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My Husband, sex and suicide.

Tuesday 8th November, 2005.

I don't remember the beginning of the dream but I do know that my husband and I were at a holiday resort and I met a young dark haired woman, she was thin and attractive. she was telling me that she hadn't had sex in a long time and needed it, I told her I had the perfect solution for her and I led her my hotel apartment (the apartment had a homely feeling, as though it was only used by, and belonged my family and myself) and put her into one of the bed rooms. I then went and approached my "boyfriend" (I felt as though my hubby was my boyfriend at that moment) and I told him he had to go and have sex with this woman and pushed him into the room and as I closed the door I saw the woman looking at me through the open space. I smiled at her as I knew that I was doing the right thing. She need my help and I couldn't have sex with her as I was not a man and my "boyfriend" was and he is a generous person who always helps people. Also he has only been with me so I though he would benefit from the experience of being with someone else, and I knew she was attractive enough for him to do it.
After I closed the door (I couldn’t hear them but I knew they were having sex) I walked into the next room which was at the end of the hallway, it was the master bedroom. My mother was in the ensuite having a shower and I told her of the situation and she turned to me and said “you don’t do that with your Husband.” And I fell to my knees shocked that I didn’t realize he was my Husband and began to cry as I realized the damage had already been done. I got up and began to clean the shower as my mother spoke to me but I wasn’t listening as I was thinking about what I had done.
After I cleaned the shower I went into the room, the young woman was gone and my husband was sleeping. I went through the pockets in his jeans and found some papers. One was a handwritten note on a third of an A4 sheet of white paper folded in half (lengthways) and in half again (lengthways,) from the woman. I couldn’t read the writing and as I tried reading the writing on the piece of white paper I looked around me and I was standing on a dirt road. It come from behind me and changed to go to either side of me and bend around like it had a roundabout directly in front of me and then extended from that forward. In the part that could represent a roundabout was tall fir trees, very tall and thin and then they were all around me with the road still there.
I was in a dense forest of fir trees. I looked at the paper and the trees seemed to be a printed watermark on the handwritten note and yet still around me. I then decided to read the other paper. It was a white A4 page full of writing that I couldn’t read and it was written all over the place. I knew I wrote it to my Husband and was annoyed that I couldn’t read it. I also knew it was a sad letter as I wrote him went I had something negative to say to him about his attitude or behavior toward me. I felt sad that he had it. Frustrated I went back to the note from the woman and this time I could read it. It said she would be in the country on and off, but more often now (she didn’t have sex for a long time because she worked and traveled out of the country a lot) and she wants to see him again for sex as she really liked it.
I felt angry and used by her but relieved she didn’t leave any contact details.
My dream moved on to My Husband having to go to work at his old job as a surveyor and he was in the work four wheel drive (truck , SUV) I got into the passenger seat because I wanted to talk with him about what I had done to him. (felt as though I had done this to him) but he didn’t want to talk about it so I hit my head on the window. With the first hit I braced myself because I was afraid it would hurt too much, but to my surprise it didn’t! So I smashed my head against the passenger door and window until I passed out.
I did it to punish myself.
I was back in the bedroom and my husband was not in there any more; it was as though he got up and left after sex with the woman instead of sleeping. I still had the papers and I decided to dig around in his jean pockets again and this time I found a blue-ish business card. It was just blue-ish no writing. I turned it to the back and on the white side the woman had written her contact details.
I was devastated; I felt I had lost my husband to her.
I left the apartment to find him. I seemed to just get to where he was in an instant which was down by the beach in the outdoor restaurant area sitting at a table with some of our friends (they had no identities as I was only focused on my husband.) I sat next to my Husband; he seemed angry and not impressed to see me. I handed him the card and he ignored me.
The dream changed and I was in my house that I live in now, in the bathroom. I was crying and felt heartbroken and lost. I ran a very hot bath. I couldn’t decide whether to drink a lot of alcohol or take aspirin to thin my blood and began to cry harder at the though of alcohol as I didn’t want to be like my mother who is an alcoholic. I got into the bath naked and lay down then my wrists were slit up my arms and bleeding. My husband came into the bathroom not knowing I was in there and realizing what I had done began to panic and pulled me out of the bath and held me in his arms. He rocked me gently and stroked the hair from my face and asked me why I did this. He was very sad. I told him I wanted to free him, and as I died in his arms he said he loves me, and I felt loved.


