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Strange Dream

I seek an interpretation for a strange dream I saw.

I see myself abroad, in the apartment home that I lived as a child. (I was living abroad in my childhood from ages 1-10, and I returned to work in that same country from ages 25 till this year, I am 32 now. I recently returned back home from this country). But the dream is set in the present day. The apartment is unoccupied, except for 4 people - myself, a friend of mine (male) who worked with me in my previous company abroad, another unknown male, and a woman - a woman whom I consider the worst person I have met so far in my life (an ex-colleague).

I find myself in the apartment sharing my room with my friend and the unknown male, while this woman is in the other room. It looks like we all live together in the same apartment. It's early morning and the unknown male wakes up to go to work.

My friend wakes up next and we kind of all discuss to share the breakfast at restaurant across the street. But the unknown male is getting late and he heads off to work. I get dressed up (in a business suit) and hear this woman in the other room getting ready, and preparing her breakfast (sounds of eggs frying).

I go down to the street, all dressed up, when I look at my watch - it shows 10.30 am, and I am feeling hungry. Strangely, I am carrying a backpack (on my business suit! I don't know what it contains, but it's light). I call my friend from my cell, and he says to return to the apartment. I put on my sunglasses as I head back up the building towards my apartment using the stairs.

And I find this woman in front of me. She's on top of the stairway (at a turn) and I am at the bottom. She chuckles when she sees me. It's kinda dim, and the light is not too bright. I put my head down while I am ascending the stairs to ignore/avoid looking at her, but I feel someone tugging gently at my backpack on my shoulders upwards so that I would ascend the stairs faster ( it's her at the top of the staircase who's tugging me upwards.)

But I don't look at her while I pass by her side at the top of the staircase, and her giggling/chuckling stops, she becomes quiet, and tries to make eye contact with me, as if wanting to speak to me, but I turn my face away from her. I see she's still standing at the same place at the staircase, looking probably hurt at me ignoring her, but I am continuing to ascend the stairway.

Finally I reach my apartment, and I slam the door tightly and loudly because I don't want her to open/come in/return. I am hungry, so I go to the bedroom and I find leftovers in two packets for me (one from the unknown male, and one from my friend) , it looks like they ate a little and packed the rest for me to eat. I overhear my friend taking a shower, and his cell is ringing. I call out his name, and he responds he will come out in a bit.

At this point I woke up.

The setting of this dream is abroad, in a country where I met my friend, and this woman in reality. I returned in the middle of this year to my native country, but I don't know whether I would return back there abroad (though I wish to). The worst part is seeing this woman in the dream. In real life, she's been the worst woman I have ever met in my life so far, the cause of innumerable woes/suffering to me. Could anyone decipher/interpret this dream?

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Mumbai, India

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

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Re: Strange Dream

amshaw,
I'll give my interpretation to your dream either this afternoon or Saturday morning {I'm in Florida USA}. If you should read my post before then a I have a couple of questions.

How was the relationship with your mother when you were a child?
Does this woman in your dream have any characteristics that would remind you of your mother or any other woman from your childhood?

The reason I ask these questions is when I see a dream that begins with a childhood setting that dream is usually addressing issues, experiences and/or influences from that period of time. Think back to the woman in your dream and see if you can see any characteristics about her that would fit a female person from your childhood.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 63 Space Coast, Fla.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

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Re: Strange Dream

My relationship with my mother was not so good. I mean I loved her like my mother, but she was more like a tyrant. She would dominate me, control me, I used to fear her. This has changed now, my mom is more like my friend now.
But she was extremely possessive then, and she is extremely possessive of me even now. She could not tolerate any other woman getting close to me.


No, I can't say that this woman has anything in common with my mother or any other woman in my childhood as far as I can remember. The only thing that seems familiar was her jealousy, (or possessiveness) when she used to see me talking to any other woman. Even though she was not my girlfriend, neither were we ever sexually intimate, we were just good close platonic friends (but people around us suspected that we were more than friends, she used to behave like I was her boyfriend when I was around her.) I felt she had some soft corner in her heart (though our common friends always told me that she loved me, but I don't know whether as a friend or a lover). But later she used manipulation, even sorcery to bind me to her, break up my previous relationship. (though it was not completely successful). When she saw that she couldn't get/control me, she saw to it that no one could. But I moved away, that's why the potency of her hex was reduced.

I describe her as thus: Beautiful, seductive, amorous, promiscuous, extremely vain, manipulative, fond of occult, not averse to using sex to gain control, emotionally unstable, possessive, vindictive, plotting, domineering to those who submit to her, can be mothering or smothering to her favorites.

I don't know of any woman like her in my childhood, nor have I met anyone like her before and after I met her.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Mumbai, India

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Re: Strange Dream

Amshaw,
I've got to tell you I believe this dream has a lot to do with your early childhood with your mother. Here is a breakdown of the symbols from each paragraph from the dream.

From the beginning of the dream that points to early life experiences, the apartment would represent not only where you lived as a child but also a 'complex' you possess that began from those early life experiences/influences {one apartment in the whole building, which would be you}. An unoccupied apartment would represent something you don't realize about yourself. The four people would be aspects related to who you are {four being the number for total self wanting to be whole}.

Let's examine the people. There is you, as you think of yourself. A male friend, actual person who possesses some quality you identify with. An unknown male, an aspect about yourself you are unaware of or ignore/repress. And the female, a real woman who is the worst person you have ever known.

The known male worked with you in a 'previous' company abroad. This dream is about you and your emotions {as are all dreams}. This known person would have experiences/aspects you identify with, the reason he is a part of your dream. Dreams speak in a language of symbol and metaphor and in this instance this language is addressing your past and what worked in the time frame when you were a child. This may seem odd but believe it, this is how dreams function. The world abroad would mean 'foreign' to your conscious mind. There was something about this friend you had in common or identified with.

