Jerry,

What you said is true on the issue of abandonment. My mother left me when I was 13. I supposed that the even left a scar on my unconscious level and I embarked on a continuous journey to pursue intimate affection/love from female counterpart to fulfil the lack of maternal affection. And I also assume that the rejection on my crush has just awaken this issue; therefore both events are co-related on bith conscious and unconscious level.

Now I know the origin of the driving force, what do I have to do next to pursue the course of self discovery. I believe that the sooner I know about my true self, the better I acn set my life on the correct path.

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Nattanut,
That is hard to answer without knowing your full life story. Pursuing answers requires an investigation of the early life experiences and influences {abandonment by mother} and the resulting consequences from those. Continuous efforts to pursue intimate affection is likely one result of the mother issue. Knowing it is an unconscious motivator and consciously seeking to control it would be how to handle those desires. But it is much more complicated since there are likely other factors associated with the mother abandonment issue. If you have access to a therapist {preferably Jungian} then you could take that route. I used Jung's Individuation Process to resolve my issues {abandonment by my father} but I was 42 when I began that process and had already overcome much of my dependency naturally {maturity and changes in life}. If you have the discipline and ability to look at your whole life, recognize the stimulus for who you are and make changes where necessary you could take the same route. It is as much an inner journey, a psychological endeavor on your own. In the process of doing this you will discover more than just the causes and answers to your psychological issues, you will also discover the important aspects that make life worth living. Creativity and spirituality {not religion but the laws of nature, cause and effect}. You put yourself on a level above the norm because you are leaving behind the old self and finding the new. The ego driven, materialistic self transitions to a life of simplicity. Simplifying life, reducing emotional attachments {having a limited number of close relationships, romantic or otherwise} finding that thing in life that gives meaning to it {creativity} and giving to life only in positive ways {spirituality}. This is the Jungian approach and takes a long time to get there {the reason discipline is necessary}. Few people try and even fewer succeed.

If you are interested in this process you can start with my Power of Dreams website. If you find you have the ability and desire to learn more {Jung can be difficult, a reason why I look to Joseph Campbell as a tutor of Jungian psyche} then my Myths-Dreams-Symbols website has 500+ pages of Jungian content that takes you to the deeper issues to do with the psyche process. Again this all requires time, effort and discipline. But the rewards are not only resolving the personal conflicts but obtaining a world, no cosmic view of life. You put yourself above all others because you are not limited by ego choices but are guided by natural solutions {mythology is the universal source that informs and supports the individual story}. Whereas most people are limited by their personal experiences, the knowledge of the cosmic view of life opens the psyche to deeper understanding of the processes that govern our existence. It doesn't necessarily make you smarter than the other person but it does make you more informed. There is a 'secret' knowledge and only by studying the cosmic view can you get past the limitations of the ego. Our dreams helps us resolve the personal issues but in the process takes us into the field of a metaphysical plane that offers insights not available to those who abide by society's dictates {political, social and religious}. You are free to explore all possibilities and not limited by the few choices that your personal ego world offers.

A lot to think about. But if you are serious about finding wholeness and balance in life there are paths to doing so. This path will take you there if you 'connect' with it. For me it was an instantaneous recognition that Jung's formula was my path. Overnight I went from a ego driven, couch potato/sports nut to a person who lived in the 'dream world' and became successful in working with dreams and learned web design and built the websites I have listed above. The old person underwent a death and resurrection/rebirth {the true meaning of Jesus on the cross-it is psychological} and become something totally different {see my profile}. I am my true self and live life on my terms, no longer controlled by those motivating energies from childhood. Nor am I obligated to social duty, doing what I am told. Instead I live life simple and have few obligations other than those I choose to have. Less emotional stress, not attached to emotional situations or the materials world, a better life on all levels {I also have made physical fitness a part of my lifestyle for the past 35 years}. And because I live by the laws of Karma/cause and effect things naturally fall into place. The helping hands of fate are always there to support me.

If you don't take this opportunity to find your true self. Consider my journey before I discovered Jung. Three failed marriages {3 wonderful women} due to the unconscious drive to fulfill that never received love from my father {the son seeking the father motif-Luke Skywalker seeking his father}. There was always a void I could never put my finger on and when things got rough I ran {as did my father}. Your pattern motif is of abandonment and seeking to fulfill what was not provided as a child. Different parent, very similar unconscious motivators. Unless those energies are resolved they will continue to have control over your life. You can live life as is and may find happiness but you will never find true harmony. It also impedes the creative self which is the one aspect that gives true meaning to life. The adage, pay me now {take time to do what has to be done} or pay me later {never doing what was needed} is something I have witnessed with my friends I grew up with. Most all are in miserable lives, dependent on drugs, food, sex, alcohol. At 64 life is very much different for me. Nothing can ever be perfect {the first Buddhist saying is 'life is full of suffering'} but my life is so much more better than it would have been if I had not undergone the transformation. At 20 you have a great opportunity to live life to the max, not an life of ego but of true identity. If you take this opportunity, when you get to my age you will be a sage, possessing a knowledge few possess. You will have paid your debt to ego long ago and will be free to explore the farthest dimensions of the possibilities.

Jerry

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