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a lot of trauma

Hello all,
this dream was/is really troubling to me..

I was leaving my house with a friend, a friend I feel fairly secure with, and my dad was standing on the front porch waving goodbye in a short white terry cloth robe (which was sort of like what my mom wears, in his waking life is navy velvet). My friend, J, turned to me and said he could see my dad's energy and knew what he'd done (sexual abuse). I ran away.

We (J and I)were in a large official building we knew well, looking at the gift shop. I was carrying something and I wanted to buy a bag to put it in. Everything was too expensive, except a wicker basket the size of two fingers for three bucks. I almost bought it but then realised it was way too small.

We kept seeing my best friend, K, running around. I was trying to talk to her but she was always hurrying around and had no time. At one point she sat at a bar with us, me in the middle, and we finally got to talk, J kept reaching across trying to fondle my breasts--which felt like harassment. I just waved him away.

A group of us went to this girl Eleni's house, who I knew when i was in grade five and six, which was also their family restaurant. Apparently she'd been gone for a really long time and the family didn't trust her. Her brothers were all lying in their beds, in the room we had walked into on the second floor, they were all teasing her. Her grandparents were in the next room, the kitchen, they were angry. Her parents were out in the hall/stairwell laughing at her, saying they would take down the walls of her room so they could keep an eye on her. My companions had gone to sit down at a table, I couldn't figure out how to get there, and was caught in the middle of the family drama.

My friend, J, proclaimed love for me. This news brought me down to my knees crying and sobbing, begging him not to tell me that.

When I awoke, I felt deeply disturbed and I'm hoping partly that maybe someone will have some answers, or suggestions.. I've had a suspicion for a long time that I was sexually abused in some way when I was a child..but maybe the dream means something else? Or am I just running again?

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 20, Toronto

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Re: a lot of trauma

Katharine,
I will let Justin continue his help with interpreting this dream. It seems you and he have a good dialog from past posts and interpretations. If he is too busy and does not get to your dream in the next couple of days {Justin has a busy life like the rest of us and is not always available} I will take a better look at your dream.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 56 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Re: a lot of trauma

Hi Katharine

As you know dreams reflect and represent both the inner and worlds - often at the same time. So when we consider dreams we need to have a kind of dual focus - how much of this reflects my own life, and how much of the dream is commenting on how things are in the outer world.

In this dream you are in large part travelling with your friend, J. So you seem to have reached a place within yourself from which you can derive your own support and inner friendship.

'leaving my house' - whose house is it? Is it your house or your father's house ?
You can see things how they really are and it is time to move on / you are moving on.

Large official building we knew well - representing the structures of society; it is large (overbearing ? dominating?). This could also represent the dominance, patriarchy.

There is some benefits to you (us) as we hold to the socially agreed ways; or accepting the situation of dominance. (We always need to consider the underbelly of 'what's in this for me, and so why do I continue to buy into this?').
But the price of such benefits/ conformity is too high ,,, you 'almost bought it but the price was too high' - speaks for it's self doesn't it ,,, so what is it that you almost bought; what is it that you almost accepted?. I have the image of the basket that Little Red Ridding Hood carried ??? wicker -> a pun on 'wicked' ? The basket could be a symbol of the feminine - as a carrier; yet in a sense a wicker basket, although natural, is porous. Perhaps this represents your incomplete feminine aspects. '
'Two fingers wide' : did you see your fingers ? did you look at your fingers ? This may be a very worthwhile detail of the dream. When you think of two fingers in the context of the dream what do you see ?
Three bucks' - represents the world we live in, the material world. The price you have to pay is not worth it.

Trying to connect with your best friend - this could be a seeking to reconnect with deeper feminine aspects of yourself. You make some connection with this but it is brief. You are in the middle (see later, 'caught in the middle of a family drama') - this could mean that 'you' are between the masculine and feminine energies ,,, another way to look at this is meaning you are a balance of masculine and feminine. In our most developed state this is probably true - an Absolute Truth some would say. To be balanced is to be in harmony ,,,
Yet there is conflict about your feelings regarding sex, sexual advances, yourself as a sexual being, how sexuality is an expression of your deeper nature - all big stuff. And worthy of deep contemplation.

This next section - where you went to visit the girl who had been gone a really long time ,,, and the family didn't trust her - seems to be about the return (discovery) of a part of you that has been gone a long time - since around the age of 5 or 6. (Reflect back to what might have happened around this time; and what part of you might have gone missing then).
You sum it up pretty well perhaps Katharine - 'you are caught in the middle of the family drama'. With the references to your parents, grandparents and family, this brings up the ideas of family patterns and things that are passed down through the generations. Often these patterns are unspoken and even unrecognised. It will fall to someone at some time to address and redress these patterns. This is one aspect of the idea of 'karma'. Another aspect of this family network is to consider it more broadly as part of the social structure we fit into.

Can you consider why you would respond to someone telling you that they loved you in the way you did? Has your wiring, as it relates to love from the masculine become confused? Are you afraid ? Unworthy ? Is it an issue of trust ? These are just some prompts; the appropriate answer will arise from within you.
How would you feel if there was a part of you, within you that was proclaiming love for you ,,,, for this is what you psyche is letting you know. You feel secure with this part of yourself, he is a friend, he is travelling with you ,,,

Where do you see yourself running away in the dream ? Be assured it takes great courage to reflect on the inner world.

This is a lot of information, and a lot of my thoughts, and probably enough for now. What comes up for you as you read this?

All the best
Justin

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 48 Brisbane Australia

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Re: a lot of trauma

Hi Katharine,
I see you have established some working energy here and I haven't been around for awhile, so I thought I'd ask if I could share some thoughts I had on your dream?
Warmly,Leslie

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 52 wisconsin

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Re: a lot of trauma

Katherine, you are ready to embark on the long journey of healing, having survived sexual abuse.
Your memories and emotions are surfacing in your inconscious through your dreams and wish to be faced in your waking life too.
You are amongst many and are not alone by any means.
It IS scary and at times you will want to run away, as you wanted to do in your dream, but, if you are prepared to face the truth, feel and release ALL the emotions and stand up for yourself against social and familial pressure, rest assured you will be a very strong woman, in touch with her REAL self and courageous enough to face almost anything, regardless of a society that ignores your truth.

Good luck - if you require more information or links to survivors' sites please let me know -
you are not alone x

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 37 UK

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Re: a lot of trauma

Hi,
thank you for your responses and support. Please, Leslie and anyone else any thoughts are welcomed.
I'm still trying to think about this, it's proving to be a little difficult to allow any of this to sink in.
Sorry, I'm going to take a bit of time replying fully.
Thanks again

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 20, Toronto

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Re: Re: a lot of trauma

Hi Katharine

This is your process and you can take all the time you need.
I think you will find that the contributors know personally and understand that it takes time to think about things and get a feeling for how things are ,, just hang in there.

Safe travelling
Justin

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 48 Brisbane Australia

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Re: a lot of trauma

Dear Katherine,
I was wondering about the woven basket being a container. The dream seems to speak to a lot of sorrow. It seems to me that you are processing a lot right now and have a companion to help you through this. But as you said, you need to move away from this new kind of inner love. I think it's wonderful that you trust this boundary within yourself.
Sometimes we need bigger containers for so much emotion. I am a little confused about the assault issue. Although I think this dream speaks to some kind of woundedness..is this a vague area for you or have you identified assault?
Leslie

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 52 wisconsin

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