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A childhood dream that is still with me

It is evening, twilight – everything is in shades of grey and the world is silent.
I am walking slowly up a gentle hill covered with grass and occasional low-lying bushes. I am not sure why I am there or where I am going – I seem to be about 10 years old and so have that way about me that children have, of going along with something without knowing or being told why.
I am clad in grey as is my companion – an older man with a cloak who appears to be a monk although I don’t recognise him and he never says anything. I feel as if I am his acolyte.
We approach the top of the hill as the darkness really starts to close in. Stepping round to the left of the brow of the hill, we gain our first sight of the other side of the hill and there it is, just a little below us…. It is a circular space on the ground, perhaps two yards wide and gleaming white. At the centre of the circle is a white horse, also gleaming and impossibly beautiful. The horse is standing on its hind legs and dancing a slow and stately pavane.
I am lost in this spellbinding vision – it is a sight beyond my ken, beyond my imagination and yet somehow I feel I know it…. or it knows me.
I could spend eternity just watching it but the monk places a hand on my left shoulder and nods, as if to say “Go on”. Suddenly, I know what he expects me to do – I try to argue but he is silently implacable. With heavy heart and resignation I toss the object that I have been holding in my right hand – a strangely shaped object made of grey, heavy metal. It describes a slow arc and descends towards the circle.
As it hits the circle, there is a blinding, white flash after which there is no sign of the circle or the horse. Nodding, as if to say “Job done”, the monk leads me back the way we came, down the hill. I feel as if the life has gone out of me, as if light has gone out of the world – the twilight now makes the whole world the same shade of dark grey.
Part way down the hill, a sound emerges from deep underground – a deep, powerful, echoing and mocking laughter that conveys the message “No matter what you do or think, you have not got away with this”.
I awake.
Long, after the dream, I come across an image of the object I tossed – it is called an Ankh, an Egyptian hieroglyphic character that means "eternal life.

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Re: A childhood dream that is still with me

Tom,
I don't know if your dream is an actual repression of experiences when you were a child but the overall strong indications point to that. I will let you decide whether it is fact. Here is my take on the dream.

When an image of a young child appears in the first part of a dream it is most always a reference to an experience{s} to the dreamer at that age. The shades of grey probably are an inability/desire not to remember the experiences, perhaps even a comment about repressing the experiences. Doing something you are told to do and not understanding why would be a part of the experiences.

The older man would likely be referencing two aspects related to these experiences. One would be you as a grown man, still clouded in the memories from the age of 10. The other could be a grown man related to the experiences, someone who too you do not remember. Referencing two different aspects of a symbol {companion in grey} is a norm in dreams. Being his acolyte {sub-servant} would be referencing two aspects also. One would be about the actual experience and the other being sub-servant to the unconscious control they have on your psyche. Dreams are unconscious depictions of emotions that are in conflict. Being sub-servant to someone/something that involved an momentousness experience at the age of 10 could likely be the message the dream is trying to communicate.

Approaching the top of the hill may suggest these experiences are trying to break through to conscious memory. But the darkness of the unconscious memories prevent them from being accessed. The circle would be a desire/need for wholeness in your life. The white horse would be a strong physical/mental energy that would be the saving agent, the thing that brings about clarity to these past experiences and a guide to finding wholeness in your adult life {the hero riding on a white horse in mythology}. The dancing horse would represent freedom from the unconscious restraints from the early life experiences.

The 'knowing' you is knowing the real you, perhaps referencing that person that would have been if things were different in childhood. But this has been beyond your grandest imagination because of something in your life. Looking back at your experiences at the age of 10 will likely provide insights to that 'thing' and/or experiences.

The monk in your dream may represent a need to emotionally withdraw yourself from a situation and regain some control, structure, and order. It could also be a reference to early life experiences due to the influences of a monk or church patriarch. Such people have great powers, especially to a young boy at the age of 10. On one hand in the dream the monk seems to be a helpful person, someone you trust and admire. But where he leads you is to a place where life has been drained out of you. The light related to trust and admiration, as well as ordinary life has gone out of you. You have pushed these experiences to the depths of your unconscious, they being so strong of an influence you do not wish to confront them.

The strong sound from your unconscious {underground}. As a child we feel responsible for wrongs that happen whether or not we were to blame for them. Something in your childhood occurred that was a 'wrong' and although the persons responsible may have gotten away with the influence that helped cause or did cause the wrong, deep in your unconscious you remember. the message “No matter what you do or think, you have not got away with this” also would be a reference to unconscious feelings of blame of yourself. Mistakenly of course but for a boy of 10 who has had a 'wrong' experience the blame is thought to be of his own. But deep down you know the true villain. Bringing this up out of the unconscious is the only way to bring about resolution to what happened when you were 10.

Jerry

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Re: A childhood dream that is still with me

Dear Jerry,

Thank you for your insight to this. It gives me much to think over. I'm sure there is no repression of experiences but your other observations and suggestions feel like they're on the mark. I'll let you know if I uncover more.

Many thanks,

Tom

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