I began the dream in a great throng of people. I recall that we were running, presumably away from some catastrophe or other dire occurrence. I recall the sense in the dream that we were running because we were refugees of some sort instead of running because of some imminent danger that was right behind us. My impression and intuitive sense was that we were running from a war or some other similar humanitarian crisis.

All of us ran in a frenzied mob and we found ourselves inside of a warehouse-like structure. I remember almost nothing about the building we were in except the wall which we traveled towards. The little else I can recall is the fact that the inside of the warehouse was lit as if it was an overcast day and there were no artificial sources of light to be seen. Built off of the wall itself was a small hallway that was almost wholly dark with only a scant amount of light making it inside and with no source of light within it. The hallway went to the left from the doorway that we went through. The hallway was somewhat cramped given the number of people inside of it that were running with me. The hall was perhaps five feet wide, ten feet long, and had a low ceiling no higher than seven feet high. These measurements are approximate but they seem accurate given my memory. At the end of the hallway on the hallway’s right wall was a single doorway with two doors. The doors were made from iron or steel and were thick and heavy. They were covered in a layer of burgundy paint which was flaking and faded, and rust could be seen upon the surface of the doors.

The throng and I pushed the doors open and we were then on the deck of a large ship, something like a freighter or ferry. The deck was floored with faded wooden planks that seemed old with worn finish, but besides this I recall no other details about the vessel. It was daytime and I recall that the sky above was wholly overcast with a dull, grey cloudscape that seemed featureless. I do not recall anything around the boat itself and I believe that the ocean horizon was visible and devoid of features. This boat was supposed to take us somewhere, presumably away from whatever crisis we were running from. We were aware of a risk, however, that we might die on the journey. At this point, the dreamscape faded to black and I found myself in another scene of what seemed like the same dream.

When visuals were present in the dream again I was with people from the throng earlier. We knew that we had died on that ship and were now in what was presumably heaven, though it seemed nothing like typical descriptions or notions of that place. We stood in a dark entryway with walls and a ceiling of white plaster. The entryway was some twenty feet wide but the ceiling was low and was probably shorter than seven feet in height. I recall that the place seemed dilapidated or ruined in some way with pieces of plaster littering the floor. At the end of the entryway was a very large door of a solid and dark wood, and we slowly walked towards it.

Once we had passed through the door we found ourselves in a large atrium. The atrium was three stories high with open hallways surrounding the atrium on each floor. The top of the atrium was comprised of a ceiling of glass panels in a metal framework which formed a pyramid that pointed upwards. Many of these panels seemed broken, and the floor we walked on was covered with pieces of plaster and glass. I recall that the walls were comprised of both wood and plaster, the wood being dark like the door, almost like mahogany, and the plaster being faded and distressed. There seemed to be some sort of plant growth in this place, subtle yet there. It was almost like overgrowth akin to weeds growing in sidewalk panels or ivy growing on the walls, but I do not remember specifically how this was true. The whole of this place was dim. The atrium itself was lit by the light coming through the glass ceiling but the sky above was a featureless grey which didn’t allow much sunlight to come through. The hallways surrounding the atrium on each floor were almost entirely dark and I couldn’t see if there was anything there. I recall that there was a reception counter of some sort on the ground floor of the atrium where we stood but there was nobody behind it and the counter itself seemed to be in poor condition. The last thing I remember is that there was somber organ music of a simple sort playing in a slow tempo and in a minor key. This music came from no discernible source. With the music it was almost as if we were in a funeral home or in a church service.

The people and I ambled about the ground floor of the atrium. I recall that they spoke with each other but I do not remember what subject they spoke of. I do believe that there was a mood of confusion or perhaps resignation amongst the people that this was their fate.

