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Recurring dream of first love

i have been having recurring dreams about my first love/boyfriend for several years. I started having a crush on him when I was 11 and we dated off and on and finally disconnected when I was about 23. I always pursued him and he was never completely available to me..but alwasy manipulated me back into his life..he was very charming and there was a lot of chemsitry between us..but it was over all very unhealthy. His name is Brian and I later fell in love with and married a Brian who I am still with. They have some similar personality traits and similar features.
So the dream someitmes varies but the usual theme is that I'm trying to get in contact with the first love either by phone or trying to find where he lives because I want to see him and have him in my life again. In the dream I have forgotten that I am married and towards the end of the dream it is like I suddenly remember I am happily married to Brian and that I dont' need to original Brian any longer. Sometimes the two even morph into each other in that the first Brian will be in the dream and will turn into my husband.
This dream has really been bothering me and I just wondered if anyone has any ideas what it coudl symbolize for me. I havn'et had any contact with this man in nearly 10 years.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Midwest

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Re: Recurring dream of first love

Sounds like you may be letting go of the old Brian. What do you think?

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Re: Re: Recurring dream of first love

Well, I thought I had let go of him..but maybe not completely..I think that there is something in the dream that is really about me..just don't know what it means. Thanks for replying.

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Replying to:

Sounds like you may be letting go of the old Brian. What do you think?

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Midwest

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: Recurring dream of first love

Hi Jen,
You are correct in that dreams do generally speak in symbols about the dreamer. The addtional personal information you provided is greatly appreciated. This information provides for a much more indepth look at the symbols. Reocurring dreams are significant in that the unconscious tends to repeat messages until the conscious recognizes the internal issue.

Perhaps kd's comment about letting go of prior Brian apply here and there is also much in the dream about you.

If you're unfamiliar with Joseph Cambell's work (I'm only in the initial stages of exploring his work...) please take a moment to reference the pages here on MDS to get a better feel for what this dream may be showing you. Doing this will help you understand what the Mythic Journey is and what I believe the dream message could be. Perhaps start with The Power of Myth page.

I believe this dream may speak to the Mythic Journey. The call to Journey being the repeated attempts to contact your first creative love symbolized by Brian. The Journey is living a real authentic life, the life you were meant to live, through doing what you love...your first creative love. The dream depicts desire to have this in your life again. Is there a creative expression you dabbled in however due to demands of societal life fell by the wayside? We receive the call in our youth, however most of us do not heed or follow this natural inclination. Perhaps this is why the unconscious chose Brian the ex, as you fell in love with him at the age of 11, a time when perhaps the first call came to you.

Suddenly remembering your happily married to husband Brian & not needing ex Brian could be conscious knowledge of the societal life, the inauthentic life, and the constant social message to live the societal life rather than the creative authentic life. (NOT saying your marriage to Brian is this, only that this is SYMBOLIC in the Psyche). The two morphing into one is perhaps the solution, the two lives, social and authentic, can exist at the same time and be the best outcome for now.

I'm interested in your thoughts. This is not as detailed as could be and I apologize however limited time this morning & gotta dash. Perhaps if you can respond we can look deeper into this dream and develop an interpretation that fits with you. As it goes, interpretation must fit with the dreamer, look for an Aha! feeling & if none, the interpretation could be way off.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

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Re: Re: Recurring dream of first love

Wow Kathy..I really appreicate your thought into this interpretation..I think you coudl be on to something in that although I'm very happy with my life and don't want to give up my marriage and family..I do at times feel something is missing and that I'm not doing what I truly shoudl be doing..the problem is ..I don't know exactly what that is..but definitely at times feel the void. This has caused major anxiety for me at times as I felt that this must mean there is something wrong with my relationship or that deep down I am unhappy and not being honest with myself..but I htink the idea that I'm missing somehting is more on target and the meshing of the two lives together is what I truly need..thanks so much for your feedback..I will give this some thought and see what comes to me!!
Kindly,
Jenny

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Midwest

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Re: Re: Recurring dream of first love

Kathy..one other hting that I thought of that coudl be a part of htis is that I began losing my vision around the age of 13/14 when this Brian was a big part of my life. I was quite a talented piano player, Suzuki trained for ten years, and I stopped lessons when I was 16, but as my vision has gotten worse, I have been unable to read music and that part of my life is something that I can no longer do to my full potential. That is what i thought of when you mentioned creativity.
Food for thought!

