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sexual betrayal

I have an ex-partner who is still a friend. I had this dream about him: (warning it is sexually explicit)

We were living together. Whilst going about out business in the house we could hear the sounds of somone moving in to an apartment that was attached to the house. My friend (male)disappeared and I found him talking to.introducing himself to, the new flat occupant. She was VERY attractive, sweedish, blonde, with plaits (sp?). She also had a young child. I had anxiety because she was so attractive.

Then the dream switch to us being in the bedroom during the evening. My friend was in a "proper" single bed, I was in a fold-up bed that was next to his. Then as we were nodding off to slepp, my worst fear came true. The Sweedish girl knocked on the door and then entered and made her way to my friends bed. She got naked - my friend was already naked (neither of them addressed the fact I was even in the room).

She reached out for his penis, which was errect...and before anything could pass between them sexually, he ejacualted simply by her placing her hand on his penis. I remember being devestated that she could be so attractive that he didn't even need to touch her before he was sexually gratified.

In the dream, he left me the next day for this woman, despite the fact we were still all living in the same house.

Help...it was awful.

cheers
Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

I know its cheating to add a second dream...but it is about the same person...so these dreams might be related. It appears also to be about betrayal or abandonment.

I was attending a conference in another state and asked my freind to come with me. I had a new born baby (I was not aware in the dream who the father of the baby was.) When I arrived at the conference with my friend, he held up two tickets to a football grand final and asked the crowed if thee was anyone who would like to go with him. I was offended and said well why wouldn't you ask me. When I tried to grab a ticket he snatched it back out of my hand.

We were meant to stay together at a backpackers...and bgan walking there. My friend stopped on a bridge to look at something and I kept walking. Onece I arrived at the backpackers i thought he would be there or just behin me...but he had gone and taken my baby with him. The rest of the dream was me frantically trying to find him (and the baby) though i was more concerned about finding him. I coudln't ring him because my mobile phone was playing up and his number had been erradicated..I didn't know where to look cause we were in a foreign place...I couldn't remember the other places we thought to stay...I couldn't get a lift with anyone to look...etc etc (all sorts of obstacles and stresses stopping me from finding him.)

This stress went on forever...and finally woke me up.

cheers
Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: Re: sexual betrayal

Hi Anna,

I have had somewhat similar dreams of my husband cheating on me with other women...although there isn't any sexual intercourse it seems implied by the dream....quite a few such dreams actually, and one of them also with a blonde (like the Swedish woman in your dream). Perhaps some of the similar symbols and themes would be helpful for you if you check out how people have responded to these dreams on the boards and see if their insights might help you as well too. I think most of these types of dreams I'm referring tohave the word 'cheating' in the title, so will be easy to find. You also mention the theme of abandonment and I've had that is well, usually in connection with the ' my husband is cheating' theme.

Hope this helps and best regards,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: sexual betrayal

With thanks May...I'll check them out.

cheers
Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

Anyone out there want to interpret at least one of these dreams???????????????????????????

Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

Hi Anna,
Apologies you have not received an interpreation yet. I intended to do this tonight but mid response to another post my daughter popped in for a moment which turned into much longer. Synchronicity? Was at that moment writing about mother & dauther connections.

If no one else responds by tomorrow evening I will look at this again & post. Many thanks for your patience.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: sexual betrayal

Anna,
My sincere apologies again. Life has again become more demanding of time and mind so this response is again delayed. I attempted to work on this after work the past two evenings but the rational mind wouldn't release and the physical was exhausted. I remain a bit on the rational side so this interpretation could be closer to off than on the mark.

Aspects of the inner Self, the Psyche, the feminine and masculine aspects as specific parts of Self joined in the Psyche. The noises are from past experiences. The apartment is a compartment within the unconscious. The power of the Feminine within and/or the dynamic between the two aspects. This feminine is still hidden within, yet to be brought to consciousness so to produce lasting effect on the conscious. The child as the inner child, that your true self as beautiful; and that it acts to bring together the feminine and masculine aspects for positive growth. It holds together the opposites, masculine and feminine, that are within you. Perhaps this signals a new reconciliation of previously conflicting forces are a new attitude toward life or your Self. Also possible dual symbolism of remaining true to the inner Self not allowing the influence of the outer ego. The anxiety you feel may be due to comparison of ego to the true Self, in that the ego comes up lacking or lesser in this comparison.