I walked away from the others up a carpeted staircase and was in the hallway that surrounded the atrium on the second floor. I then walked down a hallway that I hadn’t seen before. This hallway sloped downwards with sections that were flat and perpendicular to the ground and sections that were downward ramps instead of stairs. The hallway was floored with a dull green carpet and was comprised of white walls and a white ceiling. This hallway was not dimly lit but was not brightly lit either, and I do not entirely recall what it was lit by.

I reached the end of the hallway and saw that it led to the outside. Two men stood guard, one on either side of the doorway that led outside, but they didn’t acknowledge me or prevent me from passing through. I saw now that outside this atrium was a vast environment of green. This place seemed to be comprised of plains that were littered with very large boulders strewn about natural stone arches. Every surface was green. The plains themselves seemed to be covered with grass and every stone I could see was covered with an even and uniform layer of green moss that was the exact same hue of green as the grass. This place seemed vast and without limit. The sky above was choked with dull grey clouds. It was daytime, but the clouds held back some of the sunlight and the light coming through was typical of a completely overcast day.

I walked through this environment and looked around at my surroundings. Completely unexpectedly, a great and terrible beast appeared some one-hundred yards away. This beast was entirely comprised of crystalline ice from head to toe. This beast was tall and massive, perhaps some thirty feet high and forty feet long from head to rear. This creature was a quadruped and built somewhat like a spider (though it wasn’t a spider) in that its legs branched out from the sides of its body as opposed to extending from the bottom. It had legs like that of an elephant’s with flat feet. The body of this creature was stubby with its head not being at the end of a neck but instead being affixed directly to the front of the creature’s body. The beast had two eyes that were black like coal but which had beady points of white or light yellow light within, and the beast had a large maw. The earth shook as it walked.

I recall that the beast lifted its right front leg and then stomped its foot straight down upon the earth. A gale of frigid wind radiated out from the foot along with flying chunks of ice. I ran away from the beast and this gale, though I do not remember feeling terrified in the dream (though I likely was given that I was running). As the gale moved through the land the green stones and arches turned to ice and shattered. I managed to keep away from the beast and this gale, but then either the same one reappeared in a different location or a second one appeared, this time closer, and stomped its foot like before. I ran once more, but this time I was caught up in the gale. I found myself lifted off the ground by the force of the howling wind that came from the beast. I was blown along the front of the gale about fifteen or twenty feet above the ground as the land behind me turned to ice. My body was upright and I faced straight forward as I accelerated with the frigid wind at my back propelling me forward. After flying through the air for some distance I ended up waking up for the morning before I had landed or before any other occurrence came to pass.

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Anonymous,
I'll provide an analysis of your dream tomorrow. But the beginning of the dream has you running away from something {emotionally}. The war is within you, emotional conflicts. This would set the stage for what the dream is attempting to communicate. I'll try to provide insights to that in my analysis.


Jerry

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Anonymous,
I will need more time to analyze this dream since it is very long. I also want to to look previous posts and see what they have to say. I did look at the dream and went over the images. Some impressions I got were as follows:

running from isolation
seeking to promote better mental health
store inner emotions
barriers
initial steps to discovery/recovery
faded memories/experiences
needed/desired changes in life to escape isolation
even on good days things are in ruins
insecure about true self
caught up in strong emotions

These are cursory impressions and may not state the whole of the conflicts the dream is trying to communicate. The first impression about feelings of isolation are probably important. I'll compare this dream to prior posts and see if there are any emerging or/an recurring patterns that will lead to a good understanding of what is taking place in your psyche.

Jerry

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Jerry,

Thank you for your taking a look at this dream. Please take as much time as is necessary for you.

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Anonymous,
I am working on your dream {as well as other posted dreams}. I will have something for you either later today or in the morning.

Jerry

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Anonymous,
I've not forgotten your dream posts. Will try to provide an analysis on Wednesday.

