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Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

Note.
I received a response via my e-mail to my analysis which pretty much confirmed what I had provided in an interpretation. Hopefully the dreamer will provide his response at the Forum {he was unable to due to having his last attempt labeled spam} so all can read it.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Yes

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

I'll try to split my last answer in 2 posts, maybe that will work, not sure what I'll do if it won't let me post the second part :D

Thanks for taking the time to analyze and interpret my dream, and for trying to help me out - greatly appreciate it!


This is very hard and complicated, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
I had an extremely rough start in life, my childhood and teenage years was a never ending circle of emotional torture and solitude. I probably deserved it though.
I feel like I was never a child to begin with, felt mature ever since I was a kid. A grown man trapped in a child's body. My family used to call me lil'gramps since I was 3, even my voice was already deep.
Charismatic, energetic, well built and smart - but a complete outcast, always, to this day. Anywhere I'd go people would reject me. Maybe I was just too much, maybe they felt there was something wrong with me, I don't know. But it didn't bother me much, I preferred my own company most of the time anyway, lived in my own world, by my own rules.
Didn't sleep at night til the sun came up since age 3-4. Didn't care much what anyone had to say either. Excess of sexual energy since the age of 5. Perverse beyond limits(played dominatrix games at the age of 6 etc.), destructive, angry(I'd light up so fast...), extremely emotionally sensitive and unstable - one wrong sentence was enough to ruin my mood. In one word - raging. I would get furious to the point where I couldn't control myself, break things, scream and throw my fists into action.
Society didn't make things any easier. Peers didn't accept me. Parents of the few friends I had didn't allow them to see me, said I was no good - go figure ;D

My father didn't care about anything but himself. My mother was(is) a raging drunk with a social mask ever since I recall. It was a broken home, I grew up alone. Fighting day by day for my survival.
They had 3 amazing years together. Got married on Friday the 13th in a red dress, lived together for 13years...

Anyway, I got by without getting into much trouble. Hard as it was I always kept my chin up - all of this will make me stronger I kept repeating. Wave after wave of beatings and crap life threw my way couldn't get me down, because... how could I lose my purpose, how could I give up after already going through so much. But I won't get into that, not the point of this post.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 22, Male, Europe

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} No

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

Few months before my 21st birthday my father passed away from cancer that chewed him to bones and skin, we were apart for 8 years and I got to see him once in his death bed, few weeks before the day. It tore me apart.
I started getting high from my 21st birthday. Was only drinking alcohol on and off since age 12 before that, always avoided other drugs. But 21st year of my life I was up on a marijuana and psychedelic, and hallucinogenic mushroom cloud. I lost it... and the deeper I went, the more alive I felt. Deeper into the night, deeper into the darkness inside of my heart. First time I tried psychedelic mushrooms they "told" me I was a psychopath.
I looked up the definition and it seemed rather obvious to me that it was the case. Or so I had convinced myself.
I explored my inner sanctum. Took a long, deep look at myself and the abyss that was swallowing me. It all made sense at the time, I just wanted to let go. Let the beast out, let it feast. I was all alone in that nightmare, and the paths it took me twisted and turned until I got completely lost. And one night, from the shadows of the dark a beautiful, bright girl walked into my life. I fell in love at first sight. All I could think about was her. But how could I leave my darkness behind... I struggled, to find what the truth really was. And it caused her so much pain. I couldn't stand to see her hurt, even wanted to kill myself - but how could I do that to her. I had her, I had hope. She was my light, and she told me it'll all be okay, that I'm not alone anymore, that I just have to hang in there and the night will pass. Our love was hard on us, because of the way our lives and families were, but we grew together as people. And bit by bit it got brighter. Bit by bit I changed, and realized that there was so much more to me than I had thought all these years.
Almost a year later she left to study abroad. I battled my demons day after day - things I grew up with don't just go away... so I could use the time to build inner strength myself. Purge myself.
A few months ago I felt something break inside of me, I felt a change. A new wind in my heart. I have pretty much quit alcohol and marijuana altogether for quite a while now. But a month ago I took psychedelic mushrooms again. I felt so happy, so light and pure - so innocent. Finally felt in-touch with my inner child and 80% of my trip was an extremely positive experience. 10% was pain that I will carry around until the day I die, some wounds just never heal. And 10% was the murderous psychopathic demon living inside of me, bloodthirsty and hateful. A few years ago the ration would have been reversed, so... progress? :D


I feel free now, kind of... I no longer get the urges I used to, I have developed a great ability to observe myself, control my emotions and thoughts. Changed my thought patters, and my lifestyle. Don't go those dangerous paths anymore. I live for the betterment of lives of others, to help out those I can and share what I have and the experiences that life gave me the opportunity to experience. I accept that I have a darkness inside of me, but I no longer give into it. But the demons still haunt me at night, and in my dreams. What do I do with that part of me? It seems the devil is laughing at me and patiently waiting for an opportunity, for a weakness.