The unknown male would be you. Anytime there is an unknown person, male or female, it represents an unknown aspect about the dreamer. The dream is addressing this aspect.

The known woman, again someone you identify with because she was the worst woman you have ever known. She is also an ex-colleague, an aspect of yourself from the past.

Then there is you. This is you as you are today. The other three people are aspects of yourself. You have a perception of yourself {ego} that you are aware of. but the other three people are aspects that you are not. Or aspects that you ignore or repress. They are you also but in the manner of how you identify with the real. The worst woman you ever knew is exactly that. But not as herself as much as someone you identify with because they identify the conditions and experiences you grew up with. She is your mother. Your mother was a tyrant. The influences of early life are primarily what cause you to be who you are as an adult. You identify with this ex co-worker because she was much like your mother.

You all live together in the same apartment. If the dream were literal truth then it would mean you actually lived with this ex co-worker. But it is metaphorical, she is not literal, she represents an aspect of yourself. As do the other people. When you 'wake up' to this reality you will see how that fits with who you are and why you are that person today. This is the first thing you need to do to realize what the dream is trying to communicate. Wake up to this unknown aspect.

Your friend wakes up next. The experiences/aspects that you share with this known person is 'needing' to be understood to help you realize what it is that is unknown. This has to do with that unknown part which is 'getting late', later in your life.

Waking up to breakfast. Food is nourishment and early morning nourishment, breakfast, would represent early life nourishment {or lack of it}. This unknown aspect is 'dress up' in a business suit {clothing is the personality}. Your 'livelihood' has been to dress up your personality to cover up the inner influences due to a lack of proper nourishment in childhood. You are the egg from your mother and those eggs are 'frying'.

You are all dressed up as an adult, and you are hungry for that unreceived nourishment. You need this to become whole {10:30=4}. The backpack is the emotional load you are carry. While you are in 'business' suit you are covering up this nourishment aspect which makes it feel lighter. When you have to 'return to the apartment' you put on blinders {sunglasses} so not to have to think {upstairs} with the truth.

When you do return to this aspect/complex you see this evil woman {these are probably unconscious influences-dim light}. It has control over you {she is on top, you are at the bottom}. The chuckle could represent humiliation. You consciously ignore thinking about this aspect {which may suggest a specific or specific experiences}. But the weight on your shoulders makes it hard not to think about it.

The next paragraph is about not making eye contact and turning away from her. This is probably addressing the good relationship you now have with your mother but trying ignore those childhood years. Although things are better she still has control.

You slam the door on that aspect of the relationship. But the natural desire for nourishment remains. Leftover influences from your childhood are what you feed off of, the 'packets' of influence. One is your own experiences and the other those you identify with in your male friend. There is a 'cleansing' aspect to your friend's experiences {which are probably yours also as an adult} and there is a need to communicate the unconscious influences to your conscious mind {cell phone ringing}. It needs to come out.




Summary
I do believe the dream is addressing those early life experiences and influences having to do with the relationship with your mother. There may be specific experiences that were more traumatic that have left a mark on your psyche. These early years are what form the foundations of who we become as adults. Although the relationship with your mother is better now, the past still remains in your unconscious. From the dream I get the impression she still controls the relationship.

There also are probably experiences as an adult having to do a woman or women in play. The ex-female co-worker was a terrible person. Did she humiliate you in some way? Did your humiliate you as a child? The two probably go together in some way.

The male friend. What is it about him, shared experiences probably, that you identify with? Is he much like you?

The question becomes. how have these experiences/influences played themselves out in your life today? What about relationships with women? Do you feel a need to humiliate them? Or do you stay from relationships because you are afraid of again being humiliated? Until you resolve these issues your life will continue to be less than happy. There are unconscious energies that have control over you. I personally had similar experiences and in working with other people's dreams have found this often. Dreams do not lie. They reveal what is actually there. The dress suit is a cover up {do you normally wear dress suits to work?} of your true self.

A response would be helpful. But only if you are willing to be honest. There may be unconscious aspects you are not aware of and in that case there may be an element of denial or repression. The reason why I provide these free dream analysis is to help the dreamer work through emotional conflicts. I don't get anything from it other than knowing for many my interpretations do help. Take what I have said and give it thorough examination. If there are unconscious aspects that you are not aware of this may awaken you to the realities. That would be the first step in resolving the emotional issues. But an important one if you truly want to find happiness in your life.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 63 Space Coast, Fla.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Strange Dream

Dear Jerry,

Thanks a lot for your response.

Here is my point to point feedback about your interpretation of my dream:


1.“The known male worked with you in a 'previous' company abroad. This dream is about you and your emotions {as are all dreams}. This known person would have experiences/aspects you identify with, the reason he is a part of your dream. Dreams speak in a language of symbol and metaphor and in this instance this language is addressing your past and what worked in the time frame when you were a child. This may seem odd but believe it, this is how dreams function. The world abroad would mean 'foreign' to your conscious mind. There was something about this friend you had in common or identified with.”

-I will describe the things in common with this friend below, in another point.



2."The unknown male would be you. Anytime there is an unknown person, male or female, it represents an unknown aspect about the dreamer. The dream is addressing this aspect.
The known woman, again someone you identify with because she was the worst woman you have ever known. She is also an ex-colleague, an aspect of yourself from the past."

-I could agree. She could represent the wrong choices I made in the past, especially the one to befriend her in the first place.



3.“The worst woman you ever knew is exactly that. But not as herself as much as someone you identify with because they identify the conditions and experiences you grew up with. She is your mother. Your mother was a tyrant. The influences of early life are primarily what cause you to be who you are as an adult. You identify with this ex co-worker because she was much like your mother.”

