The whole censor thing I think was right on, because as the treatment progressed the censor did go away and I saw my face normally. As for 8th grade being a happy time though.....not at all.......7th to 8th grade was my "awkward phase" thus some of the worst years of my life. I'm tryin to think of important qualities that friend had. She was very perky and happy and innocent because she was young ya know? She had a little bit of an ego, very sassy, but we didn't mind. The fact that she moved recently may have correlated with my moving. I do need to think on how my past will affect my future. I've been pondering that for a while now and it worries me :/ I don't want to be negatively affected, when I have kids I want to be as good as my mom used to be before she got all overwhelmed and sorta just through in the towel. I also really don't want to be like my dad which I'm horrified of because I have the same burst out in anger reflex, though it's not as intense because I'm not that intimidating and it only happens when I'm under very high levels of stress. When I was younger it was worse, like age 8 and under because if I was angry I'd do things like slap or scratch my brother until he cried. Thankfully I realized before elementary school ended that what I was doing wasn't right (and was very similar to what my dad did, not that he was ever physical but still) and I made a promise to myself never to lash out in anger at someone again, a promise that I haven't broken yet :)

It's ironic because according to my mom, my dad's father was much, much worse. And my dad would always tell my mom about how he didn't want to be like his father. But his father was completely work-minded and neglectful as well as having a horrible temper and selfishness. So my dad is always there for us and puts his family first which I really respect about him. But there's still certain elements in my dad that carried over from that. It's just sort of chilling to me. I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately.....erg.

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