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anxiety-causing sexual dream

I've been suffering with HOCD(Gay OCD) for about 2 months. Before the OCD started, I hardly ever remember having a lesbian dream. However, in these past two months, I can recall having at least 3 of these dreams. I wake up so anxious and scared. Well, a couple weeks ago, I dreamed that I was a man, having sex with a woman but that woman looked like me. I've had just pure lesbian dreams, but I've had a couple 'straight dreams' lately where I am playing the part of the opposite gender!
Usually normal straight dreams don't bother me.. I actually enjoy them quite a bit.
However, Something spiked my ocd last night... And I took a nap today. During the nap I had a dream.
I had supernatural abilities, I was fighting other supernatural humans in space...There were black holes, superman, superhuman strength.
I was looking for something that was mine(a son)... The mother had him. So I was trying to get him back from her... after fighting she said she would just give me another... (sexual part coming)
Well, during the sex.. I had a penis (I feel like my personality was still a lot like my waking life so I didn't even realize I was a man in the dream until the sex part, and the fact that I was trying to get my son from a WOMAN).. and I recalled in my dream that women needed to be 'ready'. so forplay activities started. But I wasn't enjoying the forplay, it was if myself in the dream was just doing that because it was necessary.... furthermore during the dream, I don't remember any sensations that the male penis would have.. I just remember thrusting. (tmi, I know... I feel embarrassed just typing this) That's where the dream ended.
I woke up feeling so scared and anxious.

I know my HOCD can cause thoughts like this and has caused other dreams to be more frequent. I usually just dismiss them as dreams and that they are just part of the OCD's games. However, this one has me tore up more than usual. I want to cry. Even though it was a straight dream... the fact that I was the man is scaring me.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 18, Kentucky

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: anxiety-causing sexual dream

Anonymous,
First of all let me say I did some research {Google to the rescue} about HOCD and OCD to get a general understanding of your condition. I\'ve had many gay friends and acquaintances over the past 22 years {before then I did not know of any, in the past several years since I have moved to another state, I don\\\\\\\'t get out that much} but now I knew of who had this problem. I am the type who consciously looks for the underlying reasons for everything since when working with dreams my task is to uncover the unconscious reasons. Our dreams are a reflection of who we really are and why we are that person. To get a better understanding of how I approach dreams {using Jungian psyche} I suggest you read my A Simple Guy to Dreams.

Analysis of your dream
No doubt your HOCD has something to do with your dreams since they do reflect your psychological self. But dreams go deeper than what we know consciously about ourselves. Dreams use a language of symbol and metaphor and the images in dreams can be disturbing as seen but in reality have an entirely different message about your true self. In the dream where you are having sex with a man that looks like
Supernatural is beyond the natural, or what is perceived as natural. You are a person who is thought of in this way, beyond the natural {your being gay?}. How often have you had to endure the ridicule from others because you are gay? Here is the definition of supernatural:
(of a manifestation or event) attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature.
It hasn\'t been that long since homosexuals have been taken as \'normal\' {and some still don\'t}. For too long gay relationships/sex was thought of as \'unnatural\'.

In the dream you are fighting other supernatural humans. Dreams are seldom \'straightforward\' {no pun intended} but use references of an emotional conflict to describe the dreamer\'s psychological condition. You, in the dream, are fighting yourself {and thus the emotional conflicts}. You are having to be a super{man} with superhuman strength to combat the humans in the conscious world and their attitudes toward your sexulaity. But as important is you are having to fight yourself over this issue {your HOCD}. A black hole is the unconscious pull of all the energies that surround this issue {within you}. This part of the dream is addressing both but more so your inner fight.
Note: All dreams, all dream images have at least two meanings/applications. One will be dealing with one issue {the conscious world you have to endure} as well as a second issue {the inner world where there is an emotional fight with yourself}. Often one application has to do with recent waking experiences and the second to do with the deeper issues that form your personality and the foundations for that {often from early life/childhood}.

So, this part of the dream is saying you are fighting yourself over issues that seem to be unnatural {supernatural}. This is sucking the energies from your whole being {black hole} and is causing this HOCD condition.

This next part is where there are likely two applications that the dream is focused {often it is one more app than the other}. It may be {I tend to look for these particular issues} the mother in your dream is your literal mother as well as the \'inner mother\', the natural nurturing aspect within you. As for the inner aspect, the son is the masculine and the thing that is out of balance in your psyche {that is missing and needs to be gotten back} is the acceptance of your masculine self. In therapy your nurturing this lost part of yourself. Your natural feminine identity which is out of balance {HOCD} has taken the masculine self {fear of being straight} from you {creating an imbalance} and you need to get it back {create a new balance}. You are fighting yourself emotionally to get this part {another son} back.

As for your literal mother and those possibilities. This is one area where dream interpretation is limited. Actual experiences with your mother can not be discerned from most dreams but instead a periphery of the emotional issues can only be determined. How would this dream statement apply in your relationship with your mother {if at all}?
I was looking for something that was mine(a son)... The mother had him.
I\'ll address this more as I analyze the rest of the dream.

