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Re: Pierced my baby's foot

hi Jerry,
apologies for the gap in reply - delayed yet not off my radar

your insights mirror my thoughts (that have taken me years to unravel) around these intertwined issues.
The key in your post for me is:where do I think my next step is?" ,, ,, , ,

turning to your reply:
- it seems (from what I have read; and there is very little solid stuff on it) that the emotional imprint / milieu that we bath in in utero and in our early years sets some pretty hard circuits , , , I found "Mothers Signature" a great help.
It is the water we swim in (swam in) and it is so hard to 'see'; or it is ok to appreciate and understand it at an intellectual level, yet getting to the emotions of it I have found very hard.

- perhaps it is the 'compensatory' mechanisms we use to ease our way in the world that both facilitate life and bring about the troubles. We lean on them like a crutch, without not realising it, and when it finally comes time to put it aside we find it is grafted onto us, become a part of us,

- not trusting women - yes; and then there was the all pervasive mother; now I would almost say invading mother. Preventing my inner world to remain 'sacred' or unto itself
And this had rolled into my inner world - although I am very intuitive (I know that now) my masculine side has continually outshone my feminine (dream image). So on my inner levels I don't trust my intuitive feminine resources , , , .
I think my father had the same patterns - he thought to survive he could not trust his intuition and had to rely on his masculine resources. I feel the same , , , realising that it is a balance, in my mind it feels all or none (all masculine or all feminine / logic or intuition:: how to blend.

All this has taken some years now,

Perhaps what I will do is create some inner gentleness, some inner space, some inner refuge where that part of me that went into hiding so long ago can feel safe, and heal itself. Perhaps this is now enough. Perhaps in my hunger to heal/ fuelled by my inner disquiet I have hounded myself too - given my psyche no time to rest either.
This feels like the hardest work,,,,

all the best
Justin

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Re: Pierced my baby's foot

I am sorry Justin. I was confusing you with another person. I'll provide my thoughts to your last post in another post. I will delete my last response.
Jerry

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Re: Pierced my baby's foot

Justin,
About Mother's Signature. Are you referring to the website of Dr. Bernard W. Bail? In the first paragraph there is this, "Nature by definition passes on the patterns of the mother into the child from the very moment of conception". That sounds more like the pattern of the archetypal mother, innate patterns we all are born with. Anthony Stevens touches on this in his book Jung: A Very Short Introduction.

But those are innate traits. The experiences in the womb would be separate issues. Inherent patterns from the mother while in the womb and the innate mother archetype would be different. The innate would be a collective unconscious aspect while the inherent experience in the womb would be personal. The child develops through the mother's body, shares what you takes in physically and psychologically. Psychological stress could be passed on to the child in the womb. Those experiences would then be re-inforced after birth where there is a waking experience by the child of the interaction between your mother and her mother. The end of life experience there could lay the foundations for your fears of death.

I am currently listening to Marion Woodman's audio CD 'The Crown of Age. She tackles this fear of death issue in this program. You may want to purchase it, not only for her insights on the fear of dying but also so many other aspects of the psyche. Here is a statement from the CD that would likely apply to your life:

She questions, for instance, for those of us who have not had enriching maternal care in our early lives: "Without a positive mother, how can we recognize ourselves?"

W have two issues to do with your mother. The issue of being afraid of death as well as a lack of a positive mother.
{In my early life there was the lack of a positive father which manifested into destruction actions when I was in my 20s}.

"So on my inner levels I don't trust my intuitive feminine resources".
The lack of the positive mother could answer that issue. Especially if you are naturally intuitive. Not to be able to utilize a 'higher' quality could be a barrier to relationships with the feminine/women. Then there is the possible double 'whammy' if your father passed along his issue with the same trait. If there is an imbalance between the psyche father/mother aspects, and there does seem to be that in your case, an over reliance on the masculine as a survival tool would seem natural. The archaic masculine takes control which could lead to a life out of control due to an imbalance of the yin and yang.

You have done a lot already to try and resolve these inner issues. And there is more to be done. What I can tell you from personal experience is it took me 20 years to resolve my issues of not having a 'positive' father. But through self analyzation through Jung's Individuation Process I was able to reconcile that lack of a positive father and become whole. It was not until a few years ago I finally resolved the issue to the point it no longer controlled me. You have already identified a lot of what is at the core of your inner conflicts. Now you must continue to examine the possibilities to reconciling them. Personal counseling with a trained professional is one path. But you can do it alone if you give enough time and resources to it. I promote Jung's method because it worked for me. I especially gave a lot of attention to Marion Woodman since she has worked all her life on additions and issues you and I have had in our lives. Identifying the issues is the first major step. Working to reconcile them is the continuing path of a life time. But I believe if you do work to gain wholeness as you are doing there will be a resolution. A tendency to 'hound' oneself can complicate matters but in time you will resolve that issue also. Woodman states in the mentioned CD that it is often a matter of time, letting yourself naturally evolve to find the answers. It is a part of the adventure. Unfortunately it hurts a lot.

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.”
― Joseph Campbell

Jerry The God Within You A Prayer For You




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Re: Pierced my baby's foot

hi Jerry,
my apologies for such a delayed response - I've been digesting (and hard to find time to settle to do this kind of work).

I heeded your link to Marion Woodman, and as I was browsing there saw a title by Clarisa Pinkola Estes - Warming the Stone Child. The title really caught my eye; I audio downloaded it and it 'spoke volumes'.
Keypoints were the 'looking for love' was actually looking for guidance (lack of parental guidance / appropriate parental guidance).
That led me to more of here work - Mother Night (Learning to See in the Dark) - and I am into that.

I have aslo glimpsed into Marion Woodman's work, The Crown of Age; and will be back to her as soon as I can.

This has plunged me back into Jungian thought - truth is it does speak to me and I can understand it. These are great 'thinkers' and explainers of the psyche.

This morning C P Estes (above) mentioned mirror neurones - then I re-read your posts above (and my reference to the Mothers Signature). This could well explain how I (we) have picked up the neural patterning of my mother (her grief and sadness; feelings so often with me).

Understanding is one thing; setting new pathways is another.

all the best, Justin

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Re: Pierced my baby's foot

Justin,
I will provide a response to your post and your other posted dreams later today or in the morning. there was an electric power failure this morning which limits my time to reply to posts.

I am glad my link led to something constructive. I am not that familiar with Estes' book but the title alone speaks volumes {Warming the Stone Child}. Estes must come from the same background as does Woodman gauging by the title. I find that female authors, especially Jungian, are more apt to offer better advise than males. But I am a bit prejudice toward the feminine psyche, it being the powering aspect of my psyche that allows me to see into dreams as well as vital aspects of my own personal journey. Having grown up living with my mother and 3 sisters it could be natural I guess that the feminine is so strong within me. Add to that Jung's focus on the power of the innate feminine psyche, the pattern becomes clear.


Jerry The God Within You A Prayer For You




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