Hera,
Thanks for the in-depth information. It explains a lot and provides insights to why you are having these dreams.

One statement you gave was, "I didn't see much of my Mother the first year of my life" tells me a lot. In my discussion about the archetypes I stated these are innate energies we all are born with. I also mentioned that we have two mothers, the physical mother that gives us birth and the innate archetypal mother that provides instructions about the natural relational required by the infant with the mother. These are a set of instructions within the brain that tells the infant there is a mother that will provide nourishment and protection. Just as a turtle knows to run to the ocean upon hatching, the infant knows to expect certain things from the mother upon birth. When this is not received there is a short circuit within the psyche of the infant. The infant is wounded and depending on the extent of later experiences the extent to how much and how bad is displayed in later life. Your experiences during the first year of life were without your mother. That set the stage for the rest of your life, not only in the relationship with your mother but also with life in general. You are still that wounded child and will remain so until you reconcile those emotions. This was the beginning of your life and in later experiences you were still separated from a normal childhood. More wounds.

Very weak building blocks for a foundation.

As for the relationship with men. Again early life experiences with your father set the stage for who you have become in later life. You were being used and later experiences reaffirmed this {LARPING sessions being one of them}. The foundations with the masculine were weak from the beginning and later building blocks were no better. With this and all the other negative experiences from early life it is easy to see why you have anger issues.

You must have a very special relationship with Daniel. That is one positive in a sea of negatives.

The Solution
You are full of energy and I dare say you realize it as much as anyone the best way to use that is make a positive from it. Two things you mention I suggest you follow up on. The garden and the novel.
A garden is a great way to get inn touch with nature. I think it vital that we all have a relationship with nature because when we take it for granted we do exactly what we are doing. Destroying the 'mother' of us all. But not only that, there is a connection felt when we are in nature that resonates beyond consciousness. This goes to the archetypal beings that we are, produced by nature with an intent to live in accord with nature. Gardens give us a perspective on how nature lets things grow. Those things that grow 'naturally' with help from a gardener 'mother' provides subsistence. This is the way of nature, not only with the garden with with the relationship with parents and other relationships in life. It touches the soul in a way no other thing can.
And it keeps you busy. Instead of just shopping and eating {temporary solutions} it provides healthy stimulus in many ways. Listen to your grandmother and get outside.

The novel thing is a wonderful idea. Not only are you being creative you are doing it with Daniel. As for not knowing where to begin, hey, use the internet. I too have a fictional story in my mind I want to write {environmental changes, UFOs and intimate relationships} and like you I have no experience. But with the internet there are so many resources to help guide you. Let your imagination take hold and write.

There is one thing that is required in doing anything in life you wish to achieve. DISCIPLINE!!!! You wake up one morning with the intent to write but are in a bad mood or something starts out wrong and you neglect to write. The next day is even worse and again you neglect to write. From my experience it is discipline that helped me succeed and continues to do so.

Of course I am talking about my dream work and web design, my bliss factors. There were many days when i awoke having so many responsibilities {I was a self employed contractor for 35 years} related to 'social duty' I did not have the desire to work with dreams or with my websites. But i forced myself to sit down and do it. Within a little while I was immersed in interpreting a dream or designing a new web page. Now that i am retired i don't have those social duty problems {doing what society demands you to do instead of what your bliss is} and I am free to expand my horizons. It was disciplining myself not to cave in to my weaknesses but to stay with my strengths. Joseph Campbell says when you follow your bliss you 'come to bliss'. From my experience this is a true statement. And i know of so many others who shared my interest in Campbell who feel the same way. George Lucas {Star War Origins}, Susan Sarandon {Mythos}, Jerry Garcia {The Greatful Dead}, Linda Ronstadt, Jacqueline Kennedy among the list.

Again we get back to the bliss factor, doing those things you love doing most. I think it is a logical choice especially when we are having bad thoughts and in a bad mood. It has been said that if you are thinking about bad things you merely have to change what you are thinking about. Take your mind off the negatives in your life and focus on the positives. That does take discipline but much like yoga where the goal is 'not to think but to be', the more you practice the better you become at achieving your goals.

"Don't think, Do!"....Yoda in Star Wars.



Jerry

Myths-Dreams-Symbols Dream Forum
Sponsored & Supported by:

Gifford Fence Co/Middle Tennessee

Gifford Fence Orlando/Melbourne Fence Pro

Daniel Gifford's 2Stain Fence Staining

---

Web Design



MyDrSy.com - The Power of Dreams
Melbourne Dreams & Metaphysics - Dream Interpretation Space Coast, Florida

Space Coast/Treasure Coast Dreams & Dream Interpretation Meet Up Group

---

---