Hi,

I have some general questions about dreams. The first one requires some background. For a little over a year now my mom has been having nightmares about me. My sister told me that her nightmares are ONLY about me. That was her response when I said that dreams reflect the dreamer. She meant, I am the only subject of her nightmares. (God, that sounds horrible.) I would prefer to hold an exclusively Jungian view that dreams and especially nightmares about soley about the inner life of the dreams. Here's why:

Last year my mom dreamt that my apartment was filled with black furniture. All the objects in it, everything in it, was black, including the people. For her, black is the color of mourning, of death, of endings, etc. She honestly freaked me out with her tone of voice and her dream symbolism. I was worried about her, but I was also afraid of spending a lot of time in my apartment. Because of that dream, I ended up spending less time there, and one day when I was out, a florescent light fixture that was hanging in the kitchen ceiling fell to the ground and smashed into many, many tiny slivers of sharp glass. That kitchen was very small and if I had been in it, I would literally have been under the thing when it fell and gotten hurt. So, in a way, the dream was a harbringer (did I spell it right?) of doom and I moved apartments. When I was young my mom had an uncanny sense of intuition when one of her kids or my dad was having a bad day, or even a car accident.

The last time my mom called me she told me my life was in danger...in the same creepy tone. I decided not to pursue the conversation but I asked my sister later and that is when she said my mom is having nightmares, exclusively (how special for me) of me, and only me.

What might this mean? It's about my mom, right? Not about me?

The year before last she was diagnosed with cancer and began treatment a few months after that, chemo and radiotherapy...more of a reason to think the dreams are about her life. I am really worried about her, but also I do not want to be subjected to her dreams as if they were my life. It's so not realistic. Or fair. I'm wondering if she is using scare tactics to be controling because she doesn't approve of my major life decisions.

She really really scares me, and its because I put a lot of stock in 'mother knows best.' I am interested in knowing what children symbolize in dreams in general.

The other question is about the physiology of dreaming, so it is related to the first question. Can medication affect dreams? As in my mom's case? (I am making a guess here.) Also, sometimes I have nightmares where I am screaming and can't move...rare and not often... I can cope with these dreams. However, in the past I have had experiences where I can't move, and I'm sleep, and aware I'm sleeping, but I am not dreaming. It's horrible. Also, like a few days ago, I sometimes am asleep, and again, am aware I'm sleeping, but not dreaming and I'm screaming and I hear myself scream but I can't wake up. (The sound that I end up making is something like..mmmmmmmm, because I can't really open my mouth.) I think that happens alot but its only when my husband wakes me up that I'm more aware of it, though sometimes I become aware of it happening and wake myself up. What kind of a 'dream' or 'waking' state might that be???? This is totally different from dreaming I'm screaming. In those dreams, I know its a dream, there is no divided consciousness. Any ideas?

Third question. In my travels I had a host sister who I still keep up with via the internet . She told me she is taking antipsychotic medication. She only told me the name, so I looked it up on the internet. It is for schizophrenia. She has repeating dreams of taking showers in blood (ugg!) and a mean black dog. She said the medication was actually making things better. She thinks my mom's dreams are really about me. She thinks mother's know their kids better than anyone else. Any insight here? And I'm also curious about the repeating symbolizism she has.

Thanks so much. Best regards,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi May,

First question: The answers are not as clear cut as I sense you are seeking them to be. A person’s dreams are overwhelmingly about themselves, although on many levels such as personal, deeper meaning, collective, spiritual, etc. Within this, yes there can be rare experiences of precognitive dreaming. The precognitive dream/event can be of someone other than the dreamer. These are indeed the metaphysical aspect of the collective unconscious coming through the Psyche to the conscious. A spiritual connection we all share. So, the dream is most definitely about your mother, her life and Psyche. And possibly about the event that transpired or would have.

Second question: Check out the following site on Sleep Paralysis (SP). You may be experiencing SP episodes. From the information on the site I found it more common that I previously thought. It’s a great site with very indepth info & data.
A webpage about Sleep Paralysis

Third question:
As a mother of a 19 year old daughter, who recently the home to begin her own journey, at this point I feel I know her better than anyone else. Even though we share a close relationship as her life evolves away from the parental home I expect that her friends and mate would then know her better than I. Because I have been there, to date more than any single person other than her Self, through many of her life events has allowed a continuity of involvement combined with observation. Although I understand being cognizant of my own journey, and the Self work through MDS and self study, etc., I would not understand her psychology as well as I do now. I recognize in past I had ‘projected’ my fears, issues, what I wanted from life, etc on her and attempted to force her into a person not of her own making but of mine. So, I guess the answer is possibly, but note how parents can project their own psychological issues on their children and so color the parents perception of who the child really is. And much personal growth occurs after the child has left the home.