Possible symbol of the link between conscious and unconscious through dreams, the unconscious content accessed through dreams. The fold up bed, or cot, could symbolize temporary and/or a pun cot meaning caught. Perhaps you are experiencing a cycle of alternate masculine/feminine aspects in outer expression/ego, in which you feel caught but really only temporary. Preparing to wait in calm strength, to bide ones time, increasing development of the inner Self, until the proper moment. The feminine waiting until the proper time to exert influence without conscious effort to bring the masculine and feminine in proper order or the proper masculine trait. Perhaps a fear of revealing your true Self.

A desire or action to integrate the masculine aspect could be premature with the resultant effect being the inner Self unable to fully integrate the required masculine. Even though the masculine resides within would remain apart and fully ineffective. Also, possibly leaving the feminine unsatisfied with the result.

That the potentiality is within you perhaps taking the time beforehand to search your inner Self for the proper masculine aspect or trait you require would effect a better outcome in the inner Self. A clue to what your inner Self requires may be found in the masculine traits your friend possess. That your unconscious chose this person as symbolic could indicate an unconscious recognition of this masculine trait within him that you require. By remaining confident in your inner strength and relying on your ability to recognize this masculine trait, and integrating when the proper time comes you will achieve what you require.

The second dream does appear related. The feminine invitation to integrate the masculine is accepted and consciously perceived as a new development. However, that the masculine intends championship, to dominate, as competitive of Self at the detriment of the feminine and the whole. The masculine seizes control from the feminine, by dominating entrance to the inner Self. Stopping on the bridge would be not complete integration, standing alone. The masculine also takes this new development for itself depriving the feminine and the inner Self. Frantic searching could be the result of trying to integrate this inappropriate masculine or hastening integration too quickly resulting in obstacles in Self work and life in general.

I hope this helps. I look forward to your thoughts and feedback. And if this is not close pleae don't hesitate to respond. I'm off to the forest to rejoin the Mother which 'centers' me. Perhaps with your thoughts and my refound intuition this will become more clear.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: sexual betrayal

Oh my goodness Kathy...thankyou sooooo much. This was a mammoth effort on your part, and profound in the extreme in terms of where I am at.

My unconscious has certainly chosen this person....and is working through something in relation to him (as I beleive he is working through something in relation to me...). It has been a rollercoaster for both of us...yet neither one can lt go. A sure sign the work our psyche's are doing is not yet complete. Quite simply; I do not know who I am in relation to this person...if that makes sense.

As for my own psyche...there are a significant number of your statements that ring true...I have certainly been "cut off" from sinificant and important aspects of myself....feminine aspects and sexual aspects. Also, I have a dominant thinking function that is consistently "overcome" by my emotions....and I am working to balance this - with great difficulty. So, is it that the "dance" going on here between male and female figures is an attempt to find such a balance within myself?

I had a follow up dream (with the same person) that i think also reflects what you are saying; the dream was simply that this male was saying to me "why do you always wear cloths that a "square" instead of "rounded"; you need to wear flowing cloths and not suits."

Wow...how relevant is this to what you have written!!

Thanks for your generosity.
Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

Just to add to that: two aspects of what you wrote seem highly pertineant.

1)Perhaps a fear of revealing your true Self. (I also had a dream that he enetered my room with a thesppain mask on...after which my therapist - though with no knowledge of the dream - gave me a poem titled masks...about valuing and revealing yourself beyond one's persona. ie I have problems with intimacy.)

2) A clue to what your inner Self requires may be found in the masculine traits your friend possess. (This male is the complete opposite of me in all regards...so much so his behaviour often upsets me - espcially his promiscuity - I am not sure what trait I need to integrate...).