In the dream you had a penis. It is during sex {union of opposites}. The need is to get a \'son from a woman\'. And the woman needs to be ready to do this/be this.....
The foreplay is before the sex/union. Before the sex there are expectations. This is something you did not/have not enjoyed. You don\'t remember teh sensations of being a man because you are not a male. Where the expectations come from? Of course I have described the experiences of expectations from other people about your sexulaity. But is there something deeper, deeper expectations beyond that? Parents perhaps? Could this be the/a root of the HOCD? Not living up to expectations of not only the bias of other people but also one or both of your parents. You father is mentioned but it takes two to tango. The woman is the submissive one. It was she to blame?
Look at this \'deeper\' aspect and see if it applies.

Summary
The dream is definitely addressing the inner conflict to do with your sexuality. That matches your conscious condition HOCD}. There are possibilities that can be ascertained from common sense {other people\'s attitudes toward you being gay}. But what are the deeper issues? What else contributes to this condition? Is there/was there expectations that were unmet in who you are from parents? Did one or more of your parents wish for a boy? Or could it be there is great disappointment you are gay? Is it both? Unless there is a \'chemical\' imbalance created by an irregular physical condition {that can be corrected with the use of drugs}, the psychological condition would also have a basis for why it is a conflict. It could be normal outside pressures from everyday routines, the attitudes of others. But my sense is it comes from some where else. Look to family expectations and acceptance. But more importantly look to issue beyond your being gay. There is this expectation of the boy, one that is within you that needs to be resolved {HOCD} but possibly/probably influences/experiences from your personal life that contribute to your condition. If you will provide a response o my analysis perhaps any extra info will help understand those possibilities.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 64 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

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Re: anxiety-causing sexual dream

I can understand what you are saying. A lot of it makes sense. Especially the black hole part.
However, I feel that you are confusing my HOCD with me actually being gay. HOCD starts from the fear of being gay and plays on that emotion.
"How often have you had to endure the ridicule from others because you are gay?"
"Your natural feminine identity which is out of balance {HOCD} has taken the masculine self {fear of being straight} from you {creating an imbalance} and you need to get it back {create a new balance}."

I'm a little confused at that part because I have no fear of being straight.
And you mentioned something about ridicule by other people.
That doesn't actually effect me much. I have a lesbian cousin, she's accepted by the family, etc.
It's not about what people will think of me being gay.
It's more like... Being gay would be against my natural alignment as a person. For the HOCD, my mind fights it and knows it's silly to have these doubts, but my mind plays on that anyway.


Thank you for the reply.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 18, Kentucky

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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Re: anxiety-causing sexual dream

anonymous,
I was under the impression you were gay. My bad. That makes a big difference in my analysis. I'll review the dream again and see what i come up with knowing you are straight.

HCOD-Gay OCD (also known as HOCD or Sexual Orientation OCD), is a condition in which an individual, straight or gay.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 64 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: anxiety-causing sexual dream

Anonymous,
Unless there are genuine desires for same sex relationships your lesbian dreams could be addressing the need to embrace your whole feminine identity and would likely have to do with HOCD. It is about self acceptance of who you really are {are there any real questions to your sexulaity?}. Questioning your sexual identity is the condition you are having a conflict with and although same sex relationships can be literal in dreams it is just as likely to represent a need/desire to affirm your femininity {bringing the inner and outer self into a whole}. Most images are symbolic and not literal. The woman in the dream looked like you and is you. The male aspect would be addressing animus qualities, taking charge {masculine quality} of your sexual identity and being sure of it. Playing the part of the male may suggest you need to incorporate these masculine qualities.

I still see the supernatural abilities as I described in my original analysis. But it may also suggest a need for a stronger effort to bring these divided parts together {superman-super masculine efforts}. The part about the black hole would remain the same.

Then there is the mother-son issue. There is a possible issue to do with childhood/early life experiences [there always are}. But it could have to do with animus qualities. Growing a penis, growing a 'set of balls' as the saying goes. Because it is something you do lack {stronger masculine qualities to accept your true self} it is not something your conscious ego would enjoy {the ego is constantly trying to sabotage the true inner self from recognition}. Acceptance of your true identity, whether it be sexual or otherwise, requires strength and courage, and that may be what this dream is trying to communicate. Perhaps the 'inner lesbian' is as much about being too feminine/emotional and lacking a balance of masculine qualities {as described}.

Knowing you are straight and not gay I see the dream as addressing issues of acceptance of your true self more so than issues to do with early life experiences {the desire of your parents for a boy instead of you/a girl}. The question is 'have you accepted who you really are?' The conflict of HOCD may or may not be about your true sexual desires {could you be bi sexual?}. Other tan that there may be other issues to do with acceptance of your true self outside of sexuality.

Let me know your thoughts. As you know I have little to go on when analyzing dreams. The more information I have the more likely I can understand the message of the dream. All dreams have a message, they are nature's device to help bring balance to the dreamer's life, addressing the emotional issues that are in conflict so the dreamer can resolve them. Just as the immune system is vital to the body for protection, so too the dream is to the psyche.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 64 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

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