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 32 Midwest

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: Recurring dream of first love

Jen,
Kathy presents sound advice in her interpretation of the symbols and motifs in your dream. Look at her suggestions and compare them to your waking life. If there is something that fits you will recognize it, it is something that has been stored away from the conscious mind but unconsciously it still exists. It comes to you in your dreams.

You mentioned that the relationship with the original Brian was over all very unhealthy and he could manipulate you. Perhaps the relationship wounded your inner psyche, as well the outer ego-self, and you are still trying to heal those inner wounds. Their may be lingering injury to your animus. Brian {1 & 2} could represent himself but also be symbolic of your own masculine self. The dream would be addressing not only the conscious attitudes you mentally recognize, the actual relationship with Brian, but also the unconscious attitudes, those aspects that make up the total self. Once you understand Jung's concept of the psyche, compare it to your ego driven personality and see if it fits. If there is an injured masculine aspect, not yet healed, the men in your dream could represent your masculine self more so than the two physical Brians.

The unhealthy aspect, look at that. And the manipulation. A big part of your person and your personality were formed from the relationship with the original Brian, the first love. 'Inner-wise' your first love would be a whole masculine self, a healthy functioning animus, the you before the relationship with the first Brian. That may be a primary focus of the dream. All dreams deal with both inner and outer aspects. Your dream may be focusing as much on the inner.

Kathy gives great advice about Joseph Campbell. I believe we all want to find meaning in life and Campbell best articulates where to find, and how to understand what 'meaning' is. Through myth, and ultimately through Jung, Campbell presents us with a knowledge that is inherently understood if we can only discipline ourselves to listen to 'the call' instead of being so focused on the material-ego driven life. The journey is life and when we understand that the patterns in myth are the patterns of our human lives, there is new inspiration in life, and meaning is established. Campbell is a master storyteller. He articulates the often difficult philosophical language of Jung into terms where an inquistive mind will understand. It doesn't take an Einstein, this knowledge is inherent {see innate geometrical senses-We’re all hard-wired for geometry for other inherent knowledge}. Campbell is our eyes to seeing and understanding this knowledge, or Gnosis.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 55 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Re: Recurring dream of first love

Hi Jen,
Dream messages or communication are multi-fold. A single dream usually has several different and entirely relevant interpretations. The unconscious can communicate on many levels simultaneously as it is not bound by conscious ‘reality’. This is why Gerard’s post/interpretation is absolutely relevant to the dream message(s).

This does at first seem complicated and self work is not without ‘growing pains’. However, by way of Gerard’s creative Bliss, Myths-Dreams-Symbols, and in depth knowledge of he and the others here on the Forum, a great deal of guidance, support and exceedingly useful information is available to those who meet that inner feeling of “incompleteness” and desire to become whole. I thought to perhaps clarify why you would receive two interpretations where both look to issues your Self asks you to address.

In thinking about the dream and interpretations you’re starting down a long path of self discovery that will lead you to what you seek. Perhaps working both to heal your animus and toward discovery of new creative Bliss you can move a little closer to filling that void.

Being forced to give up that wonderful creative Bliss of playing the piano could very well be again coming to consciousness. This same outer aspect, lack of creative expression, was missing in my own life and only recently rediscovered that creativity and Bliss.

"I always knew that one day I would take this road but yesterday I did not know today would be the day."
Nagarjuna

Thanks ever so much,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

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