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murdering mother

Hello everybody. I have just discovered this website and am so excited about it. I have always remembered my dreams and have been fascinated with this area of life. I want to submit about fifty dreams right now, but I will start with one... First, a little background: I am 28 years old and am currently in China teaching English. While I have been here, I have had a few self discoveries and am learning what is truly important to me and what direction I want to take my life in. I have been doing a lot of reading and writing and questioning about this world, my country, people in general, and as always, myself. I have realized that teaching English is not what I want to do, but that I want to go to school to learn about psychology (and have interests in just about every other subject. I think, when dealing with psychology, the more areas of life you understand, the more it helps you to understand the psyche.) Anyway, I am not sure what else you would need to know to help me with interpretations, so I will finally begin my dream.
I was sleeping in a room that was unfamiliar to me. I don't think it was a bedroom, although there was a bed in it. I heard my mother calling me from the other side of the door. As I walked to the door, I said outloud, "I am the year of the goat." (I am not the year of the goat and didn't know if there was one until I researched it the next day.) When I got to the door, I thought she might have a knife and then dismissed the thought as suddenly as it came to me. When I opened the door, she had a big knife in her hand. I hesitated for a second from confusion, then tried to shut the door. She pushed the knife through the door, got her arm around me and pulled me into it. I could feel the knife inside me and everything went into slow motion. She was moving me from side to side, as if trying to get the knife in deeper. I looked up at her face but she was not looking at me. She was looking straight ahead without any expression. I wasn't angry at her, or even very scared, just completely confused and sad with one question constantly running through my mind, "Why?" I could feel the life draining out of me and thought, well, I guess I will find out what happens after death, like even at death there was something to look forward to learning, even though I didn't want to die yet. Then I decided to pretend I was dead before I actually was so that she would stop. Then I woke up.
I could still feel where she had stabbed me and could recall all of the feelings and sensations I had when dreaming for awhile afterwards. This was a few days ago. I feel like there are some strong messages in this dream that I need to learn, but can't quite grasp them.
Any ideas?
Thanks for reading!
Peace,
Gwendolyn

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28/ currently in China (for one year) From Oregon

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: murdering mother

hi gwendolyn,
has somebody got it in for you?
firstly,
what was your relationship with your real mother like?
does it compare to the symbology in the dream?


older people in dreams,like a mother can be personal to you,or collective,the great mother,
if an elder ,wiser aspect turns against you ,
it could mean ,
something that you have built into yourself that is not condusive to your spiritual/psychological wellbeing.
in myth these figures , give good advice and wisdom to aid you on your journey.

the feeling i got personally from your dream was one of betrayal,
do you feel that you have been betrayed ,
or do you feel you are betraying yourself,
i say this because of your comments on,
not doing really what you want to do,this would be,
not following your bliss,but doing only what others require of you ,
interestingly enough,goat people need freedom and independance to survive
(i know ,i am a goat myself,)
the fact you shouted ,i am a goat at your mother would suggest a need for this in your relationship with your mother or more likely some other mother figure.
this figure could be anything that nurtures and protects, a religion,a belief system,a club,a group,
these are just a few of my thoughts ,
i am sure that others will also give their thoughts also,
please feel free to feedback.
regards steve.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 50 uk

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} m

Re: murdering mother

Steve,
Thank you for your insight. My first thought when I had the dream, was that my mother would be more symbolic than literal because we have always gotten along quite well, but I have been thinking a lot about some things you wrote and I am beginning to see some other connections. I think there is more than just one message here.
I learned a big lesson 6 months ago that part of the reason why we get along so well is because I learned very young how to appear the way she wants me to be, to keep the peace. (That trait was one that I used with everyone and has made me feel very lost in many parts of my life. I am so glad I became aware of it and have the opportunity to change!) When I made a decision that she didn't approve of, she became very irrational and I truly wonder if she had a bout of temporary insanity when she realized she couldn't control me anymore. Since then, we have been 'back to normal' in her eyes, although I am still baffled by it all. It was your comment of 'doing what others require of you' that brought that little memory back.
In a more global sense, I have been waking up to all kinds of realities lately of what is happening in our world, our country, and people in general. It seems to me everyone lives in a state of fear, driven by fear, and doing all they can to stay ignorant of anything that might challenge them to care. People seem to react as my mother did, and I have been wondering so often lately, "Why?" I think that is the connection from my mom on a personal level and my feeling that the dream offered insight on a larger whole.
The information on the year of the goat makes perfect sense. I have spent my life being very independent. Since I have been here, I have been struggling with the fact I can't even mail a letter without waiting for someone to help me. So, yes, I so miss my freedom and independence!
So, I think what I should take from this is, continue to search inside myself for what resonates with my true self and put aside the judgements of others, do what I must to gain more independence where I am (like learn the chinese already!), and maybe it is confirmation that I am headed in the right direction of wanting to go to school to pursue these interests o'mine.
I love dreams! Thank you for your help. If you have any other thoughts, please let me know!
wan an,
Gwendolyn

