Thank you, thank you, thank you.. Your further comments really resonated with me..
I tend to have too many "shoulds" and put too many restrictions on myself, but in that last experience I was finally able to loosen them, so although it ended badly i am pleased with myself that i was able to act differently. i woulndt want to go back to my old restrictive/conservative ways, so i hope things wont be "as they have always been"..but i would be happy if my selfworth and the positive qualities were not harmed by this experince (but i already know that the experince hasnt made me a bitter person.. If anything i think i like myself more).. So i willl look into the dream with your comments in mind again, and hope i can understand the deeper issues and where they may be coming from..thank you again ..best wishes

And thanks for telling that all dream images have at lear two meanings, i never knew that so i was trying to pin down an exact message from the dream but i guess dreams dont work like that :) good to know this..