Jerry

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Anonymous,
This is a very dark dream which probably reflects both inner and outer aspects and emotions. The name you gave the dream fits appropriately. Here is what I get from the dream, broken down {in a summary} by paragraphs {10}. I'm looking over your previous posts and seeing where this fits with those. It does seem that your inner life is very dark even though your current life may be stable {from your response "My waking life is probably in the best place it has been in for many years, perhaps even for my entire life"}. My sense is the unconscious energies that motivate your conscious life are still very much alive and capable of bringing you down. Of course this would all have to do with your parents and your early life. If you could comment on this {possibility of bringing you down} while I analyze the dreams as a whole it may provide insights.


Paragraph Breakdown {Summary}

1. Trying to escape from inner and outer emotional persecution.
2. stored inside are 'overcast' emotions. unconscious connection that needs expression. uncomfortable emotions. emotional conflict. hard to realize unconscious motivations. heavy emotions that are deteriorating {a deterioration that could be reflected in your conscious life}.
3. Emotional loads. conscious life is reflective of inner conditions. future seems bleak. seeking ways to avoid emotions.
4. Death within the unconscious. Even heaven is in ruins. A need to seek a way out
5. Even with rays of hope there is very little personal growth. Looking beyond the outer self and seeing only darkness. dead inside.
6. Resigned to conscious life of emotional turmoil
7. Going within and discovering the source of your grounding, the motivators to your life.
8. By bringing up/out the inner demons there is an opportunity for growth. Some light within the darkness.
9. When looking within, when you seek the motivators for your conscious life the beast emerges. It has spread throughout your physical and psychological life {the emotional issues are affecting your whole being, physical and psychological}
10. Life is stomping you down. The emotional winds have the force of a gale. You go with the winds.

Jerry

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Firstly, I am posting my response from behind a VPN. My IP address will be different, so hopefully that doesn't mess things up for you. Please let me know if that is okay.

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this, I wanted to thank you for the considerable work you have undergone to look through this dream. It is something I deeply appreciate and I treasure what you have to say regarding dreams such as this.

Things are a bit different from the last time I posted. I have escaped the crushing yoke of my parents' home and share a wonderful house with three wonderful roommates. I have also found rapport with my siblings and we can now quite freely discuss the state of my parents' lives without having to do so in hushed tones and in secret. That very change in my situation is really helping a lot of stuff that has been simmering without end and without release to dissipate instead of explode. After having done their best to attempt to destroy me it seems that my parents will settle for destroying themselves instead, unfortunately. I would like to think that it won't affect me all that much but watching your parents jump headlong into oblivion is not pleasant, regardless of what your feelings towards them are.

Paragraph Breakdown {Summary}



My parents have been superficially supportive of me and my journey but that support is so tenuous that it almost seems completely ephemeral. Much of this comes from my father, whom half the time I feel is sincerely sarcastic instead of merely sincere. His other children have stopped communicating with him when they can help it and it seems that I will be joining them in that practice. I suppose that inwardly there are still hazards that I must navigate. I once absolutely despised myself and thoroughly savaged everything I attempted, believed in, or thought. I left myself no mercy in anything. This went on for many years but has been largely effectively treated through a lot of medication and a lot of therapy. It is still there, but quite diminished from its former frequency (read: constant). It takes a while for a brain to form new habits, and that old one goes back a long ways.



The deterioration may be from elements of my conscious life given that right now I am ecstatic with most things in my life besides my parents. I am somewhat fearful that without any grounding, non-enabling element in their home that they will fall off the rails. My dad was already tipsy after I was gone for only a couple hours and it was impossible not to notice when I came back to get more of my stuff. My mom is going to have to get a serious surgical procedure which entails lifestyle changes to not end horribly, the type of changes I feel she is utterly unable to make good on. I am kind of confronting the reality that within a short time my parents will be checked out from their own lives in addition to mine.



I suppose I am quite avoidant of the situation with my parents, partially because I feel that I cannot rescue them (nor do I really want to try), and partially because the major onus for getting out of the house, after having gotten other important affairs in order, was to get the hell away from them.



