Ok first I should probably clarify on my relationship with my father. He is a very intelligent and successful man who's really family oriented and I know he loves us all a ton. I also love his sense of humor and silliness. I really don't blame the moving deal on him at all. He just likes to take new opportunities, and that moves him up in the business world which means we get more money, nicer things, etc. In fact before each time we move he usually takes me out and tells me as the oldest kid before everyone else that we will be moving and we talk it over. Heck he even gave me the option not to move my senior year, I could have stayed and lived with a friend. But I didn't want to be away from my family, especially my last year with them. Ok so that's the positive side of my dad. On his negatives he is absolutely selfish, childish, a control freak and has a ferocious temper. He has improved so much since when I was a kid and hasn't had an official blow-up since we moved here. But that really affected my feelings towards him when I was young. I hated him. I don't mean like childish resentment I mean I loathed him, I wanted him dead. Mainly because of the temper issue. He would blow up over the stupidest things like if the remote control wasn't on his chair when he got home. Then he'd yell and scream and throw a big tantrum only with an adult man that's terrifying, especially to children. He was also awful to my mom.....really awful....at night he would yell and cuss at her until she cried.....he was never physically abusive or anything but he just always expected too much of everyone and was (and is) literally incapable of putting himself in anyone else's shoes. Basically he was emotionally abusive.(A term I never would have used until my school psychologist brought it up after I talked with her....it took me a while to come to terms with it) This had a huge and very negative impact on me as a kid....I don't harbor that hatred anymore but it's a struggle to get past all that. I've started to see that he's only human and that he has good and bad aspects to him just like everybody else, and like I said he is so much better than he was and doesn't scream at my mom every night anymore.

So there is that. As for my view on men in general I really don't harbor any negative feelings whatsoever. I know all men aren't my dad. I actually sort of envy guys because their lives and friendships seem so simple. Girls have always been so complex and confusing to me and I hate drama. That's one of the reasons why I was such a tomboy as a kid, I hated girly stuff and didn't understand any of it anyways. However that whole me viewing guys as simple can at times become slightly condescending in that I view guys as....well simple minded. Ruled by impulse and instinct. And maybe I do think in some cases egotistical. So I envy mans' simplicity yet also look down on it? I realize that isn't a good thing to do....I really never thought about how I felt until you asked o.o I have positive and negative views towards both genders though, I mean girls are very manipulative and always seem to have ulterior motives.....bah. Also all of my current guy friends do have HUGE egos, my two best guy friends are sassy gay guys, one very attractive and has an inflated ego over that, one is very smart and has an inflated ego due to that. My other guy friends all have pretty big egos for some reason or another too now that I think of it. It doesn't bother me really, for the large part I find it amusing.

Trust is a tricky subject for me....I have been hurt by people a lot, most of which has happened from middle school on....I am a naturally trusting person, but certain repeated negative situations with people caused me to lose that trust and now I am quite paranoid and insecure in most of my relationships, platonic or otherwise....I have come to realize this and also that I am at my most comfortable and happy and natural with people whom I KNOW like me 100%. Otherwise my mind always tends to expect the worst from people, because the worst has happened to me before. So yeah I don't think my trust issues fall on males alone. I definitely acknowledge that I need guys though. Back when I was still lovey-dovey with my boyfriend when I was with him I literally just forgot about all my troubles and all my stress and was just happy, living in the moment, feeling incredibly safe and relaxed. I wouldn't give that feeling up for anything, so no matter what my trust issues I know I won't give up on guys. Also my boyfriend doesn't have a big ego, he's actually quite humble. But he's also very passive, never takes the lead in anything and can't make decisions which I find unattractive.... I know there are really nice dudes out there I guess I just haven't found them yet X( (Not to say that my guy friends aren't nice....wah)

And I agree with you on the roller coaster dream :)(Oh and before I forget, you remember that dream I had with the black spider on the post? I had another dream that was almost identical. I was at an animal science camp and another young, mischievous girl had grabbed one of the spiders without permission so I took it from her. When I set it down I realized it was that same spider from before, big black with huge pincers, and the more I stared at it the bigger and creepier it got, and again I felt very lucky that it hadn't bitten me when I picked it up.....the girl just kept laughing at my disturbed reaction like it was funny.You don't have to interpret that I just thought I should mention the theme. I don't like having the same basic dream often because it makes me feel like I haven't made progress with an issue if my subconscious has to keep bringing it up...)

Anyways as always thank you for your time and patience with my often very long dreams :D

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 18 usa

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Anna,
It is not that you don't have love and great respect for your father. It would be the unconscious aspects of the constant changes that I am pointing to. His negatives also are a part of the unconscious view. These are natural aspects of growing up with the type life you have lived. Everyone, I repeat, everyone is a product of their early life environment. No two people are the same and could have similar early life experiences and turn out different. But those early experiences/influences do govern who they become. My concern is that you are aware of these energies that can unconsciously control your life because of your early life. We have covered a lot in our conversations and I believe you have discovered aspects you were previously unaware of. Now that you know these things it is important to apply what you have learned. Not to do will leave you beholden to unconscious drives brought about by early life experiences/influences. I may be expecting too much of you in understanding how important this is. This is one purpose, the therapeutic aspect, of your dreams. To provide insights to the unconscious drives of experiences in life {all through life but especially early life since it is that period of time emotional conflicts begin}. I use my own experiences plus my experiences from working with other people's dreams as evidence. In my mind it is a undeniable truth. But more than anything it is a common sense thing. If you grow up in Alabama you will be different than if you grow up in California. Two entirely different environments that are imprinted on the psyche. Beware and you will be more likely to correct the negatives. You can't change the past but you can prevent a recurrence of it. As the saying goes, 'Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat'. That includes personal history.
Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 63 Space Coast, Fla.

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It's not that I don't understand the importance of having to learn from our pasts, it's that I am not quite sure as of yet how exactly my past has affected me. I am beginning to get hints of ideas but I'm still not sure of anything. I know I don't want to marry a man like my dad. I also know that I don't want to move around a lot once I have my own house and graduate from college and whatnot. I am not sure how the whole me having to play second mother will affect me as a mother myself. I know that this experience has exhausted me with small children and I do not want to have any for quite some time, not until I've done all I've wanted with my life and am ready to dedicate it completely to them. I want to enjoy being independent for once!

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 18 usa

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

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Anna,
These things will play out as you get older. But being conscious of them now helps you understand the possibilities. When you enter into a relationship {romantic or otherwise} look deep into the other person to determine what possesses their soul. Often even conscious knowledge can not escape unconscious forces. The best defense is the intuitive mind, those instincts when developed will let you know immediately who a person is. First impressions are always correct as long as you do not let the thinking mind interfere. And of course paying attention to your dreams will help. Learning to interpret dreams at an early age will be of great benefit, not only for you but other people if you ever use this skill to analyze their dreams. You are reaching the soul when you interpret dreams. That is why we call it soul work.

Jerry

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