I appreciate anything you can tell me as i feel very unnerved by this dream.
My dreams tend to mostly be about myself having sex with my husband and used to occaisionally dream of my husband committing adultry which i put down to being brought up in a man hating environment with pre conceived ideas of how a man treats a woman (thanks mum but i know better!) and i had the adultry dreams because my husband does not fit this deep set, psychologicaly, pre conceived ideal of men; so i created it in my dreams. Once i realised this was the case the adultry dreams stopped.
But this dream, is very different and concerns me. so as i said, i appreciate any help at all. Thank you so much.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23, Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Hi Steffy
I haven't been able to read all yor dream yet - it may be useful for you to look at some of the links on this (great) site.
Maybe the anima, animus; or the dictionary - try husband, boyfriend, road, tree ,,,
Dreams are mostly about aspects of the dreamer - and so your dream may be addressing internal aspects of yourself along the theme of 'adultery'; doing something that you initially though was ok however deeper knowliedge (your mother in the dream) tells you it is not ok.
better go - hope this starts your inner journey
JC

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 47 Brisbane Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} M

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

from what it seems in your dream you seem to be the kind of person who dosn't mind giving that you just give and give,and it seems so natural to you that you dont no longer have that special feeling you get from giving. perhaps your dream dosnt mean that you will give away your husband,but using it as an example so you could feel when you give. do you get what i'm saying? might be complicated, its like giving a homeless a $5 dollar bill you might think he needs it more than you but later on you might run out of gas you later obn would regret it. sorry i know its a bad example but the best i can com up with

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 17/houston tx

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Steffy,
Justin's post about dream characters really representing you - Seems to be alot of inner conflict regarding animus issue. Some quick thoughts but realize an interpretation must hit the mark with the dreamer. This is what I THINK the dream could be addressing. Could be wrong.

The past dreams of sex with your husband may be a need or call to integrate your animus, male aspect. By 'ignoring' the dreams, or chalking them up to the waking negative mother influence the animus may be again reasserting it's desire for inclusion simply in another format. Trying another method of communication.(Sex again, but with another woman. Again signifying merging/integration and the other woman really represents you.) Because you're married you may not consciously utilize a masculine aspect in your self as you rely on the masculine aspect of your husband - (been a long time)

She needs your help - your inner self wants you to consciously address the need to resolve the issue.
Possibly indicating a desire for the feminine to assist in the process, and maybe to get help, like visting a dream interpretation site...

You close the door - you think that's the end of it but not really.

Your mother showering - may signify cleansing the negative influence of your mother.

The damage had already been done-Even though you consciously believe you haven't internalized or repressed your mother's attitude in your unconscious possibly you may have, or at least a portion of it.


Will take another look at the remainer tomorrow night.

Thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Hi Andrea,

I do understand what you mean, and funny that because that is how i feel of late. Though i do feel that there are further mesages the message of spreading myself to thin is the most prominent issue in my life right now, and it's good to see that someone else sees that too.
Seems like i might be on the right track! But these other messages... Forest, fir trees, unable to read the writing and then i can? it's not just what the item means but how it was also conducted (if that makes sense)Cleaning the bathroom for instance, bathroom represent cleansing (wanting/needing.) Why am i cleaning what clenses? But most of all the method of suicide. (Again the bathroom,) the water and the blood, water- emotion? Blood- life essence; bleeding- losing life essence. The suicide surprised me and that was the most traumatic as i felt choked up, but i would never commit sucicide in that manner, so to me the method is symbolic and the reason.

just my thoughts,

thank you for reading my dream and helping me to understand it better.

kind regards,

Steffy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23, Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Hi Justin,