I hadn't actually died in a dream in a long time so this one struck me as unusual partially because of that. The whole plaster walls with wood trim and dim light look is actually a very consistent dream element/environment, and I have at least a few dreams in a place like that each month. I recall dreams in a place like this going back a full decade. Usually it looks kind of dingy at worst (oftentimes just normal instead). This is the first time I can remember it looking so ramshackle.



Part of me wonders if this is my default dream state after having spent so long mired within gloom. I do have very vivid and uplifting dreams with decent regularity (two of which I would like to post but I don't want to hog all of your resources, though they aren't nearly as long as this one). Still, I often dream in unsettling or borderline disturbing environments or of similar themes. I certainly wouldn't call myself dead inside, though if this was merely five years ago you would be absolutely, 100% correct.



It never really stopped; the type of turmoil just seems to change. This does seem to be a better point, though, if that can be believed given the content of this dream.



I have had to do a lot of digging lately deep below the surface of my life and my thoughts. I feel that I am beginning to discover these motivators you speak of, though I have yet to determine how best to channel them.


It is quite late where I am now, but I shall attempt to address your three other points sometime tomorrow.

Thank you!

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Continuing from yesterday...

This has been a primary pursuit of mine for some time now, first through therapy and medication, and then through introspection and an active redirection of my life. I finally feel like I am approaching a visible light at the tunnel, which for many years I didn't believe even existed.



The psychological aspect is probably obvious from my posting, but the physical aspect is no less real. Depending on the level of stress I might get insomnia, might not be able to get out of bed, might have horrible digestive issues, or get any number of all sorts of wonderful maladies. Having been away from my parents for some time now these are starting to subside and stay diminished or gone for longer periods.



I most certainly agree that for a long time I felt as if I was being curb-stomped by life and the universe in general. The severity of this has gradually reduced over the last few years, as have unpleasant dreams and nightmares. I do feel, however, that I am dulled to these sorts of dreams, and often don't feel malaise or discomfort after waking from them except in the most egregious (and rare) circumstances. I am not sure if that is a good thing.

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Anonymous,

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Your Dream

Because this is a very dark dream points to continued unsettled emotions. Was this a recent dream, one that occurred before or after your first posts? Although you are making ground in your journey to better understand your emotional self and in personal growth, unconsciously there are still many things to be worked out. This maybe a focus on the fears about your grounding and parent's involvement in your life. To better understand those early life influences/experiences may be what needs to be worked out. These are motivating energies, unconsciously driving you to be something other than you should be and do things in a manner that benefits your personal growth. Trying to rescue them is a heroic deed but the need to rescue yourself may be what needs to be a priority. It may be difficult to do but as long as you have unconscious energies working against you, especially because they involve earlier experiences with your parents, it may be impossible be able to help them. You can't change them in an instant and to put those needed energies elsewhere {instead of yourself} may be to no avail. As you stated in your response, "It never really stopped; the type of turmoil just seems to change." the cycle must be broken or it will continue as is.

Spend time on the motivators. Go back to early life and see what happened as a child that would have left strong impressions on your psyche. The type personalities of your parents is important since you will either imitate those or rebel against them {or a mixture of both}. A lack of good parenting is always a factor. Specific experiences that you may vaguely remember should be looked at and see what else comes up. A concentrated examination of your early life will bring about memories long forgotten consciously but not unconsciously. After you do this look at yourself and see how it all fits.It will fit because those early life experiences/influences are the ground of your personality and your life {in the present and future}. It is good you are doing this at an early stage in life because if you leave it as is the motivators will not only continue to exert its energies, but it could get worse. You are on the right track/path. Put as much time possible into it because that is what is needed to bring up the unconscious energies so you can 'see' them clearly. They have been relegated to the depths and must be brought back up. When you understand them then you must act to resolve what ever remains of their ability to influence your psyche. To know/understand them and do nothing i probably the worst thing that could be done. Yo are merely adding another layer of energy to their existence.

Jerry

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