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28/ currently in China (for one year) From Oregon

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: Re: murdering mother

hi gwendolyn
your right ,there may be a few messages in the dream,one symbol is worth a thousand words,the saying goes,
i think you have a good understanding to what your dream is saying,if your like the rest of us,we just struggle to find the right words,but practice makes perfect.
a quote from joseph campbell.
if you follow your bliss,(go where your heart and soul really want to go)you put your self on a kind of track thats been waiting for you all along,
and the life you are living is the one you ought to be living somehow.
if you follow it,you will come into contact with people in the field of your bliss,and doors will open where you didn't expect,follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
joseph campbell is a great man,
i can recomend his book,the power of the myth,if you have not already read it.
to me it was a life saver,and helped me understand ,whats really going on.

regards steve

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 50 uk

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} m

Re: murdering mother

Hi Gwendolyn,

I have been reading your progress on interperting your dream. You are right in your recent understanding of what has been happening between you and your mother, however, my first thought about your dream was that this was a past life episode. I believe we are brought back together lifetime after lifetime until we are able to work out the karmic patterns we created. Could you be working out karma with your mother?

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} f

Re: murdering mother

Hello kd,
I also believe in past lives and coming back with a lot of the same people to learn and grow. I feel sure that my mom is one of them and that she has had a big effect on me and will help me to overcome some of my issues. When you spoke of it relating to a past life issue, is this how you meant?
Thank you for your thoughts!
Take care,
G

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28/ currently in China (for one year) From Oregon

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: Re: murdering mother

Hi Gwendolyn,

Yes, that is exactly what I was trying to tell you.

I have had to deal with my own karmic crap with a family member this lifetime. We were husband and wife in our last lifetime and he was/is a very abusive soul. I had taken a path with him then and in this lifetime I had to overcome the power he had over me, and let me tell you it has been "HELL". However, I am glad to say today that I have dealt with a lot of the pain and afflictions layed upon me by him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. The horror of it all lasted about a year, (on the inner, in my dreams), which reflected a lot of fear out here. I as soul, agreed to take this journey of clearing up the karmic garbage that it had created. Many people talk about their nightmares, and what they don't realize is that it is karmic. It is being resolved, or at the least, being worked through.

Take care
kd

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} f

Re: murdering mother

Hi Gwendolyn,

I am posting this response without reading Steve's interpretation, intentionally; and I'll keep it brief.

From mymemory you are separated from your biological mother (?by death I think). Well this smay fit well - death is the realm beyond, we have crossed over ,,, through a door (portal) as some would put it.
Even from the other side (of the door) there are wounds ,,, this issue of your mother is still twisting inside of you. Perhaps it is so much a part of you that you are numb to it now ,,,, you don't feel any pain.
She is rocking, or swaying like a mother and child might.
You pretend you are dead - that this area of you has no meaning fo you

I would appreciate our thoughts
gotta go,
all the best
JC

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 47 Brisbane Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Re: murdering mother

Hey JC,
I think it is true that I am affected by my mother's death more than I can feel. Numb is how I have felt about it for a very long time. (It wasn't her in my dream though, it was my mother who raised me. I haven't had a dream about Charleen since I was 12 and don't have any memories of her anymore.) It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I allowed myself to begin to feel some of it- it's a really long story. I also learned a lot of not so good things about my mother who raised me. I have no judgements of her and love her as much as I always have, but know that something has changed within me. The feelings that I had in the dream when looking at her while she was doing this to me were so incredibly strong. Maybe,...oh! I have felt betrayed by her in so many ways, but I have always had this attitude that I can take any kind of burden and I will always be okay. So, I have never stood up for myself as much I should, etc. because I always think things like, I can handle it, they can't. But maybe I am not supposed to have to handle it! Wow, there's an idea, eh? Oh, I do have some writing I need to do...
Thank you for your thoughts on this. I am going to do some thinking on this for awhile.
(I had another strange dream I am about to post, as well )
Graciously,
Gwendolyn

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28/ currently in China (for one year) From Oregon

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

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