Repeating symbolism is significant in that if an issue is of great important the unconscious generally repeats the message until it’s understood to effect a solution. Sometimes exactly, or in a completely different symbolism still attempting to make the issue known. Some symbolism, in the collective archetypical sense, has the same meaning. However, I hesitate to comment on the meaning without having her post in her own words the entire dreams. I would be ‘guessing’ and likely not very accurate.

Hope this answers your questions.

Thanks much,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy,

Thank you so much for your response and for taking the time to answer my questions. I really appreciate it. It helped alot and clarified some things for me.

I do think that precognitive dreams can happen. And I don't doubt that people can have spiritual and intuitive connections with each other such that they can sense the situation of the other, as in the case of twins, mother-daughter, etc, etc.

I'm not sure my mother's dream about my apartment was precognitive though. She is going through a recovery from cancer and I would imagine that would influence her dreams greatly. Also, I think a safe foundation to start from is that dreams are generally about the dreamer. I think a dream may have all those levels you mention, but that wouldn't negate that it was generated by the psyche of the dreamer, so it has a lot to do with them first and foremost.

My mom may be sensing that I'm having difficulties or challenges, but I am wondering if she is just using fear to manipulate me to divorce my husband, who she doesn't approve of, and move back home, which she wants me to do. Of course I'm 35 years old and she would be just as miserable as I to having me live there, so this is very strange to me. Also, she comes from a very restrictive background and treats me like I'm twelve years old any way so this would be hell for me. I did make the mistake of telling her about some of the difficulties I had when I first got married. It was a serious situation that would concern any mother, but my husband and I are working things out on our own. Also, my mom told me my life is in danger. She didn't say its because of my husband and my spiritual decisions, but I believe thats what she intended, otherwise she could have said that for example she dreamed I tripped and fell and so should be careful watching my step, but she didn't say anything that was constructive or helpful for me and just left me with a generalized state of dread, anxiety and frustration, because I feel that maybe she does have an intuitive sense of my difficulties but is using that to be manipulative.

I am going to take my questions on step further. In Jung's book, Man and His Symbols, one of the coauthor states that some mother's can unconsciously cause accidents to their children and prevent them from marriage, especially son's. Its as if the unconscious makes manifest these things because of something to do with the mother. Like the falling florescent light fixture from my ceiling? Also, those are strong words, to be told, 'your life is in danger' by your mother on the basis of her dreams. Wouldn't it be more helpful for me to at this point just let her dreams be about her and focus on my inner process? Wouldn't my own unconcsious warn me if my life was in danger, if my husband was really the reason, and how to go about changing things for myself for the better? Especially since I am really listening to my dreams?


The link you sent was great. Thank you so much for that.

Sorry for the questions. I really would feel better getting clarity on these subjects. Thank you so much.
Best,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy,

I also wanted to add, I think part of my frustration and anxiety about my mom's dreams about me and this whole situation with her as things are right now is that she's always been intuitive, but she hasn't always been there for me when I needed her. There were times in my life when I really needed her and she may or may not have sensed it and didn't do anything. So now, when my life is finally going my way, and things are looking up for me, even though challenging, is she worried about me? Also, my situation is complex, because I did have difficulties in the beginning of my marriage, so in some ways my mom is 'right', but over all I'm wondering, can parent's also unconciously sabotage their children's happiness? This is kind of similar to what I wrote in the last post about mother's unconsciously causing their kid's accidents and not ever getting married. I can put up a quote of this part of the book if it helps. I feel so bad for being so negative about this, but it's how I feel. It just seems unfair that my mom is having these bad dreams that might really be about me, but isn't really helping me sort things out and is just scaring me and asking me to give up my journey to Selfhood. I think because of our complex relationship it is hard to be objective or have clarity.

Thanks so much,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi May,

I had preminision (right spelling I hope) dreams about the death of my mother 17 years before she died.
I was only 10 when I had that dream but I never forgot it. I couldn't make the sense out of it so for a long time I thought it was just a strange dream.
But it became relevant and clear as crystal when she died. I also dreamt about other relatives and myself but the dreams are so metaphoric sometimes that I know something is going to happen but don't know how to deal with it. I read somwhere that they are the warning dreams and the result is ment to be like the death of my mum you can't stop it. I belive dreams tell us something about the person we are dreaming relating to us and same time to them.
With regards to SP or something similar to that I had when I was a child but I also felt the heavy weight on my chest, unable to move or talk but I can't remember being a nightmare. My mom had her own theory about that paryed a lot and they never happend again.
Sweet Dreaming
Deena

Hi May,
I believe your question may be the answer to your questions…
Wouldn't it be more helpful for me to at this point just let her dreams be about her and focus on my inner process?

