She told the whole class to hate me (for no good reason) including the males who are usually easier to get along with since they don’t get into all this female drama. I don’t know if this subconsciously made me think males could easily hate me just if someone told them to. She also said every bad comment she could think of which made me wonder if she was ever my friend or how could I have thought we were best friends. This past experience made me lose confidence in myself if others who didn’t know me hated me for no reason. I think she was like a male leader telling the class what to do. Due to some experiences I’ve had with her. I’ve wondered if she might have been lesbian or bisexual, but she’s married so maybe not. I’m not lesbian or bisexual, but sometimes I feel like all I need is one good female friend I can trust to get through life (to avoid loneliness). I could care less about having a boyfriend or romantic relationship with anyone. It’s harder to be good friends with a male because then you have girlfriend or wife jealousy and many of them don’t like to discuss female things. Or at least one of my past male friends told me to stop treating him like a female friend (discussing emotions, etc).

When you said there may be intuitive feelings I should follow, is this dream suggesting it would a positive or negative experience reconnecting with her? When I last saw her while I was with my mother, I felt like get away from me because I didn’t tell my mom all the emotional damage she has done to me and I didn’t want my mom to act like everything was ok with how she’s treated me. I also didn’t know if she was just trying to get the latest information on me to spread more negative comments about me to others. If she offered an apology it would be different, but I’m tired of her smiling like she didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve moved past those angry feelings, but I’m still reluctant to get involved with anyone who will hurt me emotionally without feeling remorse. She did briefly apologize to me after the incident, but she said "My mom wants me to apologize to you so sorry" meaning it didn't come from her heart or she didn't mean it.

I don’t think we shared similar experiences with males. I was the bookworm. She was the partier. She was very sexual with men wanting their attention. This makes me think of aggressive male advances. I’ve felt she might have molested me a couple times when we were friends, but I wasn’t concerned with it at the time since it didn’t last long, but who knows if we remained friends longer. I didn't know much about sexuality then. I think these memories may be another hidden reason which makes me feel awkward or embarrassed around her. I don’t even know what you call a past experience like this with a female friend. Besides this, I miss having the security I felt when she was my best friend. When our friendship ended, I felt like I lost everything but never really found another best friend after that. I just had friends, but never another best friend. So, when I think of reconnecting I think of filling the void of not having a best friend. However, she has so many friends now that I don't think she could devote much time to me meaning she would probably just be another friend instead of a best friend. Not that I want to reconnect with her or someone who has taught me not to trust.

Anonymous,
There is enough emotional conflict in your relationship with this old friend to cause this type dream. Because you have recently had thoughts of reconnecting with her the negative aspects of the relationship have been highlighted in the dream. Although consciously you may be believe there is a chance she has changed the negative past is so strong it unconsciously {if not consciously} causes conflict. That is where the objective aspects of the dream may be telling you to proceed with extreme caution. Dreams reveal what you really feel and should be strongly considered even when you consciously believe something different. The dream is projecting something about the reconnecting that is negative. Unless there have been drastic changes in her attitude what else can you go by than past experiences?

Of note about unconscious feelings. If there were sexual experiences with her when you were younger, that alone could cause the unconscious energies I described. Hidden reasons are what dreams are about and although consciously you may dismiss their importance unconsciously it is different. The trust issues are magnified when someone takes advantage especially when it comes to sexual contact at an early age. The loss of confidence could have been as much related to the sexual aspects. Either way she was a negative force in your life and to bring her back into your life would require a resolution to the earlier experiences. The early year experiences of life that had strong emotional energies are ingrained in the psyche and there must be a reconciliation to be completely healed of the negative experiences and impressions. You may think you have moved past those feelings but a good chance they are unconsciously still working on you. There are enough doubts you have expressed in your posts, and possible unconscious negative energies that reconnecting seems to be something you need to give great thought to.

A note about the masculine. The dream language, "was his house/not his house" and my interpretation of 'confusion about masculine qualities/trusting oneself' could fit with your response about her "I think she was like a male leader telling the class what to do." Also there is your feelings about having a relationship with a male. The experiences with her and other experiences in early life {see below} could have an influence on those feelings. There does seem to be something in play when it comes to masculine identity and relationships.