-I must strongly disagree. This woman is the complete opposite of my mother in real life. My mother’s character is spotless, and irreproachable. She might have been tactless, too blunt and straightforward, naïve in trusting the wrong people whom she was kind to, but she was never like this woman. My mother cannot charm someone to get her way with someone; neither does she know how to manipulate. She could only order or be loud, sometimes be even forceful.
This woman, on the other hand, is a master of manipulation/guile. Extremely charming, expert at using her feminine wiles to get someone to do her bidding, extremely talented at using passive/aggressiveness, secretive, great at plotting/manipulation. This lady even used her body to get what she wanted from men. And I had been a silent spectator observing her all along. She even broke my previous relationship out of sheer envy, and even resorted to sorcery at one time to bind me to her. It’s a long story. If the tyranny part is probably what seems similar between my mother and this woman, then I can say that my mother’s tyranny over me in my childhood was more out of motherly possessiveness to discipline me, whereas this woman’s tyranny was to prevent me from growing in my personal life, to bind me exclusively to her – out of selfishness and envy.
My mother’s really changed now that I have become adult. She’s more gentle to me than what she was when I was a child, though she still fusses over me occasionally, like any normal mother would do.

4.“You all live together in the same apartment. If the dream were literal truth then it would mean you actually lived with this ex co-worker. But it is metaphorical, she is not literal, she represents an aspect of yourself. As do the other people. When you 'wake up' to this reality you will see how that fits with who you are and why you are that person today. This is the first thing you need to do to realize what the dream is trying to communicate. Wake up to this unknown aspect.”

-What could be this “unknown aspect?” My emotional naivety and gullibility in trusting this woman? Or my poor judgment in choosing to befriend her? This “unknown aspect” is indeed mysterious.



5.“Your friend wakes up next. The experiences/aspects that you share with this known person is 'needing' to be understood to help you realize what it is that is unknown. This has to do with that unknown part which is 'getting late', later in your life.”

-What could be this “unknown part” which is “getting late”, later in life?



6.“When you do return to this aspect/complex you see this evil woman {these are probably unconscious influences-dim light}. It has control over you {she is on top, you are at the bottom}. The chuckle could represent humiliation. You consciously ignore thinking about this aspect {which may suggest specific or specific experiences}. But the weight on your shoulders makes it hard not to think about it.The next paragraph is about not making eye contact and turning away from her.”

- How would you interpret her taking the backpack from my shoulders (which you described as an "emotional load"? This lady seems to be making things easier for me – tugging me faster up the stairs, taking my backpack off my shoulders as I near her.



7."You slam the door on that aspect of the relationship."

- I will interpret this with my own meaning in another point below. But I would like you to comment on the way I see this in real life.


8."But the natural desire for nourishment remains."

- What could be this “nourishment”? Emotional dependency on someone?



9.“I do believe the dream is addressing those early life experiences and influences having to do with the relationship with your mother. There may be specific experiences that were more traumatic that have left a mark on your psyche. These early years are what form the foundations of who we become as adults. Although the relationship with your mother is better now, the past still remains in your unconscious. From the dream I get the impression she still controls the relationship.
There also are probably experiences as an adult having to do a woman or women in play. The ex-female co-worker was a terrible person. Did she humiliate you in some way? Did your mother humiliate you as a child? The two probably go together in some way.”

- I think my mother did discipline me harshly when I was a child. At that time I could call it humiliation with a child’s thinking, but today I couldn’t call it that way as she never disciplined me harshly in public. That could be called a humiliation in today’s context, but that is something which my mother never did. Now what this woman (ex colleague) did, well she used to mock me publicly in front of our colleagues for my “outdated”, “old fashioned” thinking at times (her views specifically – none of my female friends have ever called me that), while she called herself a “progressive sensual woman”. Even though technically it could be called a “humiliation”, because she used to do it loudly in front of everyone to attract attention (she was an attention addict), but I took it in my stride in jest, even though it was unnerving sometimes. But the greatest “humiliation” what she did to me was backstabbing me, using me as a cover up for her shenanigans, and breaking up my past relationship, in spite of all the moral support I gave her time and again. I visualize her as a benchmark of evil in my mind today.


10."The male friend. What is it about him, shared experiences probably, that you identify with? Is he much like you?"

- Yes and No. Spiritually we did share some things in common especially in the same outlook towards life, but in moral choices and approach to day to day life, no, we were completely different individuals. He's a fanatical person at times. And he’s more cautious than me; he is a person who plans every step. I am more of a person who wears his heart on his sleeve, though I have changed a lot now, I have corrected myself a lot in the present time.

He shared the same views about this woman the way I did. But I think he secretly liked her in his heart. This woman hated him because she thought he came in her way from reaching me, at a time when she had tried to bind me to her. She had even expressed her disgust for him to me on several occasions. When I told him how she felt about him, he began to resent her. But I think his resentment towards her was more out of rejection from her side.




11.“The question becomes. How have these experiences/influences played themselves out in your life today? What about relationships with women? Do you feel a need to humiliate them? Or do you stay from relationships because you are afraid of again being humiliated?”

- No, I don’t feel a need to humiliate them (unless I’ve been provoked unbearably beyond my threshold limit, that’s when I lash out with really cutting words. But my female friends have even said that I am really mild mannered, a gentleman as a person. I am gentle, but firm on my ideas though.) Indeed these experiences/influences have played them out in my life in quite a significant way, so as to alter my attitudes/approach towards women in the present. I have become more choosy as to whom I allow to get close to me (most of my guy friends call me judgmental today). I don’t talk to women unnecessarily, unless if it’s for work, or only if I genuinely like them or if they already have a connection with me. And the biggest change – I don’t date older women now at all. I never had a personal issue dating them before, in the past. But not today. And I don’t befriend them often now, the way I used to do before, even though many of them have expressed interest, and continue to do so. This ex colleague was an older woman. My ex was also an older woman. Apologies for generalizing, but I have a strange distrust for older women today. I do get approached by older women quite often (both for romantic/platonic connections), but I don’t take the bait anymore. The only older women whom I call as “friends” in my circle are just acquaintances or clients whom I met at work; I can’t actually call them as friends since I share nothing with them (no emotional connection with them.)