And at this brightest point of my existence, when I found my inner child, my girlfriend said she had enough, and that we should move on with our lives. I guess her light and my darkness balanced each other out. But without her... I waver. The dream shows doesn't it.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 22, Male, Europe

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} No

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Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

I remembered that I had another one of those dreams a month, or even two ago. I dreamed that I was in the basement of my house, wandering huge endless corridors, trying to find an exit in a maze of tunnels. I almost lost hope, but saw a bright light and managed to find an exit after all. When I left the basement I entered a vast green area, covered with beautiful thick, deep green color grass as far as I could see. My house was in front of it, and the side of the area was covered by a forest, in which grew majestic 2-3 feet tall mushrooms with caps covered in all the colors of the world mixed together. The sun was shining bright and I was happy and joyful. But I sensed a presence behind me. I turned around and saw a kitten. I tried to make friends with it, took a step closer and the kitten transformed into a little dog. I got frightened by the transformation and it started attacking me, as it sensed my fear. It wasn't big enough to harm me, but it wasn't the size, but the transformation that scared me. As my fear grew the little dog got more and more aggressive and started changing again, into a larger one. I panicked and started running home and it came after me transforming into all sorts of beasts as it ran, most of them changed too fast for me to even recall them and with every transformation I felt my fear level rise and the size of the beast grow exponentially. It was running at the same speed the spider was - limitless speed, it could have caught me at any time as it felt like it was running at the speed of God, but it wanted to play with me, same as the spider - feed on my fear, torture me. Let me feel as if I have a chance to escape even though there's no way I could(mind that I was already bitten by the spider, there was no point to run in the first place). As I almost reached my home it finally took it's last form, a brown bear. I realized I won't be able to enter the house in time, and as a last attempt to save myself from impending doom I tried to climb on the roof through a water runoff pipe. I actually reached the roof and thought I had made it, as I felt it grab me by the feet and the dream ended. Again - letting me have that fleeting sense of security, just to strip it away from me, as the bear could have grabbed me at any time.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 22, Male, Europe

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Yes

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Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

Traveler,
I'll provide a response Friday. I do sense the dream is addressing your seemingly positive transformation but also the wavering of it. That would likely point to still unresolved issues which need to be understood so you can resolve those.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Yes

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

Traveler,
Your response does confirm much of what I sensed from your dream. Being a short dream it didn't include all you wrote about and where it left off gave me an impression there was still work to be done {was there more to the dream than you posted?}. The early age experiences are extreme. Often sexual tendencies at such an early age would be the result of sexual contact/molestation. Of course it could be at such an early age you do not remember if were such experiences {children begin to have memories at age 5}. If there were not any early life sexual experiences then there could be neurological issues.

The spider in your dream could have been the sexual energies that came at you as well as the relationship with the girl. Both had strong emotional 'fangs'. The relief you found in psychedelic mushrooms could have temporally relieved any neurological issues {they may contain properties that are beneficial} But because you are now wavering it may indicate they were only temporary.

In general the dream left off with the issues continuing to coming at you. Taking more drugs isn't the answer. Therapy would be. I am a strong advocate of Jung's Individuation Process {http://www.powerofdreams.net/individuation.html} and because you do seem to have a deep sense of inner sanctum it may work for you {it revealed my deep emotional issues caused by my father relationship and changed my life and led me to my intuitive ability to understand Jungian psyche and dreams}. It is a long, tough road but it may be something that will work for you. If not then professional therapy would be the recourse.

Have you had any recent dreams that may provide insights to where your true self is in the present. If indeed you are wavering {this dream left me with an impression issues still remain} then a more recent dream may shed light on where you are in your journey/life. Because all dreams are educational I would ask that you post it at the Dream Forum. If you would attempt to post the response you sent in this e-mail at the forum also so others can see how the images represent the actual conditions in your life. Let's hope the wavering is not permanent and you find your way to long term healing.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Yes

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Re: A fly, an ant and a big black spider

Traveler,
This dream is pretty much depicting your own transformation and the inner conflicts that seem to be unresolved despite your progress. The basement of the house represents the depths of the unconscious {the deeper you go the deeper the depths} which would likely be focusing on your recent inner journey and self discovery {the green grass and forest} and even includes the mushrooms you experimented with. Yet despite the self discovery and positive transformations {in the dream this is a continuing transformation} there still remains something within your unconscious {presence behind you} something that has yet to be discovered or/and resolved. That would likely indicate emotional issues remain that are capable of re-asserting itself {reflecting the inner devil and the wavering you feel}. The final transformation into the brown bear could symbolize several things including a period of introspection {which fits in your waking life} as well as the cycle of life and death and renewal {which also fits in your waking life}. But the bear can also symbolize aggression and overwhelming obstacles which would point back to the inner sanctums and the unresolved issues. These emotional issues are 'playing' with you, torturing you because you have made significant progress but have yet to resolve all the issues and conflicts. Reaching the roof would represent the thinking self {mind} which would fit with your perceived waking feeling of having found resolution to your problems when in fact issues remain. The bear grabbing your feet could point back to your early life foundations {feet}. Either there are childhood issues that have yet to be resolved {those go very deep and although progress has been made not all have been resolved} or/and there are neurological issues {A neurological disorder is any disorder of the body nervous system. Structural, biochemical or electrical abnormalities in the brain, spinal cord or other nerves can result in a range of symptoms}. The early life excess sexual energy could be neurological related but could be a result of early life sexual abuse. Both could be reasons for the rage you felt. Along with a terrible parental relationship these issues would be understandable but the extent of the rage and early life impulses would go much deeper. These are likely the fear/anxieties you feel, the inner self being aware there are unresolved issues {psychological and/or neurological} conditions that exist within. The breakup with your gf could be a step backwards and heighten these fears. There is a need to let the 'beasts' out, discovering what it is that remains unresolved. That may require professional help, psychological therapy and perhaps looking at possible neurological issues.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Yes

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes


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