I wasn't expecting something that concise, but it is very very helpful. Thank you. To be further candid, I got this journal and started keeping it beside my bed bed partially because I HAVE been struggling with.. not necessarily creativity DIRECTLY, but procrastination, finishing what I start, following things though... and because of those things, the creativity doesn't flow like I KNOW it can. It feels stifled or... You know what it feels like, it feels like I can grab onto a healthy, rich piece of it and work with it for a short time, then it just disappears like a firecracker before I'm ready to be finished with it for the day or when I know I can do a lot more. So I have all these half-written stories and story outlines that just end up sitting there... I'm always buzzing and bursting with ideas all the time, REALLY REALLY good ones, but I feel very inhibited because I don't know what to do with them or maybe... after this, after what you said and what other people have said... maybe I AM, for some reason, actually fighting against it, not tapping into it the right way, for some hidden reason. Sometimes I DO think I try too hard and try to force things to come about inorganically, and it just doesn't work, which gets me frustrated, which leads me to believe people won't like it... I do take criticism and rejection kind of personally because I feel like such a perfectionist. To be rejected and be passed by when you tried so hard and put so much into something has always been a big downer for me.
So there are a lot of factors at work, I suppose. I always ask my friends and other people what they think and how I should proceed when I have an idea, because, (this is me bearing my heart), it's really a thinly veiled attempt at asking for help, or asking for a "blessing" to proceed, or asking for acceptance, to boost my confidence. I think I lack the confidence to do it on my own, by me and for me, even though I know deep in my mind and in my heart I can do it, I just don't know how yet.

So I absolutely knew, when it happened, that this dream meant something profound, and from this, and from what other people have said... that's definitely the case. You and these other people don't know me, and yet you could extrapolate what was going on in my head. I was, without a doubt, getting a message.

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Darryn,
You may want to examine the need for at asking for help, or asking for a "blessing" to proceed, or asking for acceptance, to boost my confidence. There are likely unconscious forces that began in early life that have caused you to be this type personality. If you learn to better understand those influences/experiences it may help resolve the lack of confidence.

Jerry

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