My female friend circle, comprises EXCLUSIVELY of younger women (some married, some committed). And my own mindset, in the present time, is to exclusively date younger women. No offence to older women, there could be lots of wonderful, loving caring older women out there. But I think younger women are fresher, have lesser baggage, and less devious as compared to older women (this ex colleague has become an annoying benchmark in my mind). I know I could be narrowing down my own options from a relationship point of view by excluding older women (considering I am single), but I feel relaxed and "safe" with my altered approach today. ("Slamming the door on an aspect of a relationship")

I feel I could deal or spot a younger woman’s deviousness (either as a friend or a lover) easily as compared to having to deal with/detect an older woman’s deviousness/manipulation. And I also don’t bother to befriend/get involved with a woman whose moral ideologies/code is different to mine. I think relationships (romantic/platonic) in which people have complementary personalities (or opposites) don’t usually last. Rather the relationships (platonic/romantic) which are based on mutual common interests/similarities are the ones which endure the test of time. So I don’t bother to meet someone halfway who’s opposite to me. I’d rather use the same time finding someone likeminded. I can however tolerate someone who’s different from me – from a safe distance though. Just don’t want to get close so as to get burned.

I think women are God’s gift to men. I love women. I have many female friends (though as I mentioned above they are all younger to me or closer to my age), and some of them I deeply respect and admire. Some of them also represent the kind I would want to marry someday, unfortunately they are already taken. Not upset about that though, I’m still happy to have them as my friends. I think all the wealth/happiness in this world would somehow be incomplete without a woman to share it with, even though the level of incompletion might be insignificant to even notice. Just that in the present, for relationships (platonic/romantic), I guess I have developed an ideal woman in my mind unconsciously – from the kind of women I met in the past, and the kind of women who are in my life now. It could be wrong from a relationship point of view. And yes betrayal/getting used/backstabbing is a kind of humiliation, an unforgivable treason (at least for me) whether it might be in friendship or love. I cast off people completely who break my trust, and I find it almost impossible to forgive them. It’s because I can NEVER forget. I don’t want to waste time to get even, so that’s why I completely avoid them after I cast them out of my life. Sometimes the past experience (friendship) with this woman (ex colleague) keeps getting replayed in my mind. I do get a feeling when I meet someone similar to her, “Is this going to be replayed again?” So yes, I do sometimes unconsciously avoid relationships – but with the kind of women I described above, especially with the "benchmark of evil" types.



12.“The dress suit is a cover up {do you normally wear dress suits to work?} of your true self.”

-Yes I do usually wear formal dress suits to work, for both personal and professional reasons. I feel powerful, confident, and elegant and surprisingly relaxed wearing them. I am not too comfortable in casuals, I feel out of sorts, so my casual wear also includes a casual blazer/jacket sometimes so that I could feel relaxed.



13.“A response would be helpful. But only if you are willing to be honest. There may be unconscious aspects you are not aware of and in that case there may be an element of denial or repression. The reason why I provide these free dream analysis is to help the dreamer work through emotional conflicts. I don't get anything from it other than knowing for many my interpretations do help. Take what I have said and give it thorough examination. If there are unconscious aspects that you are not aware of this may awaken you to the realities. That would be the first step in resolving the emotional issues. But an important one if you truly want to find happiness in your life.”

-I think I have been honest enough to share the details of my experiences. I don’t know what could be the emotional issues that could be afflicting me now, and if there are, then what could be the solution to resolve them. But yes I do want to find happiness in my life, just like everyone else.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Mumbai, India

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: Strange Dream

Anshaw,
You are missing the point about your mother. This is not about her, it is about you and the early life influences from that relationship. Those early life experiences and influences are what would be at the core of who you are as an adult and possibly why you made some of the wrong choices in life. I go back to your response to my question about the relationship with your mother as a child.
"My relationship with my mother was not so good. I mean I loved her like my mother, but she was more like a tyrant."
And especially your comment '(or possessiveness)'.

You can take the real life woman and find differences. But what are the similarities? Are they strong enough to the experiences with your mother in childhood they could evolved from those years? Your mother is a different person today than she was when you were a child. How does that affect your overall opinion of her? Is she still possessive? Was the woman possessive?
The relationship with the woman is a later life experience and it went terribly wrong. Look at the reasons you entered into the relationship.

All dreams have at least two applications. On one hand it would be addressing those underlying core principles instilled when you were a child {the bad mother} and on the other level the later experiences in life and current waking life experiences. If you examine why there was the reason for calling her the 'worst woman you ever met' then you could be talking about two things. One would have to do with early life experiences with your mother which form the core principles and a later life experience which re-inforces the negatives. If there is not a completely objective assessment of the relationships and experiences then you could be missing something. That something could be very important.

I make this strong point because of how the dream began.
"I see myself abroad, in the apartment home that I lived as a child."
From experience in working with dreams such a statement usually points to early life influences. And because your mother was who she was when you were a child, the worst woman in the world would be her. She may not be that person now but for a developing psyche during the first several years of life, not receiving the needed love and nourishment becomes imprinted on the psyche. Those influences stay with you throughout life and although you may naturally outgrow and overcome some of the influences many remain. Until you recognize the energies they possess and remove those 'possessive' chains.

As for the unknown aspect {living in the same apartment}. That is what we seeking to understand. Perhaps it is the relationship with your mother that is the unknown. We know it has to do with feminine aspects because the dream pronounces her as a 'she'. A feminine aspect {animaanimus}. I could be your attitude toward women {the feminine} as an adult. It is something you are 'living with'. Dreams may have a symbolic/metaphorical language but they mean what they say {which is sometimes hard to discern because of the context in which it is used}. Objectively look at your relationship with women in the present and determine exactly what that is.