Then there is the issue of the void you feel not having a female friend. Such feelings of a void in life often point to not having proper love and attention as a child. How was the relationship with your parents. If the void is there it could be your need for a close female relationship is a result of the environment you grew up with. Or it could be addressing other unresolved issues to do with relationships. A question that could be asked is why the need for female relationships and not male? Problems with the mother could be the answer. The male in the dream could be the father {it was his house, the older man}. If not these then something else. These emotions don't just come about for no reason. Deeper examination of these aspects is needed. Your insecurities are at least partly from these feelings and until they are recognized and resolved the void will remain.

On a personal note. I had these feelings of a void up until my early 40s. It was not until I discovered Jungian psyche and resolved the issues that I found peace. And it all stemmed from childhood and relationships in childhood {with my father in most part}.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 66

I prefer to hang around woman because they don't judge your looks on a scale from 1-10. For example, women usually wouldn't comment that another woman looks worse without makeup because they know they themselves look better with makeup. But a guy may say something like she's not a 10 without makeup (not to imply that I'm a 10). For this reason, I don't feel like I'm being judged by women for how I look. I could dress in my PJs, sweats, you name it in front of them. However, I prefer how many guy don't gossip about other things like women do. I don't like talking gossip. In my experience, male friends ignore me or drop me as soon as they start dating someone. So, this makes it seem like a temporary relationship which can't grow. I also wasn't close with my sister and admire other sisters who are close like best friends so the void could come from there.



May I ask if you have a best friend (not a romantic partner, but a best friend)? I'm just wondering if others get on ok without one. Thanks.

Anonymous,
I have a few good friends but at this stage of life {I'm 66 and single/divorced} I don't have a friend I would call very close {there is a caveat to this I will explain later}. I've never had a lot of close friends and a reason for that may be my own emotional barriers from childhood. I had deep issues from my childhood which caused much consternation in later life. Almost everyone has childhood issues that follow them through life and are the motivating factors for personality and personal attitudes. It is not until these issues are realized and resolved can there be true harmony and happiness in life. I resolved mine through self therapy using Jungian psyche. In doing so I discovered my talent in analyzing dreams {I am an intuitive Jungian, naturally understanding the concepts and theories he espoused}. In retirement I am as happy and grounded as I have ever been.

The caveat. I do have very special friends in my life, 16 of them {see this link Kitty City}. I am a caretaker of cats, something that was 'cast' onto my life when I bought a home in Cocoa, Fl. in 2014. I had been involved with the rescue community {homeless, abandoned cats and dogs} in my home county and have had cats for many years. When I did move to my new location I had four cats. There were several abandoned and feral cats I began to feed and soon was taking care of them full time {spaded and neutered as well as daily feeding and care}. This is my substitute family which fits perfectly with my desire to retire from people contact {I have had a small business for 39 years which required constant people contact and before that I worked as a health codes inspector for 12 years which also required people contact/an overlap of the two positions}. I like people but at a distance. Between taking care of the cats, my dream work and web design {I designed the dream websites linked to this Dream Forum} my life is full. It is not I can not have more friends, I simply choose not to.

So, yes, you do not necessarily need close friends in life. But we all need to find within ourselves a place where we are comfortable with who we are. If not having friends is because of inner emotional conflict, that will not do. It has to be a person has found inner tranquility and peace. With that one can take control of their inner and outer life. Otherwise the unresolved issues will pursue you not only in your dreams {the function of dreams is to help resolve these issues} but as motivating energies that unconsciously control you. The bottom line in finding inner peace is finding the true self and a spiritual {not religious} ground that supports the outer life. My ground is caring for my felines and helping others understand their inner life by analyzing dreams {my services have always been free}. Spirituality and creativity along with a sound resolution of my inner struggles from childhood have been my 'savior'. According to Jungian psyche it is a formula that can work for most everyone. A long difficult path to follow which requires the first step of wanting to find your true self.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 66

Thank you for sharing your story. The truth is I think that I prefer to be on my own. The thing that stresses me out about work is people. If I work alone, there's no stress. Maybe I could also apply that to my life. Recently, I attended a Meetup group to try to meet new girlfriends. I was so bored, but I had to act like I was having fun. I knew I would enjoy my own company more. If I think about it, I always have more fun on my own.

Anonymous,
An introverted personality likes to be alone and not among crowds or people, so that is not uncommon. The deeper issues of trusting your instincts as well as trust issues in general seems to be the primary message of the dream. The issue of trust and the reasons for your deeply introverted personality {introvertism is not in itself a learned quality but a part of your DNA}. Trust in men may be an issue. That would likely come from early life experiences. Trusting women is hard for you also. Were there conflict with both parents as a child/early life? Getting to this may help resolve the issues the dream is attempting to communicate.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 66