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Cheating (yes, yet again another one!!) and dildo.

My husband is sitting in the living room. Instead of wanting to make love, he throws me a big, fat, rubber dildo.

(The Scene Changes)

Now, I walk into a large lecture hall. I spot my husband.

He is wearing white. It makes him look pale, weakened, not himself- very faded out, almost sickly and wasting away.

I climb up the stairs to his seat.
I go sit in the seat next to him- but he has chosen two seats with a big block of wood dividing us.
On his other side is seated a petite blonde named Kate.
There is no block of wood between their seats and he seems to have established an intimate relationship with her.
I sense this and begin speaking to my husband in another language that I hoped she would notunderstand.
He seems to tune me out and she responds instead.
I feel a deep, hurt, uncontrollable jealous rage that tears me up inside.
He holds my hand and I am momentarily deceived into believing we are an item again.
Suddenly, he gets up, shakes my hand and says, "Sorry".
I realize he is apologizing to Kate for temporarily backsliding with me. He gets up and walks out of the lecture hall and I understand it is over between us.
In addition to the jealous rage, I feel abandoned.

(Scene changes)

I leave and find myself in a cafeteria. There is a woman there and two men. They see me crying so they try to distract me to make me feel better and comfort me. They do this by talking about the menu.
One of them says the sandwiches are awful. Another says, "yeah, you have to drink Coors beer to wash them down."
Strangely, at this point, their sincere efforts to make me feel better do make me feel better.
I wake up feeling like my husband's relationship with Kate and dumping me for her was real. I feel the same emotions all over again.
Also, in the dream I was thinking, "I wish I had spent more time in our engagement getting to know him, rather than just having fun, so I wouldn't be in this situation now".

Clearly, my unconscious keeps spinning out dreams of my husband cheating on me, and occasionally, though less, dreams of me cheating on him. It's happening too frequently for me to ignore it. I'm looking at this series of cheating/abandoning dreams on three or four levels:

First Level
Literally: Maybe in some way my husband is cheating on me or cheating me of something and abandoning me and vice versa. (I am not cheating on him.) But maybe I'm abandoning him in some way too? Maybe some of the insensitive things my husband may sometimes inspire feelings of jealous and these dreams are bringing them up to help heal them in a safe way.

Second Level
Gestalt: All aspects of the dream reflect parts of my psyche. On some level I am cheating and abandoning myself. Or some part of me is doing so at the expense of the wellbeing of my inner life

Third Level
Unresolved Trauma: I tried to think of times in my life when I felt the same emotions these dreams cause me to feel. I thought about my childhood, and I was very jealous of my younger sister because my parents favored her and didn't hide that fact from us.

Fourth Level
Myth or Collective Unconscious: The feelings of such intense jealous made me think of the Electra complex for some reason, though its my husband and not my father. Maybe as a child I was overly attached to my father and somehow didn't feel he was as there for me as I needed on some level, he was sometimes critical of me. And maybe my husband is somehow subconsciously representing a paternal figure, though I think that would make our relationship very codependent.

None of these interpretations have totally resonated with me and I feel there is still a big mystery that is hidden from me, is painful and my unconscious is repeatedly and painfully trying to bring to my attention. (Very creative how it reversed the cheating/faithful husband scenario with friends. Its trying to tell me something important in a number of different ways.)

I hope you can help me work through these dreams because I'm still feeling lost and it's clear that something big is going on with me. (I mentioned before I've been having these types of dreams since I've gotten married...its been months and months and months....


Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: Cheating (yes, yet again another one!!) and dildo.

Hi May
You have obviously put a lot of thought into these dreams and are familiar with aspects of the psyche.

As I started to read it some thoughts come and maybe this will start things off with a different perspective. As you say it, the significance must resonate for you.

Even the title of the post and content of the dream - 'cheating' , and the dildo - these all speak of the artificial, something that is not as it seems - how does this pertain to you ,,,, outer life and inner life

Are you dark haired and 'not-petite' ,,, ? just wondering how the petite blonde fits in. She is another side of you that has the ear of the masculine.
Have you lost touch with your masculine energies,,, and can no longer hear this aspect of yourself (they apeak in another language).
Other aspects that the dream raises as I read it - have you felt abandoned by a significant male in your life. This may be your father ; or more less specifically but just as potent, your history with the masculine aspects (patriarchy).

As I am sure you know, repeating dreams are a signal that there is somethng that is worthwhile to your (overall) well being to know.
I know that it is also hard to keep going sometimes, that is the aspect of the hero ,,, all the best


Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Brisbane Australai 47

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} M

Re: Cheating (yes, yet again another one!!) and dildo.

Hi Justin,

Thanks for your post. I didn't think about the artificial aspect before until you mentioned it. Very interesting, I think that definitely is a factor. Also, I didn't realize that Kate and my husband have their own language. I think Kate may represent my 'higher self', my better side, my potential, or any number or combination of these things. I think I do need to strengthen a lot of my 'masculine' attributes, like focus, competitiveness, etc, in order to move forward and be where I need to be in life. I don't feel abandoned by patriarchy insomuch as it is a complementary aspect with and to matriarchy, I think they both have their value and place. What worries me is when patriarchy doesn't value feminine attributes, like intuition, receptivity, etc., and in that sense I do feel that yes, it has let me down. I think I mentioned before that my dad was rather critical of me growing up, but he has also really been here for me at the same time and I feel that I can rely on him if I need anything, even as an adult. Maybe these dreams are helping me work out feelings from childhood where I felt my parents favored my sister more than me and it really hurt. I remember being very jealous, and probably insecure too, and maybe somethings in my dynamic with my husband are bringing up these feelings. I still feel that in regards to these dreams there is still something I am missing.

Thanks for your insights, they helped me see things from a different angle and thanks for the questions you asked, they were very helpful in stimulating thought about the meanings of my dreams.

Thanks again and best regards,

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

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