This unknown part 'getting late' probably represents the influence it has later in your life {now as an adult}. Whatever it is that has the power to influence you unconsciously is the unknown and is what needs to be determined.

Taking the backpack off your shoulders. The backpack becomes light when you put on your business suit. The business suit {the type suit is descriptive of an attitude you possess} would be covering up what is really underneath. You are looking through sunglasses, not seeing clearly, your objectivity is shaded.

The nourishment is a substitute you seek as an adult that you never received in early childhood development. Only you can know if you have an emotional dependency on someone. Now that the relationship has improved with your mother is there a dependency on her?
Are you in a relationship with a woman? What is your attitude in general toward women. it could be because of the early life negative experiences with your mother there is an influence from that.

Humiliation is humiliation. It doesn't have to be public. These are experiences and influences in early life, often before an ego is formed and where being punished has nothing to do with where it is done. It is what is experienced that sticks in your mind and stays there. The more you describe these early life experiences with your mother the worse it makes her out to be. The other woman may not be exactly like your mother but similar experiences may be. Humiliation seems to be a word that you use a lot.

And the there is the general attitude toward women. What is that? Are you aware of what it is? Could that be the unknown?

Again, the male friend may have differences, he is not you. it is the similarities that causes anyone to to identify with some other person. If you are a big baseball fan but don't like cake, and he is a big baseball fan and loves cake, it would be the baseball that draws you to him. We all seek out people who share the same interests. But there is always something different about everyone.

His liking the woman may be a reason he is in the dream. If you examine the three way relationship more thoroughly you may discover something there.

If the attitudes from the past have altered how you act today then they have influenced who you are. It is what you experienced that needs to be understand and how that plays out. Humiliation. You avoid it. Could that be why you only surround yourself with younger women? Older women {your mother} tend to dominate you. This difference seems to be rooted in something. can you explain that {to yourself}?

The dress suit is apart of your required apparel. It makes you feel 'powerful' and confident. Are those issues you have trouble with? Especially with older women? Putting these separate things together is what needs to be done.
A problem with older women. Feeling confident and powerful in a suit. Liking younger women because they are easier to understand. A lot of men could identify with these attitudes. But there is always a deeper reason for their attitudes also.




I appreciate your detailed response. It provide a lot of information. But the issues remain unclear because they are still unclear for you. My intent is not to debate what those may be but to help you understand what they could be. I do believe a lot of it goes back to childhood and the relationship with your mother. Not just because the dream starts with that {which for me is great evidence} but from what you have stated in your response. There is/was a hate/love relationship with your mother. As a child, a time before you knew the difference, there was a 'hate' relationship because of how she treated you. Whether you realize it that stays with you and influences you. Now she has changed and you love her {naturally, as a mother we all do}. But how has all this played out in who you have become and how you look at the world. you have issues with older women {your mother when you were a child} and shun them. You feel much more comfortable with younger women {how young?-you are 32}. Is it because you know younger women would less likely to humiliate you? if this is true the the relationship with your mother becomes an issue does it not? Only you can decide what is true and what is not. If it is a problem that causes you to do great harm to other people, or an issue that causes you to be unhappy, then clinical therapy may be an option. But if it is an issue of less consequences where you can survive without harm to others or yourself then live life as you do. Go on, live your life it is a good life.

I tend to think real happiness comes with knowing the greater possibilities in oneself. Spiritually that would require one to be totally kind to everyone {and everything} the make a part of their life. And discovering the greatest potentials and living from that. That comes from knowing your bliss, that thing you love most doing. Not from the ego but from the soul. Music, art poetry, the muse. For me it is working with dreams and designing websites. It is who I really am, giving expression to that real person and not living in a world where society dictates how I should live.

But there is a caveat to that bliss. If you have unresolved emotional issues that cause you to focus on the ego you can not truly live from the soul. You have to be consciously working to resolve those issues. That is what dreams do. They 'naturally' try to help the dreamer understand what is out of balance emotionally so it can be brought back into balance. When that task is undertaken the the true self opens up. Ego is no longer dominate, you live life on a higher level.

It is all psychological. Understanding yourself, your true self is the first step. Resolving any emotional conflicts is what you do net. We all have them. It is whether them control you or you learn to control them. You have to do it yourself. Or not.

Jerry

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Re: Strange Dream

Dear Jerry,

Thanks for the insightful response. I do agree to most of the points you mentioned in your last post, and the questions you asked do hold an important relevant significance for me.

I am giving my feedback on certain points you mentioned:

1. “I go back to your response to my question about the relationship with your mother as a child.
"My relationship with my mother was not so good. I mean I loved her like my mother, but she was more like a tyrant." And especially your comment '(or possessiveness)'.
You can take the real life woman and find differences. But what are the similarities? Are they strong enough to the experiences with your mother in childhood they could evolved from those years? Your mother is a different person today than she was when you were a child. How does that affect your overall opinion of her? Is she still possessive? Was the woman possessive? The relationship with the woman is a later life experience and it went terribly wrong. Look at the reasons you entered into the relationship.”

- Overall I think my mother was not a classic text book definition of a mother, especially when I was a child. She’s become more “motherly” now – when I have become an adult.

Coming to this woman, yes she was indeed quite possessive. Especially towards the end, when I was leaving the company. And prior to that, she didn’t like me mixing, getting close or casually talking to other female coworkers at the workplace while I was working there. I think maybe because in some way she considered me to be her “support system”, because no one would talk and listen to her the way I would. I think her possessiveness was because she didn’t want to lose me to another woman, even though we were just friends, she wanted to isolate me from others so that she could feel “secure” knowing that she kept me solely for herself. This is what I realized much later when I thought deeply about her. She probably thought I would neglect her if I would befriend any other woman in the workplace, and the ones with whom I used to talk to apart from her, were the ones she used to specifically dislike/badmouth about (And ironically, she also knew that I was in a relationship too, at the same time. I didn’t belong to her; neither did she belong to me. So why the possessiveness?).