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

And, just thinking about it more...the second dream analysis seems spot on...feminine aspects of myself ARE dominated by masculine aspects...and I think my payche is working hard to recify this...(although with utter turmmoil in my outer life). And, my male friend seeks highly "feminine" qualites...and seems to demand these from me...as hard as they are to arise in myself. Does that make sense?

Thanks again - Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

Oh Oh Oh...and also...you mention an inadequte masculine aspect...could it be an inadequate feminine aspect. (I also had a follow up dream that i was having sex with al sorts of women ...is this my feminine aspect expanding or aspects of my feminine side integrating...)

(sorry for the multiple responses...but your interpretation has sparked of a deluge of thoughts...and I just wanted to sahre them with you..)

cheers
Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Re: sexual betrayal

Hi Anna,

No apologies necessary! Self work brings many questions. I've asked many questions here and undoubtedly will ask many more. It's a learning process. We're here to help and support each other as we travel the path.

We develop masks or ego/personas throughout our lifetimes. The ego is necessary; it’s an ‘interface’ with others, with society, with physical ‘reality’. It allows us to integrate, communicate in given situations in society. An issue develops when the ego is developed from the outside in rather from the inside out. From outer influences opposed to from the inner Self. This creates the unbalance, reflecting society rather than living from within. The thespian mask, in the dream, could symbolize that your ego mask is masculine, you hide your masculine aspect OR that your masculine aspect must hide it’s true nature to be accepted within. It’s through Self work in Individuation that we are able to first recognize we have developed masks from without, identify those masks, to then begin peeling them away to reveal and live the true self.

It’s been said that what bothers us most about others is what we fear the most about ourselves. I often remind myself of this when I encounter others that I find ‘bothersome’. That along with a quote:

"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


I look to the trait’s this person presents which I dislike so can identify these traits I myself may possess or develop if I don’t pay attention to my inner Self. And that if I was to walk this person’s path would I be any different? Meaning, we’re all subject to the psychology of individual life experiences and that without attuning to the inner voice these act to shape the ego away from our true Self.

You mention you have an issue with intimacy while your friend is promiscuous. That these two issues are what you think of could be a key indicator. As opposites, possibly two extremes of the same issue, perhaps what your unconscious seeks is a balance, a mid point. Women in male dominated societies can develop a negative masculine aspect rather than a positive due to the constant centering on the masculine. Possibly thinking about exactly why your masculine is dominant is a good start. Start with childhood and work forward. Perhaps there are life events where you had to rely on the masculine that then resulted in a negative masculine to remain dominant.

Bringing an issue to consciousness is an initial step in Self work. Once the conscious is aware of the issue the unconscious can then begin a gradual process of resolution. As Gerard, Justin & Steve recently reminded me change comes gradually, in imperceptible whispers. And that it can not be forced, it will come when we are ready. Many gentle nudges effect the desired result rather than attempting catastrophic shifts which result in ‘turmoil’.

And yes, there could be an issue with an undeveloped feminine aspect. Sex with females can hold different meanings. For me it depends on the ‘tone’, or emotions, of the dream. If the dream has an overall calm/peace/acceptance feel then I interpret the dream as that of union and acceptance, integration. If the dream has negative emotions then, again for me, I see it as identifying an area I need to bring to consciousness and begin working with.

Best regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Re: sexual betrayal

With thanks Kathy..

all this rings (apparently) true...

my ego mask has surely been masculine...and this is changing (in whispers as you say) in this relationship.

As for the relationship...I think you said something most profound...you said: "You mention you have an issue with intimacy while your friend is promiscuous. That these two issues are what you think of could be a key indicator. As opposites, possibly two extremes of the same issue, perhaps what your unconscious seeks is a balance, a mid point." This is surely true...I have often reflected that he and I "click" because we are seemingly different, but really the same. If that makes sense... I think it is this...i am waiting for him to become that masculine figure that my masculine aspect should be.

Also...the themes in these dreams are recurring...I had one almost identical the other night...of not being able to get through to this male - cause I was drunk...and my phone wouldn't work etc... Guess it is a slow process....


cheers
Anna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

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