A part of the Journey is about identifying negative patterns and behaviours in relationships, including those of/with our parents and working through these issues. I think we all understand about parents. We’re sometimes unwilling or unable to see how these very important relationships deeply affect our adult lives. Then we realize what of their issues they passed on or subjected us to. Acknowledging and allowing your Self these feelings is healthy. It’s the guilt part that’s unhealthy as when warranted it’s natural to have negative feelings towards our parents. We don’t need to be the ‘good little girl’ and repress our true feelings. If you search your inner Self, does the conflict you feel come from the actual interaction with your mother OR the guilt you feel for having these feelings?

I’m familiar with the reference to Jung’s Man and His Symbols. You mention your new spiritual direction. Does this leave behind the religious beliefs of your mother? Is she devoutly religions? As you’re well aware, organized religion is more about power of control than about the Divine. Do your mother’s actions seem to be an expression, almost a desperate act, of her fear of losing control over you as you divine your own path and that path with your husband? Perhaps this is where her real issue lies.

And yes, I believe our unconscious will communicate all we want or need to know if we will listen. And you are listening.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

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Hi Kathy,

I really, really appreciate your response so much. I think that you are right about what you wrote here. Throughout most of my life, my mom hasn't been accepting of me regardless of my decisions I've made for myself. Most of the decisions I have made have been wise and have helped me in my journey, so I question her intereference now. She has been extremely controlling. She is really religious, in an organized religious sense, and I broke away from that when I was 17 and made a decision that her path wasn't right for me. Even now, she can't accept that, all these years later. I've also been very independent throughout my life and have done well for myself, and I think she has difficulty with that. I don't want to deny that her concern for me or intuition about me might be right, but in the larger context of our relationship, she has very much not been there for me and left me to my own resources and I have done the best with what I have.

She has been really emotionally insensitive to me, to put it mildly, she once told me I don't exist out of the blue, and another time that she will never accept me. She always had impossible expectations for me that I could never fulfill and she never hid her disappointment. So, I worry, because these are things she did consciously. It makes me wonder what is going on underneath the surface.

She has always been against any decision I make to become independent or better my life, she didn't want me to go on a one-year study abroad program for example, even though my dad thought it was great and had his friends give me a presentation about the country I was going to to help me out, because she was 'scared' for me. She didn't want me to do another program abroad and tried to talk me out of it, but again my dad was supportive and let me invite tons of people over who had participated in it in years past to orient me. The same goes for another international university program I chose, my mom was scared for me and my dad was supportive. If things were up to her I would become one of her potted plants that she keeps in the house and lets have a little bit of water and sunshine occasionally, and that's it.

I feel sorry for her because I think that for someone to treat their daughter that way they must have serious issues and that's why I feel guilty. Also, because life is challenging and I've had a lot of difficulties and have wondered in my mom is right. But I don't believe that, I think going out there and trying even if it means failing or getting a few scratches and bruises is worth living.

Its always caused me difficulty, my relationship with my mom, and it is far from being resolved. I have no clue how to go about resolving it. I spent years trying to get independent enough to protect myself from being emotionally abused and I still feel by her calling me to tell me my life is in danger when she knows I'm having difficulty is an invitation for me to throw in the towel and give up on my difficult dreams and life challenges, and I don't want to succumb to that path, because I'll just regret it. (I ended up leaving one of the programs she didn't want me to go on and though I'm not blaming her, she did called me once and asked me if I was happy, and I wasn't, because it was challenging and I decided to go home the next day, I think she has a lot of negative influence over me and I want to break free from that. I regretted it and I just needed time to adjust.) It is difficult knowing that I can't turn to my mom in times of difficulty because instead of helping me work through it, she will encourage me to not try and just give up.

As far as my dreams, I am listening, yes, and I hope it helps. At this point, things in my life are hazy and I hope my dreams can bring me clarity.

I do feel guilty about my relationship with my mom being so bad, I think the guilt is coming both from how she manipulates me; When I told her to stop telling me my life is in danger she said, oh, you don't even care about your mother anymore, what I say doesn't matter? And also from the fact that we don't get along and I don't know how to change that. I'm sad that things are the way they are and she is the way she is, and that I can't rely on her as a mom, and that she is unsupportive and also possibly just trying to sabotage my entire life. It makes me feel isolated and affects my whole family dynamic. Also, she is making my husband's religion an issue and a reason for considering him untrustworthy, yet, her relationship is so complex she would never accept anyone I marry any way and if they were the same religion she would probably just interfere more in the relationship. Growing up I got the sense that no matter what I did, or who I had a relationship with, none of it would really be good enough for my mom. I never understood what she wanted and even when I guessed I never quite hit the mark. Maybe some of the guilt is from that. And also because I'm "supposed" to love my mom, and 'honor' her.

Sorry for such a long response, your reply really inspired some thinking, thank you again so much.

Best regards,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Deena,

Thank you so much for your reply. I do agree that dreams can be precognitive and I definitely won't rule that out as a possibility. I'll also try to do relaxing things before sleeping, music, candle, pray, etc. Thanks for the response and the good suggestions.

Best,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female