But I think this possessiveness from older women is another issue that I have been facing right from when I was a child till the present, right from my relationship with my mother. It’s a kind of a déjà vu, every relationship (whether platonic/romantic) that I have had with older women has the elements of possessiveness/suspicious mindedness/control in it coming from the older woman, though the degree may vary from less to great, but these elements are ALWAYS present in some way or the other in such relationships. Not that I try to find these elements/faults on purpose within these relationships with the older women. I always get mothered in some ways (I’d rather use the word smothered, that’d be the right word) and controlled by older women. And I find it unbearable to deal with their suspicious mindedness about me. My mother was a very possessive/suspicious minded/controlling woman when I was a child till my early youth. She didn’t like any girls calling me/or talking to me even when I was at university. It’s like in the past 10 years that only after I went abroad to live away from her, that I began to see the change in her personality. She’s become quieter, milder, and less controlling/possessive (probably because now she knows that I could take care of myself). But yes the suspicion mindedness does remain in her.

I think the reason(s) why I could have befriended this woman was because she seemed to be in need of emotional nurturing/support (even though no one could guess it just by looking at her; but my intuition or “feelers” felt it) in spite of her “tough babe” personality. It seemed like she projected a tough exterior while she was hollow and weak inside. And I was not wrong about it – because later after we became friends, there were often times when she used to be helpless and emotionally vulnerable as a child, and she used to draw ONLY upon me for support. I admit I kind of enjoyed “mothering/fathering” her, taking care of her emotionally, even though she was much older than me, indeed it was wrong on my part in trying to act like her “savior”. At that time, I think I was her only true friend at work. All the other men just looked at her as a piece of flesh for their enjoyment. And she was very close to her mother; I mean the similarity between her and me, was that her mother was also a very controlling woman. (I didn’t know this at first but later she revealed this to me). Maybe I “nurtured” her as a friend, because I felt she needed “nourishment” like how I needed. Or maybe I unconsciously expected that later I would receive “nourishment” (as you said) in return – but this could apply to any relationship in my life, not only the one with her. I think this unconscious need to nurture and be nurtured in return could be a problem for me, because I could have been not emotionally nurtured sufficiently as a child? Is this what you were hinting at?



2. “The nourishment is a substitute you seek as an adult that you never received in early childhood development. Only you can know if you have an emotional dependency on someone. Now that the relationship has improved with your mother is there a dependency on her?
Are you in a relationship with a woman? What is your attitude in general toward women? It could be because of the early life negative experiences with your mother there is an influence from that.”

- I can’t say that there is a complete emotional dependency on my mother even though my relationship has improved with her now. I think there, still exists a certain “fear” to share myself emotionally completely with her even now. I wouldn’t know whether she would approve my choices in general (the things I like, the woman I would want to marry, the things I want to do), that’s why I don’t share everything with her even now that we have a better relationship today. Not that I would not do what I want – I am an adult and can take my decisions today, but somehow I would be much happier if I know if she’d approve of my choices as well. But overall I prefer her company, more than my father’s today (in my childhood till early youth, it was the opposite; I was more close to my father at that time).

I am not in a relationship with a woman now (it’s been almost 3-4 years since my last relationship ended). It took me 6 months to heal emotionally after my last previous relationship. It was then at the same time that I found out about this lady’s hand to cause my breakup. So I was even more shocked and upset which didn’t make me want to pursue women for some time; instead I turned my mind towards my career, buried myself in my work. Today I do have a lot of female friends (most of them I met them through my work), but all of them are platonic. My attitude in general towards women: I do get approached by women (usually older women), but most of the time I am not interested (as I mentioned in my last post, I have developed unconsciously an ideal woman in my mind – she must be like this, like that, etc etc so the woman I want must have those “ideal qualities”). But I think a woman (romantically speaking), even if she might occupy an insignificant role in my life overall, still would be a necessary part in my life – though not in the present time, as I focus more on my career and creating wealth in the present time.




3. “Humiliation is humiliation. It doesn't have to be public. These are experiences and influences in early life, often before an ego is formed and where being punished has nothing to do with where it is done. It is what is experienced that sticks in your mind and stays there. The more you describe these early life experiences with your mother the worse it makes her out to be. The other woman may not be exactly like your mother but similar experiences may be. Humiliation seems to be a word that you use a lot.”

- I agree to that.




4. “His liking the woman may be a reason he is in the dream. If you examine the three way relationship more thoroughly you may discover something there.”

- I think I hinted about it in the previous post. I think he only wanted to use my friendship with her, to gain access to her. (Fake friends)




5. “If the attitudes from the past have altered how you act today then they have influenced who you are. It is what you experienced that needs to be understand and how that plays out. Humiliation. You avoid it. Could that be why you only surround yourself with younger women? Older women {your mother} tend to dominate you. This difference seems to be rooted in something. can you explain that {to yourself}?”

- True. I agree completely on this. Older women tend to dominate/smother me. I hate that. If I’d probably allow a woman to dominate me, that place I’d probably reserve for my mother. But because she’s my mother. I can’t give that right to anyone else. I hate to be controlled/manipulated/ treated like a boy by older women. Younger women are totally different. Easier to understand/easier to love.




6. “The dress suit is apart of your required apparel. It makes you feel 'powerful' and confident. Are those issues you have trouble with? Especially with older women? Putting these separate things together is what needs to be done.
A problem with older women. Feeling confident and powerful in a suit. Liking younger women because they are easier to understand. A lot of men could identify with these attitudes. But there is always a deeper reason for their attitudes also.”