Thanks for your reply, i definately will check at all that you suggested. Always good to look around and find the meanings that you feel are sinificant to your life and experiances! If i find anything interesting i'll let you know.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23, Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Hey Kathy,

it is very true about relying on my husband, in waking life i'm not allowed to lift or carry anything heavy for example; i did not choose this but i know where it stems from. My husband and i were in a car accident when we were teenagers ( i know, it's not that long ago!) and i still haven't recovered completely. He was driving. (He still won't discuss it either.) Two months later i fell pregnant, ( thats what slowed my healing,) had coplications and was hospitalised 7 times so he's a bit paranoid about me and treats me like i'm a doll. It's actually quite nice as he tends to be quite gentlemanly. But also you should see me when he's not home i'll try anything once and i do end up aggrivating my injury. So he does have a reason to worry i guess!

i do think i have rejected my mothers attitude but sadly i do have my own reasons for feeling that way also. And about that person i do feel that way but i have no right to lable every other man the same way. And i have had enough experiances to proove that i can feel positive too. I believe your point is possibly correct as i haven't delt with my negitive feeling or experiance, but then i am confused because if that is the case my mothers presence and attitude (in the dream she felt like my mother and spoke to me as her child, with respect and concern) in the dream is almost wrong as she is at fault too.
she blamed me and feels she is the victim, though, she can have that, who wants to be a victim anyway?

Do i really want to figure this out?!

Thank you, Kathy, for your time and advice.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23, Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Hey Steffy,
My apologies on the delay in responding. Got caught up in work this week.

You'll have to answer your question of whether you really want to resolve this. It's a personal decision. I can only say that issues tend to keep surfacing until we deal with them.

This dream is very involved. Perhaps if Gerard or someone here with more knowledge can take a look at your dream they may get a more exact or better view of the deeper meaning and issue/s. I see the conflict but am not yet learned enough to get to the point. Sorry!

Best regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Steffy,
I will look at your dream this weekend. It is very long and detailed so it will need a thorough examination which can take some time.
Thanks,
Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 55 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Thank you, i appreciate anything you can do for me. I'm looking forward to it! Sorry it's so long but i have a tendency to remember everything, i know i'm dreaming so i make an effort to remember and i try look at everything as it's there for a reason.

Thanks again!

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23, Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Steffy,
Your dream is probably addressing an inner conflict that is probably the result of outer experiences. The darked haired woman could represent a shadow aspect. This aspect is not uncommon and often originates because of Ego experiences that the Ego deems 'inappropriate'. The shadow is most always the same sex as the ego-bearer but with opposite qualities (dark, shady, dangerous). This so-called 'dark' aspect may be the result of your early years of upbringing since part of the dream deals with your mother. Her instructions may be contrary to how you actually feel about some subject in your life, perhaps sex. The shower may be the component that the dark aspect compels you to unconsciously clean, your inner feelings about this subject. It may feel dirty due to your mother's influence.
What are your thoughts on this aspect? Has your mother influenced your impressions of sex, or some other aspect that sex may represent?

Also the tall, thin and attractive aspect may need to be considered. It is mentioned more than once in your dream, once having to do with your shadow woman and the second having to do with fir trees {very tall and thin and then they were all around me}. Also there is the mention of your husband being with someone else, "I knew she was attractive enough for him to do it." What does this mean to you, if anything?

What is the relationship with your husband, particuarily sex wise? Are there attitudes he posseses that may be contrary to your roots {fir trees}?. This may be associated with your mother. Does he get annoyed at you for some reason? This dark aspect that you have rejected is most likely the message that the dream wants to address and make you consciously aware. There are probably feelings of guilt somewhere in your life. Where would that be?

Where in your life do you feel a need to punish yourself? You keep banging your head against the reflection {window} of this shadow person with. Losing your husband to this dark aspect probably means the opposite. You may be losing him inspite of this side of you, a side that you refuse to open up to.
The last part of the dream probably is addressing the negative feelings having to do with this 'dark' person within. The suicide is a desire or need to kill off parts of yourself that you may feel as inadequate. Part of the solution lies within yourself having to do with recognizinf those rejected aspects I have mentioned. Another part of the solution may have to do with your husband, a need for him to be more understanding and comforting toward you. The death in your dream has to do with changes, changes that would come about if he were to be that person in the last sentence of your dream, 'as I died in his arms he said he loves me, and I felt loved'. This is not a real death of your person but an aspect of the person you are.

