WOW... all i can say is WOW...
Im completely amazed, omfg!!

Ok, um.. here goes..

I currently am seeing both a psychologist, AND a psychologist, for the past ten months. Mainly due to (shocker!): MY EXTREMELY LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND SUICIDAL TENDENCIES (which i started becoming suicidal beginning in the year 2011, up until now.

Why?? Basically, i literally went CUCKOO CRAZY, thats why. Mainly, it was the result of coming SOOO very close to losing my oldest son, when he was struck in my driveway by a pickup truck, back in 2011. He spent two days in the hospitals trauma center, and the doctors gave him 50/40% chance of recovering from it (when we had first arrived via ambulance). He ended up walking away from it without ANY kind of disability/permanent brain damage, at ALL.. my son had only been home FIFTEEN MINUTES from the hospital, when he was then TAKEN FROM ME, by a case worker from CPS(child protective services), who basically felt that i was a "neglectful mother", since my son hadnt had his helmet on while being on his scooter at time of accident, (WHILE HE WAS IN OUR DRIVEWAY, for chrisakes??!!!)

I didnt get to see, OR even SPEAK to my son for an entire ELEVEN MONTHS after that day.. and during that time, was when i became someone i never before knew existed.. i developed a huge amount of paranoia, along with the total loss of trust for ANYone in my life, including my own parents. I basically shut myself in that house and refused to go ANYwhere at ALL, period. For an ENTIRE year almost. It got so bad, that people would have to bring my groceries to me, because id developed so much anxiety and fear of leaving my own house!!

That was in 2011. Gladly, im able to say that things are nowhere near as horrible as they were back then, i still have the depression, the anxiety, and (at times, rarely) i do have days where i have my doubts as to why im even still here, and the feeling of not belonging here.

So now i see my therapist twice a month, and also take daily medication for the depression. My therapist believes though, that my self-hate and low self esteem DID NOT "just start" in 2011. She feels that it may have ALWAYS been there, since birth. Yes, i have been asked the typical questions like "were u ever abused?", etc, and I have always told her the HONEST truth: "No, i have not ever been sexually abused", because as far as im aware or as far back as i can remember, i havent.
So... when i read your interpretation, the hairs on my arms literally stood straight up and down, no lie.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 34/f/texas

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emma,
I agree with your analyst about when the emotional issues began. The incident with your son and the following experiences trigger the worst case scenario but the emotions were likely already within your unconscious. Sexual abuse isn't the only experience that would cause these negative emotions, psychological abuse is just as prevalent. What was your childhood like and the relationship with your parents? Depending on your DNA {what you are born with} and strength/weaknesses of the DNA characteristics you could have experienced 'mild' issues of psychological neglect that would have created a personality set for self destruct. Most often though it is something worse in childhood where the life is built on negative foundations. Im sure your analyst will get to those possibilities sooner than later. It would be great if your analyst used dreams as a tool since dreams are a direct link to the unconscious and the underlying issues and reasons for them. Of course it takes a trained dream analyst to interpret the images/actions. But even without this tool getting to the source of your emotional conflicts is how you will remedy them.

Note: If you will read the posted dreams, analysis and responses you will see how dreams can get to the source better than any other tool or method. What often takes months of therapy a trained/experienced dream analyst can discover within one dream.

Jerry

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