- Yes I did have a problem with confidence, especially after my breakup. It’s like I began to like this apparel only more so after the end of my last relationship. I liked the feeling of being “empowered” by this apparel. I felt like my confidence coming back, and it did. I regained my focus, my drive. And indeed, women (especially older women) did take me seriously after this. Yeah, I think the correlation you mentioned does apply here.



7. “I do believe a lot of it goes back to childhood and the relationship with your mother. Not just because the dream starts with that {which for me is great evidence} but from what you have stated in your response. There is/was a hate/love relationship with your mother. As a child, a time before you knew the difference, there was a 'hate' relationship because of how she treated you. Whether you realize it that stays with you and influences you. Now she has changed and you love her {naturally, as a mother we all do}. But how has all this played out in who you have become and how you look at the world. you have issues with older women {your mother when you were a child} and shun them.”

-Probably true. The love/hate relationship is the way I could describe the relationships I had with older women. That could be another reason I seek to shun them. But more than my mother, I think it’s my experience with that woman which could be the prime reason for that approach.




8. “You feel much more comfortable with younger women {how young?-you are 32}.”
- True. Women closer to my age and below (the oldest woman in my circle is 30 and the rest are all below, in their early to late 20’s).




9. “Is it because you know younger women will less likely to humiliate you?”

- True. But not only that. It’s also the deviousness/deception/manipulation part. This has nothing to do with my experience with my mother; this has to do specifically with the experiences with that woman. I mentioned in my last post. Whenever I meet an older woman, that episode (my experience with that woman) gets involuntarily replayed in my mind, and a flight signal pops up unconsciously (I feel uncomfortable, nauseated, I feel like leaving urgently, but I never show it as I usually control this response), even if the woman with whom I am interacting , may be a good person. I feel like I just can’t TRUST her, I am setting myself up for deception/control/manipulation eventually. I also feel older women are more likely to deceive/manipulate/control as compared to younger women because they are more experienced. And these “conclusions” I have arrived to, based on my experience with that woman, who was at one time very close to me as a friend for a prolonged period of time. If you wonder as to why my experience with that woman occupies so much importance in my life, it could be also that I was never away from my parents ever since as a child. I only met this woman when I was abroad for work, and that was the first time I was away from my parents’ protective shell. I connected with her deeply as a friend, even though I later had a girlfriend after I befriended this woman. I don’t want to sound like I am whipping a dead horse here, but this experience will, and has stayed in my mind – more so because I have NEVER forgiven her even now.



10. “If this is true the relationship with your mother becomes an issue does it not?”

- On the “humiliation”, control part, then it could be. But not in the present, that was in the past. As she doesn’t “humiliate” me or control me today so I don’t think it should be an issue in the present. If she continued to “humiliate” or control me, then I think then that would be an issue which needed to be addressed in the present. She’s not the same person as she was when I was a child. I can’t think of much to do so as to change her now, because she has already changed to become a more docile person.




11. “Only you can decide what is true and what is not. If it is a problem that causes you to do great harm to other people, or an issue that causes you to be unhappy, then clinical therapy may be an option. But if it is an issue of less consequences where you can survive without harm to others or yourself then live life as you do. Go on, live your life it is a good life.”

- I don’t think I’d harm any person, because I have not harmed any person in real life till now. I am a normal person with normal friends. If there is one person I could or might possibly harm, then I’d guess that person to be myself. Because I think the past experiences (especially with that woman) have damaged my psyche to alter my attitudes in the present (especially towards women), and have left a feeling of being emotionally drained (it was the most emotionally draining friendship I ever had with a woman). I consciously seek only connections with women closer to my age and younger.




12. “But there is a caveat to that bliss. If you have unresolved emotional issues that cause you to focus on the ego you can not truly live from the soul. You have to be consciously working to resolve those issues. That is what dreams do. They 'naturally' try to help the dreamer understand what is out of balance emotionally so it can be brought back into balance. When that task is undertaken the the true self opens up. Ego is no longer dominate, you live life on a higher level.”

- True. I get your point. I think indeed my ego is probably fragile, or has been damaged quite a lot in the past. But how to live from the soul, when the ego needs to be healed first? I think everyone needs to have a healthy ego. It is the core of the individuality of a person. If it’s not healed, then the individual will not be healed. How to heal the ego?


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Re: Strange Dream

Amshaw,
I will address your total response tomorrow. I think we have discovered a lot in our conversation. I like to think if I get the dreamer to start thinking these things my job is mostly complete. Once that process is started the dreamer, if they serious about true self discovery, will take it from there. I've had many people do just that and over time stop by to post a dream. But they have discovered for themselves the answer they seek are within their own psyche. The inward journey is psychological and no one knows their own psychology better than themselves.
But it is amazing how much dreams do reveal.

As for the ego. I agree, a healthy is essential. But the ego that we develop as we grow and age is so imprisoned to society that we do not know who we really are. And if we don't know that society will rule our lives to the end. We never will discover our greatest assets, those talents we possess that give meaning to life. For that to happen there has to be a death and resurrection of the ego {Jesus on the cross motif}. In reality the ego must be thoroughly annihilated and then reborn. This is a psychological death and rebirth. If those things that unconsciously control the ego life are not completely disarmed they can resurface into something just as bad. We substitute what we lack in emotional nourishment with something else. Food, sex, drugs, alcohol. Those tendencies never completely leave us. we must find a way to control them instead of them controlling our waking actions. of course the first thing is to discover what it is that is in control. That can be a long and involved and often needs assistance. I was able to do it on my onw using Jung's Individuation Process. But Jungian 'thought' is a natural fit with my psyche. I have always been interested in psychology. It wasn't until I was 42 I began to seek out my true self. Now I am living it, working with dreams and designing my websites.