Having said what I have said in my interpretation, and before reading your summary, I believe the statement comfirms what the dream is trying to address, 'being brought up in a man hating environment with pre conceived ideal of men'. Does those preceived ideas also include sex? This is evidence that really life experiences, to do with your mother?, and now an influence on how you feel toward yourself today. I suggest you examine your attitudes toward men, and sex and see where that leads.
Your creation in your dreams of another person who best fits your husband may be a part of those mother influences that need to be analyzed, and changed {death/suicide is often symbolic of changes}. You make up this person to counter the real person you must comform to in your waking life. Kathy and Andrea address these things in their posts and have made some very valid points.

As for the Psychic Guide website and her suggestions, you hit it right with you response 'my ass!' Everyone can do with counceling sometime in their life but she misses the message of the dream. She takes the suicide as a literal fact. Although there may be periods of feelings of distress in your life the symbolic nature of dreams more often are metaphorical and seldom literal. And the rosemary tea with honey. Never tried that but I dare say it has little to do with how your dreams turn out. Does the Psychic Guide website offer their services for a fee?

Let me know your thoughts to my interpretation. It may take some more delving into to determine what exactly this shadow part of you is trying to communicate.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 55 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Re: My Husband, sex and suicide.

Thank you so much Gerard for looking at my dream for me, I wish i could express how much i appreciate it! I want to apoligise in advance if anything i say doesn't make sense or is typed wrong - i have a mild concussion at present, i dropped my pen under my desk at work and misjudged where i was and hense the bump on my head! so imbarrased!

To answer your first question, I was sexually assulted by my mothers husband for 5 yeasrs from the age of 11. I told my mother and she did nothing to stop him because she didn't want to be alone again. Just before my 16th birthday he pushed me too far and i told my sisters dad who was a cop and i then pressed charges (he pled guilty and got a suspended sentence which is BS!) My mother told me i brought it upon myself and that i asked for it. That I destroyed her life. Up untill pretty much exactly a year ago, to be able to see my family i had to pretend that nothing ever happened and if it was brough up my mother was the victim. I have a 4 year old daughter with my hubby and i took a photo of her in dress-ups, when i saw the photo i saw she wasn't a baby anymore and decided if i couldn't do it for myself i had to set things straight to protect her. So i wrote a letter and gave it to my mother myself. I told her i loved her but she has to accept the consequences of her choices and actions of the past. She chose him. She chose not to support me and that includes my daughter and my husband as they have to live with this also; and just as the article says that you put on the site, you never get over it and it really changes who you are. (if you do have and questions in regards to this i don't mind if you ask, i'm not ashamed, it wasn't my fault, they had a responsability as adults and parents and simply should know better.)

I feel my husband is nothing like what i was brought up to believe about men. For one He is my Husband! I thought i was destined to be a single mother. I have no doubt he loves me, he laughed at the Psychic Guild interpretation and just told me not to be upset, he knows my heart. He does you know, he'll answer me when i was thinking about saying something to him and i hadn't even said it yet, spooky! Today when I hit my head, he walked to my work which took him half an hour and it's mid summer here,(30 degree heat, don't know the conversion for you sorry! but thats damn hot! elderly people die from that here!)because i couldn't drive and i didn't want to leave my car at work overnight. He was so sweaty, yuck ,but i hugged him anyway! We don't even fight, no yelling, just talking< maybe crying from me- too emotional. My mothers relationships were and are the complete opposite. When my hubby and i angry at eachother we make sure that the other knows that we love them no matter what,and it's the same when we rouse on our daughter. The anger never lasts long, somethimes i think that is bad because we forget about what is bothering us before it is sorted out and therefore it arises again. I do feel alot of pressure from my husband in regards to sex. I can be hot and cold alot and he takes it personally. I'm really bad at communicating how i feel, bottle it up, so I feel that he doesn't understand how i feel, i've tried to explain how i feel and what i'm going through with pamphlets on sexual assult, but at the same time i know i don't really give him a chance. I dead set believe that talking about it isn't going to make it fixed or go away, it happened, theres not time machine, so just get on with it and not think about it as much as you can. No, i never had councelling, tried but i only talked about stuff bothering me at the time, never that. No point.
Bad attitude, i know.

