driving force in 'your' future. That future is now, and tomorrow, and rest of the days of your life as long as her 'ghost' {associations/aspects} remains unknown/hidden. The eagerness to see 'her face' is a desire/need to recognize what it is that makes her such a strong force. The recognition is of those influences/experiences that are in emotional conflict.

Age may have something to do with the experiences that have prolonged this need to discover the face of this feminine aspect. Although you mention a childhood infatuation that would not be the primary message of the dream. Nor any later relationship/infatuation. Those would be related to the influences I mentioned or co-incidental events in life. The message of the dream would be of early life influences/experiences having to do with an 'indifferent' feminine relationship. The likely candidate would be your mother. There could be another source as a candidate by the relationship with your mother would be the likely person.

What was your early family life like, particularly the relationship with your mother? Your destiny in live is affected by early life influences and the mother relationship could have a big influence on later relationships with women. Have you had trouble in your relationship with the opposite sex? The indifferent female is the primary focus of your dream. If there was such a person in your early life then the feelings of indifference would carry on into later life and could influence your personality. You could become/have become that indifferent person.

Let know about the relationship with your mother or any other early life experiences with a female. This is likely the source of the dreams.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Thank you for your initial interpretation Jerry. To answer your question about my early family life and relationship with my mother I will provide an overview:
My father was an emotionally detached and immature man who refused to 'deal with' his wife's emotional needs and decided that he would use me as his proxy - inserting me as a messenger, interpreter and emotional stand in for his role as husband and father to my younger sister.
My mother eagerly cooperated in this situation by using me as an emotional surrogate for the role my father should have played. All her unfulfilled ambition and needs were projected onto me _ alienating me from my sister and father.
My attempts to correct this unhealthy family dynamic by attempting to establish a relationship with my father as his son and establish him as the 'father' figure in the family and his marriage was undermined by his refusal to accept this role and his growing "hatred" (his word) of me due to my relationship with my mother.
My mother undermined my attempts at refusing the role of surrogate husband by continuing to idealize me and criticise my fathers every action and word to me and him and being overly preoccupied by my every thought, word and deed.
I was asked often to act as 'referee' in their fights from the age of 12 - 17 which was when I left home for university.
I attempted to seperate and to create space for myself both physically - by moving overseas often or by making choices that would offend or dissapoint her expectations.
I have attempted to confront the effect that these primary relationships have had on me and my relationships over the years and discussed the inappropriateness of the role I played and the damage it has caused for me with both parents individually with mixed results.
Both have become somewhat more self aware and acknowledge that this was not the role I should have been forced into in our family - yet in actuality little has changed in how they relate to me or each other (despite them being divorced for the past 17 years.)
My mother has tended to be emotionally overwhelming and invasive and my father has tended to be distant and dishonest (emotionally and factually) - both use their financial difficulties or other self created crisis to maintain their respective relationships with me.
Both are again living within close proximity to me and I interact with them daily.
My relationship with women over the years has followed a regular pattern: idealized infatuation initially with intense sexuality usually fueled by alcohol and my ability to 'become' the partner I believe my partner wants - followed by my feeling increasingly disconnected and fake in the relationship and my desire for more intensity in the relationship in order to maintain my interest eventually leading to a non-sexual friendship and final seperation.
The women I have been involved with have been diverse culturally, socially, economically and characteristically (introverts, extroverts, insecure, hyper-confident, etc..) but emotionally unavailable or those who had difficulty in 'opening up' has been the common thread.
I have difficulty making and maintaining friendships with either males or females but I hve particular difficultly with males - despite being able to meet people rather easily and having worked in positions that require highly developed social skills and leadership ability.
My longest friendship was a purely platonic one with a woman I met at university and lasted for 9 years and ended when she expressed interest in us becoming a couple followed by my rejection of this proposal and her subsequent marriage to someone else.

I just read your article on Men's Dreams on this site and found it highly informative and useful in reflecting on my dream.

Thank you for your interpretation and insight.

Sean

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Calgary, Alberta, Canada

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Sean,
I'll provide a response later today. It does seem clear the dream is a reflection of the many difficult situations in your life. How to resolve those emotional conflicts is the primary question to be addressed.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Thanks Jerry.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} male

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Sean,
I believe I touched on much of the 'unconscious manifestations' that are now 'influencing' your current waking life. A dysfunctional childhood where there was an immature masculine influence {father} and a subservient mother that produced an unbalanced psyche which in turn has created an unhealthy attitudinal disposition for the adult life that you live today. Both parents are responsible for the unconscious influences that have manifested into an inability to maintain relationships with men or women. Although there are those who doubt such influences, science 'proves' different. You are a victim of your childhood {welcome to the club-it is not exclusive}. From the moment you were born these unhealthy influences began to sink in, breed into your psyche for what would become an unconscious influence that molded your personality and which are at the least partly responsible for many of the experiences as an adult.

It does seem you are aware of these influences/experiences. The question then becomes what to do about it. If there is not an ability to self analyze {Jung's Individuation Process as a model} then the only alternative would be professional counseling. Even with that it could be many years before you are able to shake those early life influences. They are so ingrained, not only from early life influences/experiences, but also from later life experiences that tend only to make those influences stronger. But to 'learn' to have a functional life where you can experience normal relationships with other people of both sexes you must begin a process of 'rehabilitation' to 'exorcist' the inner demons that control your psyche. It will not be an easy task and will be full of self imposed 'barriers' that you will have to overcome. In the world of 'dream mythology' {myth as the universal dream where the inner self is the hero/heroine} you must become the 'Luke Skywalker' that saves 'himself/yourself' from the shadow father and an 'emasculated' feminine.

Have you sought help with these unconscious influences from childhood? From your most recent response you do seem aware of the influences/ experiences related to your early life. What you do now at this important stage of life {mid-life} can determine whether the rest of your life will be normal and functional. Do you continue down the same path or do you take control and begin the process of 'rebirth' {assuming you have not already done so}? As life is, the human life as it as evolved in culture an nature, we all tend to possess the need for attention to early life experiences/influences. But most people never realize, let alone do the serious inner work required to become that whole person I believe nature intended for us humans. We tend to live outside 'our nature', human as well as natural, and that presents a dilemma of 'us' against the nature of things as they should be. Your life is not as it should be and knowing the underlying causations makes it even more imperative you do the serious inner work. If this is not done there is that probability you will never know 'normalcy' and a possibility life will only get worse. The rest of your life begins today.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Thank you Jerry for your interpretation and direction. I greatly appreciate both. I undertook the inner journey after having taken many on the external ones and not finding the wholeness and healing I had hoped to find.
It was through my interest in Jung and Campbell that I came upon your site.
I will take some time to reflect on the insights you have provided and continue to read the articles and other posts on your site.
Thank you for the time you put into this site and for sharing your wisdom with those of us who find our way here.

Again, my sincere gratitude

Sean

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} male

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Sean,
Pay special attention to Jung's Individuation Process and Campbell's Hero Journey. And understand the process of discovery takes many years of effort. I began my journey some 18 years ago when I was 42. Although with each year I engaged in that process I made great strides with new realizations, it was not until about 2004 I fully began to appreciate what the journey was about. And I am still learning. My dream work is a potpourri of new information, not only about dreams and psychology but the 'secrets' of the deeper psyche. And it is my bliss.

He who knows doesn't know. he who doesn't know knows

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes