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Shopping....

I dreamt I was shopping in two places last night – the first place, I was outside, and it was cold (my bedroom got cold at one point and I think I incorporated it into the dream) I was passing this rather large building. I had on a bright red wool winter coat. I remember the building had a man standing outside of it who was sortof like a bellman but not. he had a uniform (like a white apron up to the neck?) and he looked like someone right out of the 20’s – hairstyle, thin mustache, etc. I am walking by and he is welcoming people to go inside. Its dreary outside, cold, grey, I remember walking in heels on a stone walkway. Anyways, I stop and talk to him for a bit. Apparently I *am* doing some shopping. I’ve never been inside this building before (I don’t tell him but it’s out of my price range in terms of high end merchandise so I just never enter the store…the doors are even surrounded in gold). He smiles and tells me to go inside and absolutely look around.

We smile and part ways and I head toward the building. I enter it. inside there is a woman in a white (blazer) jacket outlined in black piping and black slacks. She is really warm, vivacious and has a lot of money (or at least looks like she does) she has auburn hair, and is maybe 40-something. she is talking about a mile a minute and instantly starts swooping me into conversation. I am thinking to myself that eventually she will find someone she knows or will figure out that I am not rich and eventually will walk away. As we walk and she talks I take in as much as I can of the space. I find I am following her into a rather large bathroom. She does end up leaving me after all when we get inside the bathroom because her friends are there.

So while I am there I decide to wash my hands. (I still have my coat on, too) The sink is unique – I have to screw something onto the faucet to get the water to pour out. I also have to open the area where the sink is, where the water falls into. I have to turn a crank to open it. I open it only partially, kind of feeling like I shouldn’t be doing it. But then I realize I look odd for NOT doing it fully, because if I were to really “belong” here, that’s what the other women would do. I am proving I am not a “regular” shopper here. I begin to wash my hands. As I wash, I observe a woman in a white uniform sitting on a stool. I have an oh sh*t moment. I have no singles and I know I am supposed to tip her. As I turn back to watch my hands, I see there is a folder right inside the sink that the water is running over. the folder examines customer service. Feedback is required/requested whenever one uses the rest room for the service of the woman on the stool. So I realize I have no cash on me, I’ve ruined a survey and folder that I wasn’t supposed to, and I am unable to throw it away because I will look obvious. I also then realize: I ALREADY look obvious, I never took the survey out in the first place! The woman sitting there knows I don’t know what I am doing – I was thinking I would have to turn the crank to close the sink to cover the wet survey and folder (which was brown) but that makes it worse (a series of follies it seems). I look to my right and I see there is a vent low on the wall. There is water all on the vent and spreading over it. I find myself wondering where the water is coming from, as it appears to be coming from behind me. I assume it is toilet overflow, but there is no toilet behind me…

Next thing I know I am somewhere else, I don’t know where - i believe someplace totally different. I am wearing jeans, in a store that is bubblegum pink. I see hello kitty pens, fun stuffed animals, erasers, etc. I see a circle swivel thing in the room and I look inside and see gemstones. I mentally tell myself to let my one friend know that she can buy some gemstones here. I find myself drawn to the hematite (protection, wards of negativity – may need to pull that out of my collection) and I think lapis. anyways, I turn around and I find that somehow I am in a room that is familiar and yet – isn’t. it’s nowhere that I’ve ever been in waking. The room has a wall of stuffed animals and toys on shelving from when I was growing up (and yet, of course, they weren’t!) they were on the shelves above a couch. It’s a sitting area. there are two windows on the left letting gentle light in. some stuffed animals were stapled to the wall. I realize there could be some symbolism to this – the toys were in columns. The first column (symbolizing my oldest sister perhaps?) only had a stuffed deer stapled to the wall. I kept referring to her as "doe deer". (which i find interesting because Doe Deere is a girl who makes Limecrime make up) I’ve never had a stuffed deer like that – but this one was pink and white and girly. Then the middle column had actual SHELVES (symbolizing me?) filled with toys like crazy. wooden ones, stuffed animals, (none stapled) etc. in a playful array. Then the 3rd column (My youngest brother?) had some toys on lower shelves, with stuffed animals stapled to the wall above those. I should also add I was in this room for quite some time and the wall where the toys were was a bright and deep teal blue.

I kept staring at this wall. Finding comfort in it, seeing the nostalgia. My mom was then in the room to my right, sitting on a stool outside of a kitchen that I hadn’t seen was there. My oldest sister was to the left sitting on a stool. I kept walking around and looking at everything. I remember talking to my mom and I remember my sister talking. I also remember thinking “I can only talk to my sister in dreams”

I do think this reflects what is going on in my life, i am just trying to piece a lot of it together. I appreciate your insight.

Age/Gender & Location {Age & Gender Absolutely Required}: 35, Buffalo, NY

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Re: Shopping....

Jackie,
I will address your dream Monday morning. I have spent too many hours sitting in front of this computer and my brain is growing groggy.

Jerry

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Re: Shopping....

No problem Jerry! I just appreciate your looking at it!!

Have a great evening!

Jackie

Age/Gender & Location {Age & Gender Absolutely Required}: 35, Buffalo, NY

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Re: Shopping....

Jackie,
Shopping in two places suggest this is an outer experience that has become an emotional event as well. The outside would represent your outer personality and ego life. The experience in your waking life that is in conflict has taken on a powerful emotional status that seeks resolution.

The coldnest may suggest some aspect of your life is in that condition. A possibility but not a surity is the coldness has to do with the 'bedroom' {since you did feel cold the incorporation may have more significance than you relize}. The red coat covers up these emotions, symbolic of a need to cover up or bottle up whatever it is that is 'cold' in your life.

A bellman is someone who welcomes others among other things {he also runs errands, helps to carry luggage/emotions}. But your bellman has a uniform that may suggest regimentation. That part, regimentation, may fit with your waking life that adds to the emotional conflict.

Your bellman is a 20s type that sounds like a suave/sophisticated man. That type may fit with what you are looking for in a life, a real gentleman. But in your 'outside' life that reality is cold. You must go inside to discover the high end types you are looking for. In other words it is within you these aspects lie which may suggest it is a desire you seek in your outer life.
This first paragraph sits the stage for what the dream is attempting to help remedy by exposing the deeper emotional conflict it presents in your waking life.

The woman you meet inside is you. She either defines who you are or who you want to be {inside riches doen't necessarily mean money or material wealth}. She is who you want to be {she is in her 40s, you are 35}. There is a conflict betwen this inner person and the outer self. You wish to eliminate those things that prevent you from being this inner self but it is not easy being something you have never thought you would/could be.

These are emotions that are tighly locked up inside. You must seek assistance from your inner wisdom because this peron inside wants to become something she is not used to being on the outside. The problem is these inner desires are not something you have experience with on the outside. You may vainly attempt to fit this inner role in your outside life but that has only created 'follies' of the emotional kind.

The next place you are in is somehwere you have never been before in wkaing life. At least not in your adult life. What is described seems to be a place a little girl would wish to be. Innocence, new beginnings, an air of not worrying about the outer restraints and pressures. My sense is this is going back to your roots, the causations/foundations of who/how/why you have evolved into the person you are today. It also may be addressing desires to escape from that outer world in which you live.

But as usual there are barriers, walls that prevent you from being your true self. The nostalgia for getting back to the serenity you once knew. A place that is hard to realize in your adult world.

What kind of relationship do you have with your sister now? Maybe it is time to talk to her in real life about these emotions. What is it you really want in life? Inside you have these 'dreams' of being something you are not. It may seem impossible at times to be that person but perhaps you have not spoken to the real reasons why. That may go back to childhood, even perhaps a lack of the masculine {your own masculine aspects and/or a lack of actual men in your life that helps fulfill/realize your destiny.

Jerry

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Re: Shopping....

Good Morning Jerry!

You really hit the nail on a multitude of things that are going on at the same time right now. Some things feel like they "click" but that I am not sure if even *I* fully understand them yet.

One of the things you mentioned: "The problem is these inner desires are not something you have experience with on the outside. You may vainly attempt to fit this inner role in your outside life but that has only created 'follies' of the emotional kind." fits well in a lot of ways. I am going to school to change my life path, I started taking yoga to relax myself, and outwardly, my job is the same (completely non-related to my college major), I'm wondering HOW to change that, IF I can change it, and the yoga: I really would like to find some inner peace that has been just non-existent. I am constantly experience internal conflict.

The childhood association makes a lot of sense - I had a wonderful childhood. It WAS carefree, innocent...there were always new beginnings, and yes, I do find myself wanting to be able to implement much of those same aspects in my waking life (I was actually just thinking about this yesterday). I would love to have that sense of discovery again.

With respect to my sister, we did end up talking this weekend, since we are also having some issues, and for now, things seem to be OK.

With respect to the bellman, and the masculine influence - I will say that I don't really believe that I have a positive masculine role model in my life. I have very few men in my life, and the few that surround me, be it at work or in my family, are condascending, depressed or just do not care. So it does leave me in a strange place. I do not have any male friends, either.

But again, this does get me to think about how I need to open up more - and by opening up, it will allow that chance of discovery (this was also in connection to what I was thinking about yesterday).

I am going to digest this some more. I sincerely appreciate that you took the time to read my dream.

Nothing like being an "emotional hot mess"! =D

Jackie

Age/Gender & Location {Age & Gender Absolutely Required}: 35, Buffalo, NY

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post Female

Dream Submission Form {At Top of Page} Provides A More In-depth Analysis yes - a year ago or so?

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Re: Shopping....

Jackie,
A quick response for now and I will try to provide something more in depth later today or in the morning.

The life change and struggles you mentioned does fit with what I sensed. But how to go about making those changes is the task before you and the dream will only help clarify where you are and what emotional aspects you are up against. For the rest you will need direction and your involvement with yoga is a great starting point. Merely because it teaches you to 'let go' it may help with how you structure the rest of your life. We have to let go of those perceived notices society puts on us and go after those true values that the heart desires. My path has been through Joseph Campbell {as a teacher} and his 'follow your bliss'. I am at the end of my career in the social realm {I am retiring and moving to Florida next month} and can now truly follow my bliss, my dream work and maintaining and designing my websites {particularly the Myths-Dreams-Symbols website}. And it is co-incidental that I too over the weekend was talking to someone about how great it would be to be in that place when i was a young boy, sitting under a tree, not a worry in the world. The inner self seeks that place. Partly because of us never were able to find fulfillment as children. Your lack of proper masculine guidance may have started then, in childhood {which I referenced in my interpretation}. Or it could be having a great childhood you now seek that masculine who are supportive. On the other hand it could be your own masculine identity needs to find greater support within yourself. There is always more than one application to every symbolic reference.

My final thoughts for now are 'to follow your bliss'. Once you discover what that bliss is the inner self can never be satisfied until you reach it. Yoga is a great tool for introspection, self analyzation, what we call 'going inward'. There is where you will meet your true self which leads to the discovery of your bliss.

Jerry

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Re: Shopping....

Jackie,
To follow up on your response and the constant internal conflict you are experiencing. No doubt a part of that internal conflict has to do with your life as is today, your job, relationships, etc. Taking an entirely different major in school suggests a desire to make changes in your job situation. The other changes also suggest you are not satisfied with aspects of your life. I look at it this way, 'if you don't like where you are or what you are doing, then change it'. That is what you are doing and it does seem to be as much an internal change as it is an outer. That would be a norm for someone who is dis-satisfied with life and who is approaching the mid-life years {mid-life is natural time for changes, physical, mental and often spiritual}.

But to fully engage and make a true transition one must examine, understand and reconcile the childhood years. This is all a part of Jung's Individuation Process, the self examination/self psychology that can lead to discovering the true self and that place you seek in life. It is through this process I was able to reconcile my life, understand the unconscious reasons for my actions as a younger man and take corrective steps so I did not make the same mistakes.

Our childhood years are when the psyche is formed and those foundations unconsciously control who we become. I believe most everyone has a 'wounded child' within that needs reconciliation. Going back over those years in-depth is a step in that understanding why there are wounds and what they are. You can not resolve or heal the psychological wounds unless you know what they are. Instead of paying a psychologist to do it for you, Jung's Individuation approach lets the individual do it them-self. If followed with discipline it will work wonders. I consider myself living proof of that and there are many others like myself. Examining the inner life is how one comes to wholeness. You have begun that process {yoga and Eastern philosophy are excellent ways to learn about the inner self} and from what I read you are well on your way to a natural path to self discovery without any knowledge of Jung's approach. Now that you have discovered Jung the process, if followed, can help you in your path to wholeness. If you have not already i suggest you read about this process. It is as much a natural process as it is contrived.

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances without own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

Jerry

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