I've always suspected early childhood abuse in my close friend. I've tuned in to his patterns and mood swings. He's anything but simple. He gets headaches, he sometimes has short "blackouts", difficulty sleeping, mood swings, a very high IQ, beyond mensa, and personality changes that make him sound like at least two different people. One day, he's telling me, "Hey, great job," and the next day he's critical. One day he'll say, "Let's get together," and the next day I'll wait at work to meet up with him and he'll ask, "Why are you still hangin' around?" I'll remind him of what he said the day before and even mimick exactly how he said it. He'll ask, "Did I say that?" And I nod my head, just like that? He'll ask, "Did I actually ask you to meet up with me and look like that (totally out of 'character') when I said it?"

I know he's hiding something about his health and doesn't want to disclose it. Most of it, he seems to cope with and hide very well ... For instance, I'll ask, did you get that message I sent you and he'll say, "Yeah, but remind me again, what you said?"

There are times when he really does sound like two different people. The hostile, stand-off-ish one even types differently in his emails and also seems to "come out" just after he's visited with his family (parents, siblings, other relatives, etc.), for an evening at a restaurant, for instance. There's almost an ebb and flow to his changing personality depending on the time of day, day of the week, or whether or not he's been around family members - which seems to trigger the worst in him. Then there are the fragments of the different parts of his life that he strives to keep separate and compartmentalized, i.e., his family vs work or his friends vs his family. The different parts of his life rarely ever cross-over ... i.e., he doesn't allow his friends at work to meet his family members, etc. He has a dominant side that seems to take up most of his personality and then, there's the quiet, shy side. I understand that everyone has different facets to their personalities that are all healthy and normal and work together in one's life, but with my friend, these personalities seem to be at odds, as though they were on opposite sides of a debate table, with one not remembering what the other said or heard in a prior conversation.

There are also times when one personality seems to be lying to me completely but then when I ask him if he did this or that, the less dominant one answers, honestly ... "No, I didn't do that." And of course, the docile one is telling the truth, because, according to him, his answer is honest. But the mean, uncaring one, goes about his business, claiming that what appears to be deception has nothing to do with anyone else and he deftly dodges all questions that ask for the truth. Or, along with memory losses, he often makes a promise that two days later, he claims he never made and why am I making up stuff or putting words in his mouth?

Does this sound familiar? I'm not even sure if I'm describing this very well and my only motivation for seeking knowledge is that I want to be better able to handle these situations so that I don't get into a needless argument with the mean, dominant one, and leave the sweet, vulnerable, shy one hurt, not even knowing why.

I can safely rule out alcohol or substance abuse, so let's go from there ...

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

sounds familair but only because this could be almost any thing in any health problems or mental health problems. Alot of people "compartmentalize" their life by keeping parts of their lives separate from other parts of their lifes. you ever hear the saying dont take your work home with you? well theres alot of people in all kinds of professions and not that keep their work, hobbies, friends, enemies you name it separate from each other. Ask anybody that is an author or just anybody whether or not they mix different things in their lives. you will most likely find that every human being has a friend or two that they dont introduce to others, dont bring their work home with them and have trouble getting along with family and friends to the point where they may seem like complete different people at times.

everybody takes on different "roles" with those that they are around. they act one way with this person that they go to church with and that way when they are with their co workers and yet a different way when they are just hanging out with friends.

Not remembering things like phone messages and so on can be completely normal for some and not normal for others. The type of memory loss that is a part of having multiple personalities isnt just forgetting what they do with a friend or a phone message. the person has "Time Loss" times throughout their whole lives not just with one or two friends. not saying this cant be a time loss he is experiencing with you because Im not there and I dont know this persons whole life time. All I know about this person is what you have typed here and forgetting what you do from day to day and with who and forgetting phone messages for some people is completely normal or it could be a part of any physical health or mental health problem. The only way to be sure if this persons memory problems go beyond the normal levels of forgetfulness and whether its a part of a physical health problem or mental problem is by the person with this problem seeing their physician and going through many tests to rule in ot out all the physical health problems where memory loss and forgetfulness is a symptom like cancer, tumors, some anemias, sleep depravation, alzheimers ect and then go to a psychiatrist for diagnostic testing for any of the mental disorders where acting like two different people and memory loss is a symptom like Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Schizoaffective Disorder, Dual personality disorder (which is having only two sides the person and the alternate personality usually one is good and the other is bad pretty much what you have discribed where the person changes from being kind one second and attacking the next ect) and also testing for DID which is having two alternate personailties and also having the main person so that the person would be showing at the least three sides of their self to other people ie when not under stress abuse ect the person is Jane and under stress or situations that remind the person of the abuse they went through they would switch into alter Olivia, and Alter Lynn repeatedly and when the person is each of those alters they act like that alter, dress like that alter talk like that alter.. ect