Jung discovered we all possessed a spiritual aspect. Less to do with religion that with a spiritual being not indebted to the ego and meant to serve others. And within the framework of nature. Often that service is from the muse. Or in my case helping others understand their dreams so they can discover their true and higher Self. Discovering ones 'bliss', the thing that gives meaning to the individual life. When you follow your bliss doors will open where there were none. That has happened time and time again on my journey. It is amazing but there are so many like myself who follow this path {see the link to 'bliss' for the reason why}. Natural laws have a lot to do with it. But being your true self, the whole self, the greater Self. that is where the ego must be to be truly healthy.

Jerry

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Re: Strange Dream

Dear Jerry,

Thanks for your reply. I do agree to the points you mentioned about the ego in your reply.

However, I await your total response to my previous reply.

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Re: Strange Dream

Amshaw,
Exactly how exactly the relationship with the woman fits besides the humiliation would require knowing a lot more about you and your mother. Not your mother today but when you were a child between the ages 1-10. The possessiveness about the woman and why she felt the need may also have associations to your mother when you were a child. Perhaps the tyrant mother included aspects of possessiveness. I dare say your mother had a need to control, most 'tyrants' do. As a child your psyche would take in all stimuli from experiences and store it away. You would have not understood these actions by your mother but your psyche would take notice. Those early experiences and influences would be the foundations of who you would become as an adult. But again to completely understand and associations would require a more thorough examination. That type of investigation is what I do as a service locally, with people in the area I live.

To the reasons why you took up with the woman. She had a tough exterior but was weak inside. Could that describe your mother? Later on the two of you became friends. That has repeated itself with your mother today. You became the mother you never had. You were saving her but unconsciously you were wanting to save your mother. The woman was a substitute. Whatever is missing from childhood finds a substitute in adulthood. It can manifest itself in many different ways {my lack of a father relationship was in many female relationships, much as he did instead of being the father he should of been}. I think you got it right when you stated, "Maybe I “nurtured” her as a friend, because I felt she needed “nourishment” like how I needed". You were still looking {and expecting} nourishment in return. "I think this unconscious need to nurture and be nurtured in return could be a problem for me, because I could have been not emotionally nurtured sufficiently as a child?"
The dream starts out talking about your childhood from the years of 1-10. Again, when I see this in a dream it is invariably a statement of those early childhood years.

We need to differentiate your childhood years and your adult life in relationship with your mother. She has changed, and evolved, and you have evolved. You are an adult as you state and how to react to the relationship would be complicated at best. With all the emotions within you from childhood, how the rest of your life, hers, has evolved would greatly determine the relationship today. Its the relationship with other women the childhood experiences would have an affect. You prefer younger woman because of older woman want to dominate. You do not want another mother but 'need' to be the mother. There has probably been an acceptance of your mother in the present because of you natural maturity. I know I out grew the need for repeated relationships after the age of 40.

Not wanting to be in a relationship after the experience with the 'woman' is understandable. That relationship has also shaped your psyche, perhaps added another dimension. Older women have always been a problem, starting in childhood right on into adulthood. Instead of female relationships you have substituted work. That is a common thing for a person to do.
{after three failed marriages I haven't been in a serious relationship in 30 years. But I, like you, do have a relationship. It is my dream work and design my websites. I call these my mistress}.

Confidence is often determine by early life experiences. I am a natural extrovert but lived a very shy introverted first 18 years in my life. No confidence in myself. We have to find something to empower ourselves. For me it was sex {even after I began to find my confidence}. You turn to your work and seeking wealth. I turned to sex and had three failed marriages looking for the love I never received from my father {that is a common mythological as well as psychological motif-the son looking for the father-think Star Wars, Luke looking for his father}.
By the way. Where was your father when you were a child? That invariably enters into the equation.

The humiliation is a product from the relationship with your mother, in the past. You psyche was formed during those early years. Your relationship with her today has changed but the influences from childhood remain. That is what your dreams are trying to help you to resolve. The therapeutic value of dreams supplied by nature.

As for the harm, it would emotional harm. Being aware of these early life influences and the unconscious control they can have will only help you to be a better person {if taken seriously}. Hopefully time will heal the wounds from early life. If you dare it might be a good thing to talk those experiences out with your mother. Until those issues are resolved, and that could be hard to do without confronting her, they will be a part of who you are. But the psyche is strong and the damage may mostly be 'naturally' resolved. Perhaps the worst it could do is prevent you from having a future relationship with another woman. If you get to that point to can look back at what we have discussed and have an idea why that is so.

A healthy ego is one that has undergone a death and resurrection. It is a psychological task and not literal. There must be a transformation and that can only be achieved by resolving those inner conflicts {why it is psychological}. I began my journey 20 years ago when I discovered Campbell and Jung. In most ways I am a totally different person. The one time sports junkie/couch potato, obsessed with looking for love in all the wrong places', has changed into someone who has a focus on growth, has developed principles {personal and spiritual} to live by, and has found the bliss that gives real meaning to live. Material wealth is fleeting. Internal wealth is forever. I don't have the first but do the former and it has transformed my life for the better, there is no doubt.

Not that I condemn any wealth you have accumulated. As long as it isn't off the back of others. There has to be a spiritual element because the soul is not physical, it is a metaphysical property. Jung discovered this spiritual aspect and all of those patients who discovered it found a healing for whatever it was that was in conflict. I am a religious person, religion is for lesser minds and those who need to follow. But I believe very much in a spiritual soul and living life from that. Karma, cause and affect, in accord with nature, WWJD, that type of spirituality.

From where we began I believe we have come a long way in discovering much about your conflicts. This the first step. Whether you wish to continue is up to you. You can live your life as it is, do nothing ad it may turn out to be a good life. But when you begin feel that void within? That is the soul calling seeking expression of the true self. The true self is not encumbered by emotional conflicts. The true self is free of those things and has begun or has already discovered a 'bliss' in life. Material wealth if used for the good of others could be a bliss factor. Bill Gates does a good job of sharing his wealth. But more often it is associated with the muse, creativity and always spiritual.

Jerry

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