And Punnishing myself, I actually liked that part of the dream, felt good, as a teen i used to cut myself, i know it's quite common, helps you to feel better, the phisical pain of it. I stopped when my hubby did it to himself and asked me how i felt about him hurting himself like that. I stopped, still want to do it but now i just think why hurt myself when i have so many people doing it to me? I need to support myself espically those times i only have myself.

(Sound screwed up? bet you all can relate at some point.)

I think my mother only told me she loved me once, thats all i can remember. I used to asked my sisters dad for hugs and he'd say no (and wonders why i don't want to talk to him) i felt like an inco and never could do anything to please them. I was verbally and psycally abused by my mother also. So pretty much i'm a piece of shit. Don't worry i know better, I like myself and i'm proud of myself, still need to forgive myself for some dumb things i did as a teen. (I thought i had to have sex with my boyfriends to make them love me and i was very promiscuis, just the wrong attitude, sex wasn't sacred to me. It was always around me in disucssions and pornography and what happened for 5 years.)
I hate my mum because she felt she was more important than me, she let her second husband do what he did, and she took away my real dad by lying to him, saying she was pregnant to my sisters dad with me, and then chased him away because he never loved her and was only with her coz of me, and then my sister. And i hate him for being more important and leaving my sister and i with an abusive, alcoholic mother espically when he told me thats the reason why he left also. Children are so precious and fradgile they need to be loved and nurtured and to know that they are a blessing, they never asked to be brought here, that's a parents selfish desire, they owe us nothing we owe them everything. I didn't ask to be brought here and wrongly was i taught to belive i owe them everything? And it's hard to release yourself from this damaging conditioning, but i'm trying but deep inside when it's fight or flight it trys to convince you otherwise.

(good news: head not hurting so much!!!)

I really don't understand the tree thing, but most stood out were the trunks; my dream dictionary just goes on about branches but it does mention" The branches of a tree represent different sides of our personality, the wider they are , the more gregarious and generous you will be."If i applied the last part of the statement to the tree trunks i could see in my dream (the trees weren't exaggerated at all, pretty much exactly prepotioned to what they would be in reality if well established and quite old, they were like a pine tree, native to Australia) could that mean that i should be less generous which goes back to what Andrea was saying?

I don't know about the attractive bit, i didn't even pick up on that, ta. I just typed the dream out as i could see it in my head i didn't even realise i said she was tall.

Maybe my subconcious made her attractive so i would be more open to accepting her. She wasn't a bad person, just became my competitor. Maybe not a even a shadow, didn't feel that way, i cared enough about her to give her my husband. I described her as having dark hair which can represent the shadow, attractive and thin, which easily, loosly describes me. I have dark hair, (this may sound conceted but not ment to be) i know that men do find me attractive,(even told more than twice today; though it makes me feel uncomfortable and an object, they look at my face and body not me, and when they do i'm too high maintence for them because of what happened to me, i tell them because it's better they find out from me not someone else or me flipping out from a trigger, has happened, i was followed by a man in the shopping centre and he came up to me and said i was beautiful and i told him to get away from me, started crying histerically and grabbed my daughter and ran away! i was with some friends but i left them behind, i was ok as i bumped into my hubby's big bro and he calmed me down and stayed with me. Couldn't go out in public without my husband for months after that.) And i'm too thin, as i keep being told! I've drempt of my husband having an affair a while ago and when i saw who it was with, it was me!(wouldn't mind you looking at that one too one day- it's shorter so don't panic!) Could it be me, another part of me in a less obvious way? Maybe me if i was normal, not tainted, i refer to myself this way to my Husband alot.

I just wanted to say i do have a very supportive family, my husbands brothers and Mum and Dad.
I get hugs wether i like it or not! I'm told that i'm loved and that they are proud of me and i'm apart of the family. I can go to them for anything including a home. Has happened twice before. We don't always agree but we're there for eachother no matter what. They accept me for all that i am, and thats all any of us want.

I hope my ideas, statements, and past history can give you some clarity. Thanks for your support in regard to the Psychic guild and yes they do charge you! and too much even if it was done properly! I e-mailed them and made a complaint, i'm not surprised, they haven't replied. I'll just keep sending it. Also i'm going to e-mail a related Australian publication that has promoted the organisation, to let them know about the situation. Thank you so much Gerard, truly inspirational.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 23, Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

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