The diagnostic criteria for DID does state that the person must have two distinct alternate personalities. what they dont tell you is that the two distint alternate personalites in the criteria does not include the main person. the main person with DID is not an alternate personality. In psychological terms the main person is the host (person in which the two alters live with)

Please dont jump to conclusions with your friend he may just be tired or having a bad day and doesnt like people to know his personal business or he may have a physical health problem that he isnt letting others know about or he may have a mental disorder. Jumping to conclusions could end up being harmful to the person. you may not think you treat the person differently but words are not the only clues people use to figure out what their friends ect think about them. Kind of like eating a lemon pie and you dont like lemon or think somethings wrong with it, you might say Yes this is so good but your body language will tell the baker that man he /she dont like that or isnt telling me the truth. its better to just be a friend to the person and leave the figuring out that persons mental and physical problems to the professionals. if he cant remember so you remind him thats what a friend would do. If he does have a personality disorder or any other problems that is causing his symptoms if he trusts you he will at some point tell you what is going on.

Just some added info - medications can also cause a person to show many different symtoms such as dissociation, appearing to be calm and agree-able one second and mean and argueing the next, happy go lucky one second and depressed the next.

the only way to be sure of whether the problems are medication induced or not is by going to the prescribing doctor for a check up and to discuss the symptoms, personal health history ect..

Katherine,

Your response to my email was extremely helpful. If I have learned anything from my friend, it is to keep my mind wide open, without judging or assuming anything.

As you explained, what I described could be any number of things or just an ordinary person, over-taxed.

A new and strange development has come about ... He is now under investigation for the fraudulent acts of an employee. My friend's signature is on the files in question but the employee (who really does exist) did the work. When I helped my friend go through these files, after the investigation was initiated, it was as though he'd never seen them before. His comments throughout, were those of discovery like, "Look at this piece of evidence ... " "wow, look at the similarities here and here" ... as though, for two months during this fraudulent activity, he had a time warp and he cannot understand, now, how he let this employee's obvious and flaygrant activity reach his desk and get passed him, with his own signature on it, without him being aware of what was going on. I can't pinpoint it, but the "nature" of my friend's oversites seems so absentee. He's also been in two car accidents since this spring where he may have "blacked out" for enough seconds to not be able to react... and yet, he's law abiding driver and a former top college athlete with swift and accurate reflexes but the accidents make him sound like he wasn't there. Like you said, all this could be the ebb and flow of medications with memory-losing side-effects.

I will adhere to your sage advice and neither judge nor jump to a lay-person's conclusions without a real diagnosis. However, I will comment that I have grown up in the medical community, I know most of the medical language used, medical thinking comes naturally to me, and I have intensely accurate instincts.

You are right in everything you say and I wholeheartedly agree with all. What I've described is rather scanty, considering the complexity of a diagnosis that would require the elimination of all other possibilities; and I simply wouldn't have time to describe all of the hundreds of subtle nuances that I've observed; plus, he does have short and long-term time-warps.

Having said all that - something's definitely up and it's way more than a "simple" bi-polar disorder or borderline personality disorder, or a busy life, etc., etc. I will keep you posted, from time to time and I'm sure someday, he will tell me what it is ... maybe even years from now. But my knowledge combined with my acute instincts, tell me this, "thing", whatever it may be, IS I'm SURE, as deep and complex as that which you sponsor and offer support for, here.

Meanwhile, I will continue to keep myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically strong so that I may just "be there" for a friend. I'll put all "analysis" aside for a while.

Katherine, your time, knowledge, and advice, everything, have been invaluable. I cannot express, in mere words, my gratitude.

Thank You So Much,

A

Better make myself clear .... in my last email I said:

"But my knowledge combined with my acute instincts, tell me this, "thing", whatever it may be, IS I'm SURE, as deep and complex as that which you sponsor and offer support for, here."

I meant to emphasize that while my friend's issues are more deep and complex than the average, run-of-the-mill disorders, if you can call them that, these issues might, very possibly signify another disorder, as you suggested so succinctly.

ty,
A

One good thing is that since he's under investigation for a crime he will most likely in the near future undergo medical and psychiatric evaluations should he continue to use the defense that he cannot remember doing the crimes. Then he will recieve the right treatments or medication adjustments for whatever the problems may be that are causing his memory loss ect. mental and physical problems are often used as a defense against crimes that have been committed so its standard in most states in the justice system and places of employment to have the person accused of a crime undergo complete medical and psychiatric evaluations. Sometimes these type of evaluations include the person either volluntarily entering a local hospitals mental health unit or a state mental hospital or being involluntarily committed to these mental health facilities during the evaluaton time periods so that the mental and physical health problems can be diagnosed and treated and then the person released once the employer or court system is satified that the person is no longer a danger to their self or others by committing crimes that they are using the mental health defense for. I say this is good though no one wants to be committed to a mental facility for any time frame because now your friend will recieve the correct testing, diagnosis and treatment for his problems. Thank you for the compliments and glad to hear you are going tostay open minded and not attempt to diagnose your friend. take care now. :)